Varian's Catastrophes

People who use this emoji around me (🥺) I hate it, it's terrifying, it's cringy, and it makes me feel like I just drank spiders

Beetlebabes, Bipper, Cassarian, Violet x Olaf, Mabel x Bill, Stanford x Stanley or Mabel x Dipper. I'm not sorry, I won't tolerate it. People who ship Gideon and Mabel are on very thin fucking ice, and I'd suggest not interacting.

Rude People, simple

Homophobes, Transphobes, Racists, y'know the basics.

People who end up finding my tiktok (no, just stick to tiktok or tumblr-)

Just.... Damnit

I'm about to go help Adam beat up this kid that doesn't even really technically exist in their universe canonically, but i don't care. Nobody does anything to my girlfriend bestie person.

Angst with happy endings: 8/10, I love these!

Pure Heartburning Angst: 8.5/10, I like being sad I guess

Traitor Arcs: 9.1/10 yes. as long as it's not my favorite character getting betrayed because I'll kill you /j

Villan Arcs: 9/10, no explanation.

Hero Arcs: 5/10, I'm personally not the biggest fan, unless it's really well written I won't read it.

Western AU: 7.9/10, It depends on what the AU is based on, ASOUE? cool, Gravity falls? i'll pass personally

Stuck on an Island AU: 9/10, these are usually either very funny or very dark and fucked up, and I love them both.

Enemies to Lovers: 7.9/10 Depends on how well written it is, and how natural and not idiotic feeling it is.

That's it for this evening folks and fools, love you all

Angry Spaghetti

Sad Spaghetti

Depressed Spaghetti

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker* Lyric: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know. Everyone: Lydia: ...I did. I broke it. Lyric: No. No you didn't. Beej? Beej: Don't look at me. Look at Barbara. Barbara: What?! I didn't break it. Beej: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken? Barbara: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken. Beej: Suspicious. Barbara: No, it's not! Adam: If it matters, probably not, but Percie was the last one to use it. Percie: Liar! I don't even drink that crap! Adam: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier? Percie: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Adam! Lydia: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Lyric. Lyric: No! Who broke it!? Everyone: Adam: Lyric... Beej's been awfully quiet. Beej: rEALLY?! *Everyone starts arguing* Lyric, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. Lyric: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Lyric: Lyric: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Lyric: I CAN'T DO IT! Lydia, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER! Lyric: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE Beej: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US. Lyric: Lyric: I appreciate it, Lyric: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH- Barbara: Lyric- Lyric: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE! Adam: Lyric we gotta- Lyric: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT. Lyric: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?' Lyric, motioning to Percie: NOT FUCKING THIS