I'm just a lipstick painted mess

hazmat suit with “JUICY” bedazzled on the ass 

this is my favorite vine comp of all time

me rollerblading into my therapist’s office this week with sunglasses and a piña colada: maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,

I am a little high but what if people proposed with beautiful, intricate knives. Ladies would gather around the table and be like “guess what finally happened!!” And pull this beautiful, intricate dagger out of her purse and all the other ladies would gasp and congratulate her

It’s an awesome idea tho

I can 100% get behind this as a new tradition.

Ok but this is amazing becuase knives are dangerous and you can use them to hurt other people but when someone proposes with one it’s symbolic like “yes I love you and trust you so much I’m asking you a very vulnerable question with something you could hurt me with but I know you won’t”

@kinglesbiancore

@lady-redshield-writes this seems up your alley

This isn’t just up my alley, it’s traveled all the way down the alley, through my front door, and is sitting on my couch. I love this so much.

@sparklemotion24 I know we’re doing rings but these are amazing

the only way im getting married

This is the only type of proposal I will ever accept.

A + Proposal plan: Pulling one of these out of a bundle of flowers.

I don’t know what’s going on but it’s a lot

You’re my personal plethora of ultra euphoric nostalgia.

“he’s 24 months old” bitch your son is two

7 billion ppl in the world & u think i need u? lol nah

*wears the same outfit as yesterday* vintage

What’s the most simple thing you’ve ever had to explain to a fully competent adult?

That you cannot fax money to someone.

Had someone accidentally fax us some paperwork. They then asked if we would fax it back due to the paperwork being confidential…

I have received a fax in an envelope. like… they took the documents, put em in an envelope, then faxed me a picture of the sealed envelope.

That’s one of the cutest things I’ve ever heard.

I like that this just turned into stories about faxing

how do i get the moon to notice me back

the speed limit for ghosts is also 25

Aesthetic

the true american experience is wondering if you just heard firecrackers or gunshots

PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE

bonus points: both are illegal in your state and you still cannot tell

Bonus points: one is illegal in your state and it is not the gun

what the fuck is going on down there are you guys okay

no

Bonus round: was the scream after caused by fun or was it them getting shot

Challenge mode: it’s the 4th of July

bonus round: it’s New Year’s Eve and ppl are also drunk