at midnight,

During lunch last time, when your friends abandoned you to go do their unfinished homework, you asked him, with the most shy and the most adorable look, if you can sit with him in his table. of course, the gentleman that he is, he let you sit. how could he let you possibly spend the whole lunch time looking for a seat? he swear he was only doing you a favor. well, he wouldn’t deny finding you stealing a few short glances at him amusing.

there was also this time when your biology teacher assigned the two of you to be “homework buddies.” it must have taken you a lot of courage to start the conversation. he would’ve pinched your cheeks that time if it weren’t for his self control: hey han jisung, she still hasn’t confessed to you. don’t make her uncomfortable. ah! and what was that you asked him? if he understand how the heart works? and then you went to full on nerd mode in explaining to him how it pumps blood and all the science-y stuff. how its beats depend on different factors, including external ones such as thoughts and feelings towards others. he’s pretty sure you were trying to convey something to him. dropping hints, i see. ahh, if only he could physically coo at you. 

now the reason why he enjoys your actions the most is your subtleness. he can tell that you have no plans to tell him how you feel, save for your natural reaction when you see him, unlike the others who basically throw themselves at him. he can see your efforts to not make the two of you uncomfortable. and all it told him was how considerate you are. you’ve probably noticed how the confessions annoy him sometimes, especially when it was given to him at a bad timing. like the person just wanted to let it out with no regards if he’s in the mood to hear it or not. but you, you have always checked on him silently before doing something. not until today.

your classmates have gone to their respective homes. he just finished practicing with the dance club and was just on his way to the school gates when you called his name hastily. you stopped speed-walking in front of him and took a deep breath as if you just ran out of air. you were holding a folded piece of paper in your hand- wait. piece of paper? is that a letter? a love letter?! oh no...

“hey jisung. i have something to say. actually it’s-”

“no! wait!” he hastily said to stop you.

 startled, you looked at him with a puzzled look, “hm..?”

no, you weren’t supposed to confess today. where did you get the sudden courage? is it from hyunjin? that man always encourage people to confess just to piss him off. tsk, that dick.

he looked at you with hesitation. are you nervous? he really didn’t want to leave you heart broken, tho.

he sighed, “how do i say this...” he gulped an imaginary lump in his throat before continuing, “ yn, you’re cute, i admit. but you see i’m not ready for a relationship yet. you’ve seen me turn down other confessions, i think, but i don’t want to do that to you because, well, you’re simply kind and... pure?” shit how do i really say this?

while he’s thinking of nice synonyms he can say instead as a replacement for what he’s about to say, you on the other hand, were left dumbfounded.

what is this guy on...?

when he finally seemed to quiet down, you didn’t even try to comprehend what he said (there’s no need to try honestly it’s impossible) before finally saying what you really needed to say. 

“jisung...” you paused for a while blinking at him, “i- i was gonna say ms. kim wants you in her office tomorrow during self-study hour. it’s about your biology grades,” you gave him the paper you were holding - his biology test marked with a big red, “you failed your preliminary quiz again and she’s afraid you’re going to fail the final quiz. she wanted me to say it because we’ve been partners for this subject.”

and then the most awkward silence ensued. not until he spoke with the most “huh?” tone.

“what?”

“Ms. Kim-”

“no wait i heard that. just... what?”

at this point you didn’t know what to say. your eyes travel from one point to another except to his eyes just because he’s clearly unfathomable right now.

“you weren’t-” he stopped to swallow the lump in his throat that now actually exists, “you weren’t going to confess?” he asked (with a bit of a hope that you actually were on the way to do so just to save him from humiliation).

however, he’s hopeless from his mess.

with a furrowed brows you finally answered, “no...? where’d you get that?”

well shit.

“i mean- don’t you like... have a crush on me?”

“where is this coming from?” you kind of dragged the where part because part of you hoped to understand where he’s coming from.

“you were all blushy with me!!” he is currently on his mission to prove that you liked him.

“when?!”

“last week! it even reached your nose and you were so cu-”

“han jisung! it’s winter! i had colds last week!”

“what about that time in the cafeteria when you were all shy?! and that time when you were explaining to me, OUT OF THE BLUE, about how liking someone makes your heart beat and stuff? or when i would catch your eyes on me?!”

“when were those even?! and you totally took that biology thing out of context!” you crossed your arms in front of your chest. you are so into this argument now.

the both of you went through this banter with your voices going higher the further the banter gets for as long as your memory (or jisung’s. he’s racking up his brain to save himself) could allow. however, as the banter got stretched, the more he realized that he really did misunderstand you and your adorable actions. by a lot. so when it finally donned him that he has such a thick face for thinking like that, plus assuming that you would confess, he finally kept quiet and let himself absorb the stupidity he has done.

for you, however, you find this whole strange exchange hilarious. normally, if it was other guys, you’d have slapped him across the street for assuming things. but it is han jisung. he never rubbed it on anyone’s faces that he has a lot of admirers. he never gets cocky about his popularity. he gets shy over small praises (he loves praises). he also managed to teach the whole class one lesson in calculus minutes before an exam just because his friends asked him to teach them a crash course, until the whole class joined their little tutorial.

