Well Here We Are Again...
Words: 6284 Pairing: Stucky (Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes) Warnings: None Summary: Over the years, Bucky Barnes almost asked Steve Rogers on a date five times. Each moment tender, charged, and cut short by bad timing, war, or fear. From a missed movie in Brooklyn to late-night rooftop talks, whispered confessions in soda shops, and quiet reckonings in Wakanda, their relationship was shaped by love never quite spoken aloud. Through it all, Bucky remained Steveâs constant, watching him chase duty, peace, and sometimes someone else. But when Steve returned from a life lived in the past, older and finally ready, Bucky found the courage to ask the question heâd carried for nearly a century and this time, Steve said yes.
The first time, they were basically just kids. Especially given how long the pair of them would eventually live. Bucky had saved up enough pocket money to take Steve out to see Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Rogers had been talking about wanting to see the movie for months, but in 1937 Brooklyn neither one of them was exactly flush with cash. Being his best friend, Bucky listen to Steve talking about how it was going to be the first cartoon movie and how impressive that was. Buck, never one for movies of any kind, knew even at the age of sixteen that heâd listen to Rogers read the phone book if it meant the light in his bright blue eyes never dimmed.Â
Bucky rounded the corner to the Rogersâ block. Steveâs mother, Sarah Rogers, could be seen leaning out their first-floor window. She was hanging some laundry out to dry when she saw him approaching.Â
âHi James!â She greeted the young boy. âHe said if you came by today not to let you in.â Sarah explained frowning. She glanced quickly over her shoulder to confirm Steve wasnât around. âDoorâs unlocked.â She told Bucky a little quieter. âCâmon in.âÂ
Mrs. Rogers words were enough to give Bucky pause. Why wouldnât Steve want to see him? Should he go home? Suddenly the pocket money felt heavy in his jeans. His nerves nearly got the best of him, but he was so close to his favorite person. He couldnât handle being this close to Steve and not a least saying âHello.â
âThanks Maâam!â Bucky nodded with his best smile on. He pushed open the apartment buildingâs front door and then took the sharp turn left to enter the Rogersâ place. Mrs. Rogers had already returned to hanging her laundry. Bucky closed the front door and let himself into Steveâs room.Â
âSince when do you tell your ma not to let me in?â Buck asked, swinging the bedroom door open wide. He had to hold back a gasp when he laid his eyes on Steve. His friend was pale and sweating, despite the cool spring air coming from the bedroomâs open window. Rogers was already pretty scrawny, but when he got sick like this, he was practically skin and bones.Â
âHey, B-buck.â Steve greeted him, trying to hold back a shiver. âS-shouldâve known you w-wouldnât listen. D-didnât w-ant you gettingâŚâ The rest of the sentence trailed off as Steve was racked with a coughing fit.
âWhat is it this time? The flu?â Bucky moved to lean on Steveâs dresser. He folded his arms over his chest assessing his best friend. It had been a while since Steve had been this sick. So long that Bucky has started to think maybe the guy had actually built an immune system.
âW-we think so.â Steve shivered again. he was tried to prop himself up against the headboard, but the motion had him winded before he even made it halfway. Bucky crossed the room in two strides and adjusted the pillows behind him.
So much for that date. Bucky signed internally. Steve wasnât going anywhere in this condition. The last time he had the flu, he was bedridden for a week and a half. Bucky didnât mention the movie to him. Telling Steve would have only made him feel guilty that he was too sick to go. Instead, he moved over to the bookshelf and looked for something to read. The flashy title Murder on the Orient Express caught his eye.
