francis had promised he would try and he definitely saw this as trying.  a school event , free food , time spent together --- it only seemed natural for him to ask her to come.  of course , this only occured to him the day of the event so he didn’t really have time to announce himself , which would definitely annoy her to no avail , but when didn’t he ?  he made his way to her room and knocked on the door.  luckily she opened , lips curled into a smile , “ let’s go to the thing , yeah ? “ he paused.  “ it’ll be fun --- especially because i’ll be there. “

francis: i know we havent spoken in a while but i hope youre okay

francis: i just got the email and despite everything i hope youre not too sad rn

francis: if you want to text it out or talk you know where to find me

               “ i can feel you staring , “ he told vida as he heard her approaching.  he could almost recognize the steps now , something he wouldn’t have been able to do before without his aids , but she didn’t know that.  “ is this your way of saying you missed me ?  i’m very missable --- i know. “ lips curled into a smile as he poured his coffee into a mug , he would have drank out of the pot but apparently that was gross.

                francis had read the email and he had maybe a couple of people he wanted to check up on.  two stuck out most to him and while he wasn’t speaking to one he sure as hell was going to speak to the other.  he wondered what was going to happen to him , he almost wished it was a hoax --- paternal figures were always tough for him and now this only added onto it.  he made his way to the offices , hoping he was there and luckily he was , though the door was closed.  as if francis would care much.  he opened the door , it happened to fling open but he shut it just as quickly as he opened it to walk inside.  “ um --- what the fuck. “  he knew the other knew what he was referring to.

– CLAIRE ISN’T SURPRISED BY HIS REACTION. she expects him to look disappointed, bothered. actually, if anything, she’s surprised that his reaction isn’t quite so extreme. after all, part of her always expects to be snapped at, like she’s done something wrong and – she’s generally on the offense, ready to fight back. but he looks at her gently, and she lowers her guard. she can tell that it’s not a fight he’s looking for, that’s not what he wants from her at all. in that moment, she’s hit with the magnanimity of how much he might care about her – because if he was looking for an out, this was the perfect excuse. she wouldn’t even blame him. but he doesn’t take it.

“ yeah, i know. she liked you too – ” claire presses her lips together, and she’d probably LAUGH at the irony of all of this if it wasn’t so damned confusing, “ but she already told you that. ” just the words make her feel guilty, like she has a happiness that maybe should belong to kass, or…something she doesn’t deserve. “ you did ? ” claire laughs at the memory, the stunned feeling when he pulled her close on the courtyard, melting into his arms to pull him down to kiss her again, fierce and passionate. she didn’t hold back then, after all – so, maybe he knew. “ you know, you’re more of a romantic than i think you know,” claire teases, leaning up to comfortably kiss his nose, his lips, pulling him close, “ or maybe i just bring that out in you, huh ? ” she wrinkles her nose playfully as she pulls away, and his words make her feel warm, make her feel wanted. she’d started this conversation feeling like she had everything to apologize for, like she was going to lose him, and…quite the opposite. 

she presses her lips together. “ it doesn’t feel right to…be your girlfriend when kass and i are fighting about it, i…after she kissed me like that, it’d feel like stabbing her in the back or…i don’t know, i don’t want to ruin my shot at saving our friendship by hurting her feelings. ” claire is surprisingly sensitive when it comes to her best friend – or perhaps she’s just doing the bare minimum, a bar she doesn’t often meet when it comes to friendship. she lifts her hand to caress his cheek gently, “ but i do want to be with you, okay ? because we help each other, and…you’re worth it to me. just…don’t go disappearing while i try to fix things, okay ? i need you right now. ”

            ‘  yeah  ,   can’t  relate  there  .  ’    steph  didn’t  get  into  georgetown  university  with  NOTHING  ;   and  sure  ,   she  volunteered  a  lot  in  high  school  ,   went  to  protests  all  the  same  -  but  that  doesn’t  get  you  into  a  school  like  georgetown  alone  .     ‘  humans  suck  ,   it’s  what  we  deserve  .  ’    she  says  with  a  shrug  .   a  part  of  steph  truly  thinks  if  thanos  would  real ?  she  just  might  get  behind  his  whole  movement  .   humans  fucked  up  this  earth  way  too  much  to  deserve  to  be  here  .     ‘  i’d  want  to  do  it  when  i’m  still  young  ,   have  an  apartment  in  a  city  with  a  dog  -  ’    though  she’d  settle  down  …  eventually  .    ‘  you’re  a  fan  of  his  music ?  you  don’t  seem  like  the  type  .  ’  

