troutwriting

Janus: Janus and Patton are both white, though Janus is visibly paler. Hair cut by himself (with the assistance of Remus), brunette but has dyed very chunky blonde highlights through it. More like blonde Stripes through his hair. Hair is longer down his neck but trimmed shorter around the sides (not shaved, but not Long). It's obvious that it's cut at home, though it's not awful. Usually wears a hat of some kind when outside. He has a crescent moon shaped birthmark around his left eye. Hazel brown eyes. He’s about 5’8, does grow facial hair but typically keeps it shaved. Unless he’s Extremely depressed in which case he’s got a bit of chin stubble and upper lip stubble. Lean and mean. Not particularly muscular but he can hold his own. Lithe, lithe is a good word. Sloped nose, has a longer, thinner face shape.

Patton: Patton is a little more tanned, spends a lot of time outside. Probably has a farmers tan in the summers, though most of this series takes place in the winter. Caramel coloured curly hair, longish curls. Not super loose, but not very tight curls either. Comes down to his ears, kinda floppy yk. Deep brown eyes. He’s a little taller, probably about 5’10? 5’11? Big guy, this is a fat hairy man okay. Yes he’s like 22, but he’s chubby and he has arm and chest hair. Freckles, freckles on his cheeks, his shoulders, his chest!! Little bit of stubble, but he keeps it short. He looks super happy (we know he isn’t but he looks it.) he needs to look bright and excited and sparkly. He isn’t, but he needs to look it. Big wide grin, big hands, scrunched up eyes when he smiles, etc. 

Logan: Logan is a black man, he’s the tallest of everyone. 6’1, 6’2? Something around there. Black hair, dark brown eyes. He’s dark-skinned, cool undertones I’d imagine. It’s hard to describe his hair. Sort of curly, not extremely. He usually keeps it gelled/styled back. Sort of a slicked-back kind of style. More defined jaw than Patton or Remus, keeps his face shaved (probably sensory reasons. This is an autistic man.) Broad shouldered, if we’re saying a proper body-type then probably an inverted triangle. This man is fairly strong. There’s no way he’s this smart without also keeping himself in pretty decent shape. Not 'defined abs' shape, but decent back and arm muscles.

Remus: Piercings. He has slightly stretched ears, probably around 8g. Expressed interest in eyebrow piercing, will have one in future fics but as of ‘nobody butters me up…’ he doesn’t have one. Also very clearly cuts his own hair, though it’s hard to tell if he’s better or worse at it than Janus. His hairstyle is deliberate messiness. Think mullet but not as buzzed at the sides. The length of a mullet though, messy fringe with that choppily self-dyed silver patch. Olive skin, both he and Roman are mixed, though Remus doesn’t spend enough time in the sun so he’s paler than his brother. White + Mexican. He has his moustache. Green eyes I reckon! Around 5’9, but usually wears boots that make him taller. Not chubby but not stick thin, not particularly muscular either. A man who is perfectly pleased with his appearance. Always has smudged eyeliner and chipped nail polish.

Roman: Roman and Remus are identical twins. Roman is also mixed, obv. He’s more tanned than his brother, green eyes as well. They’re the same height. Roman keeps himself clean shaven. He has a more defined jaw too, definitely more muscular. Doing something performance based at college, lots of dancing, spends a lot of his free time in the gym. (Probably closest to Thomas’ actual body type!) Shortest hair of the group, short back and sides, long on top type deal. Darker brunette, kind of wavy in the front. Both Remus and Roman have Roman noses ← very important to me. Keeps his nails manicured and isn’t afraid to cover pimples in concealer, even just to sit in his room. Traditional pretty boy. There's just a glow to him!