âMove over, would ya? Youâre hogging the bed.â He teased sitting on the bed next to Steve.Â
âT-thatâs because itâs made f-for one person.â Steve managed, as Buck now too leaned against the headboard. Sharing the bed with Steve was like sitting next to a feather. If he hadnât watched Steve lean his head and left shoulder against Buckyâs right, he might not have felt it at all.Â
âGood thing Iâm so small then.â Bucky commented, opening the book. This earned him a wheezing chuckle from Steve.Â
âIt was five oâclock on a winterâs morning in Syria. Alongside the platform at Aleppo stood the train grandly designated in railway guides as the Taurus Express. It consisted of a kitchen and dining-car, a sleeping-car and two local coachesâŚâ Bucky began to read, because thatâs what he did when Steve was too sick to play or go out. For as long as theyâd been friends Bucky would read and Steve would listen until he eventually fell asleep.Â
It seemed that Steve only managed a deep sleep when he was sick. Bucky wasnât sure if it was that Rogers had been sick most of his life and refused to miss a moment on healthy days, or that the guy was so full of pride and passion, God had to balance the scales by giving him a cripplingly weak immune system. If for no reason other than to force Steve Rogers to slow down once and awhile.Â
The sun had long gone down by the time Bucky finished the book. Steve was out cold, his weak breathing sounding moderately better that when Bucky arrived. At least thatâs what he told himself. Sarah came to check on the boys and turn the lights out. She wasnât the least bit surprised to see James propped up on her sonâs bed. The two of them leaning against each other.Â
âYou tell your folks that youâd be staying the night?â Mrs. Barnes asked with her hands on her hips.Â
âNot that theyâd care.â Bucky said with a yawn. âBut I left a note.â That seemed to satisfy her as she crossed the room and place the back of her hand on Steveâs forehead.
By the time Steve was well enough to go out to the movies again, Snow White had been pulled from the theaters. The Adventures of Robin Hood and Gangs of New York just didnât have the same draw to them as the first full length cartoon had. So, Bucky put his pocket money away in an old sock, and along with it the speech he had mentally prepared about how their first date could be a new beginning for both of them.Â
The second time had taken him almost completely by surprise. Bucky and Steve were down at the soda shop. Rogers was drinking a float because too much soda water upset his stomach. While Bucky picked at a basket of fries and sipped from his sarsaparilla.
âDid you notice Ma and I have got new neighbors?â Steve asked. He looked around the diner before allowing his voice to drop. âTheyâre very modern.â He added, implying something Bucky didnât exactly understand. Bucky leaned in close, also dropping his voice.Â
âWhat the hell does that mean?â He asked reaching for another fry.
âI meanâŚwell theyâre two gals. Living together. Ma asked âem a few questions just being nice, you know? Theyâre not sisters or cousins. One of them said they âtake care of each other.â I think theyâreâŚwell.â Steve raised his eyebrows waiting for Bucky to understand. When his friend still didnât answer, Steve leaned in even closer, speaking almost inaudibly. âTogether.â
âTogether, together?â Bucky repeated the word with a tone that implied he now understood.
âYeah, like that.â Steve nodded. He used Buckyâs moment of confusion to steal a fry. Bucky dropped the fry heâd been holding. He leaned back in his chair. It was the first time either of them acknowledged that a relationship like that could exist. He had to navigate the conversation carefully.Â
âWell, Iâll be damned. A couple of dames, huh? ThatâsâŚdifferent.â He hedged carefully.
âThey seem nice.â Steve shrugged. He looked down at his float and swirled the ice cream into the soda. âOne of âem works at the library. The other one is a nurse, I think.â
âYour ma okay with it?â Bucky asked.
âShe said itâs none of her business who people keep company with. Long as they keep their radio down after ten.â Steve shrugged, looking up from his treat.
âThat sounds like your ma, alright.â Bucky smirked.Â
âThey seem happy.â Steve added quietly.Â
Bucky stared at Steve a second longer than was polite, his mind running laps. Not because of the neighbors, but because of Steve. The way he said it. They seem happy. Like it mattered. Like heâd been thinking about that a lot lately. Bucky wondered if he would make Steve happy. He didnât mean to think it, Heâd practically written away his feelings for Steve as a boyhood crush a couple years ago. But the idea had come to him anyway.
