Your shoulders sagged in relief when your chamber door finally came into view. You had been so focused on holding in your emotions that you hadn't even realized almost slamming Obi's face with the door in your frustration.

"I'm sorry" He quickly muttered, taking a step back.

You had almost broken his nose with your door, and yet he was still apologizing.

The irony made you smile, and you heard the soft rumble of a satisfied hum vibrate through him.

"May I?" He asked, and it wasn't until then had you realized the both of you were still just lingering in your doorway.

"Please" You whispered, stifling the annoyed groan that threatened to escape you at the sound of your own voice beginning to break.

He gently closed the door behind him before taking a quick glance around your room.

A strange rush of heat flooded your cheeks as he looked around the small bedroom and living area, suddenly much too aware of the embarrassing amount of docking bay trinkets and pressed flowers from other planets that lined your crowded shelves.

But then he smiled, if you could even call it that, it was more of a slight upturn of his lips as he examined each small artifact.

You chose to ignore the sudden fluttering in your stomach at the sight.

"If it's any consolation," He finally breathed, "I thought you were doing wonderfully."

You sighed tearfully, "Thank you, I-" You cut yourself off with a choked sob, your head falling into your hands as you finally allowed yourself to release the emotions that had been building up in you since you had first left the training room.

You heard a hushed, worried gasp come from him, and the warmth of his arms suddenly wrapping around you startled you at first, though you were too caught off guard to say anything about, not that you really minded.

"It's okay, you're okay..." His barely audible cooing barely reached your ears over the sound of your own thundering heartbeat.

Your breaths were uneven as you tried to steady yourself, thoughtlessly placing your palms against his chest when you finally gathered yourself enough to look at him.

His brow was furrowed, his eyes heavy with concern and question and a silent plea. Tell me what's wrong, let me help you.

You closed your eyes, attempting to blink away the stray tears that lined your eyelids.

"I... I try so hard." You swallowed, doing your best to not break down again at the thought. "I do everything they tell me, I practice as much as I can, I just... I'm never enough for them."

The beginning of a gasp escaped him, and you heard him clear his throat, as if trying to compose himself, shocked at your own deprecation.

"Do you really not see yourself as I do?" He asked, his tone a mixture of shock and exasperation.

You couldn't bring yourself to respond, you weren't even sure what he did see in you. It was hard to see beyond the constant berating you seemed to be on the constant receiving end of while you trained.

"You're so..." He paused for a moment, his eyes squinting as if he were scanning the air for a suitable word, "Resilient. You amaze me, everyday. I don't think- No, I'm certain, I've never met anyone who holds the same strength that you do."

His thumb and forefinger gently gripped your chin, lifting your gaze fully to his before he continued.

"Regardless of what your own mind tries to tell you, I'm so proud of you."

The weight with which he spoke threatened to steal all the breath from your lungs. Each word felt so heavy, so deeply rooted in an unintelligible emotion that you couldn't quite place, though you were certain the notion would come back to haunt you before you fell asleep tonight.

"No matter what. I always will be."

What was once indecipherable suddenly became clear to you.

And as the sun began to cast longer shadows against your furniture, the chill of the night beginning to cool the space around you, you became certain of two things.

The morning would come, just as it always did.

And Obi would be there beside you.

Just as he always was.

okay i actually kind of like how this turned out, i just think that comforting obi >>>>> like my heart explodes :) but i do hope you enjoyed this my friend!! i'd love to hear what you thought of this one!! mwauh!!

as always, likes comments, and reblogs are always, always appreciated!!

want more obi? check out my masterlist!!

“Yes.” You answered. “He found out some upsetting news and he’s going to need some time to process it. We’re going to give him space so that he can do that, alright?”

You found a tool kit. It was missing a spanner or two but looked to be otherwise complete. You assessed your patient. You’d have to partially disassemble LOLA and see just how extensive the damage was before you could even begin to put her back together. Working with your hands after being and educator for so long felt awkward. Your fingers kept tripping over each other. Like they were attempting a dance they’d long forgotten the steps to.  

Your mind wandered right where you didn’t want it to. Anakin was alive. You stole a glance over at Leia, whose eyes continued to drift with concern to Obi-Wan whenever she thought you weren’t looking. Did Anakin know about the twins? Was he looking for them now? Had he gone first to his family on Tatooine? His family who remained unprotected because Obi-Wan was there with you. Had he gone to Alderaan? Should you contact Bail with a warning?

“Ouch!” You jump back. Somehow your fumbling fingers had managed to cross to wires that ought to be kept apart. A slight burn had formed on one of your thumbs.

“You never were much for mechanics.” Obi-Wan commented, walking towards you. You hadn’t noticed him end his meditation. “Perhaps I should take over the mending from here?” He suggested.

“All yours.” You agreed.

“What does it feel like,” Leia asked, staring at the meditation spot Obi-Wan had just vacated. “The Force?”

You opened your mouth not sure how to answer. You’d long assumed that when the time came, you’d have some prepared speech. Maybe archived reading materials. You’d be prepared. But here? On a droid-piloted cargo junker zooming through space? You were not prepared at all.