                         “ they’re supposed to go in your EARS, you shouldn’t be able to lose them.  you have a case for them and everything. “   she had even made a case designed after the airpods case, to charge the bad boys when he wasn’t using them.  what else did she have to do, give it a beeper like he was finding his car ?   ( no, because then he wouldn’t HEAR it. )   “ did i call you an idiot ? “  jo gave him a look.   “ how is telling me you’ll need a NERD around a compliment ?   maybe you just suck at giving them. “  his comment made her bite the inside of her mouth from holding back another sarcastic remark.  “ fine, i’ll see if i can put the program on your phone.  please tell me you at least have an iphone. “ 

                 IT TEARS HIM APART INSIDE to meet francis’ watery eyes, but he holds the gaze steadily, because that’s what he needs right now.  a soft smile grows at the brunette’s words. mention of what hudson’s going through makes his shoulders tighten a bit, because he wishes more than ANYTHING he could tell francis the truth.  he loves his friends from georgetown, but he wants someone other than his therapist that’s new to the situation to talk about it with.  but he already fucked up once with calling his parents – a move that may have cost cassie her life – so there’s no way he’s taking another chance.  “ i’m fine, really, “  he tells him, and hudson makes a mental note to make sure his FACE backs up his statement better in the future.  “ what if we just… both try to be happy ?  at least for a little bit ?  because i don’t know about you, but i could use it, “  he chuckles.

⥽ / closed for / @stfrcnis​.

there was a pina colada and there was a bottle of vodka. and by those two things only one could assume they knew what kind of night warren and francis were having in the dorm room #509, having occupied it completely. “just to make sure. this isn’t a crying situation, right?” that was about as much worry one could ever experience coming from warren, but he was simply horrible at handling emotions that heightened. and he was probably just as horrible at giving advice to someone else, but francis should have already known that.

– “ALRIGHT,” CLAIRE SAYS, AND IT DOES MAKE HER FEEL A LITTLE EMPOWERED. she’s never felt comfortable enough with someone to ask for what she wants in a relationship, not that she’s ever HAD a relationship, but she figures this is sort of how it’s supposed to be, “ i just…wanna see it, i guess. ” because she does think he cares, she just knows about his past and how hard it must be for him, but she hopes she can help him overcome it. claire hesitates speaking, she’s not sure what the words will sound like out loud, but he’s looking at her and holding her hand and she knows she can’t just not say them.

“ kass kissed me. and – yes, i kissed her back, it felt really right at the time, i don’t know, ” her teeth sink into her lower lip, and she doesn’t look up at him. she doesn’t want to gauge his reaction. “ i’ve had feelings for her for a long time, so…i mean, you probably knew that when i slammed you up against a locker, ” claire remarks. “ but she’s not talking to me now – or maybe ever – and despite all of that, it doesn’t make me care about you any less, so. i get it. it’s complicated, i’m…complicated. ” she blinks back tears with a wry smile on her lips, “ did you ever think you’d meet a girl with as much baggage as you ? ” 

a short, barely audible scoff ( laugh ) escapes him – it’s the most anyone can get out of him these days. “ i’ll be gone before you, kid. ” it’s more of a desperate hope than anything. god forbid he’s still at this school by the time graduation comes around. and if the kid thought that would give jack no more reason to check up on him then he thought wrong. 

“ i may be old, but i’m not that old. ” he isn’t ‘a bing man’ by far, but unfortunately is an android man. everyone has their flaws. “ why don’t you google ‘how to stop being a little shit’ and get back to me, huh? ”

                     the look jo gives him shows how UNENTHUSED she is at his words.   “ well if you lose these, i’m not making you more. “   she probably would, actually, though it wouldn’t be without a ridiculous amount of begging on his part.  or maybe he’d just suck it up and go to a doctor like a normal person.   “ don’t worry, i can make it francis-proof, “  she drawls, eyes glancing up at him from her ipad for a moment.  his words are kind, promising this won’t be the last she sees of him, as if she care  ( which she unfortunately does ) .   too bad jo doesn’t buy it.   “ i don’t know what kind of FREE TIME you think a spy has, especially during their first few years in the field.  but i appreciate the sentiment. now, do you have an ipad ? “ 

                        she’s said what she’s said and while she’s still dying from the EMBARRASSMENT of it all, it feels momentarily nice to get it off her chest.  it feels good to see him wounded at the information, to know that at least he cares enough to be upset he’s hurt her, even if it wasn’t purposefully.  but his words don’t make her feel better, they just rub salt in the wound, and kass lets out a humorless laugh as she rugs her fingers through her hair.   “ it’s fine, “   she sighs, resigned in her feelings.  “ i’m just… i’m tired of feeling this way, i hope you understand.  i know you didn’t do any of it on purpose, so i don’t want you to feel like i’m BLAMING you, but.  i just need space, i think.  at least for a little while. “   she’s aware he’s graduating in a few months and then she’ll get all the space she needs, but right now his presence and her feelings are beginning to SMOTHER her, and all kass wants is to lay down.  “ i’m glad you two are happy though, really, “  she says, and even though she’s wiping away a few more tears, she really means it.

