ali 🫧

shane bagged ilya this. shane turned ilya into a wife that. WRONG. ilya locked himself down. that boy couldn't wait. he was marking down the days on the calendar. he put that leash in shane's hands. you love me back? GOOD. now you can finally see what loverboy3000 is really capable of hollander. you are not ready.

I see we're giving Shane a peanut allergy. As someone married to someone with a peanut allergy please let me tell you that Ilya would be SO STRESSED all the time. He would ask more often than Shane if the dish has peanuts in it. He has benedryl in one pocket and nasal spray in the other. He makes eye contact with the waitress and says, so slow and deliberate that his accent is almost nonexistant, "Are there peanuts in this dish? My husband is extremely allergic to peanuts. You cannot prepare this dish on any surface that has touched peanuts." If he eats peanut butter in the house he yells "PEANUTS PEANUTS PEANUTS" and puts everything directly into the dish washer and then goes into the garage to eat his peanut butter toast. Which he does still eat occasionally. Because he really loves peanut butter.

there’s something very wrong with me, it’s called ‘I don’t want to do anything, ever’ and they said it’s chronic

the thing about piracy is that i know i deserve everything for free forever

Something I eat up in fic every time is when Shane calls Ilya pretty or hot or beautiful and it stops Ilya and his low self esteem in his tracks to ask “do you really think so?” because Shane never says it and poor autistic blueberry Shane is like “I figured he knew on account of all the very enthusiastic sluttery we engage in together”

i swear if this is the second stupid sword picture post i make that gets to 10k i'll just go kill someone