still have to do that

I am 30 years old. I played my first Nancy Drew game 20 years ago. And since I have discovered the existence of the internet, I have not played through an entire game without cheating ONCE.

First it was the HerInteractive message boards. Then it was the Youtube walkthroughs. Then it was the Nancy Drew subreddit. If I spent more than 10 minutes wandering around the hellscape of point-and-click, my fingers would burn and itch as I tried to resist pulling up a browser window and typing in my query. It’s taken the enjoyment out of the games a bit over the years, and so I am starting something new...

Replaying all Nancy Drew games without cheating.

This means no Reddit, no Tumblr, no Youtube, nada. I want to once again feel that childlike wonder and excitement when I finally figure out a tough puzzle! I want to find all the Easter eggs! I want to fill up my trophy case at the end, and spend more than 2 hours rushing through the entire storyline!

Aahh, yes. One of the wackiest PC games ever to make it to the threshold of public consumption (only behind a few other upcoming ND games, but more on that later). I used to think this game came out in response to the popularity of The Devil Wears Prada, another story about a woman working for an unpleasant titan of the fashion industry, but I just googled it and TDWP came out 3 weeks before Danger by Design. Unless Her has the most efficient development team in history (spoiler: they do not. Just look at the past 8 years or so), this has nothing to do with the movie. And I know that it took longer than 3 weeks to come up with this tangled web of side plots and storylines...I could never have conceived of any of it even if I had 3 years.

The game starts with Nancy getting to Minette’s windmill studio and almost getting bonked in the head by a flying plant. She is there to investigate why Minette, a famous fashion designer, is acting so ~*strangely*~ and report back to the States, where Minette’s biggest investor is just waiting impatiently to pull the plug on the cash flow. Nancy is yelled at, has to hilariously brew a cup of tea based on what Minette’s favorite color is at the moment, and runs all over Paris on errands as part of her new job. She then learns that a French Resistance fighter, Noisette, used to live in the windmill, and proceeds to spend the rest of the game learning more about that instead. It IS a more intriguing mystery, so you can’t blame her. Ultimately, after swimming in the sewers under Paris and going on about her day like everything is fine, Nancy finds Noisette’s secret under the windmill, stumbles by chance upon Minette’s secret, and blocks a couple chops from Minette, who then proceeds to pass out from exhaustion (?????)

So many of the choices here were so interesting to me. I feel like this game is chaotic evil on the scale. I also feel like some of the puzzles here are hard! I was THE CLOSEST I’VE EVER COME TO CHEATING (in this round of playthroughs) at the end when I am locked in the bottom of the windmill, and there are about 100 steps needed to decode the way outta there. What child would ever be able to solve that on her own?? I had to come back to it over multiple days. I was literally thinking about this puzzle throughout the day, like on my commute to work, while eating dinner, while going for a run. It consumed me. Eventually it came to me, after I inspected in detail every item in my inventory. 

Anyways, back to my open questions.

1. First of all, why was there only one French suspect in this entire game? Were they having trouble finding voice actors willing to put on an extremely terrible and unpracticed French accent or what? Furthermore, why did everyone pronounce Minette as “Minn-et,’ even the Parisians? I guess Paris is probably a bit of a melting pot, especially in the fashion world, but I have always been bummed by the lack of French people in this game.

2. Also, why does Nancy struggle SO hard with the one French suspect’s name, when in other games she rattles off French so perfectly that you’d think it was her native tongue? Also, she needs to look up numbers and colors in a book, but at the end of the game she is able to translate a long letter written completely in French with ease? Something isn’t adding up here.

3. Why was Heather wearing that hideous brown tie? Surely that can’t be considered fashion?

4. I actually used to wonder why Minette’s designs are so absolutely absurd, but I think they are hilarious now. Feels like we are being trolled by HerInteractive by forcing us to put together THIS outfit for Prudence Rutherford’s cruise.

5. Why does a squirrel almost sabotage the entire game for you? Additionally, HOW in god’s name is anyone supposed to figure out how to deter the squirrel from messing up your work? I ONLY was able to get past this part because I vividly remember searching the forums back in the day to figure this out.

6. Who is buying the shitty paint-by-numbers of the Mona Lisa from the guy in Pont Nouf? For more than 15 Euros, presumably? Also, I think this is the first time I’ve ever messed up one of the paintings, because I DO NOT remember the vendor completely berating Nancy on her carelessness. This guy just screams scam artist to me.

7. Why did I find the catacombs so challenging as a child? I remember sitting at my computer, furiously clicking, SHRIEKING IN FEAR as I heard the footsteps of the French policia approaching, when really getting to the entrance to the sewers involves like 2 turns from the entrance to the catacombs. This isn’t really a question about the game, it’s more a question of my intellect as a young teenager.