Bucky looked away, reaching for his drink mostly to have something to do with his hands. The sarsaparilla had gone warm, but he sipped it anyway. Across from him, Steve was chewing on his straw, eyes a little distant like he was somewhere else entirely.Â
âWhyâd you bring it up?â He asked, trying to get Steve to come back from wherever heâd gone.Â
âJust thinking about it, I guess.â Steve shrugged, still seeming very far away.Â
âYâknow,â Bucky said finally, âI think thatâs all I ever wanted. For you, I mean. To be happy.â
Steve blinked, turning his head toward him slowly. âMe?â
âYeah, you.â Bucky gave a weak little laugh. âYou talk about other people being happy like itâs some far-off thing. But you can have that too.â Now he had Steveâs attention. The blonde man was staring at him, as if seeing his best friend in a new light. Steve watched him for a long time. So long Bucky almost squirmed in his seat. Instead, he leaned forward and resumed picking at his fries.
âYou ever think about it?â Steve wondered, somehow lowering his voice even more. Bucky had to strain to hear him now. âAbout what that kind of happy looks like for you?â
Buckyâs fingers froze mid-reach, hovering just above a particularly greasy fry. His eyes flicked up, uncertain. He hadnât expected that question. Not from Steve. Not now. Hell, not ever. He thought about how the world would never really make room for people like the new neighbors, not without a price. But Steve was watching him like he already knew the answer. Like he was just waiting for Bucky to say it out loud.
âSometimes.â He nodded in response. âNot in a real way, though. Just little things. A front porch swing. Quiet mornings reading a book. Someone who sees me.âÂ
Steve nodded like he understood, and Bucky got the sense that he did. Not just because heâd had the same thoughts himself, but because Steve had always understood him better than anyone. Steve let the silence stretch between them, but it wasnât awkward. It was⌠thoughtful. Like both of them were trying to figure out if something had just shifted, and what it might mean if it had.
âWell whatever the future holds,â Bucky said, leading the conversation away from the topic before either of them said something they couldnât take back. âWeâll still be together, watching your awful films, me telling you about books I read that you donât care about, you stealing my food.â Bucky gestured to Steveâs hand that hovered over the fry basket.Â
âCâmon! Theyâve gone cold, youâre not even eating them.â Steve defiantly selected one of the fries and dipped it into his float.Â
âWhat are you doing? Thatâs horrifying!â Bucky was repulsed by his snacking choice.Â
âItâs delicious!â Steve insisted. âHere, trying one.â Steve took a new fry, dipped it in his float and held it out to Bucky.
âUgh, no!â Buck leaned back in his chair. The atmosphere had shifted back to their usual playful banter. Steve didnât press the issue. He just laughed soft and warm, the kind of laugh Bucky hadnât realized heâd missed until it was filling the space between them again.Â
The third time, it was New Years Eve, 1941, about to be 1942. The pair had climbed to the roof of Steveâs building to watch the fireworks together. Due to the wartime restrictions, Manhattan wouldnât have its usual flashy display, but thereâd be roman candles, firecrackers and plenty of sparklers going off in the neighborhood and across the boroughs. A six pack of beer bottles sat between their feet. Bucky leaned on the wall overlooking the street and watched as some of the neighbor kids raced through the block. Steve was sitting down, leaning against the wall, facing away from the street. Another rejection letter from the Army was gripped between his hands.Â
âWill you stop reading that thing and enjoy one of our last nights together before Iâm sent out?â Bucky asked, taking a swig of his beer.Â
âI canât help it.â Steve declared before stuffing the letter into his coat pocket. He was still facing away from Buck. âFeels wrong you going and me justâŚwell what am I gonna do? Doodle some propaganda posters and collect tin cans?â With one last look down at the city Buck turned and sat opposite Steve. The two now sat facing each other and looking anywhere but.Â
âYou donât have to prove anything to anyone. Least of all me.â Bucky insisted.
Steve gave a tight smile. âI know thatâs what you think. I know you mean it. But it doesnât stop me from wanting to be worth something.â
Bucky bristled at that. âYou are worth something. Donât talk like youâre not.â
Steveâs eyes flicked up at him, startled by the intensity in Buckyâs voice. Bucky could see the tension in his jaw, the way his fingers still clenched around the edges of that damn rejection letter in his pocket. He wanted to snatch it out, tear it up, throw it off the roof. But he knew that wouldnât fix anything. Wouldnât fix the way Steve always felt too small, too breakable, too left behind.
