always & forever

lover, rare, & cry pretty are my 2020 life soundtracks

I think what made moving on so hard was feeling like you owed it to someone or something to not leave. You tie yourself to the past. You go through the memories and everything the place or person has given you and you feel like you just can’t do it. Leaving doesn’t feel like an option. You know you’ve outgrown it. You know you don’t belong anymore. You know it’s not making you happy anymore - the choice is clear, but somehow you’re still stuck.

“How will I survive this missing? How do others do it?” - Jandy Nelson, The Sky is Everywhere

“Who can remember pain once it’s over? All that remains of it is a shadow, not in the mind even, in the flesh. Pain marks you, but too deep to see.” - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale

“We would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed together with the windows open and the stars bright.” - Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

i think one of the worst things about abandonment issues is that you spend your life in a constant cycle of expecting someone to leave, consequently doing shit that’ll make them leave, and then affirming to yourself that they were gonna leave the whole time because of who you are as a person