there’s no place like my room

“I thought it was Eddie’s,” Robin admitted. “He was cleaning up from DND and I thought it was one of his little dungeon story things. He took it from me! He didn’t say anything!” 

“Oh my god, Robin!” Steve groaned, running his clean hand over his face. “You didn’t!”

“You can ask for it back,” Robin suggested. “It’s not like he wouldn’t give it back.”

“Oh my god,” Steve repeated. “Oh my god!”

“What?” Robin asked. “What’s so bad about your little notebook full of secrets? Your grocery list? Your to do list? Family’s secret recipes —“

“It’s about Eddie,” Steve snapped. “All of it. It’s just — all about Eddie.” 

He sighed, sitting down on the couch. He brought his head to his knees. 

He exhaled slowly. 

“I had that notebook since senior year. Every thought I had about Eddie is in that book.” 

Robin sat down next to Steve. She extended an open palm towards Steve. Steve took it, intertwining their fingers. “Every thought?”

Steve nodded. “So I guess he’ll know now. Either he lets me down easy or I out freak the freak.”

“Come on,” Robin groaned. “You can’t tell me that Eddie wouldn’t be into you.”

Steve shot Robin a glare. “Not the time.” 

Robin raised her free hand up. “Look, we can just go to his house and get it. Maybe he hasn’t even opened it! Didn’t realize it wasn’t one of his notebooks and he ignored it. We just ask for it back, and everything will be okay. Okay?” 

Steve looked at Robin cautiously. “You don’t think he’s opened it?”

Robin blew raspberries. “Not a chance! Let’s go!”

Eddie had the notebook. 

The Notebook. 

The one Steve Harrington kept locked away at any given point. 

Eddie has seen it in action. When Steve doesn’t think anyone’s watching. When he’s alone at Family Video, jotting something down between customers.

Or when he’s sitting in the back of the Wheeler’s basement, writing instead of paying attention to the movie. Or when they are in the middle of Dungeons and Dragons, he’ll be in the kitchen, writing furiously. 

Eddie joked to himself that Steve was writing Spirk fanfiction.

That he was obsessed with Spock fucking Captain Kirk out of his mind. A dark part of Eddie wondered if Steve was writing his last will and testament, a martyr ready to go at any moment. 

What he didn’t expect to find was — well, himself.

He didn’t realize he had Steve’s notebook. It was piled onto his crate of dungeon master stuff. He didn’t know he had ownership of such a valuable item until he was organizing the crate this morning, getting his notes together for the next session. 

He stared at the notebook in hand, trying to remember what notes he written inside. 

When he opened it, he realized it wasn’t his at all. 

It was Steve’s notebook. 

He knew that handwriting. He needed to shut it — except he saw his name.

10.23.84

Eddie Munson would make a pretty girl. He’s got big dark eyes like Bambi. Wild hair, big and Curly. 

I can’t tell if it’s natural or permed. But it’s nice. 

He’s nice. 

He’s got a nice voice. Deep. Smooth. Ms. Click made him read out loud today. It’s the only time I’ve paid attention in this dumb class. Hes like a storyteller. I didn’t want him to stop. 

I wish he was in all my classes.

11.5.84

Finally spoke to Eddie one on one. Sold me some weed. Said he was sorry that Billy got the one up on me. 

Said something about Billy listens to Mott Lee Crew and it’s terrible music.

Gave me a discount on my weed.

He’s still nice.

11.7.84

I dreamed about him. He kissed me. He was still a boy. I [eraser marks tore up the paper]

3.2.85

He’s barely in school anymore. 

I think they told him he wasn’t graduating. 

Someone said he went to California to get a record deal. I’ll never see him again.

3.15.85

He’s back. He’s sad. Didn’t work out.

I hate to admit it, but I’m glad. 

6.28.85 

I saw him in the mall. 

I hid in the damn freezers for my 10 minute break. 

Robin hates my guts. Said I was gonna get freezer burn. Said it might help with the ladies. 

I dont think I want them anymore.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. The girls are hot. Obviously.

But then there’s him. 

He’s got long hair like a girl, but no boobs. He’s got scruff he forgot to shave and I want to touch it. 