There was a distant crack of a firecracker, and someone down the block whooped with laughter. The sound brought a glow to the street below, brief and flickering like a memory. Steve finally looked him in the eye. For once, neither of them looked away. Buckyâs hand itched to reach for him, to clasp his shoulder, brush his knuckles, something but the words that rose in his chest stuck there, unspoken. Instead, he forced a grin.
âYou hungry?â He asked seemingly all of a sudden.
Steve blinked, surprised. âYou wanna spend one of your last nights home buying me dinner?â
No, I wanna spend them memorizing your laugh and the way you wrinkle your nose when you smile. I wanna feel like I had a chance, even if itâs only for an hour.
âI owe you a meal,â Bucky said instead. In a rare moment of fear, he added on, âLeast I can do now that you wonât have my table scraps every day. Itâll be like old times.â
Steve hesitated, then smiled slowly. âSure, Buck. Dinner sounds nice.â
They climbed down from the roof just before midnight, the faint boom of homemade fireworks echoing off the brick and brownstone. The city felt smaller than usual, quieter, even in its chaos. Or maybe that was just the feeling in Buckyâs chest, that strange ache he couldnât name.
The diner on the corner was still open. The same one theyâd haunted since they were kids, the one with the chipped linoleum counters and a waitress who called them both âSweetheartâ and never charged for coffee refills. Bucky pushed the door open and gestured for Steve to go first, ignoring the way his hand nearly hovered at the small of his back before he dropped it.
They slid into their usual booth. Steve ordered soup. Bucky got a burger he wouldnât finish. Neither of them mentioned the war. Neither of them mentioned the draft. Neither of them said what they really meant.
Steve looked exhausted. Not in the physical way, though there was always that, but in the way someone looks when theyâve been holding the weight of something too long. Bucky wanted to take it off his shoulders, carry it himself. He didnât know how.
âRemember when we used to split one milkshake between the two of us?â Steve asked, voice light but distant.
Bucky smirked. âOnly because you couldnât finish a whole one yourself.â
âStill canât,â Steve muttered, smiling down at his spoon. Then, softer, âSome things donât change.â
Bucky looked at him for a long moment. âYeah,â he said. âSome things donât.â
Outside, a string of firecrackers popped like machine gun fire, too close, too loud. Both of them flinched, though neither said why.
It was almost midnight when they stepped back out into the street. Steve shivered in the winter air, and Bucky tugged off his gloves, pressing them into Steveâs hand without a word. Steve looked down at it, then up at him.
âYouâre gonna freeze,â he protested.
âIâll be fine,â Bucky replied. âBesides. Someoneâs gotta keep your fingers warm, Rogers.â
The words came out casual, a tease, but Steve held his gaze again. This time, something in Buckyâs throat seized up. He opened his mouth. Closed it. Steve was still looking at him. Waiting. And for the third time in his life, Bucky almost asked Steve Rogers on a date.
Instead, the church bells started to chime midnight.
âHappy New Year, Punk,â Bucky said, swallowing everything else.
Steveâs smile didnât quite reach his eyes. âHappy New Year, Jerk.â And Bucky told himself the timing wasnât right.
The fourth time, Bucky couldnât stop shaking.
Not from the cold. Not even from the pain, though there was plenty of thatâburied in his bones, curled in the curve of his spine where the restraints had bitten in. No, this was something else. Something deeper. Like his body didnât recognize freedom anymore. Like it had forgotten how to be unchained.
Heâd been underground so long days, maybe weeks. He wasnât sure. Time bent when you were a number, not a name. When the cold of the metal table became your only constant. When you forgot how your voice sounded because screaming didnât do anything except waste the little air you had.
He remembered pain. The kind that settled in your bones and rewrote who you were. And then he remembered light. Blinding. Explosive. Followed by a voice that broke through the fog.
âBucky! Itâs me. Iâve got you.â Then arms, stronger than they ever should have been, lifting him as if he weighed nothing. He didnât remember the escape. Didnât remember the gunfire or the way the mountain base crumbled behind them. Just flashes. fire. Cold. Steve.
Always Steve.
