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So often I see online that their dynamic is overly simplified. I so often see people arguing between them being “true-love” or “friends to lovers to enemies,” but stating it’s just one of those is overlooking all of the complexities. Even stating it as a one-sided thing from Lloyd isn’t looking at the whole picture. Of course, there can be many interpretations of how they interact. Again, that’s the reason I adore this dynamic so much. This, however, is my personal interpretation:

Also, warning, spoilers plus some swearing.

I find it frankly hilarious how Geto reached the conclusion that cursed spirits and humans are the main source of his misery, instead of like idk listening to Yuki and understanding that the problem is cursed energy something that is common between Humans and Sorcerers alike (with the exception of Maki and Toji) and something that was revealed to be more of an issue within Japan rather than other countries so there’s literally a world out there that functions without cursed energy and sorcerers just fine but somehow he just ignored that?

Also Riko’s death was the first crack in his sanity but Riko was only a vessel? She didn’t have a cursed technique nor was she considered a sorcerer?!??? And we know he cared about Riko?!?? But if he were to follow his own future ideals, he would have to kill Riko too cause she’s a human? By his standards, that again make zero sense, Riko should die to create his perfect world of sorcerers only💀

Like it’s actually so absurd how he ended up hating humans instead of sorcerers? Like it would make more sense if he had ended up defecting on the side against sorcerers and accused them saying some righteous bullshit like “our techniques are a double edged sword! We should get rid of cursed energy to rid ourselves of this taint” or something like that?

Like I swear to god it makes a lot more sense for him to have joined Yuki in her travels than whatever the fuck he did? It feels like such a plot hole because throughout the past arc he mostly struggled because of the jujutsu world not humans? The only ones who actually suffered because of humans were Mimiko and Nanako; like not even Riko because Riko’s whole problem was because of the bounty on her head and it even got to a point where Geto had to fight other sorcerers (curse users) to protect Riko? EVEN HAIBARA?!??? Haibara died in a mission assigned to him that probably (if I remember correctly) wasn’t in his grade level therefore he died.

So when do we see his struggle because of cursed spirits? Because of the thing he apparently viewed to be so damning since the beginning? Like even taking into account the religious group that follows Tengen, Tengen should’ve exterminated them or asked the higherups to do so since they apparently were too much of a threat but they let that cult do whatever? So literally every single problem Geto faces is because of cursed energy, sorcerers, and the jujutsu society?

And I UNDERSTAND that his plan to kill non sorcerers wasn’t preplanned and just spawned into his mind when he lost his shit on the village people and I guess his pride AND helplessness forced him to go through with what he did so he could find a reason for his existential crisis but it was ultimately meaningless? Like I understand that to a certain degree his hatred towards humans was caused by various traumatizing events (Gojo “dying” from Toji(human), Riko (vessel) dying and the human cult clapping for her death, Haibara dying during a mission, Miminana suffering at the village) but those events were so different from each other and their outcomes were caused by very distinct causes that having him bitch and whine about humans releasing cursed spirits just plainly doesn’t make sense? It makes even less sense when you realize even he said that killing humans was meaningless (when he told Gojo not to kill the cult) so having him justify the killing because humans have no control over cursed energy (MAY I SAY AGAIN AN ISSUE THAT I DONT REALLY THINK BRO HAD A PROBLEM WITH THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE ARC?!?) is just laughable?!?????

Idk where I am going with this but it would’ve been more reasonable to have had Yuki say “Gojo’s technique is the cause of the rising strength in curses” OR “Did you know that cursed energy is the fuel for curses and Jujutsu techniques are just a catalyst for their growth?” (Which is fucking true by the way and the proof is that the culling games needs participating SORCERERS because their techniques amplify cursed energy or at least that’s what Kenjaku said) And then have Geto go through the epiphany of understanding that the deaths he faced in his youth are tightly knit with the way the jujutsu society functions rather than fucking humans and cursed spirits (which again they were never really that fucking relevant to his struggles that we saw?). Then have him defect and fight Gojo because Gojo’s existence is a paradox because he believed jujutsu exists to protect non jujutsu users but Gojo’s mere existence and infinite cursed energy makes that harder so what’s the point of it all and what’s the point of techniques if they’re just fuel to the water and the sorcerers end up dying anyways? Then have Geto still go down a dark path but the difference is that he attacks the school to kill Yuta because Yuta carries too much cursed energy with him from Rika and have Gojo kill him all the same except now I think Geto’s character wouldn’t be so contradictory for no reason?

