Love?
Love, the one thing that I believe I have yet to achieve. A mutual love, like the ones you see on television. The one where you so happen upon the love of your life, your soul mate. But that’s not realistic is it? Having someone by your side that loves you unconditionally is like my own personal fairytale. Some one that I never get tired of waking up next to, that person that will continue to surprise me in all the best ways. That is too good to wish for.
I wonder at times, am I a pessimist or an optimist? I love love. The feeling, the emotion, and everything that surrounds it. But I can never seem to find the person that will make me feel this way. Is it wishful thinking for me to believe that maybe one day I will find that one person? Then again, will it be someone I already know, or will it be someone I have to search for? Do I have to search for love in order to find it? Or can I just happen upon it? These are all questions that plague my mind. But the real question is whether or not I am actually ready for the love that I crave so much.
At times I think it is amazing, the epitome of happiness, but then I take into account the practicality on how I approach the topic when a chance actually comes my way. Many of the times people will ask me out for coffee or a drink, but I turn them down. I believe this may be my fear of rejection, the fear that as soon as I meet them, they will realize I am a fraud, I am nowhere near as great as I am on paper. I can never live up to the expectations that others will have for me. I am bad at many things, with very few good traits. I am messy, dumb, overly emotional, a clutz. I guess from an outsider’s perspective I myself tend to question who would fall in love with me? What would be so great about me that I could deserve a part of someone else’s heart? So the decision I feel that I must come to is that I have to first find love within myself. I must come to realize why I deserve to be loved, why I should never doubt my qualities. We all have our flaws, but we also have those characteristics that make all those flaws seem insignificant. Loving yourself should always the first step in allowing others to love you.