Buck sat on the edge of his cot. He had a blanket wrapped around him, but it didnât seem to be doing much good. Nothing was going to ease his nerves for the time being. It felt selfish to be resting when there was still so much work to be done. The war wasnât over, even if time seemed to be standing still in the med tent.
Bucky looked to his side, where Steve had propped himself against a stack of supply crates. While Bucky had been in and out of consciousness, Steve had apparently managed to fall asleep. He deserved to sleep though, having not left Buckyâs side since the rescue.Â
Somehow Steve sleeping didnât feel selfish. Maybe it was because the newly minted Captain America had the hope of a nation weighing on his shoulders. Or maybe it was because to Bucky, he was still that skinny kid from Brooklyn who only managed to catch a decent nightâs sleep when he was really going through hell.Â
But heâs not that skinny kid anymore. Bucky had to remind himself. Theyâd both not been kids for some time, but Rogers? Rogers was a Greek work of art. Ignoring the fact that Steveâs star-spangled suit was tailor made for his new body, his muscles made it look like the wrong movement would tear the whole outfit to shreds. He allowed his eyes to trace the curve of Steveâs shoulder where the fabric stretched tight. The firelight from a nearby lantern flickered across his friendâs face, casting soft shadows over the sharp lines of his jaw.
A tremor went through Bucky again, this one not entirely from nerves. It was the weight of everything unsaid pressing down on his chest like an invisible hand. He curled the blanket tighter, knuckles whitening. Steve was alive. He was whole. Heâd come for Bucky. That shouldâve been enough to silence the voice whispering in the back of his mind. The one that sounded too much like guilt.Â
Steve stirred with a quiet grunt, his head lolling slightly before his eyes blinked open, groggy, unfocused at first. Then they landed on Bucky, and something in his expression changed. Softened.
âYou, okay?â Steve asked, barely conscious and already focused solely on Buck. He almost laughed. Was he okay? What a question.
âI donât know,â he admitted, voice hoarse, barely above a whisper.
Steve pushed himself upright slowly, groaning as stiff muscles protested. He rubbed a hand over his face before leaning forward, elbows on his knees. âYou donât have to be. Not right now.â
Steveâs words hung in the air, soft and certain, like a blanket that might have actually kept the cold out if Bucky let it.
You donât have to be. Not right now.
Bucky wanted to believe him. He wanted to let the words settle somewhere deep and broken inside him. But before he could reply, a burst of noise outside the tent drew both their attention. Raised voices. Nothing urgent, just familiar. Laughter. Footsteps. Then Peggy Carter stepped through the canvas flap. She was in uniform, cheeks flushed from the cold, hair pinned neatly beneath her cap. She took one look at Steve and smiled. Radiant, sharp, confident.Â
âThere you are, Captain.â Peggy said with her perfect red lips. It was a silly thing to notice, but Bucky marveled at out even in the middle of a warzone a gal wasnât too resourceful to source red lipstick. âHowardâs looking for you.â She went on. âHe says if you donât come test his flying death trap, heâll find another national treasure to risk.â
âTell him Iâll be there in ten.â Steve chuckled, a sound that Bucky hadnât in so long heâd almost forgotten it. Warm and effortless, perfectly Rogers.
âMake it five. Heâs getting twitchy.â Peggy insisted with a raised brow. She turned, but not before her hand brushed Steveâs arm. Light. Casual. But familiar. And Steve didnât flinch. He smiled. Not the polite one he gave officers or the forced one he gave the press, but something softer. Something real.
Bucky watched it all from his cot, stomach coiling tighter with every second. Peggy gave him a nod as she left, nothing but polite, and then she was gone, the tent flap falling shut behind her. But the cold she left behind was worse than the mountain air.
âYou need anything? Water? Blankets?â Steve asked, getting up from his position on the ground.
âIâm good.â Bucky answered, not even giving himself a second to consider any other alternatives.Â
âYou sure?â Steve knew him better than to trust a response that quick. No. He wasnât, but he could lie to keep Steve happy.
âYeah, gonna get some shut eye on this luxury sleeper Iâve got.â  He gestured to the standard issue, very still military triage cot he was sitting on.