But if you’re looking for a silver lining, no matter how thin, may I introduce you to two pages’ worth of priceless Ty Lee expressions:

And my personal favorite…

For sure! Have fun with Fire Consumes Fire, it's my baby <3

I'll analyse season one for now and point out the creative choices and underlying themes as my proof! Let me know if you want to see more seasons though :)

An important thing to remember is that things like grooming and sexual abuse are not just about touching someone or being touched. Things like exposing a child to/forcing a child to watch a sexual act, speaking to a child in a sexually explicit way, and undressing yourself or them (typically older than the age they'll need to be bathed for that one) all count as aspects and types of sexual abuse.

Now some people might think that's less important because Morty is fourteen and at that age where male sexuality is a little more domineering but, canonically, Rick has been in Morty's life since he was twelve at most, possibly younger.

(Rick celebrating Morty's 13th birthday: Mindblowers)

There's a lot of time missing, and if we're assuming that Rick's attitude has remained consistent, then it means this has been a common theme since Morty was prepubescent.

The first episode is relatively tame, but it plays an important role in establishing the family hierarchy, and does a lot with the ever infamous megaseeds. There have been a lot of fanfictions about the seeds and for good reason - though not overtly sexual in nature, it establishes a certain level of control over Morty. Morty lacks bodily autonomy and the ability to tell Rick no. He does what Rick says, even if it means sacrificing his own body, and it is the first step the creators took in creating a warped dynamic between them. It sets the stage for further abuse of power by Rick, which is important to make the future episodes realistic and true to character consistently. Somewhat separately, throughout the show you'll see me note instances where you can see the show easing us into sexually explicit interactions between the two - we are desensitised to Morty's blatant sexuality before we're introduced to Rick's, which is really interesting considering who they are. The difference is that they need to put in more work to make Morty someone viewed through a sexual lens in an effort to get us used to him and how we'll see him portrayed in the future. Then they introduce Rick's sexuality, and even later how their sexualities interact with each other.

This next episode draws directly on the assumptions we make based on the first episode about sexuality, and expands even further. When incepting Morty's math teacher, we now see a focus on Rick's sexuality - he involves himself in bondage in a sex dungeon in front of Morty, and encourages Morty to participate. This time we see Morty deny him, clearly not comfortable with it despite being intrigued. Something really interesting is Summer in this episode: while some may not think it's important in relation to Rick and Morty's relationship, her trying to sleep with them establishes the first theme of incest we see in the show and sets a playing field: the creators are saying it's their show and they can make who they want to be sexual to who they want.

Something else I think is important in season one is that after heavily sexual episodes, we get a break where the following episodes are family based. That's why we're skipping anatomy park for now, to go into episode four: the episode where Rick undresses himself, forces Morty to undress, steals his clothes and makes him walk around naked. Sure, his intentions aren't outwardly nefarious - there is reasonable evidence that Rick knew Morty was a simulation for a decent while, but I'll focus on if he didn't for now - but that doesn't make it less important to the development of abuse structures. Morty is incapable of telling Rick no when Rick puts his mind to doing something: the surrender of autonomy to Rick is really important for creating an abusive cycle. What if Rick had been lying? How would Morty have known? What could he have done? Morty gives in without really knowing what he's giving into.

Meeseeks and Destroy, in my opinion, is one of the most important episodes in determining abuse. Something I like to think about, is the central figure of Morty's life. Rick, right? When Morty chooses his own adventure, it's akin to him trying to reclaim his autonomy and trying to exert his influence. He tries to become his own central figure, and in doing so he meets Mr Jellybean. Two things happen as a result: Morty associates being in control of himself with getting assaulted, and we see a demonised version of Rick in Mr Jellybean. Hear me out! Mr Jellybean is the replacement of Rick in this episode as a figure that shoves Morty around, makes him uncomfortable, makes him do things he doesn't want to do, but with a sexual twist. Mr Jellybean's temper when he doesn't get what he wants and the sudden calm when he does, is eerily reflective of blackout drunk Rick.

