imjustakid

when did the baby become the hero?

flippin pancakes nobody eatin Cheerios

Never been the second choice never even been a choice

I’m the tagalong puppet never had my own voice

not religious but I pray to god I’ll be someone new

feeling like I’m in the wrong body since second grade too

always been a little girl want to be a women

but I’m afraid either way gonna be a joke to men 

wanna wake up next to the love of my life

but it’s still in deep my back aches from the knife 

Tears stream down piano symphony

get back up I can give pop queen

salties drop on my shirt

but see me pull the weeds from the dirt

never felt so numb before

never catch me behind closed doors

Dancing it all away

like I haven’t been crying all day

I’m the baby I’m the princess 

If they are happy without me then they never needed me to begin with 

and then I feel kind of worthless 

Don’t know if yesterday was today

 the days are the same

 Feeling like bricks on my bare chest

stomping on the board lettin them cuz I know best

Spaghetti tastin like mush

 I always use to beating around the bush

If my secrets were stories will you write it in a book 

Sell a million copies just to better your looks

If my fear and frights were a movie 

Would you play it at every cinema jukebox groovie 

Don’t know if today was yesterday or if tomorrow’s gonna be a better day

Washin my red shirts till they turn pink

Just so you can tell me to appreciate and think

Got your eyes set on a glass screen

voice box words stay in your ear and ignore me

No one really cares about how I feel 

My silence is what they appeal

the way that the person who brings so much light to life didn’t even want to be born to begin with

I’m expected to fix it all

The arguments texts and phone calls 

the porcelain still looks so beautiful all scattered on the floor 

the pieces break more and you still want more

Just sweep me under the rug 

Wake up the next morning pour the coffee in the mug

echoes of my voice bounce off the wall

guess the baby grew up after all

always telling me I handle it well

in reality I’m melting in hell

Independent always on my own

mature for my age always been grown

words like a boomerang always come right back

if the day comes I got nowhere to go just my clothes and the bindle sack

Sometimes wonder if it’s better if I was just an idea

No Ramona no Carmen or Sophia

Think about the Snow White and big blue

family of my own a child or two or three or four 

it more than just a women looking sexy or hot to you

It’s about the love of your life being the biggest bully and the others too

I like my men assertive and loud especially when they can be annoying

maybe that way in advance the hurt comes with me knowing

Can't go nowhere got no one to go to

don’t gotta the auntie or the granny that got me since I was two

Not independent always had to be by myself

Because no one will get the life of a toy on the shelf

didnt know the vinyl had scratches til it didn’t play the same tune

no notice about the sunset til it’s the darkness brighted by the moon

 It runs pass you like a revolving door at an empty mall 

creeps and crawls after your shoes in your homes halls

you say my age memorized it by heart

forget that I’m just a kid but you give me this part

putting down my notebook putting my up shield

you’re stuck inside the cave I’m running through the fields

this is my time don’t take it from me

Falling and falling all the way down

Out of this garden out of this town

I hit the bottom I see stars

didnt stop when I said no

didnt un clasp shouted let me go

And nobody will know

They could never know/

Anything you tell me to do I do

Everything you tell me to say I say

All because 

I’m waiting for that day/

Anytime you want me I’ll go

Everytime you want it I’ll show

Just so

You’ll always know/

Right hand women

Side kick what you’re doing/

 Always right by your side

Nowhere for me to hide/

I can be your one and only 

If only you just told me

Take my hand and just show me

Baby can you just come and hold me/

You used me

You abused me

After everything I’ve done you didn’t chose me

What kind of friend is that?/

Didn’t stand for me

Give your hand to me

After All this looking for a better man for me

What kind of friend is that?/

You ruined me 

Took every ounce of innocence I had/

Why did you do this to me

I stay far away when you’re mad/

Rough house me

Like I’m one of the boys

Be gentle with me

I crack and break but I’m not your toy/

They lower their heads as you shout

Let the words go in one ear and out/

They shun away as you laugh

Shove me in gym trip my calves/

Wish youd lay your head on my beating heart

So you can hear it crack and crumble apart/

everything you wanted but I wasn’t good enough

Try to seek help I knew this was tough/

Boys will be mean to you because they like you

you must have loved me you know it’s true/

In some weird way I thought you really did

Thought you hurt  me to not show what you hid/

(Don’t just leave me here) 

Same hands that wipe my tears 

are the same ones that bring me fear

Same hands that make me want to fly

are the same ones that make me cry,

Bridge 

Lying on the ground 

Train out of town 

Tore off my crown

Stepped on my gown/

You did this to me

everything I hate because of you

Just laugh and tell it to them

say all the things we did as us/

broken on the floor

bus ride tour

movie theater gore

take away more/

you’ve done it to me

everything denied know it was you

Always you went to them

don’t sit and forget about us/

I’m not just some crazy ex

I did it all for you I’ll say THAT with my chest/

harlequin does her little act

did it well and as a matter a fact

should have taken a video

just for proof so all your friends could know/

Damage is done you had your fun

go catch up with your friends

never been the one but I was one 

Are you satisfied with the end?