Virgil: Virgil is Korean! He has that iconic scemo hair style, long, kinda spikey (?), overexaggerated side fringe. His hair is black, aside from his fringe which is usually dyed purple. Spider bite piercings. Second tallest of the group, around 5’11, though he slouches a lot. Terrible posture, truly. He DOES go outside, he’s just always smothered in sun-cream out of fear of skin cancer. Thin but broad? Broad shoulders, long limbs, always in massively oversized clothes so it’s sort of hard to tell what he looks like. Which is exactly what he’s going for. Yeah he has dark circles, and yeah he’s accentuating them with dark eyeshadow. So what!

The day Patton died was sunny and bright. It wasn’t a sad day. He’d lived a long and happy life, filled to the brim with love and experience and culture. His husband had died the year before, and he’d really only wanted to be with him again. The funeral was packed with all the people he’d loved — his children and grandchildren, his neighbours, his old friends and colleagues. While death is always an intrinsically sad affair, Patton had the one most can only dream of and pray for.

He had simply gone to sleep one night, warm in his bed after a day spent with his family, and didn’t wake up. His next door neighbour had called a well-being check for him when he didn't open his blinds the next morning. He’d only been dead a few hours, the doctors said. It was a good death. Peaceful, painless, quick.

When Patton died, he woke up in a bedroom he didn’t recognise. None of the weight was attached to his limbs, none of the stiffness creaking in his joints, none of the dryness in his eyes. He sat up easily, quickly, and he didn’t find himself dizzy.

“Patton?” a voice asked, soft and slow. He turned to the side and found a lady with warm eyes and a welcoming smile and he returned it on instinct.

She was dressed professionally — a neat, knee-length pencil skirt and a blazer. She was holding a clipboard, hands holding it lightly.

“Hello,” he said politely.

“Hi! My name’s Missy.”

“Well, it’s lovely to meet you. I’m Patton, but you seem to know that already.”

She inclined her head. “I do. Do you understand what’s going on, Patton?”

“Um… Well, no, not really,” he said, smiling politely, if puzzled. “I feel— Well, I feel good! Really good. Like I’m twenty again!”

“Patton. I’m afraid to say you died last night.”

The smile fell from his lips. He stared at her for a moment, and blinked. “I— I did?”

“You did.”

Slowly, Patton began to shake his head. “But I— My kids, my—”

Missy looked down at her clipboard, lifting a page to peek underneath. “Ah, yes. That’s… two sons, yes? Virgil and Thomas.”

“They still need me.”

“Do they?” Missy asked, head tilting. “I think you raised them perfectly, if I do say so myself. Perfectly enough, and for long enough, that I think they’re going to be just fine without you.”

Patton blinked at her. He laughed, slightly dizzy, pressing a hand to his chest and trying not to start blubbing. “Well, I… I suppose it was a long old life, wasn’t it?”

“It was.”

“And they— they’re good boys. Good brothers. They love each other, they’ll look after each other. I know they will. And they’ve got Logan, and Nico, and the boys… they’ll be okay. They’ll be okay.”

“I’m sure they will.”

Patton sniffled, and then gasped. “Oh— Oh, is he here? Is my Janus here?”

“He is. He’s been waiting for you. Would you like to see him?”

“Can I? Can I really? You promise he’s here, you’re not messing with me?”

Missy smiled brightly. “Of course! Come with me, I’ll take you to him.”

Immediately, his heart pounding — was that right? Surely his heart wasn’t pounding if he was dead, but it sure felt like it was doing some kind of nervous little dance deep in his chest — Patton shot to his feet and rushed after Missy. She led him out of the room, into a large corridor. It looked like a hotel, really, he thought, with rows of doors closed tight on either side. The carpet was plush and dark — an intricate, weaving pattern that sort of reminded him of the rug he and Janus had lugged through their first three houses, before it had been set on fire on Thomas’s fourth birthday, when Patton had tripped up whilst carrying the cake in.

He tried to take deep breaths as they walked. They turned a corner, and then there was a wide, grand set of stairs. It was sort of like the stairs you’d see in a rich wedding, or maybe a period piece with a ball, where the princess descends in her gorgeous dress and meets the eyes of her masked suitor.