We get a mix of a family episode and a sexually explicit episode here so I won't go into too much detail - but the distinct separation of Rick and Morty from the rest of their family when they leave creates a dynamic where Morty can rely on Rick as the only constant. It separates him from the rest of his family and the rest of the world in a lot of ways, which heavily contributes to his mindset.

The next episode is one where the creator definitely try and push a distrust by the family in regards to Rick and Morty's relationship. Rick lets Morty buy a sex bot while they're out named Gwendolyn - Morty adapts quickly and happily to his more sexually active lifestyle until he asks Rick to come upstairs. Beth says then: "Okay, now if we hear squeaking, we intervene." Rick is attempting to fix Gwendolyn and jumps on the bed, which prompts the entire family to come to Morty's room to stop whatever it is that is happening. Like I've mentioned previously, they follow really explicit episodes with family stuff - this episode somewhat follows that by splitting it in half: half is explicit and the rest has Rick and Morty separated while we take in the new information given to us. Beth thought Rick would have sex with Gwendolyn, possibly in a threesome or something - if the character believes it, then the creators wants us to believe it too.

The next two episodes are family orientated, where we focus less on Rick and Morty and more specific members of their family, we're introduced to a flipped dynamic via Evil Morty and his Rick. Morty ponders his own worth as Rick devalues his existence and treats him like one would an object which is another aspect of abuse that gets referenced in the future. My interest for now lies in the use of Mortys and how they're viewed by Ricks. Evil Morty perpetuates that and attempts to go about it in a Rick-esque way. Which, of course, means tying naked teenagers to the outside of a building - there isn't a need for them to be naked, but Evil Morty does that in order to push the idea of it being something a Rick would cook up while also turning on himself. The idea that there are good Ricks, bad Ricks and worse Ricks makes for an interesting idea that begs the question: if the Rick next to C-137 on the scale is believed to be capable of doing that to hundreds of Mortys, then what is our Rick capable of?

Below is the summary of the journal of a teenage Japanese Navy sailor who came home after World War II to face defeat and irresponsibility. It has obvious implications for the postwar path of Azula and other child soldiers like her, and for the Fire Nation more generally.  It also has huge implications for how people might respond to Zuko and particularly Iroh’s behavior, might respond to their refusal to accept responsibility.

While writing a much, much longer analysis and prediction post (which we will finish and post hopefully by Wednesday - fingers crossed, it’s already been delayed over a week because of work schedules and additions) and a portion discussing what @aoimikans​ and I know of the wider-known Dad for One Theory, I had to pause while discussing the topic of Nana Shimura’s husband.  

At the time, I had been writing about the alternative ways All for One found Nana Shimura and her husband (whether he was a hero, a civilian, or perhaps the 6th User of OfA) and killed her husband. I mentioned there is an alternative theory floating around that All for One was actually her husband, but it is generally easy to debunk based on canon information, including recent information given to use via Gran Torino’s flashback: 

In a recent chapter, when we see Gran Torino watch Nana as she gives up Kotaro, Nana says later in the flashback “if he learns of Kotaro” as if All for One was not aware of the boy, to begin with. That may imply that her husband was killed while she was pregnant and she escaped AfO’s attention long enough to raise Kotaro for a few years. 

One would think that if AfO was her husband, he’d know about Kotaro early on, or at the very least know of the attempts to have a child. And if AfO already knew of their connection, he would try to use it against her and put both her and her child in danger. Not only that but when All for One finds Shimura’s family later on - and he would have to have found them to show interest in Tenko - he simply allows Kotaro and Hana to die. Kotaro, Nana’s son, and Hana, Kotaro’s daughter who resembles Nana in both name and appearance. If he had been her husband and found she’d managed to hide away a child, I can’t imagine he wouldn’t move to possess that entire family somehow. 

Then… It occurred to me that there is another alternative option which I’m calling the Fling Theory. 

