i don’t like a gold rush

“we all looked at each other and didn’t know what to say. i thought whitaker was gonna shit himself.” you tell him and that draws the unfamiliar sound from him.

your chopsticks freeze in your grasp as you watch him chuckle to himself as he focuses on his own food. you haven’t heard a sound so genuine before, so full of warmth. your heart swells, and you quickly look away before he notices you gawking at him.

“i would’ve paid to see that.” brendon responds, a hint of a smile on his face.

you’re so enamoured by him that you almost forget to breathe. all you can do is nod, trying to give yourself a moment to steady your racing heart.

you thought this thing you had going on was purely physical, a means to an end, a way to get out your frustration on someone hot and willing. to be dominated by someone who can push you to your limits and equally take care of you after.

it comes to a head between you when he ignores your instruction and makes a decision that comes back on you. robby chews you out in front of the team, and all you can do is stand there and take it.

“(y/n),” frank follows you through the ED, hot on your heels. “i didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but my lack of judgement—“

“you knew what you were doing,” you spin on your heel. “you have this need to always be the smartest person in the room and your arrogance is exactly why you aren’t ready for this yet.”

“wow, tell me how you really feel.” he bites.

you sigh, “frank, it’s not that i don’t think you’re capable of this—“

“that’s what you basically said.” he responds shortly.

“you can’t make these decisions without coming to me,” you snap, short of patience. “you might be a senior resident, but you still consult your attending.”

“the guy survived—“

“oh, just fuck off, frank.”

the arrangement between the two of you is simply to let off some steam after a difficult shift. it isn’t uncommon for you to end up in park’s bed at the end of the day, and it’s only recently you’ve started spending the night and waking up to the smell of fresh coffee wafting through his penthouse apartment in the morning.

things get a little too real when he offers to drive you to work. you laugh and tell him you’re sure you’ll be fine, but park feels something deflate in his chest. defeated, he nods and doesn’t say anything else.

when park has to come down to the ED and finds you talking to a resident who’s a little too close to you for park’s liking, his jaw clenches as he watches you flirt shamelessly. even as he reminds himself that you aren’t his, he stalks back up to the OR with a newfound frustration that causes him to snap at his residents.

“dinner. tonight.”

you look up to find park standing over the desk you’re charting at.

“what happened to hi, hello, how are you?” you joke. “i’m sure we can get takeout on the way—“

“i made us a reservation.”

you gape at him, “you did what?”

“see you at seven.”

he’s loved you from the second he laid eyes on you. it’s cheesy, and he used to laugh at the notion of love at first sight, but you changed his whole world from the moment you walked through the chaos of the ED on that sunny january morning.

now you’ll barely look at him and he feels sick to his stomach.

“she’ll come around, kid,” dana says softly, looking up from the tablet in her hands to find langdon watching to leave the room like a kicked puppy. “it’s just gonna take some time.”

“i don’t know, dee,” he responds. “she’s given me the silent treatment before, but what i did was… i don’t think it’s gonna be as easy this time.”

“i think a good start would be to stop beating yourself up about it and forgive yourself. how can you expect her to forgive you otherwise?”

those words ring in langdon’s mind even weeks later, when you’re still not talking to him. at least it’s no longer awkward whenever you need to get his eyes on something; it’s like you’ve gotten accustomed to referring to him as ‘dr. langdon’ only.

“(y/n), can we—“ he tries to grab your attention as you walk past him in the hall.

“i’m kinda tied up.” you lie swiftly.

“please,” you have to look away because the soft eyes he’s looking at you with almost makes you break. “i only need a minute.”

“i don’t have one, langdon.” is your response.

mckay had talked you into it, which was a recipe for disaster. mckay, who barely has her own social life, convincing you to come out with the day shift after work. this is how you’ve found yourself at some random karaoke bar, listening to strangers butcher chart classics and the smell of twelve different types of beer overwhelming your senses.

and to top it all off, you’ve just seen robby kiss noelle in a bar full of your coworkers.

it’s like the entire room goes silent. as soon as you see him capture her lips, it’s like your world bursts into flames. you can’t make out what cassie is saying and when she follows your eyeline, realisation crosses her features.