âI wonât be long.â Steve assured with obvious hesitation. âTry not to do anything stupid until I get back?â He harkened back to the old joke between them, but this time it felt real, pleading.Â
Bucky nodded, and Steve followed out after Peggy. The silence rushed back in. Bucky lay down slowly, curling on his side. The cot creaked beneath him. The blanket itched at his skin. For a moment, before Peggy had walked in, heâd almost said something. Something stupid. Something honest. Something like stay. Something like itâs always been you.
But Steve had smiled at Peggy like she was the sun. Like heâd found something warm after years in the cold. And Bucky? Bucky was frostbite. A ghost dragged back from the dark. He didnât belong in the light anymore. So he bit down the words. Pressed them deep into the hollow place where hope used to live. And tried to sleep.
The fifth time was in Wakanda. The nightmares had finally started to quiet. Not go away, that would be asking too much, but they didnât come every night anymore. Some mornings Bucky could even wake up without the taste of iron in his mouth and phantom blood on his hands. He could breathe again. Really breathe. The kind that didnât feel like the air was borrowed or laced with gunpowder.
He was getting better.
Despite the tragic circumstances that had brought them together, Bucky had even managed to forge a quiet friendship with the king of Wakanda. TâChalla seemed to understand the weight of other peopleâs expectations and desire to take control of what little choices in life destiny granted you.  He graciously allowed Bucky to stay and insisted there were no strings attached and no eviction deadline. For the first time in over seventy years, Bucky felt like he could try again.
The sun in Wakanda didnât hit like Brooklyn or Austria or Siberia. It felt like it saw straight through you and chose to be gentle anyway. Sometimes, when the wind shifted just right, he could hear the chatter of children in the fields and remember that there was still joy in the world. Heâd even started smiling again. Not out of obligation. Not to reassure Steve. JustâŚbecause.
Steve would visit of course. But the visits always had this hidden layer of shame that Bucky couldnât admit. He felt like he wasnât progressing, wasnât getting better fast enough. Still, he kept those feelings to himself. If the options were a visit with an upset stomach, Bucky would take that every time over not seeing his friend. And eventually, Bucky started to actually feel better.
He found a rhythm in the days. Rising with the sun, helping in the gardens, walking the perimeter trails Shuri had mapped out for him, sometimes even assisting with basic hand-to-hand drills for Dora recruits willing to humor a broken soldier trying to stay useful. Nights were harder. Still were. But the screaming had turned into restless tossing. The sweat wasnât quite so cold. He could live with that.
When Steve visited again, this time with Sam in tow, Bucky didnât flinch at the surprise. Sam was good people. He teased Steve like it was a competitive sport and didnât look at Bucky like he was a ticking time bomb. That helped.
They arrived just before sunset. The sky was painted in burnt gold and soft violet, and Bucky was sitting on a carved bench, hands dusty from pulling weeds in the kingâs gardens. Shuri called it âdirt therapy.â He didnât argue. Not when it worked.
âLooks like youâve gone domestic on us,â Sam teased, nudging Steve as they approached.
âDonât be jealous of my turnip empire,â Bucky replied dryly, standing to greet them.
Steve smiled, wide and bright, and Bucky felt that familiar tremor in his chest. Not fear. Not anymore. Just that same unnamable feeling Steve had always stirred in him. Like a knot pulled taut and warm all at once.
âYou look good,â Steve said, clapping a hand on his shoulder.
âBeen sleeping,â Bucky admitted. âSometimes.â
Steveâs smile softened. âThatâs good.â
They spent the evening on the balcony of the guest quarters, drinking something sweet that Shuri swore would âbalance their chakras.â Bucky didnât believe in chakras. But he believed in Shuri. And in the look on Steveâs face when he tasted the drink and tried not to grimace.
The conversation wandered, as it always did. Steve and Sam argued about sports Bucky had never heard of. Bucky let himself laugh. Not a small, tight smile, but a real, whole laugh. Steve glanced at him then, like he hadnât heard it in a long time.
