freedom.

Shivering already in the brisk, cold air, Cat pulled her fur-trimmed winter parka a bit tigher around herself, her hand still in Stephen’s as they walked up to the entrance of the music hall and she pulled the tickets out of her coat pocket. She thought back to what he had said when they left the car. “Y’know, I like the sound of that. Someone I want to be- whoever that is. Because I don’t usually think that far in advance,” she said with a note of laughter in her tone. “I like to think of my future as a surprise.”

“I like to think of my future as a surprise.” He was happy for her—for anyone who still has the right to choose what to do with their lives. The self-pity that branched out from the seed Roger planted in his mind tortured him every time he remembered his responsibilities. As time passed he eventually learned to simply shrug it off with a chuckle. “That’s good. An unpredictable future is better than none at all. You only live once or whatever that YOLO thing meant.”

The December street was brimming with people. Stephen kept her close as they walked past the door, Cat handing over the tickets to the man who stood nearby. Her hand slipped away from his for coat check. After making sure his phone, wallet and car keys were secured in the pockets of his jeans and that nothing but a café receipt remained on the inside of his coat, Stephen straightened the creases on his shirt, relieved at the warm embrace of the indoor air on his skin and rejoined Cat.

“Let’s not make this hard for the two of us, okay? Go to sleep.”

She didn’t want to oblige, but only because she was already tucked in and probably seconds away from drifting into a deep sleep. The room went in and out of focus as her tired eyes did a poor job of seeing properly. Still, she managed to keep them trained on his face long enough to see that he was very amused. It didn’t bother her; Stephen clearly didn’t mean any harm.

"Thank you," she said, her words coming out in an inevitable mumble again. Natalia was sure how much she would remember in the morning—the medicine might be too strong and she might already be too sleepy—but she was grateful for his attentions. Though a tiny feeling of guilt did nag at her in the back of her mind—after all, Stephen had had to suffer the annoyances of her sickness, even if just for a bit—she knew it was the right thing to do. And, well, if it wasn’t, she’d made a good job of convincing herself. She didn’t care what anyone else thought of the matter—Stephen was her friend. She would even be selfish about it and not care whether he considered her the same, because she’d been through those ‘friendships’ enough times and frankly, she didn’t even mind this time. She liked Stephen and he treated her well, and she would be his friend whether he wanted her or not.

“Good night?”

“Good night, Stephen.” He happened to be straightening the folds of her blanket, as she just literally curled in them, when the words reached his ears. Suddenly remembering an incident where Stephen fell asleep while Nat lectured about the French revolution, he opened his mouth for an inside joke but found out she had already fell in a deep slumber. He got his cup of hot— now warm chocolate on top of her table and sat on the edge of the bed. His shoulders were hunched as he finished his drink, enjoying the calming silence. A few minutes later he found himself texting Alexander with her phone, trying his best to make his message look as ‘Nat’ as possible.

Stephen waited for the reply in deafening silence, his eyes blank on the finished wall, forming imaginary shapes out of the decorative pattern. Thirty minutes passed and he was almost sure he was going to sleep on the floor in case Nat wakes up choking with sickness. He put the empty cup back on the table and eased himself on the cold floor while waiting for the drowsiness.

Bad case scenario (Stephen thought as he tried to sleep): A random Trinity girl walks in, though with Nat’s unpopularity it was highly unlikely, assumes Stephen was spending the night in her room again and adds fuel to the already circulating gossips. He stood up and locked the door. Problem solved.

Worse case scenario: Nat’s roommate Harper, who undoubtedly has the room’s key, finds him on the floor without any evidence of tutoring and tells Alexander. Stephen reached for some of Nat’s books, opened them and scattered them around his place. Problem solved.

Worst case scenario: Alexander was out to some faraway place but received the text and was rushing back to the dorm as fast as possible (Stephen assumed he also shared the room’s key). He walks in and realizes that he stole N—

Another buzz from his pockets got his attention again. Stephen took his phone out and as realization hit him that his father was calling him again after six missed calls, any trace of drowsiness left his system. His eyes darted from Nat on the bed to the scattered books on her floor to the cups of hot chocolate on her table. Muttering a curse under his breath, he stood up, unlocked the door— only to lock it again once he closed it behind him as he got out, and ran outside Trinity. His breathing was ragged as he stood outside the dormitory, the cold latching onto his skin.

