I want my dreams to be sprayed all over the wall.

while adam never outright identified as anti psychiatry or aligned himself with the anti psych movement, he repeatedly echoed sentiments often expressed by psych abolitionists, both in forum posts and in audios on his culturalphilistine youtube channel.

he repeatedly would refer to therapists as "The Rapists", saying that they exist only to impose societal values onto others. many psych abolitionists have had similar critiques of the psych industry for as long as it has existed.

he also frequently discussed psychiatry on his culturalphilistine youtube channel, with few positive things to say about the field.

"It’s what bothers me, people defer to these authority figures, of psychiatrists and doctors, thinking that they know what they’re doing. But they don’t have this well of wisdom, they’re fulfilling their own psychological deprivation. That’s why they’re doing what they’re doing, it’s not because they have wisdom. Isn’t it funny how I would be called insane, but everyone else seems to think they’re perfectly fine? Don’t you understand that you’re all heavily damaged and that I’m heavily damaged and that’s what life is?"

he also called into question the legitimacy of many mental illnesses, believing them to be social constructs induced by culture onto those that do not follow the values of the psychiatric industry. this is another sentiment commonly shared by psych abolitionists. "What do I think about ADD? Well, it’s . . . it’s a way that psychiatrists can dismiss someone for . . . not having . . . they interpret it as being unable to . . . okay, basically they’re — you’re not accepting the psychiatrist’s values. That’s it. ADHD, even more so. Anxiety screening test, what is anxiety? It’s culturally induced. Autism, Asperger’s, I hate the Asperger’s label because people would apply it to me, and I’m not autistic. Well . . . Asperger’s doesn’t, it’s . . . it’s just a nonsensical category, anyway, moving on."

"That’s really what psychiatrists do, they do identify mental problems with everyone whose values differ from them, which by definition is everyone, so to some extent psychiatrists see everyone as being delusional, I mean they see them as mentally ill because everyone is delusion."

besides this, he repeatedly expressed admiration for ted kaczynski on his channel, someone who had this to say about antidepressants in his manifesto, industrial society and its future:

“Imagine a society that subjects people to conditions that make them terribly unhappy then gives them the drugs to take away their unhappiness. Science fiction It is already happening to some extent in our own society. Instead of removing the conditions that make people depressed modern society gives them antidepressant drugs. In effect antidepressants are a means of modifying an individual's internal state in such a way as to enable him to tolerate social conditions that he would otherwise find intolerable.”

Perpetrator: Anton Lundin Pettersson

Age at the time: 21 (June 22nd, 1994)

Status: Dead (Suicide by cop)

Location: Kronans grundskola,Trollhättan, Sweden.

Day of the Attack: October 22nd, 2015

Weapons: Cold Steel Viking sword and Tantō knife (unused)

Motive: Suicide, Dislike of immigration, desire to kill immigrants.

Killed: 3 excluding lundin pettersson

Injured: 2

Anton Niclas Lundin Pettersson was born on June 22nd, 1994 in Trollhättan, Sweden. He had a brother and 2 half brothers, but he didn't talk to them much. Anton had developmental delays including but not limited to: not making eye contact, walking abnormally, not speaking much. He had scoliosis and a chest deformity.

In school, Lundin Pettersson had a few friends, but it is also said that he was bullied. He made some friends later in his life who he hung out with outside of class and played video games with, although the friendships did not last after his school years were over. Lundin Pettersson did pretty well in school, getting good grades and high honors. He got the highest score in two of his classes, English and Aesthetics.

Although Lundin Pettersson had friends, he was frequently alone. He enjoyed playing video games like World of Warcraft. Anton also liked airsoft weapons, motorcycles/other fast vehicles, martial arts, and he used to hang out with his brother in the woods fairly often. He stopped going to the woods around 8.

Anton Lundin Pettersson blamed immigration for a lot of his problems. Anton applied to over 80 jobs and did not get a single interview, so he blamed the immigrants who came to Sweden seeking asylum. Anton also would make racist jokes pretty often. He was very obviously far right, shown in social media profiles.

At one point, Anton's mother noticed that Anton lied about his schedule so he could stay home. He would tell his friends he couldn't hang out, then he just played on his computer.

Anton's depression worsened in time. They found self harm scars on his body and he had taken a depression test online. He never had a relationship and was unsure of his sexual identity. He wasn't a huge drinker and didn't seem to take drugs. His mother would check on him some days after he began to live alone because he would stop responding.

He got most of his hair cut off at some point beforehand. He had normally kept it pretty long.

October 22nd, 2015

Anton sent several messages out before his attack. He painted his face with white paint and did eyeliner. He puts on his costume and grabs his sword and a dagger that would go unused. Lundin Pettersson was wearing a nazi helmet, a mask, a long coat, boots, a shirt, and pants. It was all black. One of the messages sent the day of the attack said:

“Hey man! I don’t have a lot of time so I’ll get right down to it. I’m going to be dead in the next hour or two, max. I remember all the fun we had playing SWTOR together and I want you to know that you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, you’re awesome. I’m going to miss you so much, even though I know I could have been more active, but you know me, fucking hate myself. If there’s an afterlife I hope to see you there! Those fucking cops better aim straight; I really don’t want to survive the rampage. Anyway, I love you.//Anton.”

Then, Lundin Pettersson drove to where his brother lived and put money and his phone on the table. He then drove to Kronans grundskola. He brought targets with him to attach to his chest, like Anders Breivik. He never used them though.