“soo...” you tried to start.

“wait don’t talk anymore this is kinda embarrassing for me,” he closed his eyes shut as if he's trying to convince himself to wake up from this embarrassing nightmare.

you giggled, well isn't he adorably clumsy? he's weird but you'd just take it as another opportunity to gain a close friend. “do you still need help in biology? i kinda need help in calculus...”

“alright, let’s head down the diner” he answered immediately before walking straight forward without looking at you.

"jisung!” he stopped on his tracks but without looking at you. “it’s this way!" you pointed at the opposite direction of where he was going. he turned towards you and fast-walked in that direction until you told him to wait for you in which he slowed down his steps by tenfold until you were right beside him. still not letting your eyes meet. he’s that embarrassed.

changbin knew what was happening. so before this weird phenomenon grows to something bigger, he took matters into his own hands.

“get out of here!” he shouted. luckily, the guys complied but not before giving him a look that says the fight is not over. they crawled their way out as the aches in their head were still there but the skies were long calm.

once they were out of sight, changbin looked around to catch a glimpse of what caused it but realized it was too dark to see anything. “i know it’s you, y/n,” he said, a faint anger but a very obvious sadness evident in his voice. “how many times do i need to tell you i don’t need you?” he grumbled, still trying his best to make out your figure in the dark. he decided to give up. seeing you will probably not help your situation, anyway.

“just because you’re my soulmate doesn’t mean you can freely throw away your life to save mine.” with that, he tried his best to walk out and leave you to wherever corner you were hiding.

The both of you were out of the building when Hyunjin suddenly remembered his new schedule. “Oh I have another class in a bit,” grunting at the fact that his classes are basically one after another this semester. “I don’t. Bye.” You stuck your tongue out at him then ran off to the opposite side of where his building is. Hyunjin only laughed at your back before turning around and walking to his building. 

You have been walking for a long time when you realized that you don’t know where you are going. You stopped on your tracks and looked around. When you spotted a bench across where you are standing, you decided to approach it and sat down. You dropped your bag beside you and took a good look at your surroundings. 

The day was good. Too good for your liking. The sun is shining perfectly, it was neither too bright nor too dull, yet it was blinding your eye. The leaves were colored auburn with streaks of yellow and faint accents of green. They were dancing to the slow yet smooth rhythms of the wind. It was so smooth that it almost demanded to be felt. You tightened your coat, rejecting the wind’s request of touch. It was when an orange leaf fell on your lap did you release a sad smile.

It was autumn. The season you hated the most. The season which makes your heart melancholic like it was being brought back to the time you wanted so hard to burn in your memories. You touched the leaf, feeling its rough surface. You didn’t want to but as the leaf made crisp sounds as a response to your touch, you suddenly found yourself reminiscing the memory of a man you wish to forget. 

“Han Jisung!”

Your rowdy classmate shouted across the room, trying to gain the boy’s attention. His eyes, however, are busy staring at your figure. That same classmate ran out of patience, approached Jisung and slapped his hand on Jisung’s desk. “Come on, man. We’re going to play some games.” Jisung looked up in annoyance and shoved the man away, “Go by yourselves Felix. I’m busy.” He tried to return his gaze to you but it wasn’t too long when Felix interrupted him again.

“Busy what? Daydreaming about y/n?” Series of teasing cheers can soon be heard all over the room and Jisung couldn’t help but smile shyly. “Am I that obvious?” Jisung asked curiously. “Obvious my ass. Everyone practically knows,” Felix slapped the other boy’s shoulder. The moment his gaze landed back to your seat, you were gone. Jisung hurriedly packed his stuff and went towards the door, trying to catch up with you.

Han Jisung was a transferee in ninth grade but he was able to make friends almost immediately. He was this aloof, outgoing guy who always makes jokes and gets along with everyone. Heck, he was able to befriend the whole classroom two days after his transfer, and the whole batch a month in his stay. So you really didn’t know why, out of all people he managed to be friends with, it is you who he decided to annoy every single day. 

It was lunch time, a week after his transfer, when he approached you the first time. He waved and did not say anything at all. You thought he was weird but you ended up smiling slightly before exiting the room for lunch. It was that same lunch time when he approached your table then asked you and your friends if he can sit beside you. You were questioning his whole personality at that point. 

