Straßensonne

they tower before the horizon

long birdnecks held proud

their sharp beaks cut violently

into the city sky. they stare

with demon-red eyes

straight into my soul

i see now that my life is a house of cards. my apartment walls, once neat and whitewashed, are laid bare. i see pipes, wiring and naked stone. i look at myself in the mirror and where i expect skin, i see red muscle. sinew stretched on bone, impossibly taut and thin, fragile, ready to snap. blood barely shielded by paper-thin arteries. my ribs like iron bars, my organs behind them like prisoners.

tired gray stare

losing focus, hair

curly and unkempt

noseline sharp

& slightly crooked, blood

drips on swollen lip

dark shadow worms

crawl below the eyes

steel-set muscles

cracked porcelain jaw

a heavy face, neck

can barely hold it upright

words of blood and lead

inscribed on paper skin

death mask

i stand in sweltering heat. train tracks, black metal gleaming in sunlight, race to the horizon across the endless grassy plain. i am waiting for the train to arrive. a couple of birds circle the cloudless sky overhead, little flecks of dust on vibrant blue.

my shadow is a sundial. sweat drips down my face, splashing as it hits the ground. i wipe my brow, then check my watch. the yellowed blades of grass around me stand in attention: a silent ocean, frozen in windless afternoon heat. my eyes scan the heavy metal, follow it across the dusty gray rocks it rests upon until i reach the horizon. i try to spot something, try to guess an outline in that shimmering border between green and blue.

peace is a thin film of soap

an oscillating bubble

silence is walking a tightrope

one wrong move, and i fall

calm is a feat of willpower

a struggle to not be aware

peace is a thin film of soap

body lyric

naked words

soft embrace

orgasmic verse

shapely letter

tuck and drape

cloth on membrane

silent lake

slow recital

close and warm

tounge twist

and muscle turn

body lyric

trochee moan

shifting stanza

gender cuts through me

like an arrow, i am

all i once was and all you

ever thought i should be

i am a swarm of flies, buzzing

only taking shape in photographs

i see a stranger when i look

i am volatile,

when temperatures rise

my solid form sublimes

into thin air. i can

no longer hold a thought

no longer speak a word

i am volatile,

when pressures increase

my fragile bones implode

and i collapse. i can

no longer stand so tall

i have no will at all

i am volatile,

when under stress

i cease to function

i need a controlled environment

else ill decay

i am broken,

yet sunrays scatter strikingly

im dachgeschoss

ist man dem himmel am nächsten

die fenster sind weit offen

so kann ich freier atmen

blätter rascheln im wind

der durch meine wohnung weht

und ein alter kassenzettel

landet auf dem boden

eine fliege oder eine wespe

verirrt sich in mein bad

doch findet leicht wieder raus

manchmal sitzt eine taube

ganz nah bei mir, oder ein

eichhörnchen schaut mir

beim arbeiten zu. wenn es regnet

muss ich die fenster schließen

doch höre es auf die

dachziegel trommeln

als wäre ich selbst dort oben

in den schwarzblauen wolkenbergen

und stehe ich am fenster

sehe ich die stadt vor mir, doch auch

den endlos blauen himmel

durch nichts und niemanden verdeckt, ja

im dachgeschoss

your smile is the morning sun

your fingertips guide my steps

softly under the blue sky

of your 80s track jacket

your hair is the dark of night

i get lost in its flow, i stumble

and fall, it feels so good

to land in your arms again

my body is earth and

yours is the moon

i feel you tug at me,

feel the rise

and fall of the tides

youre far away now,

i am plastic

tiny little pieces

i melt in fire

and snap under stress

i am smoke

frozen in photographs

my lungs full of dust

but i choke on fresh air

my soul is volatile

and my body is condensed

i dont want to be here

but i dont know where to go

i am sinking

into walls and the floor

i am falling

while propped right-side up

they found a spiral

deep in my brain

i spin and spin and spin

i see a stranger when i look

in the eyes of my past self

my terror is sickly sweet

it comes and goes in waves

its rooted deep inside me

takes shape in my skin

its in your face and mine

they melt together like glue

i see a stranger when i look

in the eyes of my past self

i see him in my clothes

old jackets and garish shirts

i see the rot inside my room

radioactive bits and pieces

how was i so blind before?

i need to burn it to the ground

i see a stranger when i look

in the eyes of my past self

gender cuts through me

like an arrow, i am

all i once was and all you

ever thought i should be

i am a swarm of flies, buzzing

only taking shape in photographs

i see a stranger when i look

in the eyes of my past self

i take so little time to rest

life zooms past and so do i

its hard to stop and listen

to pull the brakes and gaze

into those pale blue eyes

see who i was

who i am