“Have you ever been afraid of the dark?” Obi-Wan asked, looking up from his project. Leia looked back at him and nodded. “How does it feel when you turn on the light?”

“I feel safe.” Leia answered quietly.

“It feels like that.” Obi-Wan told her.

Not long after that Obi-Wan had managed to finish fixing LOLA. The young princess, all too eager to see her friend alive and well, took the small disk droid off to a private corner still within your sight but out of earshot. Obi-Wan stood next to you. The two of you were as alone as you were ever going to be.

“I love you.” You whispered, unable to look at him. “I know I shouldn’t say it and maybe it’s the shock talking but I always have. I’ve loved you since the first time we met when you let me borrow your cloak in the rain. Anakin wasn’t much older that Leia then. You’d only been his Master for two or so years. I told myself it would go away eventually. But there were always small things. You’d accidentally brush your hand against mine during dinner. You and Anakin would happen to be training in the same part of the temple as me. I began to wonder, foolishly maybe, if you felt the same way.”

“[Y/N], I…” He started to say but you interrupted him.

“It’s alright. I’m not looking for an answer from you. I just…” You sigh. “I have to have something to hope for.”

“I always wondered why I never got my cloak back from you.” He smirked, giving nothing away.

The three of you rode the rest of the way in an unsettle quiet. Neither you nor Obi-Wan spoke with each other. Only commented occasionally on this or that to Leia. The princess was mostly occupied by chatting with LOLA. Telling the droid about all the exploits she’d missed out on thus far. Soon enough the novelty of the droid began to wear off and like any youngling far from home on a long journey, Leia grew impatient. She began asking how much longer and if you’d arrived yet.

“You’ll know when we’ve arrived because we’ll be getting off.” Obi-Wan told her at last in a huffy tone. Leia sulked for the next hour or so, until Obi-Wan got to his feet. “We better get ready. He announced. “We’re on approach.”

You watched through one of the viewports as the rocky landscape of Mapuzo became larger. Still technically a dessert planet like Tatooine with sandy terrain, at least Mapuzo could boast a sparse vegetation of small dry trees and tufts of even dryer grass. Your ship docked at an outpost already being patrolled by Stormtroopers. You could only hope the news of Daiyu hadn’t yet traveled here.

Heavy droids entered and began offloading cargo. The operation was mostly overseen by a large yellow Loader Droid. The only two visible Stormtroopers were more like anti-theft deterrents than a functional security. Following Obi-Wan’s lead you were able to easily sneak around the back of the transport. The three of you disappeared off into the horizon.

“Coordinates say our meeting point is further North.” Obi-Wan declared when there was enough distance between you and the troopers to speak in normal tones. “That is if our new friend was telling the truth.”

“Why would he lie?” Leia asked.

“Because,” Obi-Wan sighed. “People are not all good Leia.”

“How far out are we from civilization?” You asked, looking around. “I remember the holos at the temple showed green fields for miles. Surely if we’re out past all of that we’re well out into the wilderness.”

“There are no fields anymore.” Obi-Wan replied, a slight edge to his tone. “No more fields. No more families. Mapuzo is nothing more than mining colony now. Thanks to the Empire.”

“I thought the Empire was supposed to be helping us.” Leia looked to you. Then so did Obi-Wan.

“I can only teach her what the Galactic Empire curriculum allows.” You reminded him. “At least for now. Bail is in a precarious enough position with the senate. Radicalizing his daughter would only make things harder for him.”

“When are you leaving?” he asked you, tears threatening to fall as they filled the corners of his eyes.

“Tomorrow morning,” you reply unable to meet his gaze so you keep your eyes fixed on the pattern of the tiles on the floor.

“How long will you be gone?” he sniffles, looking back up to you. He puffs out his chest slightly, like he’s trying to prevent strength and you don’t know if that’s for your or his sake.

“Indefinitely,” you respond after a sharp intake of breath to steady your breathing. “Master Yoda said it’s more like a relocation than one mission. I’m to accompany my Master as he is needed on Alderaan. Obi-Wan, I don’t have a choice.”

You weren’t children anymore, and it was so incredibly foolish of you both to have allowed your feelings to overcome you both this way. He had only just returned from Tatooine, the Jedi Consul meeting with Qui Gon-Jinn and the boy they brought back as the two of you spoke. Silent looks of desperation and sadness exchanged between the two of you. You were already torn apart once, and now just as he returns back to you, you are being sent away again.

“Let’s run away together,” he says suddenly, taking your hands.

“Obi-Wan…”

“We can leave the Order,” he begins quickly, letting his emotions completely take control. “We can move far away from here and just be together. We can get married, and just not have to hide anything. I want you, and I always have. I’d leave right now if you wanted. I care more about you than anything else in this lifetime. We can go to Naboo- I know you said you’d always wanted to visit and I promise you it’s beautiful.”

“Obi-Wan,” you say shaking your head, cutting him off. You keep your eyes closed tightly, trying to keep tears from spilling uncontrollably. “No.”

He sighs, but his breath is so shaky. You both are trying your best to find composure. “I’m sorry,” he says finally, resting his forehead against your own.

“I’m going to miss you,” you say, and you just now realize there is a steady stream of tears rolling down your cheeks.

