the Straightest Podcast

The Heterofication Union, So far

1. Cecil is a super straight white man with “super cool” magical powers who gets married to the first woman to show up in the show. He was abandoned by his father and spends all his time angsting about it.

Everyone still headcanons Carlos as trans, but he’s like Kalvin Garrah this time

Intern Maureen actually dates Chad in the demon puppy arc, and she still leads the army, but its portrayed as 'bad' and 'this is why women should be in charge' and she's either saved by Cecil from her evil demon summoning boyfriend and dates him instead (prompting a rivalry with Dana), or Chad dies and she's the REAL big bad of the arc and Cecil has to defeat her because 'women with power are bad' tm.

Kevin doesn’t get a redemption arc because scary queercoded guy. Lauren though does because she’s just Kevin’s stupid girlfriend who was just doing what he told her to because she loved him. There’s a graphic scene of Kevin abusing her. Immediately after breaking things off with Kevin, she and Cecil bone. SWNTV is praised for their in depth depiction of abusive relationships. (I only gagged once while writing this. Should I be worried that these blogs have desensitized me?)

There are a bunch of jokes about Steve going to reeducation, coming out *r-slur* and probably gay (I will increase the Steve hetcanons)

Steve Carlsburg and Telly are the only not straight/cis/able-bodied people in NV, and that's why they get outcast (And as a positive thing, the apatche tracker gets killed immediately)

cecil isn’t the main character bc a gay mc! what? instead, it’s steve carlsberg, who is actually a horrible person who complains about abby a lot.

Sherif Sam is CIS and is unhappily married to HIs Trophy Wife, who is also cheating on him.

night vale’s weirdness is revealed to be a hallucination because cecil was “~craaaaazy~ all along”. or alternatively it was brought on by drugs. bonus points if the drugs were from some government experiment

i have a couple and theyre all the worst and disgusting:

just a question: has anybody written fan fiction based off of this page? it fills me with joy but also disgust when i see you post and i was wondering if there was more.

this is horrible i am sorry

Carlos is still sexualized (either by Predatory Cecil which Carlos is uncom with or by every female character and Cecil is jealous of it) but it always has weird racial undertones of Carlos being a sexy Latino lover. Either way, his sexiness is his only character trait and he only exists for people to fawn over.

i just came here but what is this blog about??