He’s not a girl. He’s never been a girl to me. 

But the feeling is the same. Like if he was a girl.

What’s wrong with me?

7.5.85

I’m not alone. 

I’m not broken. 

If [scribbled out] is like this, then it’s okay. It’s not wrong. It’s okay.

I’m okay.

I just — [scribbled out]

I’m okay.

7.8.85

He gave me my weed for free this time. Didn’t say anything more. He apologized like it was his fault. I couldn’t form a straight thought. I just shrugged. Like a dumbass. He threw in another joint. 

He’s so nice.

8.15.85

I convinced Robin to go to the hideout. 

Eddie’s a fucking rockstar.

It’s like he was meant to be up there. Center stage, rocking like he’s some big celebrity. His grin is wild and it feels like it’s aimed directly at me.

I wish it was true.

10.1.85

Bisexual.

It’s called bisexual.

11.15.85

Of course the kids find him. 

They said they had a new doofuses and dorkuses group. Never said it was Eddie. 

He’s so good with the kids. He’s taken them under his wing and protecting them from Jason’s douche bags.

God. 

Is it weird that it makes him hotter?

2.13.86 

He swung by family video today. Grabbed a few movies and a jiffy pop. Said he’s got big plans. A couple of horror movies. 

Didn’t say with someone. 

Didn’t say alone. 

Just that he’s got plans. On Valentine’s Day. 

It hurts. I don’t want to think about it.

3.29.86

He’s alive. 

He’s ALIVE. 

He woke up yesterday. Briefly. Looked at me with his big brown eyes and smiled. Mumbled something about a guardian angel and fell back asleep. 

He’s more awake today. Up about 20 minutes at a time. Remembering more.

He calls me sweetheart and Stevie. 

I don’t want him to remember me. I’m not king Steve. I want to be Stevie. Want to be good. 

Want Eddie to see the real me now. Not to think about how I was. 

5.4.86

He’s so beautiful. 

7.6.86

He let me stay with him over the Fourth of July. 

He said he remembered how I looked on his porch last year. He made the connection to the upside down a few weeks ago. Didn’t want me to be alone. 

I slept in his bed. I slept next to him. His whole room smells like him and I never want to leave.

7.26.86

I did a dumb thing. I bought tickets for Metallica for Eddie. I went with him. Drove him down to Evansville. The singe broke his arm, so it was just Ozzy. 

But Eddie was so excited. He looked so natural there. Surrounded by music he loves and people like him.

No one knew him. He was just another guy in the crowd. I couldn’t tell you what songs Ozzy did. But I bet Eddie could. 

He looked so good there. So [eraser marks]

Happy looks good on him.

9.3.86 

Eddie never ceases to amaze me when he DMs. He’s like a cartoon, wild and fun and care free.

His smile is so genuine, it made everything worth it. Sometimes, he glances at me and I feel butterflies in my gut. For a split second, his attention is on ME and nothing else in the world matters. It feels like he loves me too —

Eddie slammed the book shut.

Loves. 

Not likes. 

Loves.

He did. 

He loves Steve. Has for a while now. 

He had a crush on him since his stupid coiffed hair and his dumb polos were hanging off of Nancy at any given moment. 

Eddie didn’t think he had a chance. He didn’t think Steve liked him that way. That Steve could like him that way.

And now he knows. 

Steve loves him. 

Eddie read his notebook and he knows Steve’s secret. 

Steve’s going to be so pissed. 

How was Eddie going to tell Steve that he loved him back, that he felt the same way, without admitting to violating his privacy?

The screen door creaked open. 

“Eddie?” Robin called. “You awake? And decent?” 

Eddie sighed in relief. It was just Robin —

“Eds —“

Steve poked his head into Eddie’s room, his eyes wide as he locked onto the notebook in Eddie’s hands. 

Shit.

Steve stared at the notebook. 

His notebook.

Open.

In Eddie’s hands.

And he’s pretty sure he’s on the last entry. 

The one from yesterday, while they were playing dungeons and dragons. The one where he admits he’s finally in love with Eddie.

How does he explain it? Blow it off? Pretend that Eddie’s not holding his heart in his hands.