Later, when the sky had gone dark and Sam was inside talking Wakandan flight tech with Shuri, it was just the two of them again. Like it always ended up being. Steve leaned on the balcony railing beside him. Below, the fields glowed faintly under the stars. Bucky held a glass in both hands, letting the coolness settle his nerves.
âI think I might stay,â Bucky said softly.
 âHere?â Steve turned to him.
 âNot forever.â Bucky decided. âBut⌠for a while. Long enough to learn how to live like this is mine. Like I belong to myself again.â Steve didnât answer right away. The night air settled between them like something sacred.
âIâm glad,â he finally said. âYou deserve that.â
âYou think that now?â Bucky glanced at him. Heâd meant to say âeven nowâ but didnât correct himself.Â
âIâve always thought that.â Steve reminded him. âYou just didnât believe me.â They fell into silence again, comfortable this time.
âYou ever think about what you want?â Bucky asked after a while. âAfter all this?â
 âAfter what?â Steve didnât follow.
âThe fighting. The running. The saving the world.â Bucky turned toward him, braver in the dark. âWhat does peace look like to you?â
âI donât know. Havenât thought about it in a long time. Maybe since Peggy. Maybe since Brooklyn.â Steve let out a quiet breath.Â
âMaybe you should,â Bucky said, voice gentle.
Steve looked over. The kind of look that pinned Bucky in place. Like Steve was trying to read the spaces between his words. âAnd what if peace looks like being with someone who gets it? Someone whoâs been through the same kind of hell?â
Buckyâs heart thudded. Loud. Too loud. He didnât move.
He almost said it
You mean me?
But the door slid open behind them with a soft hiss, and Sam poked his head out.
âHey sorry to interrupt your emotional staring contest.â He said, and despite the jab it looked like he meant it. âBut Shuriâs threatening to make us do karaoke if we donât come in.â
âDuty calls.â Steve chuckled and stepped away from the railing. Bucky followed after him, but not before stealing one last glance at the stars, the fields, the place that had started to feel like a second chance. The fifth time, he almost asked Steve on a date. Instead, he walked into the room with him, quietly hoping the future might still have time for one more try.
Over the years there seemed to be a lot of near misses. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. The soda shop and Steveâs âmodernâ neighbors. New Years Eve. The med tent. Wakanda. The timing just never seemed right. Bucky had healed from his trauma, at least the best and hundred or so year old man could be expected to. Heâd managed to put a lot of darkness and regret behind him.
The one constant in his life had always been Steve Rogers. Sure there was skinny sickly Steve, and will lose a fight to a wet bag but get back up Steve, and jacked up Captain Steve, but on the inside, he was always quintessentially Steve Rogers. A real pain in the ass who managed to stay cemented at the core of Buckyâs heart even nearly a dozen decades later.Â
Maybe thatâs why all he could manage when Steve loaded up with a brief case full of Pym particles, Infinity Stones and his âI-can-do-this-all-dayâ smile, was a firm hand on his best friendâs shoulder.Â
âItâs gonna be okay, Buck.â Seemed to be all the Star-Spangled Man could manage himself before climbing onto the time travel dock. They both knew he wasnât just talking about Rogersâ reverse time heist. Sam asked how long it would take, and Bucky didnât need to hear the answer. The solen nod between he and Steve had said all it needed to about the missionâs length.Â
âThere was a blue flash. Not any more grandiose than what you might see on a cell phone camera. It wasnât even a blinding light. Just a quick flicker and Steve was gone.Â
Bucky stood there longer than he meant to, staring at the space where his best friend, his constant, had vanished. He hadnât said goodbye. Not really. That firm hand on Steveâs shoulder had been meant to say everything he didnât trust himself to say out loud. Things like Donât go and Iâll miss you and, if he were braver, I love you.
But Steve had gone.
And the moment passed. Buckyâs fingers curled into fists at his sides. He turned slowly and made his way back toward the others. Banner was fidgeting with the time GPS, eyes flicking back and forth between readouts that didnât make sense and Sam who was starting to look uneasy.
âHe should be back by now,â Sam said.
âItâs only been five seconds,â Bruce replied, not sounding as calm as his words implied he should. âTime is weird. It could feel like five hours to him.