“hey, drink up!” santos thrusts a shot of something you can’t decipher into your hand, and you’re too late to close your fingers around it because it hits the floor.

“oh shit, are you okay?” whitaker asks, but everything’s a blur as you make your way through the crowd of people and into the cold pittsburgh night air.

you lean back against the wall, reaching into your pocket for the vape garcia offered you earlier that you’d turned down on the basis you were quitting. she’d forgotten to take it back, and you’re grateful as you take a hit and let the tears fall.

the worst part is you hate yourself for even feeling this way about him. this frustrating man who can’t let anyone in and is the most emotionally unavailable person you’ve ever met. who cares about his staff and will defend them to the end of the earth, who laughs and it lights up a room. who makes you feel… who you love and have for a long time.

“(y/n), i didn’t know he was gonna bring her—“ cassie rushes outside, and you wave her off with a forced smile.

“it’s okay. i need to get over it sooner rather than later. maybe this was the wake up call i needed. he’s never gonna want me, cass.”

“i wouldn’t…” she looks like she wants to say something, but changes her mind at the last second. “he’s a good guy, he’s just… look, no matter what i say it isn’t gonna help. are you gonna be okay out here? do you want me to get an uber with you?”

“no, you’re having fun,” you take another drag of the vape in your hand. “and you deserve to have a good night. i’ll be fine, i’m gonna hang out here for a while and then get going. i’ll see you next shift?”

she nods, giving you a warm smile, “text me when you get home, okay?”

you nod as she squeezes your shoulder before making her way back inside the chaos of the bar.

you lean your head back against the wall and sigh.

“long night?”

you freeze at the sound of the familiar voice. when you look over at the door, you find robby with a cigarette hanging between his lips and a lighter in his hand.

“i thought you quit.” you say.

“i thought you did too.” he nods to the vape and you shrug.

“old habits die hard, i guess.”

robby chuckles and when he struggles to light the cigarette, you cup your hands around it to shield it from the cold as he ignites it.

“thanks.” he says, and the two of you stand in silence for a while.

“what are you doing out here? shouldn’t you be inside making sure your girlfriend isn’t lecturing the staff about our bed problem?” you try not to sound bitter, but it seeps into your tone.

robby chuckles, “so you like her.”

you hum, “she’s actually very nice.”

“she is.”

you take another hit of the vape and try to act like your heart isn’t cracking into two in real time.

robby flicks his cigarette and looks at the ground, “you know, we haven’t had a chance to talk about—“

“i don’t wanna talk about it.” you’re aware you sound childish, but the thought of talking to robby about this on this night makes you feel nauseous.

“we need to talk about it sooner rather than later.”

“no, we don’t,” you move away from the wall. “have a good night. i’m going home.”

“(y/n)—“

“no!” you exclaim, pocketing the vape and trying not to look him in the eye. “it doesn’t even matter. i accepted another job anyway.”

robby looks at you like you’ve grown two heads.

“what?” he sounds wounded.

“there was a position going in the OR. park offered me the job this morning and i accepted.”

“you’re going to work for him?”

“he has it together a whole lot more than you do.”

“ouch,” robby takes a drag of his cigarette, looking up at the night sky. “guess i deserve that one.”

“look, robby, it isn’t personal—“

“it is,” robby nods, more to himself than to you. “i know it is. but that’s okay.”

“is it?”

“it has to be.”

you nod, rapidly blinking away the tears welling in your eyes, “it’s late. i’m gonna get going.”

“i’ll wait with you for your uber.”

“i think i’m gonna walk.”

