River of Random Thoughts

I have a Human with a broken forelimb and while I was surprised to learn that they can in fact repair bones, and that this is not a permanent debilitation but the fact remains they insist on working normally... they refuse to remain in the medbay. Don't they need to use healing comas and be protected? Will my human remain broken?

Transcripts from the Humanity Hotline 8

A couple people have mentioned Orion’s Belt Insurance, and they’ve recently been cross-posted to YouTube, so I’ve finally been able to watch them (I refuse to get TikTok on principle). They are fantastic!

-----

Operator: “Hi, my name is Mindy. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “I have a Human with a broken forelimb, and while I was surprised to learn that they can, in fact, repair bones, and that this is not a permanent debilitation, the fact remains they insist on working normally... they refuse to remain in the medbay. Don't they need to use healing comas and be protected? Will my human remain broken?”

O: “Alright, this is not unusual for humans. To clarify, you mentioned a broken forelimb. Has the injured limb been set and immobilized?”

C: “According to the report I received, our medical staff performed a ‘closed fracture reduction’ and immobilized the limb with a ‘plaster cast’. Following the procedure, the human disappeared from medbay when, quote, ‘I turned away for two seconds,’ end quote, and was later found at their usual workspace.”

O: “Okay, if only one limb was affected and has been properly set and immobilized, it sounds like their injury is not serious enough to warrant bedrest or stasis-related healing procedures.”

C: “So they will still heal? But wouldn’t they heal faster in a coma?”

O: “Actually, moderate exercise can help speed up the healing process by maintaining better blood circulation and nutrient flow throughout the body. Too little physical activity can cause muscles to atrophy, resulting in loss of strength and/or movement.”

C: “Humans need to exercise to heal? Then, should they stay in the gym for the duration of their recovery?”

O: “No, while some exercise is good, humans need to balance it with rest. Additionally, since exercising produces sweat, working out too hard too quickly can negatively impact the cast. Their usual gym routines will also need to be adjusted to focus on exercises that won’t use or risk their broken limb before it’s healed enough.”

C: “So they shouldn’t move too much, but also shouldn’t rest too much. But how much, exactly, should they be doing?”

O: “There isn’t one correct answer to that, as it depends on many factors. I can put you in contact with a specialist to help determine your human’s ideal diet, workload, and exercise routines during their recovery.”

C: “Why must humans be so complicated? Thank you for your help, Mindy. I’ll send this information to the medical staff.”

O: “You are very welcome. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

C: “Not at the moment, but I’m sure there will be as soon as I end the transmission.”

O: “Alright, best of luck, and I’ll be happy to help again in the future!”

As I finished this, I discovered it's been exactly one year since I posted the last Transcript. A lot has happened in that year; I've graduated college :) . I want to thank everyone for the support I've received, and I hope to get back into some of my creative projects and give you guys an opportunity to laugh, and maybe learn something. This one is inspired by a request from @a-romantic-twst from forever ago; I hope it was worth the wait (sorry about that). (It's about periods if anyone's uncomfortable with that and wants to skip this one.)

------

Operator: "Hi, my name is Mindy. How may I help you today?"

Caller: "Hello, Mindy, I am very concerned about one of the humans on my ship."

O: "What seems to be the problem?"

C: "Well, I'm the chief medical officer and this particular human has been on the ship for just over two Earth months now. On two separate occasions during that time, she has requested strong painkillers citing 'Shark Week' as the reason. I looked into what 'Shark Week' is, and found an Earth television special about certain aquatic predators, and I'm unsure how that could cause a human physical pain lightyears from Earth?"

O: "Interesting, is there anything else you can tell me about this human during these events?"

C: "Yes, I've also received reports from other crewmembers around these events that this human is not as outgoing as usual, and shows signs of discomfort with facial expressions and changes in appetite, but does not respond well to the standard psychological protocols for team building and social connection."

O: "What about the timing? You said this has happened twice, correct? How much time was between them?"

C: "Yes, I've documented both with dates. The human requested the painkillers twice, 28 days apart. The crew reported signs of distress for a few days following each request, and two times in the day before the first request."

O: "Alright, I believe your human is using the phrase, "Shark Week" as a euphemism for the start of the menstrual cycle, which is often referred to as a 'period'. To put it simply, one of the female reproductive organs sheds its inner lining roughly once an Earth month, lasting anywhere from a few days to a full week."