“(Y/N), please,” Obi-Wan says, not entirely sure what he is even asking as he lifts his thumb to your cheek to wipe away the tears.

“We dedicated ourselves to the Jedi Order,” you say, trying to talk yourself out of his plan that you so desperately just wanted to surrender to. “Obi-Wan, we have been so incredibly blinded by our emotions. How can we allow ourselves to be so selfish as the galaxy is faced with the possibility of war?”

“I suppose you’re right darling,” he sighs. You both had responsibilities that weighed more important than your own personal tragedy.

“You should do your best to forget about me,” you struggle to say, stepping back from his embrace. “We should move forward from here like nothing ever- we never happened. Focus and commit to the code we pledged to uphold. It was all a mistake.”

“Darling, loving you was never a mistake.”

And with that, you were gone. Unable to bear being near him for another moment. It was too painful.

It had been ten years since you had last been at the Jedi Temple. As you navigate the halls to find your sleeping quarters, you notice the feeling of home you once felt here no longer existed for you. Perhaps that feeling all those years ago was Obi-Wan, you wonder. Finding your quarters, you survey the emptiness of the room. It was so incredibly sparce, and you imagine how you would decorate it if time permitted you to stay.

You feel uneasy, the Temple now feeling foreign to you when it was once the only place you had ever known. You remember back to that last conversation with him and how miserably you failed to forget and overcome your feelings. You wondered if Obi-Wan had been more successful. He must have, you think, you know Obi-Wan very well and he always excelled in areas of the Force you struggled with. You try your best to let the thoughts of him slip away to the back of your mind and try to get settled.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan and Anakin were just returning back to the Temple. Anakin ruthlessly pestering Obi-Wan with questions.

“I think she is still in love with you, Master,” Anakin said with a grin, happy he was successful in making Obi-Wan flustered. “I sensed something when you two were talking.”

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan replied, “I must insist you stop bringing up these theories of yours.”

“They aren’t theories, Master,” Anakin chuckles, shaking his head at Obi-Wan. “And deep down you know I’m right.”

Obi-Wan sighed heavily, crossing his arms, thinking on how to respond to Anakin. “Anakin, it was over ten years ago. You need to put this to rest.”

“You need to stop running from your feelings, Master.”

“I wasn’t the one who ended things,” he says, exasperated. “She was the one who was stronger than me- she always has been. Now, please, don’t bring her up again.”

“I’m sorry Master,” Anakin says earnestly.

“It’s okay,” he replies with a sad smile. “It’s nothing more than reuniting with an old friend.”

“Of course.”

“I appreciate your concern,” Obi-Wan says, noticing how Anakin is saddened.

“I only care about your happiness, Master,” Anakin replies, the conversation finalized.

Obi-Wan walked back to his quarters, still overcome with memories of what feels like a past life with you. His thoughts weigh heavy as they shift to the realization that you are finally here. How much he longed for a day when you’d return home to him. Now that you were here, and he could feel your presence echoing in the halls again, he found himself disappointed. He spent years hopelessly wishing for you to come back, and the circumstances now add to the harsh realization those hopes will always be just that.

He was meditating when you arrived at his door. The tension in the air between the two of you was heavy as he watched you look around his room. You were just taking a moment to observe what he had on display, the mementos allowing you to form some kind of narrative of the life he’s led since you’d last seen him.

“I’m really happy to be back,” you say finally, your voice cutting through the weighted atmosphere. He pondered his conversation with Anakin. He was so quick to dismiss Anakin’s observation and now he feels a pull at his heart as he wishes that Anakin is correct.

“How do you like it on Alderaan?” he asks, holding his hands behind his back. Part of him genuinely wanted to hear about your mission and the specialty of your work, but it was more of a stall tactic to avoid the actual questions he was dying to ask you.

“It’s not home, but I like it fine,” you smile, looking back to him. Your heart feeling like it’s beating faster than it ever has before. The social niceties and the catching up questions were killing you inside. Your mind was scrambled and you frantically tried to find more to say. You could only think about him, and how he was finally right there in front of you. Looking at you the same way he always had.

“It’s a shame you cannot stay longer,” Obi-Wan says, his eyes looking nervously down on the floor before meeting your gaze again. “I wish we had more time… Oh, (Y/N), things ended so terribly when I last saw you. I feel heartsick thinking about it. I tried to find you the next day, give you a proper goodbye but you had already gone.”

“That was my doing,” you admit, looking down at your feet as he takes a few daring steps closer to you. “I knew if I had saw you again, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”

“Oh darling,” he whispers softly, pulling you into his chest. His strong arms wrap around you tightly, the familiar warmth of his chest helping to calm you. You hadn’t even realized you had started crying until you felt the dampness of his tunic against your cheek. You rested your hands gently on his chest as he held you tightly, resting his chin on your head.

This feels like home, you say to yourself, the wave of anxieties and clutter in your mind vanishing at his touch. You could stay there just like that forever. Years you spent struggling with your thoughts and emotions, only ever just making them worse, and the one thing you needed was just to be with him- and it was all just so painstakingly clear.

“I’m not leaving you again,” you whisper softly.