“(y/n), it’s late, i’m coming with you—“

“no,” you put your hand out to stop him. “i just want to be alone.”

your heart flips at the sight. he’s handsome, with soft brown eyes that you could get lost in. he refuses to meet your gaze, eyes trained away from both the twins and you.

you’ve thought about this many times before, how it would be when he finally reveals his face to you. would you be married? would he allow himself to give himself to his wife in the most intimate way? part of you thought you’d never get to see what he looks like, stuck in a spiral of unrequited love.

you know this is wrong. it isn’t what he wants, you should look away, but you’re completely enamoured by him. for a moment, you forget the predicament you’re in.

the mandalorian works his magic and before long, you’re safe and sound back in the little house the two of you share. this arrangement was supposed to be temporary, but the kid has grown fond of you and din doesn’t have the heart to ask you to leave. he’ll never admit that he’s grown too used to your presence, and enjoys coming home to you at the end of the day.

din’s barely said a word since you got home. he put the kid down to sleep and then pottered around the small space, claiming there was much work to be done. the place hasn’t been inhabited for days, but you don’t have the heart to say anything. he’s trying to keep his distance from you, and you have no choice but to accept it.

“din,” your soft voice makes him stop what he’s doing. “if you need me to go…”

“why would i need that?” his voice is sharp under the modulator and he sighs. “sorry, i don’t mean to—“

“no, i’m the one who should be sorry,” you take a step towards him. “i saw your face and i barely made any effort to look away.”

“you were taken by surprise. it’s okay.” he reassures you.

“no,” you shake your head. “no, i wasn’t. i… din, i’ve dreamed of that moment for so long.”

din swallows, heart racing underneath his beskar.

“granted, i thought it would be under different circumstances,” you chuckle. “but i’ve always wondered. i don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“you aren’t,” he responds. “i just hope you aren’t disappointed. the thought of disappointing you, it… i would never want to.”

“how could you even think i’m disappointed?” you take another step closer, the gap between the two of you closing. “din, i fell in love with you long before i saw your face. and now that i’ve seen it? i only love you more. you’re so handsome. you’ve hit every expectation and more.”

“i fell in love with you the moment you opened your mouth,” he admits. “hadn’t even said anything yet and i just knew.”

you smile, eyes watering, “and this whole time, i thought it was just me playing house.”

“no,” he responds with a soft chuckle. “i was hoping you wanted to.”

“i’ll always play house with you, din, if you’ll have me.”

unfortunately for you, your brain has stopped working. the guy in front of you is all muscle, shirtless and dripping with sweat. he has what looks like engine oil smeared across his chest, and he holds a dirty rag that he’s in the middle of wiping his hands with.

“logan’s a mechanic,” hannah explains, but she smiles to herself at the look on his face. “so if you ever have car troubles, you know who to call.”

“put a shirt on, dude.” garrett gives logan a look over your shoulder.

“it’s like a hundred degrees out there,” logan chugs a bottle of water and you try not to stare at his throat as it bobs. “hey, (y/n). you coming to malone’s later?”

“i’m not sure. i wouldn’t want to intrude.” you say honestly. tonight is logan’s fundraiser and hannah has invited you already, but you aren’t sure if the hockey crowd is exactly your vibe.

“you wouldn’t be,” logan grins at you, and you suddenly feel shy underneath his gaze. “come out with us. it’ll be fun.”

despite the raging anxiety in the pit of your stomach, you find yourself nodding, “okay. i’ll be there.”

“alright,” he taps the tabletop once as he heads out of the room. “now it’s a party.”

as the restaurant winds down, carmy’s eyes find his heavily pregnant girlfriend sitting a corner table. he can tell you’re trying not to fall asleep, your plate completely empty, and he chuckles softly to himself at the sight.

“go get your girl,” richie nods towards your section. “we got it from here, chef.”

“you sure?” carmy asks softly, but he’s already throwing down his towel and patting his cousin on the back in a grateful gesture. “thanks, rich.”

richie only nods, taking over carmy’s closing routine. a soft smile finds carmy’s face as he makes his way over to you, “hey, honey. you good over here?”

you smile up at your boyfriend, “yeah. just sleepy. it’s the baby’s fault, and syd’s awesome cooking.”