8. What is the rhyme or reason for the timeline of this game? Is there a hidden in-game clock that is running all day, and let’s you know when it’s too late to be out by yourself? Or is it just completely random? Either way, it makes for some hilarious timing. Minette tells me to go to the park to pick up some stuff for her, and I just go straight to bed instead. Minette tells me to take the cockroaches and release them, and I just...take the cockroaches to bed with me?? JJ is called into Minette’s studio for a fitting, and she has to stay there all night long???

10. What is going on with some of these characters’ teeth? Strong Bruce the Shark vibes here.

11. Why are the plotlines completely disjointed? It wasn’t until I played the game through this time that I took the time to really think about the story, and realize that the two parts had absolutely nothing to do with each other. Noisette and Minette, apart from both residing in the same windmill at different points in history and both having French-y ‘ette names, have literally nothing in common?? Dieter and his family history were a complete red herring to what the actual mystery was? And when you actually find the stained glass under the windmill, and you breathe a sigh of relief because it truly feels like the end...it isn’t the end at all?? because you actually haven’t solved the mystery you came to Paris to solve?? A mystery which is actually far less interesting than Noisette’s??

12. The actual ending here, once you find your way out of the windmill’s basement (and that took me a MINUTE), is bonkers. The developers had to have been tired and just trying to wrap this up stat. Putting your hand up to block Minette’s slow-motion chops for 10 straight minutes feels like something someone came up with at 3am after their fifth cup of coffee, a cigarette pinched between two fingers. And yet, it somehow really fits into the feel of the game. It has certainly brought the ND community together, because I have never heard anyone who didn’t think this was a total WTF moment.

13. WAS Minette having an affair with Sonny Joon? I just heard this theory and I am running with it. What else would explain an alien face tattoo, and her just randomly dumping Dieter? I am choosing to believe that this is the case - otherwise, there is no explanation behind why she even got the tattoo in the first place, and having this be the reason for the mask feels a bit underwhelming.

Despite the insanity of this game...it’s a fun time. It certainly holds up on a replay, because the story is convoluted and there’s no way you’ll remember from the last time you played. Also, this is when Her really starts busting out the near impossible puzzles that no young child could ever solve on his or her own (I am already dreading the picture frame puzzle in SAW because HOW will I refrain from cheating then??)

Nancy: WhAt aRe these BOOKS dOinG heRe??

Finishing this game is bittersweet, because I truly think that this is the last game in a line of absolutely brilliant games; everything that comes after this is the new era: Nancy flying off to some foreign land on an assignment that is absolutely insane and that no one would entrust to an 18-year-old girl from Nowhere, USA. Not to say I’m not excited to continue with this project, but I think this may be the last game with that ~*nostalgic magic*~

This was definitely a favorite in my house growing up - my sister and I could never reference it without screaming “LAST TREN TO BLOOO MOOON CANYONE” in the most obnoxious way possible. We were appropriately creeped out by Camille’s harrowing doll collection. We were shocked (shocked!) by the First Big Twist (Lori? kidnapping herself??). We did not understand why a letter from Abraham Lincoln would be worth literally murdering Nancy (kind of get it now, but damn). Overall, just lots of great memories playing this one.

It certainly holds up on a replay as well. Great puzzles. Cohesive backstory. And this is a game of firsts: the first time we get to play beside the Hardy Boys! (I always had a thing for Joe, but what 12-year-old girl didn’t?) The first time the setting of the game changes (I mean, we are on a train! Going across the southwest!). The first time a game has THIS many characters (4 suspects on the train alone, plus the incomparable Fatima, and of course Frank and Joe). The first time we have a cooking mini game!!! It’s SO GOOD!

As far as cheating goes, I did not feel the need to cheat, except for once, when I had 5 gemstones and was still searching fruitlessly for the zircon. The exact type of thing for which I would have taken to the walkthroughs back in the day, the old me impatient, not deigning to be held up for even a moment. Love that I am learning to slow down and be more meticulous by disallowing myself to cheat. Is this project making me a better person?? (spoiler: no, that ship (train?) has sailed (left the station?))

ANYWAYS, drumroll please! Here are my thoughts on this playthrough of one of my favorite games of all times, Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon!

1. This is certainly not the first game to do an opening cutscene, but I think it is probably the game to do it best. You get to meet all the characters, hear the background for WHY you on are on the train in the first place, and kickstart the whole mystery with Lori’s disappearance (**Lori screams!**). Absolutely brilliant.

2. Hilarious that during this cutscene, Nancy is supposedly sitting awkwardly in the corner, on the floor??, nowhere near the table where everyone else is parked. And of course, she is so unimportant that no one can remember her name. Classic.