“Eddie, I’m —“

“I’m gay!” Eddie shouted, startling Steve in the doorway and Robin in the living room. A silent beat passed before Eddie continued, his words spilling out a mile a minute. “I’m gay and I’m so in love with you and I’m so sorry for reading this, I thought it was mine and clearly it’s not, but I saw my name and — that’s no excuse because I should’ve stopped and I violated your privacy and everything but if I didn’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation and I couldn’t tell you that me — me too.” 

He took a hasty breath, pointing to his chest. 

“Me. Gay. Love. You.”

Steve stared at him for a moment, processing. His heart is beating through his chest. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind. The terrible possibilities that he’s making this up. That Eddie didn’t say those words. Or Eddie’s only saying it to make him feel better. 

But what if he’s honest?

What if this works out? 

“Not a joke?” Steve asked, his voice hardly louder than a whisper. He felt like a deer, ready to take off at the next loud noise.

“Not a joke,” Eddie said, slowly standing up, like he knows Steve’s nervous. Dropped the notebook on the bed.

Steve’s eyes quickly darted to it, thinking if he’s fast, he could grab it and make a run for it. He held his hands in front of his chest, palms exposed to Steve. He slowly approached him until he was close enough to brush his hand against Steve’s arm. Eddie’s fingertips ran down Steve’s arm, stopping at his hand. 

“I promise you, Steve,” Eddie whispered. “I love you, too. I just — didn’t think you were like me. That this would be possible. So I thought I’d be content being you friend.” He slipped his hand into Steve’s. “That if the only way I could have you was as my friend, then I’d shove my feelings down and pretend that I didn’t have this big crush on you.” 

“And —“ Steve swallowed nervously. “And you’re not just saying this? To make me feel better?” 

Eddie pulled away. Steve felt his heart stop.

Then Eddie practically dove onto his bed, shoving his arm between the mattress and the wall. His tongue stuck out in concentration as he reached. Steve couldn’t help but laugh. 

Then — Eddie pulled out a yellow spiral notebook. 

In big, black permanent marker, the cover read: EDDIES! DO NOT TOUCH

Steve kind of swore under his breath, realizing he should’ve put his name on the cover. But the “do not touch” may have incentivize the teens to open it. 

Eddie sat on his bed, opening the notebook. He looked up at Steve and patted the spot next to him.

Steve hesitated. He swayed in the doorway before Robin gently pushed him forward. He closed the small gap and crawled on the bed. Eddie leaned in close, showing the open notebook to Steve. 

“It’s only fair,” Eddie said quietly. “That you get to read my heart, too.”

Steve studied Eddie for a moment, lost in the beauty of him up close.

He could see the reddish brown of his dark eyes, the small freckles hidden in his pale skin, the way his sheepish smile is pulled tight on one side from the scarring. 

He could see how vulnerable he is in this moment.

Steve looked down at the notebook in his hands.

THE SUN 

The warmth of your smile 

Like rays of a sun 

Leave your mark on my skin

Let me bask, turn it red

Let me stay in your orbit 

floating around you 

Because there’s no where else I’d want to be

HAZY

I’m in a cloud of haze 

When I’m around you 

Your eyes on me 

The whole world focused on me

Like the roar of the ocean

Like the soft grass

Like the rich earth 

Hazy hazy hazy 

I’m in a cloud of haze

THE DREAMER 

he said when we go

He wants the east room 

The sun rises in the east 

And falls to the west 

And all I can think about 

Is we, we, we 

Like a sweet dream 

Haunting me

I think of easy Saturdays in the kitchen 

Dancing around breakfast

The radio on something sickly sweet 

Like Lauper or Loverboy 

Like Mercury singing about love

And he’d see me 

Like I see him 

And he would want me

Like I want him 

And all I can dream about 

Is us, us, us

Steve looked up at Eddie, eyes wide. “You mean it?”

“Every word,” Eddie breathed. “They’re — uh — songs. Most of them. Not like — not like corroded coffin stuff. They’re meant for the Machine.” Eddie nodded toward the acoustic guitar.