Missy stopped at the top, and gestured for Patton to go ahead. He froze, staring at her, and his breath hitched. “You promise?”

“I promise.”

Patton’s hands shook, and he gripped the bannister tightly. Walking down stairs hadn’t been this easy since before his first grandkids were born, and yet his legs shook violently as he went. What if he wasn’t there? What if this was some sort of deeply elaborate and deeply cruel prank?

He walked slowly, following the curve of the stairs, eyes catching on the glistening chandelier, and then he raked them down, and froze.

The man had his back to Patton. He was wearing a black suit, but the bowler hat was one he’d had the whole time Patton knew him, one Patton had given to Virgil when he died. He turned, and it happened like it was slow motion, first his body, then his head, and then—

His eyes met Patton’s, and he was so young again, almost as young as when they’d first met. His face split into a bright grin, stretching the scars that lay across the left side of his face.

Patton felt like he was flying. The rest of the steps seemed to disappear from beneath him, and he soared through the air, light as a feather and vision blurred with tears. He collided with Janus, who caught him with arms around his neck, and Patton span him around, laughing and crying all at once and he felt like the day they’d gotten married. He pressed a kiss to Janus’ mouth, squeezing him around the waist, and Janus laughed against him.

“You weren’t meant to be here so early,” Janus said, and Patton set him down.

“Early? I waited a whole year! Oh, Janny, look at you. You’re gorgeous.”

Janus scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Please, I look—”

“You look perfect,” Patton choked. “I can’t believe you’re really here!”

“Well, start believing it. Because you’ve got the rest of eternity to—”

A voice interrupted him, curt and professional, and Patton remembered they technically had an audience. “Actually,” Missy said. “There may be a… slight bump in your road to shared eternal happiness.”

Patton frowned, and Janus scoffed, and he was glaring at her so viciously that it actually startled Patton, too, and he squeezed his shoulders comfortingly. “Excuse me?” Janus spat, like he didn’t even feel Patton’s hands. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? Are you saying we aren’t good enough for heaven? I waited here for—”

“Hello, my dear, sweet prince.”

Another voice had interrupted Janus. Low and smooth and rich, and so violently, achingly familiar that Patton felt it like a tug deep inside him. The air caught in his chest, and he turned in the other direction, where a man stood, his eyes locked onto Patton.

“Uh… who’s this?” Janus asked, as Patton’s hands fell off his shoulders. He couldn’t bring himself to speak. He wasn’t sure he knew how, his tongue heavy in his mouth as he shuffled closer to the man.

He was taller than Patton — and he’d forgotten that, actually, the fact that he’d once been shorter — with broad shoulders and a square jaw. His hair was perfectly swooping, auburn locks glinting in the light. His teeth were bright and white, his full lips curving around them.

And his eyes. Oh, his eyes. The day coloured photos became commonplace, Patton had sobbed like a baby, because he’d have given anything to be able to show people how violently green his eyes had been. Patton moved closer to him like he was in a trance, and he heard Missy say something to Janus, but he couldn’t really hear over the roaring in his ears as he stood before him. His fingers trembled as he lifted them to gently poke at the man’s cheek.

“Oh, my goodness,” he whispered, voice shaking. “Oh, it’s— It’s you.”

“Ah!” Janus cried with false cheer. “Of course, it’s— It’s our bartender! Jack! Jack, old pal, how’ve you—”

Patton didn’t mean to interrupt him. But he just couldn’t keep it in. “I never even dreamed you this clearly,” he choked.

“You are exactly as I remember,” Roman said, his hands holding Patton’s face between them, and he was so warm, so real, right there in front of him.

Behind him, Patton heard Janus choke on a scoff. “No. Now, hold on,” he said. “Roman had a moustache.”

“Patty always hated it,” Roman said, not looking away from him even as he addressed Janus. “So I shave it off every morning in the hopes that that will be the day he arrives.”

Behind him, Missy said, “And today is,” her voice thick, but Patton didn’t even really hear her.

