moved to @ddarkhours

PLEASE READ!!!! (tw sexual harassment, murder, rape)

Sarah Everard was a British, 33 year old woman who was walking home in Clapham on the 3rd of March 2020 when she disappeared. She was missing for over a week before human remains were found, that are supposed to be hers (confirmation hasn’t come yet)

So far one man has been arrested in regards to Sarah’s disappearance and assumed murder.

A police officer.

A fucking police officer, the people that we’re supposed to trust. The people that we now have to believe are bringing her justice. The one place we are told to always go if we need to feel safe. Well I don’t feel safe. And the main reason this is so scary is:

Sarah did everything right.

She was wearing bright colours, she was wearing clothes that covered her entire body, she was walking on a main road, she was in a well lit area, she was on the phone to her boyfriend, she had shared her location to her friends.

Sarah had done everything that us women and girls have been taught to do since we could leave the house by ourselves, and it still wasn’t enough to save her.

And, out there, are still people blaming her for what happened saying she shouldn’t have been walking home alone at night.

It was 9:30pm on a Wednesday and she was walking to her flat.

WOMEN SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO WALK HOME ALONE AT 9PM.

WOMEN SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO WALK HOME ALONE AT ANY TIME.

We are taught so many lessons when we are young, because we grow up learning that we need to know how to protect ourselves.

We are told, walk on main streets, stay on well lit areas, keep your keys between your fingers (like you’re wolverine), shared your uber trip with friends, share your location with friends, make sure a friend is expecting a call when you arrive at your destination, be on the phone to a “boyfriend”, don’t have your headphones in, make a note of licence plates, go to the other side of the street if someone is following you, wear bright colours, don’t wear your hair in a ponytail or plait (easier to grab) - and these are just for walking home alone.

We have to walk home as if we’re Jason fucking Bourne.

As well as that, we are told, avoid ground floor flats, never take the stairs and instead take the elevator if you can (there’s rarely a camera in stairwells), if you’re driving alone at night never wait in your car to put on music and instead drive off straight away, always check under your car before getting in, always check your back seat, if your driver’s seat door is next to a truck or other car that has someone in then get in through the passenger seat door, the elbow is the strongest part of your body and if you need to hit someone then use that, and if you are going to hit someone then make sure to always aim for the groin if you can.

I knew all of this by the time I was 12.

A recent study has shown that 97% of women in the UK aged 18-24 have experienced sexual harassment, and 81% of women in the world have experienced sexual harassment of some kind. This is a staggeringly high figure that, believe it or not, is increasing.

As a woman, this is terrifying.

Now, obviously, there is the point of “not all men” and that’s very true, not all men do that at ALL. In fact, a lot of them are nice, and caring and protective and would save you from creeps like these. But, how do we know who they are? How do I know that you’re making sure that I’m okay, not making sure that I’m not paying attention or that I’m walking alone?

I once crossed the street when a man was walking behind me, and he called out saying “why would you do that, I wasn’t going to do anything to you?” and I replied with “I’m sorry but I didn’t know that. I’m just being safe.” and he actually said back “well thanks for just assuming I’m a rapist, now I feel great about myself.”

Okay, so in this situation, the worst case scenario for you is getting your feelings hurt, but for us it’s being raped and murdered, so I think it’s safe to say we all know which one is worse. But I couldn’t help feeling guilty, and it was as if I started to blame myself for being safe.

This has to stop.

We cannot keep continuing to have to teach women to protect themselves. It has to end. We need to actually teach consent, to stop degrading women, to stop victim blaming. It is not women that need to fix the system, it’s men.

Please call out others on their sexist language and do not let them get off lightly. Support a woman who is being bothered by interrupting the conversation and pretending to be her brother or family member or friend. Leave distance between you and a woman walking home alone at night and, if you really want to make sure she knows you aren’t following her then cross the road. Allow a woman to open up about past experiences, and do not victim blame or say “not all men”, give her a safe space to trust you and do not pass it off as nothing. Try to keep your face visible if you can. 

By forcing women to be the ones to avoid male behaviour, it encourages victim blaming. It comes across as “we didn’t do enough to stop them” but sometimes women, women like Sarah, do everything right and this still happens. And what does that show? It shows that it isn’t up to us to avoid your behaviour. It’s up to you to be a decent human being and let women feel safe to walks the streets around where they live.

Who are you afraid of?

Tell me, who scares you? Who are you afraid is going to rape or kill you? It’s not a woman is it? It’s other men.

Doesn’t that speak volume?

It’s not about “not all men” it’s about how it’s enough men for no woman to feel safe. It’s enough men for every woman to have a checklist of protection and safety tips in their heads. It’s enough men for us to grow up in a reality where we feel unsafe, and scared, and vulnerable, and threatened just for simply trying to walk. Trying to live our lives.

I honestly don’t think I could name one female that I know who hasn’t experienced sexual harassment of some kind. We exchange stories, we exchange tips, we give each other advice on places and people to avoid. We practice self defence moves and teach them to teach other.

We train to survive.

Someone posted a survey a while back, asking women the same question. If men disappeared from the earth for 24 hours, what would be the first thing you did?

Do you know what the overwhelming response was? Almost every single woman said the same thing.

Go for a walk alone, at night.

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