“You wrote songs about me,” Steve repeated. “For me.”

“Technically you were never supposed to hear them,” Eddie said sheepishly. “But I thought it was only fair. Notebook for a notebook.”

“Eddie,” Steve’s eyes drifted to his lips, snapping back up. “I’m gonna kiss you.”

“Fuck yes,” Eddie breathed, leaning in. 

Steve kissed Eddie.

Oh my god he’s kissing Eddie! He cupped Eddie’s jaw, feeling the stubble against his palm. He felt Eddie lick against his lips —

“I’m gonna go,” Robin cleared her throat. “Not that I’m not happy for you two. It’s just — I don’t know what you’re gonna do next.”

“Yeah,” Eddie laughed, his hand playing at the hem of Steve’s shirt. “Maybe — maybe you should.” 

“Ew —“ Robin said turning away. “Eddie that’s my SISTER —“

“Robin —“ Steve interrupted, turning to look at her with a soft smile. “Thank you. For giving Eddie my notebook.”

Robin smiled back. “You’re welcome. Eddie — don’t deflower my SISTER. He’s a RESPECTED member of Hawkins!” 

“No promises,” Eddie smirked. “Now that he’s mine, I’m never letting go.”

“Yeah?” Steve breathed. He felt like he was full of butterflies, ready to take off. “You’re mine, too.”

9.4.86

I kissed him. 

And he kissed me. 

And I’m gonna be okay.

There is a silence as Steve becomes distracted by his own hair – a habit Diane is more than used to, and one she likely helped foster when her son was a young boy with a thick mop of brown hair that required much upkeep. Eddie meanwhile, simply continues staring. Watching intently as Steve uses his ring-adorned fingers to comb at his fringe, held in place with far too much hair gel. Enough that is appears slick to the point of being wet under the statement light in the foyer.

Eddie soon shakes his head, screwing his eyes shut before he turns his attention back to Diane.

She stifles a giggle at the sight as the boys steps forward with a flourish and tents his fingers together.

“Mith-tress Diane, are you phamiliar with this year’ths thinematic marth-sterpiece… The Lossth-t Boyzzz,” Eddie says, his voice low as he sturggles to maintain his dramatic bravado.

Diane supposes he is attempting to sound like a foreboding creature of the night, a character from his game. She chuckles, thinking it all sounds more like a rather terrible impersonation of Bela Lugosi.

“Isn’t Phoebe Cates in that one?”

“Jamie Gertz!” the boys shake their heads in unison, their dual reply dripping with annoyance.

Diane places her hand on her hips, deciding not to press further.

“Just… be safe, is all,” she settles for, “Y’know, with the two of you out together.”

Steve waves a nonchalant hand as Eddie winks.

“And a s-spooktac-ul-ar evening to you, thoo, my Vampi-arr Qwueen.”

Diane grimaces as visible spittle comes flying from Eddie’s mouth. The boy must notice because soon he is sucking at his vampire teeth wetly.

“Ew…” Steve mutters, elbowing his boyfriend in the ribs.

Diane sighs, “That isn’t what I meant, Eddie.”

“We know,” Steve grumbles as he adjusts his sunglasses, “Alright, that’s enough, let’s go get drunk.”

He charges out the door with a confident step, dragging Eddie along with him by his billowing shirt and interrupting a gentlemanly bow...

As her watch passes 2.a.m, Diane begins to worry. Her (albeit brief) warning playing over in her head. She cannot help it. Steve possesses a sometimes very worrisome defiance. Especially now mixed with everything that has been going on since Daniel left. And Eddie? Well, Eddie has all all those... Eddieisms that often defy logic, reason and safety...

Diane abandons her movies and instead focuses on flipping through the television stations, flicking past late-night horror movie after horror movie. Her last glass of wine half-drunk in the cup holder of Daniel’s recliner, cheese platter left for crumbs on the coffee table.

Peering over the back of her chair, Diane cranes her neck to once again check that the porch light is indeed, on.

She probably should have insisted on picking the boys up at Tina's house, wherever that is. Diane sighs – she doesn’t even know where Steve has celebrated Halloween for past several years.