Taglist:

Jedi lined the halls, creating a path and watching you as you walked by. You soon recognized the twists and turns were leading you to the council chambers, and the dread that had been creeping up on you fell like a rock in your stomach. 

You could see the door to the council at the end of the hallway, and you were screaming at your legs to stop, to turn around, to slow down- anything to delay whatever was going to happen once you entered that room. As you neared, you recognized the two figures standing guard at the door.

In Anakin’s eyes there was a fury you had only seen on the battlefield, directed at droids and enemy soldiers. But now the blazing fire was focused on you, and you were sure that if he could get away with it, you would be lying dead on the floor. His padawan stood next to him, deep disappointment and almost loathing in her eyes- ice, to contrast her master’s fire.

“What have you done?”

For a moment you didn’t recognize the voice that echoed through the silent halls of the temple. It sounded more vindictive than anything you had ever encountered, and you wondered how that much hatred could be stored in a person. 

“You will suffer.” Oh. You knew that voice. You spoke with it every day. “Greatly.”

The door whooshed open, and you were stepping into the council chambers.

You refused to meet any eyes, instead focusing on the singular empty chair. The chair usually filled by the one man you wished was present.

“Knight (Y/n). You have been charged with treason against the Galactic Republic, and the murder of Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. How do you plead?”

If you hadn’t fallen in love with him he would still be alive. If you had never started this tryst he would still be alive. If you had loved him enough to leave he would still be alive. His death is your fault. You knew this could only end in tragedy.

You took a breath.

“Guilty.”

You gasped as you sat up. You tried to control your breathing, but tears quickly began rolling down your face. Soon you were sobbing, the terrible, guilty feeling in your chest refusing to accept that it was just a dream. Before your brain could catch up you were already out the door, darting the short distance from your quarters to Obi-Wan’s. You had to make sure he was alright. That he didn’t hate you. You didn’t even consider the fact that knocking on someone’s door at one in the morning wasn’t exactly couth.

Of course, that all came rushing back when he opened the door with a confused, sleepy expression and no shirt.

“I-I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking, I shouldn’t have-”

“Were you crying?”

“I…” You tried to calm yourself as another wave of tears made their way down your face. Maker, why had you done this to yourself? It wasn’t like this was the first dream you had ever had, since the Clone Wars started it was only one of many- why was it this one that sent you crying and knocking on Obi-wan’s door? “I’m fine. I apologize for waking you, Obi-Wan.”

Before you could turn away, he grabbed your arm and pulled you into his quarters. You protested as he sat you on the end of his bed, moving towards the kitchenette to get you a glass of water. You accepted with a watery smile.

“Now, darling, would you like to talk about why you were crying or watch a cheesy holodrama?” He smiled when you laughed just a little. “Ahsoka tells me the best ones play after midnight.”

His heart broke when you looked up at him from the cup in your hands. You looked so… lost. So sad and lost and desperate for comfort that you refused to ask for.

“Um, could we watch something? Or you can go back to bed, and I can leave, I just don’t want to be alone but I could probably go bother-”

“I promise that you are welcome here. Let’s see what’s on.”

You ended up settling on a reality show titled ‘The Real Smugglers of the Outer Rim’, it was dumb and required quite literally no critical thinking skills, which was exactly what you were looking for. His bed was small enough that your legs were pressed together, and you were painfully aware that Obi-Wan had yet to put a shirt on.

“I had a nightmare.”

“I understand. What took place?”

“I…” What could you say? I dreamt that my very real love for you somehow got you killed? That would be a lot to deal with. “I dreamt that you had died.”

You heard him take in a breath.

“I didn’t realize my death would distress you so.”

You turned to look at him, startled just a little when you met his eye.

“Obi-Wan. You’re not dumb.” His face went through multiple emotions in the span of seconds, and you turned your whole body to face him, suddenly itching to run away. Obi-Wan wasn’t dumb. He knew what you were telling him. In your own emotionally-repressed-Jedi-way, you were admitting feelings that you truly shouldn’t be admitting.

Your heart dropped for the second time that night. This was your dream. This was his downfall. Your downfall. How could you have walked into the exact situation your dream had just warned you about?

You jumped off of the bed, ripping yourself away from Obi-Wan, who looked even more startled than you. You couldn’t exactly blame him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just… I really shouldn’t have come. This was terrible. I’m so sorry. I’ll let you sleep. I can’t… I’m sorry for putting that on you.”

“Do you have… feelings for me, darling?”

“I- I don’t think-”

“Please.”

Oh, Maker. Your eyes filled with tears yet again.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess I do.”

“Please sit back down.” You tentatively sat on the edge of the bed, staying as far away from Obi-Wan as you could. “You likely know I… return your feelings, yes?”

You weren’t sure your heart could take any more.

“I honestly had no clue.”

“Oh.” Obi-wan blushed. “Anakin said it was obvious.”

“Obi-Wan.” His expression was serious again. “In my dream you died because I let myself care for you.”

“My dear, I…” He slowly raised his hands to cup your face, giving you every chance to back away. “I would much sooner die because you cared, than die knowing I could have loved you.” You placed your hands over his, pressing your face closer to his calloused hands. “Plus, not every dream is a vision from the future.”