“Remus grew one after,” he said.

Roman let out a hearty laugh. “I know he did. I saw him, when he came through. I must admit, he wears it far better than I did., although you can never tell him I said so.”

Patton choked back a sob, biting down on his bottom lip. “I tried to help him. Roman, sweetheart, I tried so hard.”

“Oh, I know. I know, my dear. It wasn’t your fault. I never blamed you. And neither did he. Not for a second.”

Patton sniffled wetly, smiling. “I can't believe you’re here.”

“I am. And so are you. Together once more, my sweet.”

“Hey, hello. Also here,” Janus snapped behind them, and Patton gasped, turning to look at him with wide eyes.

“Ah, yes,” Roman drawled. “Who, exactly, are you?”

“This is the second husband,” Missy answered, and Janus turned to glare at her.

“Current husband,” he snarled, and Patton reached out to lay a hand on his arm. When had he gotten so close?

Missy smiled that polite, customer-service smile that Thomas used to give the neighbours when they were being too rude to Virgil. “Of course. But, technically, death did you all part. None of you are current husbands.”

Roman scoffed. He wrapped his arms around Patton’s waist and swayed him back and forth, and when Patton squirmed, embarrassed, his hold tightened. “A lifelong love is not to be paused by the mere ending of one’s life!” he cried. Janus was glaring daggers at him, and Patton swallowed. He squirmed again, and Roman’s arms fell away.

Patton had loved being held like that. It made him feel safe, and warm. He used to laugh so hard his eyes would prick with tears as Roman squeezed and squeezed. He closed his eyes tightly and stepped away from both Janus and Roman, towards Missy, his breathing quick and shallow.

“Just— Hold on, okay?” he said tightly. “What— Missy, dear, could you explain what… well, what’s going on here?”

“Well, now you get to pick!” she said brightly.

Everything seemed to freeze. Patton stared at her, a touch lightheaded, and he tilted his head in confusion. “Sorry, pick?” he asked. “What— What does that mean, exactly?”

A hand brushed against his, and he flinched, clutching it to his chest and glancing at Janus. Janus raised an eyebrow, studying Patton carefully, and Patton smiled weakly and nodded, even though his hands were shaking where he had them clasped at his chest and he felt oddly like his knees were going to buckle.

“You see,” Missy explained, her voice still bright, “you get to choose who you’ll spend your eternity with. Roman, or Janus!”

Patton felt like his heart had stopped all over again. Choose? How on Earth was anyone supposed to—

What a ridiculous idea. What a cruel idea. Surely, he wasn’t the first person to be in his position. Surely, the others had refused. Anyone would refuse! How could anyone just pick?

He shook his head. “I can’t do that.”

“Well… I’m afraid you have to. Roman had the option to move on, you see, but he chose to wait here for you. Same for Janus. That means you get to pick!”

This wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. Was he in Hell? This certainly felt like torture. It was—

He couldn’t—

It wasn’t fair! He’d waited a year, a whole year, to see Janus again, and they barely gave him ten seconds before—

And Roman, Roman who he’d never forgotten about, of course he hadn’t, Roman had been his first love, his first kiss, his first dance, his first everything.

And he was so, so glad he was here. He was so beautiful. And Patton had lay awake, sometimes, even beside Janus, wondering what his life would have looked like if Roman hadn’t died. Hadn’t been killed. He would never have traded it, of course, Janus gave him everything he’d ever known — his home, his children, his grandchildren. Janus understood him in a way nobody else ever could.

But Roman. His tragic, heroic Roman. He’d wanted all of that, too. Kids, a family, love. He would have given it to Patton, if he’d been able. He could have understood him like Janus did. It wasn’t his fault that the chance was taken from him. And he’d waited here. He’d waited here, ignoring his own potential heaven so he could share it with Patton. For nearly seventy years he sat here waiting, and what was that beside the mere year Patton had waited around for Janus? How could Patton possibly pick between them?