“It’ll be over soon. Don’t worry.”

The groan she let out was more from being tired rather than actually being annoyed, and she leaned towards Stephen to once again rest her heavy head against his arm. It would’ve been his shoulder, were she not so much smaller than him, but the gratification was almost instant. “Not soon enough”, she murmured. A literal weight was lifter from her as she no longer had to support the full weight of her head, which seemed to weigh double the normal amount. Despite this, her friend’s hand running through her hair was comforting and she closed her eyes briefly to enjoy the feeling, only opening them with some difficulty when he removed his hand. She didn’t need much to be pleased — and she was — until Stephen mentioned she should rest.

The medicine was starting to take effect on her, making her drowsy and slow; but while she wanted to rest and was getting dangerously close to falling asleep, Nat wasn’t happy about being left alone again after having had company for a short while. Knowing that he would be leaving soon because she did in fact need to rest, she still tried to say ”I don’t want to sleep…”, but her words came out in a mumble she was afraid Stephen might not even hear. Her eyes threatened to close again, so she fought against nature’s will — or rather the medicine’s — to keep them open for just a little longer. During this sort period of time, she tried to get him talking, but eventually her eyes drifted shut for a few seconds before she realized they had closed at all. He was hardly going to let her keep going, so she was now all but resigned. She let out a heavy sigh in defeat.

A defeated sigh escaped her lips. "I know what you’re gonna say."

No, you don’t. Stephen wanted to disagree. Everyone thinks they do but no one truly does—except his best friends. No matter how hard he tries to hide it from them, Jude and Wes will always see through him. Nat, not so much. Or maybe she does, he can’t tell.

Stephen never understood the way he felt with her. Wanting to make sure she’s alright every time, slightly freaking out if she’s not and wanting to take care of her. Is it normal? Of course it is. He answered himself in his mind. He always felt that way with his two buddies—and his roommate too. Why, he wanted to know, was he starting to feel uncomfortable? The more he thought of it, the more he became conscious of how he looked to her. The more he saw her as a girl and not only as a tutor. Was he trying too hard as a friend?

"Wes is great though; he really cares about you. It’s really very sweet, and he seems like a good friend." She smiled to herself, happy that Stephen had him to count on. "And I already know everyone at school. I have the student government to thank for that, I guess." She shrugged, knowing that no matter how well meant his suggestions were, they were mostly things she’d already tried. By now she’d half resigned herself to being content with the way things were, because that was how they were supposed to be. She wasn’t about to have a repeat of her past by trying to change anything.

“You’ve been a good friend to me.”

She didn’t quite know why, but she felt the familiar prickle in her eyes as they got just a bit watery. Well, maybe she did, but she saw no reason why his words should make her cry, so she tried to smile to cover it up. She leaned to her side, closing the short distance left between them, and rested her hear on his arm with her eyes closed for just a moment before she felt the need to straighten up.

The sudden mentioning of the word made him remember that almost all his friends are Seniors. Who’d he hang out with after Jude, Wes and Natalia leave Preston was one of the things he didn’t like thinking about but was inevitable, especially that time was ticking fast to their graduation. He tried not to frown. “Wes is my brother. He can be pretty stubborn at times but I know he’ll always be there for me.”

A smile spread his lips when the girl leaned against him but was gone the moment her coughing started again. Stephen had his hand on her back, his face a mix of frustration and sadness. He didn’t like seeing Nat so helpless when he’s with her. What kind of nothing was this that she didn’t even feel the need to call her boyfriend? Stephen glanced at the girl’s phone lying on the bed not far away. He could snake his long limbs around her and steal her phone. Maybe distract her with some random talk about the national debt and animal protection. Yes, animal protection always works. Then he could send Alexander an urgent text about Natalia dying and he could rush to Trinity and take his place. Stephen would be back to Bradford in less than an hour too and he’d be drowning himself with books by then. He couldn’t afford to get a grade lower than D in his current state.