it was an accident. i was looking for an email from my sent items when i saw our email correspondences before.. we were so happy then, nothing's sweeter than when 2 lovers make up after a fight. i miss you. but i only miss you when something reminds me of you. that accident was followed by another, or maybe it's intentional now. i found myself opening pictures of you. somehow i cannot delete them from here. i know i don't want you anymore. i'm sure of it. or else i would have stayed for as long as i can. but i am strong enough to know it is pointless. i stopped picturing the 2 of us together. i've stopped thinking what you will say about my every story everyday. i stopped thinking if i would be happier when you are here with me when am happy. i've stopped this dreaming a long time ago. but when i saw one of your lines it almost made me cry. i don't wanna open it again, but just now I will."And I had no intention of hurting you." a letter from over 2 years ago. gosh. it's been a long time that we are together. always there for each other for that long. not physically all the time, but intellectually and emotionally and virtually, i should say. you were always there to listen to me, rantings and all. when everyone else is gone. you were my one and only shock-absorber. even if you think i'm a B. a B word. im sorry if i chose to go. it was so hard. i haven't cried. only my words were there to keep me up. this is the first time that i will write about you. i hope there will never come another time. i miss our conversations. but i'm moving on. i already am. i'm getting over. and for you, i grieve for japan. i know how important your friends there are for you. i wanna call you. i wanna know how you are after that disaster. if everyone you love there is ok. i do care, but i wont. i wont find the strength to hurt myself again. yes my heart is guarded. my heart is made of steel. but you were once here. i just didn't choose to see. or see you to make it as serious as you want it to last us a lifetime.
germansingergirl
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