What is wrong with this guy? You didn’t want to say yes but that would surely make you look rude. But then again, you didn’t care. Before you were able to say no, he was pulled by your other classmate Felix. Your eyes followed their backs but Jisung’s eyes were still looking your way. You decided to just shrug it off, thinking the weird interaction would end there. Boy, you were wrong.

Jisung wasn’t sitting beside you in class but one morning, you found him sitting at the seat to your right. You took your seat and placed your bag under your desk when he spoke, “Hi y/n.” you looked at him and he was smiling so widely. His head was propped on his palms. You furrowed your brows, confused as to why this new guy is trying to make a conversation with you. “Uhm... hi? You ate something weird this morning?” 

You thought Jisung’s smile couldn’t go any wider but it just did. “No. No, I didn’t. Uhm… Did you… Do you… How do you like your eggs cooked?” All you could do was mentally say hah? with your mouth opened as if you said it vocally. 

Meanwhile, Jisung mentally slapped himself for coming up with a stupid question. That was all he could get from his brain which went rambles just because you asked him if he had eaten anything for breakfast. Maybe that is not the exact question but it’s getting there. He was about to clear himself up from the embarrassment when the teacher entered the room. “Talk to you later.” He stood up and went to his original seat, motioning for the guy who was originally seated to your right to go back. All you could think of was please don’t.

The next morning, you found the same scene. Jisung seating at the seat to your right. Then, he will flood you questions of how was your sleep, did you eat breakfast yet, and many more.

The next morning, it was still like that.

And the next.

And the next.

Soon, you found yourself being greeted every morning with a smiley Jisung. Your replies were never long enough for a long conversation but he somehow managed to find topics to ask you more questions. Often times you were subtly hinting that you want to brush him off but he doesn’t seem to notice. The attempts to push him off always dissolve in thin air so finally, you just let him be. Maybe it was his way of making friends. 

You didn’t notice yourself expecting a Han Jisung by your seat until one morning, he wasn’t there. You scanned the room and saw him writing furiously in his seat, frequently looking at Felix’s paper who was also writing before copying what he saw onto his paper. 

“Felix I can’t understand your handwriting.”

“You’re not in the position to complain.”

“Just move your tiny hands.”

Ah, he was doing his homework that the three forgot to do the night before. Jisung was trying his best to finish his damn homework as fast as possible. He still has something important to do. Good thing it was just five items. Five minutes before the first class, he was finally done. He shoved his paper to Felix and Seungmin who still weren’t, slammed his pen on the table then rushed to your seat. You looked up from your phone and saw him grinning, breathing slightly faster than normal. “I’m done with my homework. How was your sleep?” 

That’s it. The moment he was waiting for. He had managed to make you crack a smile while saying, “Stupid.” His smile only growing wider in response.

Annoying you in the mornings apparently wasn’t enough for him. You decided to kill time after class in the library before you go home because you are 100% sure you’ll accept your bed’s tempting invitation. Your book was sprawled in front of you. Your headphones separating you from the rest of the world. Your feet was resting on top of the seat across you. You were focused on your assignment when the seat across you were pulled making you curse out loud. You removed your earphones and said sorry multiple times to the people around you. You looked hardly at Jisung: the boy behind the act. He was grinning, as always. “Sorry.” He said holding up a peace sign. He sat down and asked you “Why are you still here?” to which you only replied, “What do you want?”

He only blinked at you. You blinked back. “You’re not going home?”

“Later,” you replied shortly before going back to your work.

“Later? It’s eight?” You shot your head up at him. He was showing his phone which says it’s almost eight in the evening. You looked outside and realized it has already gotten dark. You immediately fixed your stuff and muttered a soft thank you before bolting through the door. Jisung quickly got up from his seat and caught up to you. “What’s wrong?” the both of you were walking-running out of the school grounds. “My next bus is at eight.” You said while huffing. You felt your hands being covered in warmth and then suddenly, you were running with Jisung leading you. 

Both of you were panting when you reached the bus stop. Unfortunately, it was fifteen minutes past eight. Jisung sat down while huffing, you following him not soon after. Once you have regained your breath, you faced Jisung. “Sorry for making you run for nothing.” Jisung looked at you, smiled, before sitting up straight. “When’s the next one?” 

“8:45”

“Oh. That’s only about 30 minutes,” he said after looking at his phone.

“You’re going to wait?”

“Yes.” He said giddily.

“Do you ride the same bus?”

“No.”

“When’s your bus?”

“9:00” 

You silently said oh, realizing you assumed wrongly. 

Silence fell soon as the both of you were too tired to talk until a question popped up in your head. “What were you doing in school at this hour?” He looked at you. “I was… uhm… I fell asleep.” He grinned widely. “Are you trying to befriend me?” You asked the question you were meaning to ask him for a while now. Jisung only looked at you for a while before answering, “can I?” It was now your turn to stare at him. “Who asks people for friendship permission these days?” You mumbled before looking away. However, Jisung heard it and laughed lightly. 