“I… Hold on, I think…” he began, breathless.

Two hands landed on Patton’s shoulders, squeezing and massaging, but they only make him jump slightly. “My dear prince, is everything alright?” Roman’s voice asked, low and worried in his ear. “Surely you yearn for the life we could have had.”

“Take your hands off him,” Janus snapped, but then he reached forwards and grabbed Patton’s arm, trying to pull him away.

“Excuse me, but I’m his husband!”

“So am I! And I can see he’s clearly not in the slightest bit overwhelmed.”

“Janus—” Patton croaked, as Roman tightened his grip.

“Patton, I think it’s best you make this decision quickly,” Missy said, as Roman and Janus started arguing properly.

Patton closed his eyes tightly. Their hands were pulling at him, and he was sure a couple of them had to be around his throat, because he just couldn’t work out how to draw a proper breath. Were they getting louder? None of them would ever choke him, of course, there was no way! Why were they yelling?

He opened his eyes and looked at Missy. “I can’t,” he choked, and everything went quiet. “I don’t know how, that isn’t something you can just ask me to do like it’s easy, please.”

“Pat,” Janus began slowly, like it was obvious, and, Patton supposed, to him it was. “We— Our whole lives, Patton. We had decades, we had children, grandchildren. You— I’m your husband, me.”

“You only got that because I died when I was barely old enough to legally drink!” Roman shrieked, and Patton felt his face crumple, his eyes locked on Missy.

“Please,” he whispered. “Can’t I— I mean, can’t… why do I have to choose?”

“You can only go to one eternity,” she said, like he was dumb.

“We can’t visit?” Janus asked. “Have some sort of… joint… custody?”

“Over your… husband? He isn’t a dog. Look, how’s this: you don’t have to pick immediately. We can… How about, they each put on a day, a great day, where they try their very best to impress you, and then you can see which you’d rather spend eternity with!”

Patton stared at her, and he thought he might be sick. “A competition?” he whispered, and Roman crowed delightedly behind him, “A contest!”

Janus scoffed. “Here? We’re in a hotel, how are we supposed to show him—”

“Oh, you’d get full creative control. We can create anything you describe exactly as you describe it. Well— As long as it existed in the world before you died, that is.”

He scoffed again, clearly disapproving of the idea, but didn’t utter another word in protest. Patton shrugged the hands off him, eyes huge. “I can’t,” he repeated, because nobody much seemed to be understanding him.

“You gotta,” Missy said with a shrug. “Besides, this’ll be fun!”

“A wonderful day with me, after so long!” Roman cried, and Patton’s stomach flipped as he shot him a bright, crooked grin. “What could go wrong?”

Patton smiled up at him, reaching to hold his cheek gently. “It’s not so much that anything will go wrong, Ro, I just…”

“Throw caution to the wind, my dearest! We will have one beautiful day together, just like we did so often in our youths, and then we can spend eternity together.”

With a shaky sigh, Patton turned to Janus. The man was watching them, eyes flicking between Patton and Roman, until he met Patton’s eyes. He quirked a brow, and for the first time in his life, Patton wasn’t entirely sure what it meant.

“It’s… well. I suppose it’s your choice, isn’t it?”

Patton sniffed weakly. “I don’t know what to do,” he said.

“Well, your options are between pick now and forever hold your peace, or give them both a trial run,” Missy answered, and she was starting to lose the brightness, lose her patience.

He nodded. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry, okay, fine. We can— We can do the— the contest—” His voice cracked. “But what— what about the rest of today? Do we just— all three of us just— sit around? Together?”

Missy shrugged. “I guess. Or you could start right now.”

Immediately, Patton shook his head. “No, I— please, can I just— both, for right now, please?” He turned to them, and there must have been something in his eyes, or on his face, because both of them flinched for a second before surging closer.

“Of course,” Roman assured, as Janus started nodding quickly. “Of course, dearest, anything you want.”