You shared a soft smile. Obi-Wan was the first to break eye contact, glancing down at your lips in a silent question. You answered by leaning in and pressing your lips to his. You felt him smile into the kiss, and you couldn’t help but do the same.

“Can I stay here for the night?”

“Of course you can, precious one.”

You moved to lay next to him in your previous position, but he easily pulled you up and on top of him. You giggled and rested your head on his chest, calm for the first time since you first woke up. You traced the light freckles that were dotted on his skin, almost in disbelief that the night had turned out this way.

“You’ll be here when I wake up?”

He began running his fingers through your hair.

You took a few deep breaths in an attempt to ease the anxiety stemming from the nightmare.  A quick glance around the room reminded you that you were not home but staying in temporary quarters on Naboo as a special guest to your friend Padme.  It was a lovely room, but at the moment you had a terrible need to breathe fresh night air and feel a cool breeze pass over your skin.  You gathered up the hem of your long nightgown in order to avoid tripping over in the scramble for the door.  The air felt less hot and cramped in the hall, but it wasn’t enough.  Bare feet padded across the smooth floor.  Soft fabric of the gown flared out behind as you rushed to the nearest balcony.

A waterfall could be heard roaring in the distance.  You didn’t stop running until your hands rested on the balcony’s stone railing.  Deep breaths rose and fell within, drinking in the pleasant night air.  Even so, the lovely scene wasn’t enough to soothe you after such a troubling dream.  Moonlight washed everything in silver.  It sparkled on the water.  It lit up the trees.  Still, your breathing did not slow.

“___________?”

You whirled around to see a familiar face looking at you.  Obi-Wan’s familiar face looked different.  It was lit up from the silvery moonlight, casting soft shadows that highlighted the concern etched on his features.  His brows furrowed and lips pulled down in a frown.  It was impossible not to notice how his hair hung messily around his eyes, as if he’d just woken from sleep.  The sudden and striking appearance seemed to give your heart another reason to pick up the pace again.

“Obi-Wan,” you gasped, arms outstretched like blossoms reaching desperately for sunlight.  Relief washed over you the moment your fingers brushed the fabric of his jedi robes, and the feeling deepened when strong arms wrapped around you and pulled you against him in response.  You squeezed your eyes shut and breathed in his familiar scent; warm and slightly woodsy.  “You found me.”

“___________.”  He held you tightly, his body sinking with the exhale he released into your shoulder.  “I’ll always find you.”

Your breathing finally began to even out as he held you.  The anxiety was quickly forgotten as you focused on how his arms remained around your form without question.

“Was it a nightmare?” he whispered near your ear, and you nodded.  “I’m sorry.  I’m here now.  It’s over.”  He pulled away only slightly to look into your eyes for a moment before leaning in to catch your lips in a brief, comforting kiss.  With your mind at ease, it was easier for you to enjoy the moment outdoors.  A breeze ruffled your gown, and you shivered.  Obi-Wan stepped back to shrug off the outer robe and gently drape it over your shoulders.  You pulled the fabric closed at your front, leaning into him as he put an arm around you again.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime, darling,” he murmured.  “I’ll be here until you’re ready to go back to sleep.”

And he was.  The two of you spent a few minutes out on the balcony, quietly talking about ordinary things such as the weather and the ceremonial dinner you were to be joining.  Obi-Wan spoke quietly, and over time his voice had soothed you to the point where your eyes began to flutter closed.

“I think I’m...ready for sleep…”  You yawned.

He smiled kindly, eyes crinkling a little at the corners.  “So it seems.  Come, I’ll walk you back to your quarters.”  He gently led you back inside, keeping his arm looped around yours.    

By the time you were in your room crawling into bed, you were beyond ready to lay down and drift off to sleep.  He drew up the comforter over your form, leaning in to press his lips to your forehead.

“I’ll see you in the morning, darling.”

Yet as she lay in her cell, hands tied behind her back, knees against the cold durasteel, she doesn’t feel that pull. As her hair, pulled out of her buns now, falls in front of her eyes, she does not feel the enveloping darkness.

But as she feels the ache in her shoulders and neck, as she feels the pounding in her head, she feels him.

Blood trickles from her temple down the side of her face, but she doesn’t move. Her gaze stays on the ground, and she closes her eyes, listening. The hum of the ship is quiet, but still, the footfalls of droids, the brushing of a cape against cold durasteel.

She does not feel the pull to the darkness. But God, she feels him. She feels him as he comes closer, she feels him as he stops behind her door, and she feels him at the release of his breath.

The door hisses open.

“My love.” His voice is… different. It’s not Obi-Wan’s, it’s not the whisper she’d heard during late nights, when they were both young padawans sneaking around hallways, avoiding the gazes of Jedi Masters.

Just like the durasteel against her knees, he’s cold.

Just like her bed, he’s cold.

“I always thought I’d see you again,” He says. There’s a pause in his voice, she hasn’t looked up yet, part of her afraid that he’ll still look like Obi-Wan Kenobi. Maybe he’ll still look like her love.