Bucky didnât say anything. He kept walking past them and down toward the edge of the lake. Somewhere peaceful. Somewhere Steve mightâve liked to sit and watch the sunrise if he hadnât just disappeared into the timestream. Bucky sat heavily on a rock and stared at the water. His heart felt too tight in his chest. This ache didnât feel like the hundred-year-old ghost kind. This was sharp and alive.
He shouldâve said something. One damn thing.
Timing. It was always timing. He chastised himself.
Bucky didnât know how long he sat there, watching the still surface of the lake, letting the ache in his chest bloom unchecked. He was tired of pretending it didnât hurt. Tired of swallowing things down. Steve was gone. Again. And this time, Bucky wasnât sure there would be a war, or a miracle, or some cosmic twist to bring him back. He was so caught in the weight of it that he didnât notice Sam approaching until the other man crouched down beside him, silent for a moment.
âYou okay?â Sam asked finally, voice soft.
âDo I look okay?â Bucky let out a dry breath that mightâve been a laugh if it had any warmth in it.
âNo. You look like someone just lost the best thing that ever happened to them.â Bucky didnât answer. He didnât need to. Sam stood again, glancing back toward the others. âBannerâs recalibrating the GPS. Says itâll take a few more minutes. He still thinks Steveâs coming back.â
Bucky nodded once, eyes fixed on the horizon. âI donât think he is.â
Sam studied him. âBut youâre still out here. Waiting.â
âDoesnât feel right not to,â Bucky said. âFeels like⌠if I leave, Iâm giving up.â
Sam was quiet again. âIâll let you be, man. But if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.â
He walked away, boots crunching lightly in the grass.
Bucky didnât move. The wind picked up slightly, tugging at the hem of his coat. Clouds were starting to gather in the east, their edges-tinged pink by the rising sun. Heâd never known pink could be a sad color. It sent him yearning for the sunsets of Wakanda more than heâd care to admit.
He let the silence hold him. Let himself remember a thousand little moments: Steve grinning over a stolen fry. Steve reading his discharge papers with shaking hands. Steve on the roof that New Yearâs, eyes glassy with hope and fear. Steve, always, standing just a little closer than he needed to.
A sound. Soft. Subtle.
A shift of air behind him.
Bucky turned slowly.
And there he was
Steve Rogers. Standing a few feet away, older, yes, but unmistakably him. Not in the suit. Not with the shield. Just jeans, a button-down shirt, and a look on his face that made Buckyâs breath catch.
âHi, Buck,â Steve said, voice warm and worn. For a second, Bucky didnât believe it. He just stared. Then he stood, slowly, cautiously, like any sudden movement might break the illusion.
âYouâre late,â Bucky managed, his throat tight.
Steve gave a soft, sheepish smile. âMissed my train.â They looked at each other for a long moment.
âWhy?â Bucky asked, and it wasnât about the delay.
Steve stepped forward, eyes never leaving Buckyâs. âBecause I had to see it through. I had to know what it felt like. A life. Peace. Loving someone and waking up beside them, knowing the fight wasnât waiting the second I opened my eyes.â He paused, voice cracking slightly. âBut I couldnât stop thinking about you.â
Took you long enough.â Bucky swallowed hard. Surprised he managed the words.
âI know.â Steve took another step forward, close enough to touch now. âAnd maybe I donât have as much time as I used to. But what Iâve got, I want to spend it with you.â
Bucky stared at him, heart pounding. For the first time in over a century, he let the words rise without stopping them.
âSteve,â he said, stepping in, voice trembling but clear, âI know itâs not cool to ask this anymore. Peter and Shuri wouldnât say itâs cringe. But, do you wanna get dinner sometime? I mean, Like a date.â
Steveâs smile turned bright and unguarded. âBuck, Iâve been waiting a hundred years for you to ask me that.â
This time, Bucky didnât hesitate. He closed the distance between them and kissed him. Slow. Careful. Full of all the almosts that had finally, finally turned into a yes. The sun crested over the lake behind them, warm and golden. A new beginning.
And this time, there would be no more missed chances.


