At 10:06, he entered the school. Lavin Eskandar sat with a student named David Issa. Lundin Pettersson approaches the two and kills Lavin, injuring his head, back, and piercing his lung. He had stabbed him twice in the back. He also tried to kill David, who was cut in the arm before running away. at 10:08 is when the first call came in. A teacher began to warn everyone of an attacker. Anton exited the cafeteria. It is clear that he isn't attacking everyone that he sees, he is only hurting people who are not white. He walks around the school. Most people assumed it was a Halloween costume, so he was allowed to walk around. The song “Dragula” by Rob Zombie was playing. It was a remixed version. People were alarmed and began to hide in classrooms. He then went upstairs. He finds Ahmed Hassan and stabs him in the abdomen. The wound was fatal. On the second floor, two people asked him if they could take a picture. He allows it, posing with them. After they leave, he stabs Nazir Amso who attempted to remove his mask. Amso collapsed outside the school, fatally wounded. He died 6 weeks later. He then stabs Wahed Kosa, who was a student. Kosa asked Anton who he was, which resulted in his stomach being stabbed. Kosa then shuts the door. His classmates think it's a joke and Kosa eventually leaves the room, collapsing in the teachers lounge. He would survive his wounds.

10:16, police arrive. They head up the stairs. Anton is found and they tell him to drop his sword. Anton charges at the police with his sword and is shot by police. Anton commited suicide by cop. He did not immediately die. He gives the officers his name and asks for help. He died in the hospital.

VICTIMS:

Lavin Eskandar [20]

Ahmed Hassan [15]

Nazir Amso [42]

The song looped in the attack:

love you, have a good day.

yeah he did I saw it I wanted to play with it a little but the cops were about to enter the goddamn school so I had to hurry up and shoot myself.

in my opinion, there is no reason to believe Adam ever behaved inappropriately with a child, or had any sexual interest in children.

in his last years of life Adam was a recluse shut-in who avoided all social interaction. he wouldn’t have had any contact with children other than when he was a child himself. he had an aversion to physical touching. he was repulsed by sexuality in general. he considered himself asexual for most of his life.

Adam did have an interest in the topic of pedophilia, but i am convinced this was an academic/philosophical interest, and not from the viewpoint of a pedophile.

i do have a theory, which i’ll go into here because the pedophilia topic comes up a lot. there have been sensationalized headlines recently straight up calling him a pedophile, but in reality there was no real new information that wasn’t already public knowledge.

this is from a recent article from the BBC:

“…The woman he spoke to regularly said Lanza had expressed some details about his sexuality, including a notion that he may have been asexual. She told investigators he had written “at least one lengthy email” to her expressing his views on paedophilia.In that he expressed his hatred towards it, but she said he had also described adult and child sexual relationships as “possibly beneficial to both parties”.In 2014 the FBI concluded in a behavioural analysis report concluded there was “evidence to suggest the shooter had an interest in children that could be categorised as paedophilia”. But they found no evidence that he had acted on any potential sexual feelings toward children.”

“potential”… “could be categorised”… “no evidence”… yet there are headlines explicitly stating he “was a pedophile”. i feel like this is an attempt to further demonize Adam because people (understandably) want mass murderers to be as other-worldly and monster-like as possible.

so, my theory. it seems more likely to me that, regarding his interest in adult-child relationships, Adam actually saw himself in the role of the child in the scenario. perhaps he had experienced attraction to adult men as a child or adolescent, whether that be emotional, intellectual or sexual. i base this on a few things:

1) there was a recovered folder on Adam’s hard drive entitled smigglesnsuch, (after which this blog is named) in which there was an instant message history between Adam and an unknown online contact, described as “discussion that focuses on gaming, homosexual fantasies, and day to day activities.“ without knowing details, ‘homosexual fantasies’ could be anything from mild curiosity to full-on descriptive fantasy. either way, we can surmise that Adam did have some romantic or sexual inclination towards men, to whatever extent.

(there was also an 8-page word document called ‘.me’, “detailing relationships, ideal companion, culture, voting, personal beliefs, describes doctors touching children as rape.”)

2) also on Adam’s hard drive was a full-length film called ‘Voor Een Verloren Soldatt‘. the plot of the film centres on a consensual sexual/romantic relationship between a 12-year-old boy and an adult male soldier. a review called it “a gay “coming of age” film without “any implied accusation of child abuse. … [T]he film assigns no blame and assesses no damages.”

i don’t know if this was the only full-length film found on Adam’s computer, or if they just included it on the list because it might have been relevant evidence. it would have less significance, contextually, if there were also random general movies on there. however, considering it is an obscure foreign film, it seems he would have had to have gone out of his way to find it and download it. this seems to indicate a strong interest in the subject.

3) also found on his hard drive was a piece of creative fiction that Adam had apparently written himself — a screenplay titled ‘Lovebound’. the plot is described as “describing a relationship between a 10-year-old boy and a 30-year-old man.”

we can’t know without reading it, but my theory is that if Adam was writing from personal feelings, he was approaching the topic from the point of view of the child, not the adult.

while he was extremely intelligent, Adam was not developmentally an adult. he lived in a darkened room playing video games all day and night. his mother took care of all of his practical needs, including doing his laundry. he was over-protected from before he could speak. he had never experienced anything verging on a normal functional adult life or moved on from living in the ‘child role’. emotionally, he was anxious, dysfunctional and child-like. he never had any close friends or peers he could relate to.

without getting more psychoanalytical than i need to here, i think there is solid ground for the theory that Adam had experienced a romantic attraction to adults as a child, which formed the basis of his interest in pedophilia and pedophile rights. pure speculation, of course, but it makes more sense than the idea that he was any kind of sexual predator. there’s no evidence for that.

short answer: no, i don’t believe Adam had any sexual attraction to children or ever did anything untoward. (other than, you know, mass murder.)

December 15, 2012

(In text form)

i really want to draw him as he is, not just as a handsome anime boy, but i can’t draw realistically… sigh :(