“i’m glad you liked it,” he runs his fingers through your hair and you careen into his touch. “i’ll be sure to give your compliments to her.”

you hum, “hadn’t you better get back?”

“no, no, i’m taking you home.”

“but, carm, your staff—“

“will be fine without me,” he leans down and pecks your lips. “you need me more.”

“i don’t think i can do this anymore,” you tell robby on the phone, after he tells you he can’t pick you up from the airport because he has to stay late at work again. “you’re never here. it’s like i’m dating a ghost. even my parents are asking if you’re real, do you know how embarrassing that is? you can’t even make the time to get lunch with them.”

“sweetheart, it’s just busy—“

“it’s always gonna be busy, michael. there’s always gonna be lives that need saving, and i know your work is important. i would never ask you to choose between your job and me. but the thing is, it’s destroying you. it makes you miserable.”

robby looks up at the night sky on the roof of the PTMC, letting your words sink in.

“i really like you,” you say, but there’s a hint of remorse in your tone. “but i don’t like how you’re making me feel.”

the last thing the doctors of the PTMC need is a broken AC on the hottest day of the year. as soon as you make your way through the doors for your shift, you look at dana in horror, “no AC?”

“they’re dealin’ with it,” she tells you. “it’s funny, they can jump to fix the broken AC but they won’t jump to protect their nurses.”

you chuckle, “it’s nice to see you aren’t holding a grudge, dee.”

she says something you can’t make out as you venture further into the chaos of the hospital. it looks like there were a hell of a lot of admissions overnight, and when you come face to face with jack abbot it’s clear the night was a tough one. he has a stony expression on his face as he watches a patient with a security guard standing outside his room.

“what’s his story?” you ask as abbot dabs at his face with a paper towel. his scrubs stick uncomfortably to him, damp curls clinging to his forehead.

“jackass beat the shit out of his wife,” the anger is clear in jack’s tone. “she’s refusing to press charges but i got lena in with her to try to talk her into it.”

you nod, “let me know if you need me to speak to her too.”

“thanks,” he says genuinely. “how did you sleep?”

“horribly,” you wipe away the sweat collecting at the back of your neck. “your bed is comfortable but your room is like a sauna in this heat.”

“diddums,” he teases and you roll your eyes fondly at him. “well, i’m gonna be stuck here for a couple more hours to see the rest of my patients through. you ready for me to give you the rundown?”

“let’s do it,” you tell him. “can we sleep at my place tonight?”

“get your mind out of the gutter and focus on rounds.” he jokingly reprimands.

all of you are crammed into the biggest booth you could find in the bar, which means knees are touching knees and thighs are touching thighs. your pulse skyrockets every time you feel robby’s breathy laugh against your ear, as the two of you talk between each other in the tight confines of the booth.

his cheeks are slightly red and his eyes twinkle with a mix of humour and drink, a sign he’s having a good time. he’s let loose a little, all smiles, and it looks extremely good on him. it’s hard to remind yourself you’re surrounded by the people you work with when he’s looking at you like you’re the only person that matters.

“that’s the worst one!” robby laughs as you shake your head.

“i’m not listening to someone who thinks mission impossible two is the best in the franchise.” you retort.

the playful banter happening between the two of you has caught the attention of langdon, who nudges some of your friends and gestures to the two of you with a knowing smile.

“trust me, rewatch it and tell me it isn’t good.”

“i can tell you that without needing to rewatch it.”

“if you rewatch it, i’ll make you dinner.”

the air between the two of you shifts, and as robby knocks back some of his beer you find yourself focusing on the column of his throat. he notices you watching, because his lips quirk up into an amused smile.

“sorry.” you laugh nervously, curling your fingers around your glass to focus on literally anything else.

“don’t be. i’ve been throwing hints all night.”

you swallow at his words. he tilts his head at you, in a challenge, and you know it isn’t the alcohol that’s speaking. robby is a lot of things, but you’ve been able to read sincerity on him since the day you met him.