The whole course of waiting, you realized Jisung is the type of man who never runs out of something to say. His brain must be working fast, you concluded. He would tell a story. You would laugh and then tell your own version. You didn’t notice the time fly so when your bus arrived, you were partly sad now that you will be alone again in silence. You stood up and only waved him a goodbye before running up to your bus. Jisung watched you with a smile on his face, watching as the bus drove out of his sight before he waited for a couple of minutes for his bus.

Days passed and you found yourself spending more time with Jisung or more like Jisung annoying the heck out of you. Apart from the morning talks and library rendezvous, Jisung started walking you to the bus stop. Sometimes he would say he saw on the way or he forgot to return something but most of the time, he just “hi” his way to walking you. He had also started joining you at lunch whenever your other friends were busy due to your schedule difference. Sometimes he would take something from your food then stuck his tongue out before devouring it. Sometimes you just want the soil to devour his whole existence. Most of the time you just want to slap him. When he failed to get your attention, he would throw a piece of paper at you. And you, in return, would throw him a much bigger piece of paper and he would end up laughing and getting his ass beaten by the teacher. It was your turn to stick your tongue at him. 

It wasn’t really annoying if you think about it. It is just that you are easily annoyed and Jisung knew that better. So he continued annoying you in every little things until he was able to finally make you lose your cool.

It was the last day of ninth grade. Some were goofing around while some were decorating the room including Jisung, celebrating the end of the year. You were just in the corner waiting for your diploma, watching at how stupid your classmates look like. Boredom got into you so you decided to visit Luna, your other friend, in the other classroom. You stood up, about to exit the door when a snap of a scissor made you stop. You turned around and saw Jisung holding one with Felix and Seungmin at his back, the three of them frozen. You followed jisung’s gaze and noticed one side of your hair was shorter than the rest. He had accidentally cut a part of your hair to shoulder length.

You didn’t know if you were going to be furious or mad. It froze you as well, of course. Felix expected you to scream. Seungmin expected you to storm out. While Jisung -

“What the fuck?” 

- expected you to say just that. The only thing he could mutter was “So-sorry.” You did storm out, Jisung following you after. You were walking fast when he grabbed your arm and made you face him. “Look, I am really really sorry. We were playing around and I saw you coming and I was about to use you as my shield from them but then…” He touched the hair he accidentally cut but you slapped his hand away. “I can accompany you to the salon.” He tried to offer as an act of apology. “I don’t want to be with you, though,” you turned around and continued walking to your friend’s classroom.

The day ended and you were walking to your bus stop alone this time. Your hair was tied behind your back by Luna who lend you her hairtie. Your head was hung low the whole time until you reached the bus stop and heard a familiar voice. 

“Y/N I am really sorry.” Jisung said the moment he saw your figure.

“Stop it now.” You said without looking at him, sitting at the far end of the bench under the stop. 

“I really have time today and I hope you do as well so I can accompany you to the salon. I’ll even pay-”

“Can I just ask why do you like bothering me so much?” you finally looked at him and cut him off his words. “It’s not just about the hair. You are literally sticking to my side ever since you moved here. You aren’t even like this to Felix or Seungmin. You appear everywhere I go like a mushroom. Seriously? Is it because of my so-called reputation?”

Taken aback, he looked at you with softness in his eyes. You couldn’t read what he was thinking and you were thankful that you couldn’t because the next words he said stunned you.

“I just.. I just like you.”

A leaf which fell exactly a centimeter away from your face snapped you out of your thoughts. How funny. You managed to memorize every single detail even if it was years ago. Years. All those years that passed since you left, you thought you have moved on. You thought wrong. You have tried different ways for your mind to not drift off to that man. But you couldn’t deny the butterflies it gave you whenever his annoying ass would appear in your thoughts. You could only laugh at how pathetic your situation looks like. You thought you were desperate to forget about him but maybe you weren’t desperate enough to burn the effects he had on you. 

Out of nowhere, you felt the same butterfly that made you nervous. You stopped in your tracks when you realized what made them fly again. A laugh. You can hear steps approaching you accompanied by a laugh that was too familiar. A laugh that sounded so melodic and made you smile even if there was nothing to smile at. A laugh that you weren’t sure if you were ready to hear yet. 

Fear and panic enveloped your body. You immediately dropped the leaf you were holding and grabbed your bag ready to leave until a familiar face was directly in front of you. 

The butterflies intensified; your heart skipped a few beats.

 The wind brushed past the both of you, sending you shivers.

But the only thing you felt was warmth.

The warmth that was Han Jisung.