C: "Similar to how the Rythyani shed and replace their stomach linings?"

O: "Yes, though the uterus has blood vessels that extend into that lining, so shedding also causes bleeding."

C: "Bleeding? How much blood is lost? Why has she not requested bandages or a transfusion?"

O: "For most, a period is not life-threatening. The amount of blood loss does not require a transfusion to replace, or bandages to stop, though iron deficiency may be a concern for some that can be easily remedied through their diet. Ultimately, your human will know her body and how to handle her cycle best. We learn to deal with periods from a relatively young age. You should have received a human anatomy and physiology textbook when the first human joined your crew. Do you have it?"

C: "Yes, though I do admit I have not yet had the time to read it."

O: "That's alright. The chapter on human reproductive systems goes into more detail about the biology of the menstrual cycle than I can tell you. For the time being, make sure your human knows that she can ask for support if needed, and inform your crew that not all humans will be happy all the time, and they don't need to be. Over time, you will gain a better understanding your humans' patterns. Until then, trust them to express their needs, and talk to them if you have specific concerns. I can give general advice, but they will know themselves best."

C: "Thank you for clearing up the confusion, Mindy, I will look into this and update the protocols as necessary. I have no more questions for you at this time."

O: "You are very welcome, please don't hesitate to call again if something else comes up."

------

1: "This is it! We're finally going to meet the aliens and see what they're like and how they react to us!"

2: "I know! I'm so excited! I've been obsessed with this for years; read pretty much every post on the forums and discussion sites."

1: "I wrote so many posts on those sites! Oh, here they come!"

3: "Hello! Welcome! We're very excited to finally meet others!"

1: "Us, too! Also, we hope our differences in appearances don't make you uncomfortable. I assure you we want to be friends."

3: "Oh, it's fine! Most of us here have been avid readers of the many Tumblr tags about meeting aliens; we were prepared for pretty much anything. Honestly, I expected more of a reaction from you."

1: "Tumblr? I guess that's similar to our own discussion boards, similarly focused on meeting new sentient species. Well, back to introductions, what do you call yourselves?"

3: "We're all humans, and my name is

"You're gonna regret that."

"Don't talk back to- ow, ah, OW! What the- FIRE ANTS!?"

I have no idea what to tag this as (or if it's been done before). This is the result of a random late-night conversation with some friends.

-----

Team Lead: "Look at this! This sword was what, dropped outside your cave by some random adventurer 300 years ago? It's not even magic. It's completely rusted through in some parts!"

Vaughrifnir, Destroyer of Empires and Lord of the Blaze: "But I might need it!"

-----

Councilor: "So what brought you to the conclusion that you have a problem?"

Yllsiardith, The Deepest Shadow and Conqueror of Marthatta: "Well, almost everything in my hoard is green. Lots of emeralds, jade, six generations of a goblin family... and I tried adding trees and plants, 'cause they're pretty, but they just kept turning brown! It makes me... sad."

Councilor: "Why the fixation on the color green, do you think?"

Yllsiardith, The Deepest Shadow and Conqueror of Marthatta (getting emotional): "I- I think it's because my mother tossed me as- aside right after I hatched, and a green dragon adopted me, so I think I associate the color with love and *sniff* safety..."

-----

Barmothlewin, Keeper of Knowledge: "But the smell! Digital doesn't smell as good as centuries-old books and scrolls!"

Team Lead: "It's necessary if you want to have more space in your lair for other things. To make it a little easier to transition, we've brought you some candles with old-book scent that you can light whenever you read on your new tablet."

I know it's been a couple weeks since I've written anything substantial, and that's mostly cause I had midterms and then got sick for an entire week. Words are hard. I've seen all the support and suggestions I've gotten, and hopefully will find the time to write in the next few weeks.

I usually put words up here... huh... what to say... (Thanks for all the continued support on this silly little project of mine)

----

Operator: "Hi, my name is Mindy. How may I help you today?"

Caller 1: "Greetings, Mindy. We've had a human on board for a while now, and everything has seemed fine so far, but a few minutes ago I passed by his workstation and he was listening to music, and I heard some of the words in the song and now I'm concerned for the safety of my ship and crew. I don't dare repeat what I heard, but it was about a violent mutiny."

O: "Alright, this has happened a few times before. For now, I don't think you have anything to worry about, but I would like to get some more information before ending the call."

C1: "I will provide whatever I can."