All for One approached Nana Shimura under a different name and quirk (much like the theorized Dad for One = Hisashi Midoriya situation) and attempted to get close enough to her to create a relationship, trick her into giving him One for All (and maybe even a child at that point). All for One was unsuccessful stealing the quirk by force up until then. Perhaps he thought a different approach would work, and being a charismatic person and egotistical it sounds like something he’d do. 

Maybe it got as far as a night of passion before Nana realized who All for One was and fled. That would certainly give one plausible explanation for why everything seems so personal when All for One discusses Nana Shimura. Moreover, if she discovered she was pregnant after? A marriage to a hero or civilian husband to cover for the existence of a child would be necessary to hide him. Again, in Gran Torino’s recent flashback, there is that focus on what Nana says: “if he learns of Kotaro…” 

Thanks for the question, @birekuden.

There are just to many things to say but anyway, lets start. I will talk about why i dont like the way story portrayed Bakugou in another post, here, i will talk about Deku and Bakugou’s relationship.

Bnha is a story about abuse. In hero society, there is a system that support abuse & violence and many people are victim of this system. Narrative also shows how much wrong it is.

Bakugou is also abuse victim and victim of system, just  like others. Yeah, maybe his mother loves him but still, the way her mother treats him is abuse.

Also the way society treats Bakugou is the reason Bakugou is like this. Bakugou has very toxic mind, it hurts both himself and others.

It's a new perspective I hadn't considered yet.

The thing with Azula is that the perspective of her as a bad person is largely a result of protagonist-centered morality. From the perspective of the Gaang she’s a villain, and therefor she’s presented to the audience as a bad person.

Except if you stop viewing her as The Antagonist, and instead just view her as a teenager raised in an environment of extreme propaganda and parental abuse, she stops being a villain and starts being a person trying her best to do the right thing. She just has been raised with a warped idea of what “the right thing” is. 

She believes that serving the Fire Lord, and by extension the Fire Nation, is fundamentally moral. She’s a dyed-in-the-wool patriot. We as the audience know that the Fire Nation is on the wrong side of this conflict, but then people take that a step further and decide that any actions taken in support of the Fire Nation are wrong (at least, when Azula does them). 

But if you reject the idea that supporting the Fire Nation means someone must be fundamentally evil (which is necessary to accept the redemption of Iroh and Zuko) then there really isn’t a whole lot of reason to think Azula is a bad person. She fights the Gaang, but it’s a war and they’re the enemy. She conquers Ba Sing Se, but it’s a war and she does it without bloodshed. She almost kills Aang, but it’s a war and he’s a walking WMD on a mission to kill her father. 

Azula can certainly be mean, but so can Zuko, and nobody suggests that he’s fundamentally a terrible person. There’s absolutely no reason to think Azula wouldn’t change her behavior if given the kind of mentorship that Zuko got.  

Eri is a child with very little agency of her own, but Shigaraki is an adult who can make conscious decisions of his own. I think either deku will save shigaraki by putting him out of his misery or shigaraki will show deku that he cant save everyone 2/2

Thank you for sending me this ask anon! Once again you’re free to have your own opinions, I just hope you’ll join me for a discusssion of ideas. 

Let’s choose to focus on this idea you have that Shigaraki is “Someone who is long gone”, because I believe the story establishes the opposite. I agree in fiction there are villains that need to be defeated rather than saved. The reason I am arguing that Shigaraki can be saved is not because I peresonally want him to be, or I believe he’s owed it, but because those ideas are present in the text itself. 

Shigaraki is a Villain who Fights other Villains

The reason Shigaraki is constantly facing off against other villains, is to make the comparison between them. To show that there are villains who unlike Shigaraki, are set in their ways and not capable of learning from their actions. These villains are past the point of no return in a way that Shigaraki isn’t because his arc is structured differently. Shigaraki is a character that experiences positive growths, whereas these villains are characters that experience negative growth and spiral out of control. 

The reason Shigaraki is constantly compared to other villains is to show that he is not the same as them, because he can do better. 