3. Unpopular opinion, maybe, but Charleena Purcell is a complete menace. She refuses to admit that she remembers talking to Nancy while Nancy was at Shadow Ranch (and I played that recently, and called her an excessive number of times. There’s no way she doesn’t remember). She has the audacity to treat everyone like they are beneath her while dressing like THIS (what is with the weird pink flower brooch thing? That does not go with the rest of her insane outfit at all?). She’s a woman in her 60s and is still bragging about her gift for research and whatever else (insecure much?). She also just casually steals an idea from Lori and plops it into her most recent bestseller without a modicum of credit and that’s supposed to be fine? As much as I cannot stand Lori, I think I honestly hate Charleena more.

4. For some reason, the fact that you find Lori in the caboose very early in the game was very surprising to me this playthrough. I know that this wasn’t the actual mystery ultimately, and you needed to find her to get the letter that will help you do basically EVERYTHING else in the game, but I remember bumbling around for a lot longer before I found her. I think part of the reason is because I did not understand that scale puzzle in the least as a kid, which is sad as someone who ended up receiving a Bachelors in math about a decade later. Now, the scale puzzle is one of my favorites.

5. Also hilarious that Lori is shocked that Nancy is the one to have found her. Uh, no one else was even looking? No one else even cared? The Hardy Boys, for being two other amateur detectives (not to mention members of American Teens Against Crime!), did a whole of sitting on their asses while I was running between cars and rewatching that transitional cutscene over and over and over again.

6. There are actually a lot of animated scenes in this game, including the most iconic one OF ALL TIME! Is this whole process physically possible? Hell no! Does it look cool as fuck? Hell yes!

7. Also, the dolls, despite being scary (especially that one that croons “Mama” whenever you pick it up....*shudder*), is one of my favorite puzzles in any game. It is epic, since you have to gather clues to figure it out throughout the entire train. And the fact that it ties right into the Big Puzzle, figuring out Jake Hurley’s elaborate spinning rainbow contraption, makes the whole game feel really nicely tied together (which is always good, especially since some of the games coming up are particularly disjointed).

8. I never expected Tino Balducci to be my favorite out of everyone on the train, but after this playthrough, here we are. For some reason, I find him more sympathetic than ever. He is secretly still in love with Lori, but is a typical machismo who can’t really be honest about his feelings. His sense of self worth is directly tied to how successful he is as a detective, so he has to put up a front constantly about how good he is, and how on it he is. John Grey is kind of just there (also, the comment about Charleena being a romance novelist and how it isn’t honorable...sir, you are on a ghost show), Charleena is a plagarising bitch, and Lori is an attempted murderer. At least Tino has some layers to him. And TINO BALDUCCI is an amazing name. Good job there, Her.

9. I loved the fact that we could get off the train at Copper Gorge and go to a few locations within the town. It would have been better if you could explore a bit more, but I understand that the purpose of the stop was to get the pickaxe, and more information for finding the mine. Fatima is probably everyone’s favorite character in this game, and I get it. Nancy Drew games have no shortage of wacky characters, and it’s part of what makes the series so beloved even decades later.

10. Cheeseburger. I can just imagine the game developers in the office at 3am, drunk, coming up with all the silly Copper Gorge scenes (au-to-graph), and peeing themselves laughing at this one.

11. The cooking mini game!!! This must have been a huge hit, because same variation of it comes up in lots of upcoming games. And I will never fail to create a burger with 20 pickled herrings and hot mustard for the chef’s choice. *Chef’s kiss*

12. The ending was good. Not GREAT, but it was good. I swear, I have never once understood that board puzzle and how you’re supposed to know the order to pull them out, and as of this playthrough, I STILL didn’t. I did the same ole same ole this time, randomly pulling boards and using about 20 second chances until I finally figured it out. APPARENTLY, you’re supposed to use the rocks towards the beginning of the cave to figure out the order, but no thanks, I’d rather get crushed to death 2 dozen times than think for half a second about Nancy’s not subtle clue here that these symbols MAY be important.

13. How did Jake Hurley die in his mine, when there was the mine cart and a track to get out right there?? Plot hole?

14. Finally, one of my favorite parts of this game is the very end. “Jake spent his whole life searching for gold when all along he possessed something far more valuable: his uncanny knack for making friends.” AW! A beautiful sentiment, and I’m not even being sarcastic! It was fun that instead of searching for and finding a pile of jewelry (The Haunted Carousel), or a giant diamond (Treasure in a Royal Tower), or gold hearts (Secret of Shadow Ranch), or gold bars (Ghost Dogs of Moon Lake), the “treasure” in this game is a letter from Abraham Lincoln mere hours before his assassination. Just another way that this game is different and out of the box.