Fingers now drumming on the armrest and the urge to sprint for the phone growing, Diane soon startles as she hears the unmistakable theatrics of Eddie’s voice, Steve loudly giggling along. She heads to the door, relief turning to embarrassment as her panic subsides.

“Mom!” Steve beams as she flings open the door.

His cheeks are pink, eyes glistening under the porch light, sunglasses nowhere to been seen. Diane certainly hopes they are tucked into one of the coats Eddie is heaving into her arms with a Herculean grunt.

“Diane,” Eddie greets, stumbling out of a bow that looks very different from the one they had parted ways with early in the evening.

He runs into Steve, who makes a sound like he has been gravely wounded by the contact. They both appear more than a little dishevelled, shirts crumpled and jewellery tangled. The two of them smell of beer, cigarettes and… other things Diane promised Steve she wouldn’t scold him over when he turned eighteen.

“How was the party?” she asks as she hoists their abandoned coats over her shoulder.

“Soooo – ” Steve hiccups, “Fun!”

Careful with his footing, he slowly tip-toes inside.

“The best,” Eddie smiles, slurs his words.

He spots Steve by placing his hands on his waist, clearly using the anchor to guide himself inside from the front stoop too. After a moment of awkward shuffling around, Diane manages to corral the boys away from the door enough to close and lock it.

“Mom…” Steve says, voice low now, serious.

“Yes, darling?” Diane places a hand on his shoulder as her son hangs his head and sniffles.

“I love you…” he mumbles, “So much!”

“I know, sweetheart.”

“No – you don’t understand! I love you so much. You’re my favourite parent! Better than… Daniel,” he bears his teeth as he all but spits his father’s name, the momentary sneer quickly fading as his wet eyes grow wide in amazement, “Edward, didn’t I tell you?”

Eddie nods in the affirmative, his previously dopey smile morphing into a grim, firm line.

“We got a bit teary about this on the way home, didn’t we, Stevie?” he continues nodding along with Steve, “And then I lost my vampire teeth.”

Diane sighs – no wonder it took so long for them to get home.

With great effort, she hunches her shoulder balancing their coats, dipping to the side so she counteract the weight of heavy leather in order to wrap her arm securely around her son’s waist. Steve leans into her and sighs.

“I don’t like it how everyone talks about us,” he explains, “And that you had to leave your book club. Keith said the same thing happened to his mom.”

“I know it has been hard, darling,” she says, running a soothing hand up his back, “But we have each other, hmm?”

Steve nods, quiet for a long moment before he perks up, “Mom, can Eddie stay over?”

“Of course,” she snickers, looking at Eddie, “Does your uncle know where you are?”

Eddie nods as he gently takes her son’s hand. Steve forces himself upright and runs a hand through his hair, sucking in a breath. The move pulls his now softened hair from his flushed face, a silver cross hanging from his –

“Steven!” Diane gasps in horror, “When did you pierce your ear!”

“Oh!” Steve gapes, a hand flying to the piece of jewellery.

“Well... shit,” Eddie mutters.

Steve grins, tilting his head so Diane can get a better look, like she should be impressed, “Robin did it for my birthday! It bled a lot and then it got sooo... infected.”

He scrunches his nose, eyes widening with a bewildering disbelief.

Eddie shudders, clearly very aware of the situation. Diane purses her lips. A lecture will have to wait for a more sobering hour.

“I think it’s time for bed,” she says instead, a line she hasn’t commanded since Steve was a boy.

Steve giggles as he grabs at Eddie’s loose shirt, popping open another button and he gasps. Diane steps to the side and outstretches her hand, hoping it might rouse them up the staircase before –

“Eddie!” Steve beams, “Eds… You looked so good tonight. Love you sooo much. Wanna kisss you... Let’s go upstairs.”

“Good idea, sweetheart,” Eddie agrees, tugging on Steve’s arm.

But he over-corrects the manoeuvre, and they fall into each other again, giggling – again. Steve reaches for Eddie – again.

“Eddie, let’s go upstairs,” he repeats, serious is a different way, “Wanna ride you into the mattress.”

Diane promptly claps a hand over her mouth. But a shocked, garbled noise has already escaped her lips.