A common misconception about Azula is that she was power hungry. But she wasn’t. Everything she did, she did for her father and for the Fire Nation. When she conquered Ba Sing Se, she said, “The Fire Nation has conquered Ba Sing Se” not “I have conquered Ba Sing Se.” She categorized it as a group effort. She definitely thought that she’d make a better Fire Lord than Zuko, but she didn’t actually want to be Fire Lord. If she did, she wouldn’t have brought Zuko home as a hero instead of as a prisoner. Azula seemed perfectly okay with Zuko being the new heir to the throne. All Azula desperately wanted was her father’s approval and affection, and she also was terrified of ending up like Zuko (the disfavored child of Ozai).

Females with horns

(Warning: Mention and analysis of a very toxic relationship.)

¨These two are really bad for each other. Malachite was formed through extortion and deception and held together out of revenge. Malachite is the worst relationship imaginable.¨

Malachite was a character that was introduced in Season 1 finale “Jailbreak” after Jasper and Lapis Lazuli decided to fuse together to defeat the Crystal gems.

In this post i’m going to examine Malachite as a fusion and what she tells us about Jasper and Lapis and their relationship.

Lapis Lazuli´s and Jasper´s backstory:

First let’s talk a bit about Jasper’s and Lapis´ past:

Steven first found Lapis trapped in a Gem mirror, after spending some time with her, he decided to free her and later healed her gem so she could return to Homeworld by using her magic water wings.

In the episode ¨Same Old World¨ (Season 3) Lapis tells to Steven her backstory about how she got trapped in that mirror.

¨It was thousands of years ago. I was only meant to visit for a short time, but I got caught in the middle of the war. It was awful. I tried to run, but… I was picked up by a Homeworld soldier and confused for a Crystal Gem, and used as a tool.¨

Lapis talks about what happened to her as it was an accident, a terrible tragedy in which there´s not only one person she can blame for all her problems. In a way, she´s potrayed as victim of the Gem war, she was on Earth for a visit and then she was meant to leave.

She was treated as a prisoner from gems who were supposed to be on her side, used as a tool and left behind on Earth like her life was nothing.

¨It soon became clear that there was no hope in stopping the rebellion. All of the Homeworld Gems fled, and all the panic of escaping Earth, I was left behind. And there I stayed. Freedom in my sight, but out of reach for ages, until I was found.¨

Then she spend thousands of year trapped in that mirror, alone, with no one to talk to, with her gem cracked on top of that. Anyone stuck in that situation who quickly became insane and would definely not be the same person that used to be before the traumatic event.

It´s not suprising Lapis was so angry when Steven free her from that mirror. While she didn´t want to get revenge on the Crystal gems she still had a lot of anger and frustration buried deep inside her.

As for Jasper, her backstory differs greatly from Lapis´:

Jasper was born in the middle of the gem war in the Beta Kindergarten, in less than a few hours she took more than 80+ Crystal gems impressing many Homeworld gems due to her strengh.

She was considered a gem role model in Homeworld, she was an example of what a quartz soldier should be. The issue was that depiste being highly respected by her peers, she couldn´t get out of her mind that she still was a gem that came from the worst kindergarten on Earth.

According to Peridot on ¨Beta¨ most gems born in the Beta Kirdengarten came out flawed or defective in some way. This was because Homeworld rushed the place during the war to get more gems. 

Jasper was one of the few gems that came out ¨right¨ to the point she could be considered a superquartz soldier by Homeworld´s standards.

However not matter how much praised she got, Jasper thought there was something with her because of her origins. This made her develop an  obsession with proving her power and getting more and more self-destructive as time passed.

¨Jasper is a bully in the truest sense. Deep down, she’s afraid there’s something wrong with her, so she has to feed her ego. She has to put other Gems down to stay on top. Who she is and where she’s from gnaws at her all the time. She has a fantastic reputation, she’s considered the greatest Quartz soldier produced on Earth, and that might impress other Gems, but it will never be good enough for her.¨

¨Because she loves honor, fighting, making her mark, and winning the battle, she’ll actually go against her programming a little bit just to be the winner. So she can be self-destructive at times. She is tragically obsessed with proving her superiority.¨

Why is all this important? Well, it´s essential to know where these characters are coming from to understand why they decided to be Malachite in first place and why they were a recipe for disaster the moment that Jasper asked Lapis to fuse with her.