She isn’t given a choice. He kneels in front of her, and he sees the dark boots, the ebony cape brushing the floor. He’s drowning in shadows. Then, a gloved hand grasps her chin, lightly bringing her face up to his.

The first thing she notices—his eyes aren’t blue. His hair is shorter than when she’d last seen it, but his beard was still the same, his face still the same.

And like blaster fire to her chest, he looks like Obi-Wan Kenobi. God, he looks like the man she’d told so many years ago that she’d loved him. But his eyes aren’t blue.

Her breath is stuttering, and without much control over her own actions, his name comes out like a gasp.

His brows knit together, his head tilts, something like amusement crosses his face. As he crouches before her, he ducks his head, quiet laughter—barely more than rushed breaths—leaves him.

“Oh, my love,” He whispers, “You should know not to call me that anymore.” He leans in close to her, his lips by her ear, “Say it, dear.”

“No,” Her words fall past her lips as though forced out of her. She shakes her head as she fights against the restraints. “Obi I- I know you’re still in there please-“

He moves away, tutting. He stands up in front of her, making her gaze follow him.

“We can fix this Obi-Wan, please-“

She watches as he turns away, facing the doorway. He holds his hands behind his back, he stands tall—he stands like a Jedi.

“I remember when I was like you,” He begins, “Seems like many moons ago now. Your idealism, my dear—“ He turns, once again letting his gaze meet hers. “I’ve always admired it.”

“I beg you,” She whispers, “Please try.”

“That’s all you wished, wasn’t it?” He replies. He moves closer to her, crouching once more to meet her eyes. “I’m finished with just trying.”

He moves close to her ear once again, fingers coming up to brush loose hairs away from her face.

“Say my name,” He whispers.

Silence passes between them, and once again, she can hear the hum of the ship, the footfalls of the droids.

“Solus.” Her voice is broken, cracked, it feels as though it is shattering. “Darth Solus.”

He moves away, standing to turn his back to her.

“Your Obi-Wan,” He begins, “I’m sure he misses you.”

As he leaves, he pulls a hilt from behind his back—her lightsaber, she realizes—and drops it onto the durasteel. He waves his hand, and the restraints on her wrists loosen. He leaves without another word, but she feels him.

God, she still feels him.

Darth Solus, not Obi-Wan Kenobi. Not the man who kissed her jawline in the moonlight, tangled in slate-colored sheets. Not the man whose laughter would come close to her ear, who would trace her skin with quiet fingertips.

That man is gone. Her Obi-Wan Kenobi is dead.

A soft knock on your door stirred you out of the book you had been reading. The climatic scene was unfolding between two classical lovers who were finally professing their undying love for one another. If you couldn’t live out your desires, you could at least read about them.

“Come in!” you announced as you shut the book and shifted in your chair. You knew it could only be a handful of people at this time, even less being so polite as to knock (looking at you, Anakin Skywalker).

You didn’t try to contain the joy on your face when Obi-Wan stepped through the door. You quickly stood and rushed to embrace him. Something you only felt certain enough to do after long or dangerous missions and in private places.

Obi-Wan chuckled underneath your touch as he wrapped one arm around your waist, the sound coming from deep within his chest.

“Careful, my dear.” He murmured in his low comforting voice against your hair.

You pulled back, letting your hand rest on his arm as you examined his face.

“Are you hurt?”

This brought another sparkling laugh from Obi-Wan.

“No, no. I’m perfectly fine.” He explained with a wry smile, “I just didn’t want you to crush your present.”

Your face lit up at the mention of a present and a slight blush rose up your cheeks.

Obi-Wan smiled at you as he moved the arm that was behind his back and held a small potted plant in front of him. It was a trio of small, delicate white flowers adorned with smatterings of blue and purple.

“It’s beautiful!” You whispered in adoration and genuine surprise. You had never seen a flower like it. And it of course meant that much more coming from your favorite Jedi.

Had you not been so enamored by the floral gift, you would have flinched at the electricity that ran through you as your fingers brushed against Obi-Wan’s as you accepted the present.

“Do you like it?” Obi-Wan mused. You looked up at his affectionate eyes that had been examining your reaction and giggled.

“Of course I do!” You admonished, but it was without malice as you truly loved the easy teasing between you two.

Obi-Wan moved to stroke his beard as he nodded, trying to maintain a semblance of control over his facial expressions and busy his hands that yearned to reach out and touch you.

He cleared his throat, trying to rid his head of distracting thoughts.

“It’s a unique thing. It’s called an Evening Primrose. It opens up during the nighttime then shuts when the sun rises.”

You examined the flower curiously, turning it in your hands. You had never heard of such a thing. You wondered for a moment if it had medicinal uses.

“To be quite honest, when I saw it, I couldn’t help but think of you, my little night owl.”

Your head shot up and you were certainly blushing at the nickname. Obi-Wan had never called you anything like that before, and certainly never looked at you with such tenderness either.

You tore your eyes away, looking down to the flower below. And in a desperate attempt to maintain the light atmosphere, rather than delve into anything that could be perilous, you returned once more to light hearted banter.

“Not everyone can be as early a riser like you, Obi-Wan.” Your lips curled into a content, albeit secretly saddened smile and his soon matched yours at the surface.

