Straitjacket Sisters

Lia glanced at the clock on the microwave. 6:30 AM. Helen wouldn’t be awake for at least another hour, probably longer. She lifted herself from the table and crossed to the coffee maker. She wasn’t eager for a hot cup of black energy; instead, she lifted the lid on its water trap and retrieved the cigarettes she stowed inside, safely preserved inside a sandwich-sized plastic baggie.

She stuffed one of the cigarettes between her lips and grabbed a match from the matchbox beside the gas stove. Striking it, she ignited its tip, pressed it to the cigarette, and shook out its flame as she sucked in a long, low drag. Exhaling the smoke with a content sigh, she stuffed the pack back in its plastic-coated hiding spot and returned to the table.

“So, Ma,” she mumbled, chewing on the cigarette filter. “What’re we reading about today?”

She lifted one of leather-bound journals from the box and opened it where her bookmark rested, ready to pick up where she’d left off. Scanning the smudged handwriting, she fumbled her way through the words, trying to make sense of any of it as she sucked at the cigarette.

“Peter was distant again today,” Lia read aloud with a crinkle in her forehead. “It seems he’s pulling further and further away from me, and I can’t understand why. I’d say I fear him leaving, but it’s as if he’s already gone. He walks but leaves no prints, and his heart doesn’t beat for me anymore. It beats for those girls who stole my love from me.”

Lia scoffed, snapped the journal shut, and tossed it back into the box. She puffed on the cigarette and sank low in the stiff, wooden dining room chair, allowing her spine to curve into a half-moon while she splayed her legs out before her. Closing her eyes, she lost herself in the burn of the fire searing a hot line through her lungs while her fingers playfully flicked at its filter.

Hearing a throat clear brought her out of her empty mind, and she peeked through slit eyes to see Helen leaning against the door frame. Coughing, she leapt up in a useless attempt to hide the cigarette.

“You promised you quit,” Helen signed with lightning fast fingers before clenching her hands into balled fists and standing straight.

“I know.” Lia sighed and crossed to the kitchen where she drowned the cigarette in a discarded glass hall-full of water and waiting in the sink from the night before. “It relaxes me.”

Helen shook her head and approached the table to claim Lia seat.

“Don’t shake your head at me, little girl.” Lia turned on her sister and planted her hands on her hips. “I need a stress reliever.”

Helen frowned and drew her index finger across her scarred throat while making a choking noise.

“Oh, ha ha. I know they’ll kill me one day, but for now, they relax me. What’re you doing up this early anyway? Couldn’t sleep?”

She shook her head and dragged the box close to her and began rifling through the items inside.

Lia glanced through the kitchen window over the sink, her eyes lingering on the deep forest that encircled the property. She suppressed a shudder and turned her attention back to Helen. Returning to the table, she grabbed the box and dragged it away, despite Helen’s scrambling to hold it in place.

“No, no, no. I don’t want you reading this stuff. It’ll mess with your head.”

Helen’s frown deepened, and she gestured to the gnarled and poorly healed scar that encircled her neck.

“Right. You probably couldn’t have a lower opinion of Mom than you already do, but still.” She folded the flaps of the cardboard over, hiding the items inside from the light of day. “Leave this alone, O.K.?”

“Why are you reading it if it’s so bad?” she signed.

Lia lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “I dunno. I feel like there’s something worth reading in them, something we missed about her.”

“There’s nothing to miss.”

Lia’s eyes softened as she stared at her baby sister, knowing she was probably right. “We’ve thrown away nearly every item she owned. There’s gotta be something, some part of her that was good.”

Helen bowed her hand and stared at her open hands, lying relaxed in her lap.

“Just don’t touch the box, O.K.? And I have to start getting ready for work. You want to stay here today, or do you want me to drop you off at the library on the way?”

Helen rose her head and smiled wide. “Library.”

“O.K. Then let’s get ready and go. I can’t be late for work again.”

“Better shower. You smell like an ashtray.”

Lia laughed and wound her arms around Helen, dragging her close for a hug and purposefully forcing her face against her shirt. “I smell pleasant, and you know it.”