“we can watch the movie, as long as it’s at your place.” you test the waters.

“dinner provided,” he nods, taking another swig of his beer. “and maybe dessert if you’re lucky.”

you laugh, and you don’t realise you’ve moved closer to him until you feel his shoulder brush yours.

“get a room, you two.” dana teases, but she throws robby a wink that speaks a thousand words.

“we’ve been waiting for the two of you to fuck all year!” santos exclaims to laughter (and a disapproving look from mel) from the group.

“horrendous,” you wince at the memory. “he said he had a job but when i asked him about what he does, he got all weird and said i was, and i quote, ruining the vibe.”

samira snorts, “you need to stop settling for these guys with a fake job.”

“i know,” you groan into your hands. “seems i have a thing for men who are passive.”

“indecision is painfully unattractive.” santos chimes in, javadi nodding in agreement.

“well, thanks, guys. this is really helping my self confidence in my dating choices.” you say sarcastically.

“you should just date langdon,” mohan says, typing on her computer. “he has a real job, has opinions of his own, he’s a little older than you but not too old. he’s attractive, getting himself together.”

“i hate to say it,” trinity adds. “but samira has a point. plus he’s been interested in you for like forever.”

“no he hasn’t,” you feel heat creeping up the back of your neck. “he’s spent the past two years going through a divorce. he hasn’t even started dating again.”

“maybe he’s waiting for you to notice what’s been in front of you the whole time.” victoria says softly, and all of you follow her eye line to find langdon laughing at something dr. al-hashimi is saying to him.

you feel your heart constrict at the sight, and you’d be lying if you said you haven’t thought about what it would like to be dr. frank langdon’s girlfriend.

“you have expectations, but so does he,” samira tells you. “maybe you’ll meet each other’s.”

“hey. wanna tell me why you’re sitting out here alone like a creeper?”

he chuckles, “just needed a minute.”

“everything okay?”

“having a bad day.”

you nod, crouching down to sit next to him. it isn’t long before your head finds his shoulder, and he leans into your touch.

“wanna talk about it?” you ask softly.

“no. this is enough.”

garrett smiles behind his hand as he watches his best friend’s hand grip his beer glass tighter, jaw clenched as your date tells the group about how hard the biology midterm was. garrett can confirm that this guy is dull, but you seem content. content, but not thrilled.

it’s hannah who notices the flash of longing that crosses your face every time your eyes lock with logan’s. she’s seen allie give dean that look when she thinks no one is watching (allie is still currently giving dean that look from across the booth you’re all shoved into), and it’s the same way she looked at garrett during the break that neither of them like to talk about.

you’re in love with john logan, he’s in love with you, and you’re both too proud to admit it. you’ve started dating this guy that hannah can’t remember the name of, and logan has tried getting under every puck bunny who throws themselves at him to forget you.

“i’m gonna get another round,” garrett abruptly stands up from his seat, pulling logan up with him. “anyone want anything?”

“dude, what the fuck?” logan’s words fall on deaf ears as garrett tugs him towards the bar in malone’s.

“i can’t watch you pine over (y/n) anymore. when are you gonna man up and tell her how you feel?” garrett asks as the two of them make it through the crowd of the packed bar.

“i’m not pining,” logan snaps. “pining is what you did over hannah.”

garrett shrugs, “and look where it got me.”

logan sighs, leaning his elbows on the bar, “yeah, you have the girl of your dreams and i… i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing.”

“tell her,” garrett nudges him with his elbow. “she doesn’t even like the biology guy. she keeps looking at you like she’s waiting for you to save her.”

logan turns to look at your table to find you already looking at him. you turn away, a shy expression crossing your face as you try to focus on what your date is saying.

“i’ll think about it.” logan says as garrett begins to place an order for the group.

later that night, you excuse yourself for some fresh air. logan waits a few moments before following, finding you leaning against the wall and smoking a cigarette.