“But then who would bring you breakfast when you sleep in?” Obi joked back and you had to laugh at that, the tension easing from your body.

“I would say Anakin but I know he struggles as much as I do most days.”

Obi-Wan sighed at that and once again brought his hand to his chin.

“Yes, he’s become much less strict about his morning meditation since he’s become a Knight.”

“It’s not the worst thing in the world.” You chided. “You should try it sometime, you might like it.”

The unintentional double meaning behind your words made Obi’s smile turn upside down for a fraction of a second, it would not have been noticeable if you weren’t so close to him or had known him for so long.

The room became silent for a moment as you struggled with what you should say and Obi-Wan seemed to do the same.

You met his eyes hesitantly and lifted the potted primrose up.

“Thank you for the gift, Obi. It was very thoughtful of you.”

He smiled, that soft, melancholic smile that never reached his eyes that appeared often during moments like this.

“Of course.”, he said quietly, his voice low and weak.

Fearing nothing was left to say than things neither of you were ready to speak aloud, he nodded.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

He reached his hand out to rest on your shoulder and smiled more genuinely and lightly this time. The familiar sparkle of lighthearted teasing covering the misery brewing within them.

“I’ll need to get my rest if I’m to wake up before you. Though I suppose it won’t be too hard.”

He tauntingly grinned at you and you rolled your eyes, trying to focus on anything but his light touch and the unspoken words and emotions that desperately tried to surface around you.

“Goodnight, Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan nodded with a gentlemanly smile and bowed before he turned on his feet and exited your room.

In the quiet air, your fingers caressed the smooth terra-cotta underneath them as you brought the flower up to your nose to take in its sweet aroma.

—————

The soft chimes of your alarm stirred you from your slumber. It had been peaceful and calm night of rest, taking away your worries and repeating thoughts and replacing them with lovers dreams.

You shifted onto your side, admiring the now closed flowers. They were a beautiful sight to behold, even now, and one you could get used to seeing each time you opened your eyes.

Your heart pained at how you would much rather see a different view each morning, a pair of light blue eyes, but you fervently pushed the image away.

—————

Today had been a slow day in the medical bay, the hours crept on like thick mud. Thankfully, the evening and end of your shift were finally arriving as you thrummed your fingers on the table beside you. You had finished your rounds on the longer term patients and just finished typing up your last report on your datapad.

You heard one of your coworkers call your name. They didn’t sound panicked, moreso tired and annoyed so you didn’t worry but walked their way nonetheless.

When you reach the front of the wing, you saw Anakin standing with a mischievous smile alongside your much less energized coworker.

A slight tinge of pity hit you, Denoto, the veteran medical assistant had been there for nearly 12 hours today. You glanced at your watch to check the time. There were only a few minutes left in your shifts and the new wave had already arrived.

“You can go, Denoto,” you notified him with a smile that hopefully had seemed compassionate. You two didn’t much get along and you knew he envied your position as Head Medic.

The man gave a curt nod in response and walked past Anakin without a second look.

You rolled your eyes at the grumpy old man with Anakin and turned around.

“Come on,” you waved him back and heard him quickly follow, his boots sharp on the hardened floor.

Anakin cleared his throat as he caught up to walk in line with you.

“I got a bit scratched up on our mission. I think it’s fine...” his voice lowered as he leaned in with a sly smile, “but Padme insisted you check it.”

You smiled back, “She’s typically right. Let me see.” You had reached your destination and patted the bed beside you for him to hop up on.

He lifted his sleeve to reveal a minor wound on his shoulder. It was nothing to be worried about, but it could use some cleaning as it looked like it hadn’t been cleaned properly.

It wouldn’t surprise you, Anakin was reckless and once countered your reprimands with the claim that if he tended to his own wounds, you wouldn’t get to see him as often.

You settled into the familiar process and Anakin leaned back and closed his eyes. You didn’t mind, the silence was comfortable due to your strong friendship.

“So,” his voice broke the silence, mischief apparent in the one word alone.

You looked up to see him looking at you with those interrogating eyes and you turned around to pull out a bacta pad from the drawer behind you. You had a feeling you knew what he wanted to talk about.

“Did Obi-Wan give you your gift?” His voice was playful and teasing, like only a best friend’s could.

You blushed as you turned back around, even though you willed your face and emotions to stay neutral and didn’t meet his eyes, though you could feel them practically burning a hole in you.

He chuckled, “I take that as a yes.”

Your eyes flitted to his momentarily then back at the wound. You knew Anakin wouldn’t leave well enough alone so you gave in with a sigh.

“Yes he did. I assume you had a role in it?”

You poked him with your finger, outside his wound but he still flinched as it tickled him slightly, a satisfied smile blossoming on your lips.

His signature troublemaker smile came back slowly, like he was relishing in the moment.

“Actually, no. The first I knew of it was when we were boarding the ship back.”

You blushed at that. It was harder to dismiss the gift as simply your friend’s meddling if he had no part in it.

You silently took off your gloves, standing to dispose of them in the bin, and patted Anakin’s covered shoulder. You didn’t want to think too much about it. And certainly didn’t want to hear any more of Anakin’s thoughts on the matter.

