Space Nerd

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"

i know cheating is bad but i'd like to thank it for what it has done for music & movie industry

no one says big mood anymore. no one even says mood. no one says anything. all thats left is a dry wind, that scours my face until i bleed

probably nothing lesbian will happen to me this pride but by god i can Hope

the well ok of it all

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

auto immune disorders happen when the immune system ignores regulatory factors and begins attacking healthy bodily tissues, due to what scientists refer to as "sheer love of the game"

woe! texted a casual acquaintance "I've been considering getting into knotting"

it’s crazy to me how ice water is a uniquely american phenomenon. it’s the greatest drink in the entire world. how have other countries not hopped on board? genuinely don’t understand how sparkling water is ubiquitous in a way that simple ice water isn’t. whenever i ask for ice water outside the u.s., they put 2 ice cubes in a glass, and i’m always too ashamed of being american to ask for more. but it’s our single healthy habit! luckily i am always prepared (half gallon insulated water bottle that i fill with ice myself and then fill with water and always carry around with me) but it really is baffling every time i travel.

hey. dont cry, ok? vgk got shut out at home in an elimination game during the stanley cup finals ❤️

Use your PTO