“thought you quit.” he chuckles, gesturing for you to hand it over.

you let him take it from your fingers and he takes a drag for himself, “i did and then exams started.”

he hums, “feel you on that one.”

a comfortable silence falls between the two of you. he opens his mouth to say something, but you beat him to it.

“i like you,” you blurt out. “i like you a lot. i’m sat in there with that guy and all i can think about is that he isn’t you. i don’t even know if you feel the same way, but hannah gave me a pep talk in the bathroom and i’ve had a bit to drink and—“

logan’s lips capture yours. heat fizzles in your tummy as he deepens the kiss, pressing you against the wall. the cigarette between his fingers falls to the floor as he caresses your tongue with his.

she grabs a bottle of water from the fridge in the boys’ house while you try to get the room to stop spinning. you steady yourself against the kitchen counter, accepting the bottle when she hands it to you.

“do you need a ride home?” she asks softly. “garrett won’t mind if i use his car.”

“i’m good.” you lie.

“(y/n),” the softness fills her tone again and you feel like you could burst into tears at any second. “i know you’re sad and that you’ve been drinking, and i don’t think they’re the best combination right now. especially not when the reason you’re sad is standing over there.”

you don’t bother to look in her direction to know she’s looking at logan.

“the worst part is i don’t hate him,” you sniffle. “it isn’t his fault that i’m unloveable.”

“don’t talk about yourself like that,” she takes your hand and squeezes it gently. “you’re amazing, and one of the best people i know. he’d be the lucky one, okay? and he’s an idiot.”

you can’t help the tears that break through the barrier you carefully constructed to attempt to keep them at bay.

“come on,” hannah puts her arm around you. “let’s get you home.”

as hannah walks you towards the door, you lock eyes with logan. he looks like he wants to say something, but the moment passes and he lets you walk out of the door with regret filled eyes.

“hi,” you greet him. “why aren’t you inside? i thought my dad would be making you do shots by now.”

rupert tries not to think about the fact that you’re his friend’s daughter.

“there’s still time for that.” he responds, and the smile you give him makes his chest constrict.

he knows he shouldn’t be here with you. if declan were to find out about this, he would jump to conclusions that aren’t exactly unreasonable. the torch rupert is carrying for you burns brighter every day, and it won’t be long before he crosses a line that neither of you will be able to come back from.

“how come you’re out here on your own? i thought you’d be with your sisters.”

“they found boys to talk to,” you respond. “didn’t want to be a third wheel. besides, it’s rare taggie lets a man talk to her and i wasn’t about to rain on her parade.”

rupert chuckles fondly at you, “the perfect wing woman.”

you shrug, “one of us should be getting laid.”

rupert swallows and you look like you regret your words.

“not that that’s any of your business. i didn’t mean—“

“it’s okay.” he responds softly.

“no, it isn’t,” you turn to look at him and suddenly the space between you feels a a lot smaller. “when i’m around you, i say crazy things. and i don’t know why, you’re so… you’re you. you treat women like…”

it isn’t anything he hasn’t heard before, but it still stings.

“i’m sorry,” you breathe out. “i should get back anyway.”

“(y/n).”

“no, i’ve made it weird,” you shrug off his jacket and hand it back to him. “go enjoy the rest of your night. i think i’m gonna go to bed.”

“(y/n),” he says again, more desperately, and it makes you freeze in your tracks. “i can’t change my reputation. but i want to be a good man for you.”

“there can’t be an us. you know that. if my father ever finds out that we—“

“we?” he asks. “you feel it too.”

you blink back the tears before he can see them, “goodnight, rupert.”

“hi, honey,” sleepiness laces his tone. “sorry i’m late.”

“you’re here now.” your response vibrates against his neck, and he smiles into the darkness of the bedroom when you wrap your arm around him and hold him close to you.

“go back to sleep,” he soothes, a gentle hand on the back of your head. “i’ll make breakfast in the morning.”