O: "Great, I don't think this will take long. Do you know what the name of the song is? Or if not, can you ask the human?"

C1: "I don't know the name, but Phil should be on break, and I can add him to the call if that is alright."

O: "Sounds good."

Caller 2: "Hey, Captain! What's up? Who's on the other line?"

C1: "Greetings, Phil. This is Mindy, and we are discussing a concern I have from earlier."

O: "Hi! It's Phil, right? I'm Mindy from the Humanity Hotline. I have a couple questions for you."

C2: "Oh... what did I do this time?"

O: "Don't worry, I have a feeling it's a misunderstanding. I'm told you were listening to music earlier. Is there a specific song or playlist you were listening to?"

C2: "Um, a pop playlist I made a few weeks back."

O: "Is 'Tricked-Out Ships' on this playlist?"

C2: "Yeah, it's a banger. How'd you know?"

O: "Just a hunch. Have you listened to the lyrics?"

C2: "Eh, not really. They're kinda lost in the music, right? Should I look them up or something?"

O: "Please do."

[Approx. 3 minutes removed for lack of necessity.]

C2: "This.. is awful. The song is ruined."

C1: "You mean to tell me that humans will listen to music without knowing what they are listening to?"

O: "Not every human, and not every song, but it does happen surprisingly often."

C1: "Interesting. Thank you for your help, Mindy."

C2: [rustling and humming sounds]

O: "Happy to help. Is everything alright, Phil? There's some static or something."

C2: "Oh, it's paper. I'm writing new lyrics so I can enjoy the song again."

This one's been a long time in the making; had to make sure I did it right. Special thanks to @mothepissedoffmidget for the idea, and my roomie, @starryeyedlarkspur for helping with the advice.

-------

Operator: "Hi, thank you for holding. My name is Mindy. How can I help you today?"

Caller: "Yes, hi! I'm Nishel, the EMO [Entertainment and Morale Officer] on my ship. We hired a human about a month ago, and I'm struggling to keep up. Is it normal for humans to tire of activities so quickly?"

O: "That depends on the human, and the activities. Could you tell me a little more?"

C: "Yes. When we hired the human, she brought books and knitting supplies to entertain herself, which I though was helpful, but after a day or two she requested some puzzles. I was able to approve and acquire some fairly easily, but the human returned only a few days later asking for scrapbooking materials, and, well, the same thing happened. Over the last month, I've acquired puzzles, scrapbooks, a climbing wall for the gym, locks and a lockpicking set -- that one was a hassle to get approved, more knitting supplies, crochet supplies (I don't even know how that's different from knitting?), painting supplies, face painting supplies (again, I don't know how that's different), strange plastic bricks that fit together, and a violin. And that's just what was approved. I've also heard from the crew that she's downloaded more books, started writing stories on her personal computer, and started learning how to write programs, and yet, with all these things, she told me this morning that she has nothing to do and was bored. I don't know what else to do. I've spent 78% of this year's entertainment budget this month!"

O: "That's a lot. Some humans have a few different hobbies at once, but usually not that many. Do you have access to crew psychological evaluations?"

C: "Yes, when necessary for morale concerns."

O: "Is there anything in the human's file?"

C: "It says Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, which is also something she's mentioned a few times, but that's tagged for possibly interfering with work, not morale."

O: "ADHD would explain it. It shouldn't only be tagged as work-related as it can actually affect a human's whole life. This is another human thing that's different for everyone, with some hyper-fixating on one thing for a really long time, or different aspects of a single subject, and others, like your crewmember, gaining and losing interest in many different things very quickly."

C: "So this will keep happening? I can see about increasing the budget for next year, but I don't think this is sustainable long term."

O: "Don't panic, there's actually a cheaper method. Communicate with other ships and supply stations with humans on board to see if they are having a similar problem. If you can find others who get and lose hobbies quickly, you can trade the supplies; give them what your human is done with, and receive their extras for her. This will also have the extra benefit of building social connections as they discuss and trade."

C: "That makes sense. It would take a lot of coordination, but I can start asking the nearby fleet."

O: "Good. I will also send a report to the Alliance to see if something can be officially established. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

C: "No, thank you, Mindy. You've been a great help."

O: "Of course. Don't hesitate to call again if something else comes up."

End Transmission

Brain: But what if we get up at 5 am?

Me: I don't want to get up at 5 on a weekday. Why would I do that on Saturday?