Way of the Idiot

Daniel: Johnny got drunk and tried to destroy our marriage certificate.

Daniel: He said, "Good luck trying to return me without the receipt"

Miguel: Hey

Aisha: Hi

Hawk: Hello

Johnny: I gave you the key for emergencies!

Daniel, without looking up from his bonsai: I don't know, how are you?

Daniel: Oh! I didn't know you were getting married! What do you want me to do?

Daniel: No you're not.

Cobra Kai AU's

1# Everythings the same except we saw Splash and The 13th Year as kids and then Johnny became half fish. A little water can make a lot of awkward. Karate drama and shenanigans ensue. Also that one time Johnny acts really, really weird around water except its not one time it's literally all the time and cobras be sus.

2# Touching on my running theme of unlikely career path AU's. Musician Johnny. Specifically, DJ Law. (We had Timmy Trumpet mashups playing at the time we had to)

3# Everythings the same except Johnny has a twin brother named Jackson (Jacky) and he's everything Johnny isn't (Smart successful, etc. You know, all the stuff for Johnny to agonize over even tho he really, really doesn't need to) and probably knows like. Kung-fu or something and is actually a real dweeb (seriously, and people wonder why Johnny drinks so much, it gives him hives). Everything is different as a result. Oh, and he's probably gay af. Lawrusso sandwich WINK

4# Role reversal. Sweet, quirky Daniel is the Cobra and angry teen Johnny is Mr Miyagi's problem fixer-upper.

5# Walking Dead fusion. Karate works weirdly well on walkers if you aim for head trauma. Daniel was really not expecting to run into Johnny fucking Lawrence and a bunch of kids surviving out in the wild while trying to find somewhere safe for his family/group. Watching Johnny execute a flawless roundhouse kick that takes a walkers rotted head clean off its shoulder to protect his gaggle of kids is a gay crisis treat tho.

6# Obnoxious crack that inexplicably became cool brought to you by us binging Fate: Winx Saga. You guessed it. Johnny will burn your house down with his brain if you call him a fairy tho (He's not afraid of a little unintentional arson. Just ask Sid). The secret to Daniel's perfect bonsai's is obvious in context.

7# Time Travel shenanigans. Older Johnny and Daniel somehow get punted back to the 80s and have to watch their teen selves repress the gay by bashing each others remaining braincells into walls. Kreese picks a fight with the wrong tired dad, and Sensei Lawrence has a bone to pick with himself. Teen!Johnny is, predictably, very uncomfy. Older Daniel has emotionally charged tea with Mr Miyagi while his younger self not-so-quietly wigs the fuck out.

8# Obligatory bodyswap AU. The universe at large enacts the get-along protocol. Johnny and Daniel's very bad, not good week. Shenanigans ensue. "Larusso, your wife is on to me." "What did you DO?"

Remember that dream Johnny had about Carmen? The one where she grabs him, manhandles him and basically just. Takes control to whitesnake? That one?

Johnny likes to give up control in bed. Lowkey, will never admit under pain of death, that he likes being dominated. Does that make him a bottom? Probably.

And you know who likes control?