On one hand you have a gem that was spent thousands of years trapped against her will and carries a lot on anger and trauma inside her. On the other hand the other gem also has war trauma, it’s very self-destructive and thinks she’s horrible. Mix these two together and what you get is a unstable fusion made of hate and revenge.

Malachite as a metaphor for Jasper´s and Lapis´ relationship

Now that i have talked about their past. I going examine the scene in which they fuse into Malachite in “Jailbreak” and what the fusion tells us about their relationship.

After being defeated by Garnet (a fusion) Jasper decides to find someone she could also fuse with to win against the Crystal gems.

She spot Lapis Lazuli and grabs her before she can escape flying. She convinces Lapis to fuse with her to get revenge on Crystal gems. She reminds her how they used her and how they are traitors to Homeworld.

¨These Gems, they’re traitors to their Homeworld. They kept you prisoner. They used you.¨

It’s worth of pointing out that Jasper never tries to “force” Lapis into fusing with her in this scene. She tries using her, true, but she waits until Lapis accepts and gives her hand.

Now, Jasper could care less about Lapis in this scene. For her, she was only just a tool to get revenge on the Crystal gems and Rose Quartz. There wasn’t any “trust” between the two.

As for Lapis, she tried escaping from Jasper first but after realising that she was about to being used again by someone who had kept her prisoner in the ship she snapped and decided to stop being treated like an object for once.

Moments later after they fused into Malachite, Lapis took control of the fusion’s water powers and chained her down, dragging her into the bottow of the ocean.

¨I’m done being everyone’s prisoner. Now you’re my prisoner! And I’m never letting you go! Let’s stay on this miserable planet… together!¨

As Lapis stated, she was done of being everyone’s prisioner, she was tired of being treated like a tool by everyone. Control in her own life was something was constanly taken away from her. So by trapping Malachite (and herself) meant that was able to make choices again.

As for Jasper, i already mentioned that she only wanted Lapis to become more powerful. Jasper is a gem that shown to be obssesed with winning and fighting. She doesn’t accept defeat easily and the more she loses, more self-destructive she gets.

In “Chilled tid” Steven gets a glimpse of what Malachite’s mind looked like: Lapis and Jasper were fighting over the control of the fusion. They both were completely exhausted and beaten.

There’s a visual methaphor about how they are both chained to Malachite in this dream sequence. This is very much like how it’s really difficult to get out of a toxic/codependent relationship and how one feels trapped with no hope of getting out of it.

Another interesting detail is when Jasper takes control, all she’s able to say is “YOU! YOU! YOU!¨ to Steven. It shows how crazy she gets when can’t win a battle and how her mind deteriorates in the process.

The episode "Alone at the Sea” explores their relationship even further by showing which their main motivations were and how it affect them both.

First of all, the reason of why Lapis didn’t want to be near the ocean again it’s because it remind her of time she used to be fused with Jasper:

“Look, Lapis, I know you spent a really long time fused with Jasper at the bottom of the ocean, but you’re not Malachite anymore.And water is a part of who you are. You can’t let one bad experience take that away from you.”

During the boat trip Lapis keeps blaming herself for the events of Ocean gem and Malachite:

“It’s my fault. I’m the one to blame.”

“I'm terrible! I did horrible things! I-I broke your dad’s leg. I stole Earth's ocean! Go on! Tell me I’m wrong!”

She describes herself as “terrible”. She thinks she don’t deserve the kindness that Steven has giving her during all this time.

Lapis is a character who usually stuggles with change in the series. She thinks she won’t be able to revover from her trauma, that she can’t grow and become a better person.

She also mentions to him how she can’t help but think of when she used to be Malachite.

“I’m really trying to enjoy it out here, but… I can’t stop thinking about being fused as Malachite, how I used all my strength to hold her down in the ocean, and how I was always battling against Jasper to keep her bound to me.”

“But it’s not like that anymore. You don’t have to be with Jasper.”

“That’s not it. I… I miss her.”

“What?!”

“We were fused for so long.”