How can you do this to me 

pink medicine stains my teeth

The silver spoon shakes rattles in my hand

Sharp pain in my stomach arteries or is it my heart 

You wonder why I spend time alone and we grew apart

Island escape im with winter weather

Bikini poolside while I’m in my knit sweater/

The pink fluid drips on the counter

This may or may not be our last encounter 

Drip drop down my system 

Napkins from last night I see in the morning

You’re fast asleep when I’m here mourning/

Let’s pretend that your words don’t keep me up at night 

and your presence doesn’t fill me up with fright /

Let’s pretend my heart strings didn’t snap into two

 and you didn’t care didn’t ask what to do/

Let’s pretend during our pizza dinner 

and our game nights when no ones the winner/

Just for this once I can make you proud

Don’t have to say anything out loud

I don't love you very so

I always wanted you to know/

how long is this going to last

Hopefully it won’t wear off so fast

Pink drips down my heart

I think soon it’s my time to part/

I might only be gone for the night

Is my body even mine?

I’ve been thinking about it for some time

How a few reparations are just a dime?/

Is this my reflection, even me?

Am I who I was meant to be?

just one fix up or three/

Skin so soft

must be porcelain

I thought and thought

How to just fit in/

Look at the waves down my back

Braids line up in neat tracks

Inches shorter will frame my face

But that’s strike three away from that place/

I’m.just. Noott a. Beautiful girl

despite what everyone tells me

I’m.just.nottt meant for this world

it’s just not fit for me

My reflections never the same looking through a funhouse mirror

I try for a better view but it never gets clearer/

Prima Ballerina

growing from a Nina

Kind of like the way I look in my favorite dress

But then I think if I had another body I’ll look my best/

distorted

image not the same

Imported

Photos in my folder I saved/

I don’t know if I am who I am

Wolfs coming after a lost little lamb

Who’s that little girl in the pictures

Notes behind the photos lost scriptures/

I remember all those lectures

Felt like I was a committing a crime

Afterwards simple gestures

I became just a baby doll mime/

I’m.just. Noott a. Beautiful girl

despite what everyone tells me

I’m.just.nottt meant for this world

it’s just not fit for me

My reflections never the same looking through a funhouse mirror

I try for a better view but it never gets clearer/

Fabric on my young frame

Never thought I’ll be the same

Threads keeping me from being who I am

pulling me stitching me they don’t give a damn/

I’m.just. Noott a. Beautiful girl

despite what everyone tells me

I’m.just.nottt meant for this world

it’s just not fit for me

My reflections never the same looking through a funhouse mirror

I try for a better view but it never gets clearer/

What a pretty girl you have

You must be so lucky

Changed now looks like her dad

Remember when you were tall and chubby/

I never knew I looked this way

Didn’t know it was a problem

Insecurities to this day

From school and family drama/

Odd Shapes and curves

Lines undefined

They really had the nerve

To say I was just fine/

Clumsy little thing Accident prone

always broken hearted but never broken a bone/

I’m.just. Noott a. Beautiful girl

despite what everyone tells me

I’m.just.nottt meant for this world

it’s just not fit for me

My reflections never the same looking through a funhouse mirror

I try for a better view but it never gets clearer/

They mold me like I’m putty

But I’m nature made like a gem

Compliments galore

locker behind doors

take take and take but i never get more/

Right behind the glass

don’t be such an ass

just a little girl stuck in the past/

If you saw what I saw

you would know it would be hard to show

If you heard what I heard

You would know it would be hard to grrowww/

From the left to the right

It never leaves my sight

From up to down

to my shoes to my crown/

pale smooth skin

looks different everytime

When I step right in

To the shower before night/

cant avoid what I see

cant get away from what I hear

never can just be

never can live without fear/

Don’t see myself Through the looking glass

I see a distorted image one I’ll never just pass

Playing hide and seek

never shy away from their peeks

just for the glass to shatter

for once can my tears just matter

Bridge

Flashing lights

child frights

circus communication in

The late nights

And I might

Be the performer they want me to be (they want me to be not me)

and when I see the other side

I can’t believe this is my life (this is my life dont want it to be mine)

And when I see what's in front of me

I think about who I would want to be (who do I want to be? Is this me)

I don’t wanna be you anymore

Leave the room and lock the door

want to run scream cry and shout

is this what being true to me is all about/

Feeling my reflection is not my own

they say can’t think this way I’m not grown

But yet again teen girls are sensitive