“Just a small infection.” You were pleased with the neutrality of your voice.

“Come back tomorrow to get fresh gauze. But otherwise, no one needs to worry about you.” Your voice and eyes softened as you finished.

He smiled gratefully, thankful for your abilities and confidence.

“Thank you.”

Anakin took your hand and looked seriously at you a moment before speaking in a hushed tone.

“Obi-Wan cares about you, you know.”

“Of course he does,” you sighed as you softly pulled your hand away and fidgeted with the roll of gauze you were packing away. “But no more than he cares about you or Ashoka. He probably is only kind because I tend to his injuries and don’t get all starry eyed around him or the other Jedi.”

“But...” he interjected.

“He’s a friend, Anakin. Nothing more.” Your voice grew stronger, more stubborn.

“Not like you...” you lowered your voice before your continued. “... and Padme.”

Anakin shook his head in exasperation and scoffed quietly.

“Whatever you say, Y/N. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

His playful smile returned and you knew there were no hard feelings between you two.

“You better!” You chastised as you playfully swatted him.

A laugh is shared between you two before Anakin bows out and you’re left with your own spiraling thoughts, trying to decipher the meaning of Obi-Wan’s gift.

—————

You had tried to sleep, a bit earlier than usual but you couldn’t stop admiring the primrose on the windowsill. One of your perks of your role as head medic was that you had a corner room that was tucked away down a long hall and had a small window.

The flowers nearly glowed in the soft moonlight, and you couldn’t help but be taken with the beautiful, unique flowers. But also, more truly, what they represented.

A gift from Obi-Wan.

It wasn’t the first but certainly the most thoughtful, more-so now that you knew he brought it to you without any heavy-handed suggestion from Anakin.

You had to admit you were a bit disappointed that you hadn’t seen him today. You cursed yourself for the silly notion. You had just seen him yesterday. Although, it had been brief, and you wanted to hear more about his mission.

Yes, that was why you were disappointed. You wanted to hear about the mission. You laughed bitterly at the lie you were telling yourself and pictured Anakin calling you out on it if he was here.

A bit frustrated and knowing sleep wouldn’t come to you just yet, you sighed and swung your legs over the side of the bed. You stared at the flower a few minutes more before you decided to stretch your legs.

You didn’t know much about how to care for the flower but you thought the soil could give you a clue. Shuffling over to the pot, you determined it was watered enough. But the shine of the flower entranced you once more and you allowed yourself to daydream for just a moment.

You imagined planting it in the small garden in your backyard. You would tend to it and the other flowers and plants while Obi-Wan sat by the small pond meditating or reading.

You two would share lunches outside in the garden when the weather permitted and there would be a bench upon which you both could sit. And as the moon rose and the primrose bloomed, you would admire the stars, Obi pointing out which planets were which and telling you stories about the ones he had visited.

You blinked, the yearning pain in your heart bringing you back to reality. You felt incredibly foolish. Not only because Obi-Wan would never leave the Order for you but also because you knew that dreams that felt so good when they start out would eventually twist into nightmares and you would end up crying your heart out once more.

You had thought about sharing that ideal life with another a long time ago, when you had just finished your training and were stationed at a small hospital. He had been a kind man, another medic who had been on a different team but would always come around for talk whenever your schedules allowed. He was in a terrible accident one day and you stayed by his side through it all.

You scoffed internally as anger bubbled inside you, if there was a prize for rotten judgment, you would’ve won it. He played you like a fool. Once he was healed and regained his life, he left you, cold and alone for another.

You swore off love for a long time, determined that no man was worth the aggravation, the heartache, or time.

But then you became a medic here. And you met Obi-Wan. How twisted of fate to make you open your heart again for someone who could never truly be yours.

Who do you think you’re kidding? He’s the earth and heaven to you. No matter how hard you tried keep it hidden or conceal it, it was plain as day, you were in love. Anakin assured you as much. And mind reading or not, you were certain Obi-Wan himself knew.

You sighed, you hated acknowledging the truth of your feelings, and that... you loved him. But you would never speak it aloud. Not even in the confines of your room, alone and hidden in the darkness.

Plus, you thought your heart had learned its lesson. Your head was screaming for you to get a grip, reminding you of how you had cried your heart out for weeks over failed love before.

This back and forth was so tiring. You should just face it like a grown woman. Tell Obi-Wan your feelings and then leave if, no when, he says it can’t be.

No chance or way you’re doing that. Throwing out your career and friendships. You won’t say it. You can’t say it.

But your heart tempted you with images about how things could end up if you gave up and gave into your feelings. You stopped yourself as much as it hurt, that scene won’t play.

You imagined if Anakin and Padme were here now as your heart and mind fight amongst themselves.

They would say you’re in love, you’d tell them they’re way off base and try to get them off your case, but in turn they’d just tell you you don’t need to be proud, that it’s okay you’re in love. You smiled at the antics you were sure would happen.

A strong wave of sleep washed over you as you made your way back to your bed. You happily gave in as you laid your blanket atop your body, hoping to at least live out your fantasy in your dreams.

As you drifted to sleep, you promised yourself something.

You wouldn’t say you were in love...