– “WELL, IT HASN’T FELT LIKE IT,” CLAIRE REMARKS. “ i mean, it meant a lot to me when you said it, but…francis, words need actions behind them, and sometimes i feel like you’re all over the place, holding me and telling me how important i am to you one day, and the next you can barely answer a text. ” the one highlight of all of this is the anecdote about delilah. claire finds them to be a good match, at least, because she finds both jude and delilah equal parts irritating and unhinged. claire hates how her heart goes suddenly soft when francis takes her hand, a hand that’s so used to curling into a fist gently interlocking with his naturally. she doesn’t even hesitate, it’s become so normal. she can’t hide the smile that crosses her lips at his words, although it falls short. a week ago, she would’ve been beaming, but now she’s at a total loss. she’s asking for all of him when she’s not sure she has all of herself to give in return. is she too much or not enough ? “ francis… ” uncharacteristic tears dot the corners of her eyes in a mix of frustration and hopelessness. she’s surprised how much she does want it. “ i can’t. not without…being totally honest with you, at least. ” there’s no way she can start a relationship while dodging the truth, but she feels like he’ll go back on his words if she tells him.

– “OF COURSE I CARE, FRANCIS, god – was there ANYTHING i said during the three days we were stuck together that gave you the indication that i didn’t care about you ? that i wouldn’t want to hear from you ? i need you to be honest with me, like…if you DON’T want to see me, if you’d rather cut your losses and graduate, then fine. just tell me, but…on valentine’s day, you said just the opposite, so. i guess if i should expect not to hear from you, it’d be nice to know, ” she remarks. “ i know i’m not an EASY person to get along with or to…be with. so, if you’ve had enough then FINE. just tell me. ” maybe it’s karma, that she’d fall for someone so fucking confusing. it’s not like she’s ever given anyone an easy time either, but it’s starting to make her head hurt. with everything that’s going on, trying to work out how she feels with him and kass, she’s scrambling for something solid. and she just feels ALONE in it all. “ well, next time just fucking ask me. okay ? ” she presses her lips together. “ i really thought your crazy roommate was gonna kill me before i even saw you again, so. ” francis doesn’t say much about kass so…claire chooses not to either. she wouldn’t even know how to begin, how to answer if francis asked her how she felt…she’d rather just be in the moment here with him, not worrying about any of that. she reaches for his hand, looking up at him with gentle, vulnerable eyes. “ can you just…tell me if i’m too much ? ”

                           “ how am i supposed to know that ?   you’re right, i don’t like when people don’t put in effort, which is exactly what you’ve been doing ever since… “  ever since you started dating my best friend.  this is the most REAL conversation she’s had with francis in awhile, but she can already tell she’s losing him.  the fact that he isn’t even trying to fight her finally makes tears of frustration gather in her eyes.   “ when someone’s UPSET with you, you’re supposed to ask why, not just blindly apologize. “  feeling antsy, she hops off her bed and rises to her feet, wrapping her arms around herself.   “ you want to know why i’m upset ?   because… god, because i LIKED you, francis ! “  it’s humiliating to admit ;  kass quickly wipes away her tears with the back of my hand.  “ and… i don’t know, for a second i thought you felt the same way.  which is on me, i know, because it’s not like you did anything, other than cook me dinner and share your background with me.  but then i had to learn from CLAIRE that you guys were…  and i don’t feel that way anymore, but now i have to deal with you IGNORING me not even treating me like a friend. so we don’t have to be friends, like i said. but it’s not because i don’t care about you, it’s because i don’t like being treated as an after-thought and i don’t like the idea of you hurting claire like how you hurt me. “   kass takes a deep breath, making her shoulders shudder a bit.   “ but i swear to god, if you tell claire ANY of this…  “   her stomach sinks at the thought of it, but she hopes francis knows that by telling the blonde about this, it would only throw a wrench in his relationship with her.  and that’s really not what kass wants.  “ PLEASE. “