Please believe me when I tell you that there is not a single thing on this earth more difficult than watching your mother slowly die. There is no worse feeling than hurting for them, wanting to take their pain away, wanting them to go peacefully while also desperately and selfishly wishing they could stay.
Please know there is no greater pain than this. You’ve never seen the beauty and tragedy of life all at once in the look in their eyes as they focus on you while the rest of their world is a blur to them.
My mom has dementia. She is dying. They say she has maybe days, but that’s all. A week if we’re lucky, but also I don’t want to prolong this if she’s in pain. And somehow in all of this mess, the universe seems to be begging me to believe in miracles...
My mom can’t formulate sentences, but somehow she can look at me and tell me I’m beautiful, and tell me that she loves me. It’s everything I need in these final days. The only thing I need from her is that recognition. If it goes, it goes. But right now we have it, and it feels like a gift, like it shouldn’t be possible. But it is. It’s happening.
Please hug your parents. Tell them you love them. Try to find understanding and common ground if there’s any to be salvaged. Don’t miss out on the chance to feel and see love through to the bitter end. I’m in so much pain but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I love my mom. She is my true soulmate. I see that now.