And unfortunately, the alcohol-fuelled pair before her seemed to have forgotten her completely.

“Steve,” Eddie chuckles, “We are home!”

“Oh… That’s right!" he smacks a hand to his forehead, “I was talking to my mom. I love my mother…”

Eddie stills and side-eyes Diane, like he has only now registered their conversation. She can feel her cheeks turning scarlet as a darkened set of big brown eyes stare at her, appearing both cherubic and mortified. She waves her hand in front of her face before pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Don’t worry, Diane,” Eddie assures with a grin, “Steve will be passed out before we get to any spooky lovin’.”

She offers a weak thumbs up with one hand and massages at the sudden paining in her head with the other.

“Thank you for the clarification.”

“You’re welcome!” he chimes.

Eddie is losing his mind, he can't believe it, he was so sure aliens were real but to be faced with proof? To encounter them himself? To see a spacecraft lower itself into the secluded, cut off valley in the middle of buttfuck nowhere? Insanity.

"Stevie, let me do the talking, I've been preparing for this my whole life!" Steve is so quiet and still, he must be freaking the fuck out, frozen as they watch their visitors land.

Eddie steps forward as the craft hisses open and maybe it should be weird that it feels a little bit Star Wars-y but it's Aliens, he wasn't hoping for little green or grey guys, he was never that specific in his theories. He IS surprised when a short ass humanoid jogs down the ramp,

"Holy shit," finally a word from Steve. The alien, a short, curly haired 'human' who looks about five years younger than them and is dressed like he robbed Weird Al bypasses Eddie without a thought as Steve cries out "he's here!"

"You got the job!"

"I got the job!"

Eddie turns and watches in confusion as his dork of a boyfriend launches into a bizarre and weirdly difficult to look too directly at secret handshake with a goddamn alien, complete with a trumpet gesture accompanied by an instrumental sound Eddie has never heard another person make before, and a fucking light saber noised imaginary sword fight that Steve doesn't win.

"what... the actual fuck?" He watches the two of them laugh dorkily at each other, stunned when two grinning faces are pointed at him, "how many aliens do you know?!" Its an accusation with no bases, Steve might only know one, but Eddie feels safe betting that's not the case, "wait, what fucking job? You're unemployed!" Steve has been coasting on a trust fund, or that's what Eddie had assumed... He'd never actually asked...

"Not important right now, Ed this is..." he looks at the kid for a moment, something passes between them, "Dustin? Really?" He mutters, cocking his head, "this is my brother, Dustin!" He gestures at the alien, or is he a human if he's related to Steve, hang the fuck on,

"Steve, are you an alien?!"

Steve stares at him for a few seconds, "Me? No way!" He laughs,

"You just called an Alien your brother" Eddie yelps, he meant to sound firmer but he's freaking out, okay?

"wh–Dustin? He's not an alien."

"What's an alien?" He hears Dustin ask quietly,

"Little green guys."

"Ohhh, like from Sector UD-55-A?"

"Exactly!"

"Wait, no no no, aliens, extraterrestrials, beings from outerspace," Eddie gestures at the sky, "all of those are aliens, not just little green–or grey–ones!"

"Ohhh, that's way less specific, all those people said little green guys, I need to fix my report now..." Steve sounds genuinely put out by that, his hands are on his hips and he's pulling that pissy little face Eddie finds so cute.

"Report?" Eddie asks, frowning,

"That doesn't matter, Dustin's here!" Steve all but cheers by way of distraction, "Dustin this is Eddie, my ~human~ mate, or as per the local parlance, my boyfriend." Steve says proudly, Dustin laughs at that,

"Hi!" Dustin stares at Eddie for a moment before Steve grabs his wrist and shoves his hand out in an invite for a handshake, Eddie accepts it numbly, "Can't believe you actually did it," Dustin casts over his shoulder at Steve before returning his laser focus to Eddie,

"He's been going on for years about how much he loves your kind, how he wanted to meet and make one his mate, what a freak, right?"

Dustin says it with such an amused fondness that Eddie can't take the offense he kind of wants to, but then he's still trying to process that his boyfriend of two years is a fucking alien.