This implies that after spending so much together Jasper and Lapis became codependent of each other. Steven, who was still a teenager in this scene, couldn’t fully get grasp of why his friend who missed being in a terrible situation like that.

And Lapis was not the only one that felt like this.

When Jasper shows up, she shows she has been missing Lapis as well and she has been tracking her to find her.

In a very rare moment that would look out of character for her Jasper kneels down and begs for Lapis to be Malachite again.

¨Let’s be Malachite again.¨  

Keep in mind that until know Jasper has always been potrayed as someone who would do anything it takes to win. She’s tough gem soldier who isn’t afraid of her enemies. She’s strong,cocky and agressive. So why did she ask to be Malachite again?

“I was wrong about fusion. You made me understand! Malachite was bigger and stronger than both of us! We could fly!”

She emphazises Malachite’s power when they were fused. How strong and powerful she was.

This makes sense considering the factthat Jasper thinks of herself as “horrible” and “defective”. She has a huge inferiority complex that comes from how Earth gems are perceived on Homeworld.

So, being Malachite made her feel “complete” and cover up her insecurities and personal issues.

“It’ll be better this time. I’ve changed. You’ve changed me. I’m the only one who can handle your kind of power.”

She tries to convince Lapis by saying how she’s the only one that can “handle” her powers. This shows again how self-destructive Jasper can be as she was willing to go through that pain again just to feel powerful.

Another reason, i think, it’s because she partially blames herself for Pink Diamond’d shattering. She probably wanted to be punished for her “failure” or wanted someone who she could follow again much like she started calling Steven “My diamond” in “Homeworld Bound”.

As for Lapis, there are a few reasons she had her doubts of being Malachite again:

1) The fusion was a way for her to gain control back on her own life. She was tired of being tricked and used by everyone that she wanted to take her anger on someone.

“I was terrible to you. I liked taking everything out on you. I needed to, I-I hated you. It was bad!”

Lapis wanted someone to go through the same pain she had to endure for thousands of years. And that someone could have anyone. She choosed Jasper as she was the closest one to her in “Jailbreak”.

When she was separated, she felt she suddenly lost that great amount of power that the fusion gave to her. She lost that “control” she had.

2) During “Alone at the sea” she describes herself many times as terrible and how she doesn’t deserve the boat trip. She keeps blaming herself from her actions and how she can’t get better.

Jasper even calls Lapis a monster in a moment, stating they very much alike:

“You can’t lie to me. I’ve seen what you’re capable of. I thought I was a brute, but you… you’re a monster.”

Lapis wanted to go back to be Malachite since she thought it was what someone as terrible as her deserved. She thought she couldn’t grow into good person. Gems terrible as her and Jasper were meant to be together.

But Lapis knew better than getting trapped in that fusion again.

“NO! ”“What we had wasn’t healthy. I never want to feel like I felt with you. Never again! So just, go!”

In the end she refused to fuse with Jasper and realised how toxic their relationship was. It was a terrible experience and something she didn’t want to take part in ever again.

Malachite as a character

Being fusion who is supposed to represent an very toxic relationship, Malachite is potrayed as very agressive, unstable and sadistic. She´s quite unpredictable since her actitude depends of who it´s taking control of her.

When her eyes are ¨cat shaped¨ it usually means that Jasper is the one controlling her. If her eyes are wide and open, it indicates Lapis is the one in control.

It´s difficult to affirm Malachite ever had her own personality at all,as her components were always fighting over her power and she was a mere tool from the moment she was ¨born¨.

¨A fusion like theirs is unstable, bound together by anger and mistrust. If that bond snaps, their anger will take over, and destroy.¨  

She ends up being a pretty tragic character as her whole existence was filled by hatred and suffering to the point she didn´t know anything else. Unlike other characters from Steven universe she wasn´t given the chance to redeem herself.

It´s interesting how Malachite in ¨Super Watermelon Island¨ kept exchaching between ¨we¨ and ¨I¨ to talk about herself. This indicates again that she wasn´t fully her own person.

If Lapis and Jasper were to fuse again after having worked through their issues, Malachite would be a more stable and less agressive fusion. But that´s very unlikely to happen since it was a terrifying experience for both of them.