i wanna get better at wasting time

hi! my name is kai, and i’m a non-binary trans man. i use he/him and they/them pronouns, and i’m gay.

dni if you are:

a terf/radfem/tehm

truscum/transmed

racist

homophobic

islamophobic/anti-semitic/xenophobic

any other sort of bigot

i am 21

i am a theatre kid and am a fan of many musicals! the ones that i’m currently most prominently interested in are spies are forever, the guy who didn’t like musicals, and black friday. (i mostly post about them on @orjustasound )

most of what i post is random things i find funny or enjoy, in addition to petitions and donation places.

current hyperfixation: baldur’s gate 3, especially astarion

i also hope to convert to judaism in the future (probably within the next year or two) so i might occasionally post some things about judaism as well!

i have several side-blogs, but my most used are @charming-mlm @causeandcreate & @orjustasound

me when I get home:

me the entire weekend:

Astarion:

"oh fine, I'll indulge you, but I'll have you know that I'm not exactly cuddly, darling. 🙄" (proceeds to wrap themselves around their partner in their sleep like a boa constrictor) (yes this becomes a regular occurrence)

"no dear, I don't like hugs" (does, in fact, melt into each embrace with a soft sigh and eyes sliding shut, all gooey inside like a person-shaped fudge brownie)

"how juvenile. I'm not ticklish, I'm not a child. 😒" (starts convulsing with stifled laughter if their partner as much as wiggles their fingers in their general direction) (no they are very cool I promise)

"don't touch me 😒" (secretly pouts when their explicit wish is respected. no wait come back i didn't mean don't as in don't, i meant it as try harder. yes i know that's counterintuitive. no you should read my mind exactly. how is that even hard--)

"*makes a longing 🥺 face every time their partner is doing something just out of their reach, wanting to touch them but not wanting to come off as ~needy~*" (scoffs and turns away when asked if they want a hug) ((that means "yes please"))

"ugh, fine, but if you ruin my hair--" (all but tears up at having their scalp gently scratched. finds that they do not give a solitary shit about their hair now, actually.) (yes, they will now regularly plop their head in their partner's lap as a silent request for scritches. they're not cuddly, though.)

Astarion praying to every god for 200 years and getting no answer, and then finding out Durge was the one to free him with their evil scheme.

Durge meeting Astarion and thinking he'd be a perfect pretty corpse, and Astarion thinking they have an attractive air of desperation about them.

Astarion testing if he's free from Cazador's command to never drink from thinking creatures by sneaking up on a sleeping Durge, and then possibly accidentally killing them in the process when Durge agrees to let him feed from them.

Durge waking Astarion in the middle of the night to warm him that they want to kill him, and Astarion sitting up with them all night.

Durge telling Astarion they want to bite him, eat him raw, decorate him with rubies of blood, and Astarion telling them to ask before biting.

Scleritas Fel telling Durge that every man kills what he loves most.

"he's so scared of everything but you, who he ought to fear most."

Astarion admitting he was the most scared that night sitting up with Durge, not because Durge wanted to kill him, but because he thought Durge had been lost to their urges.

Astarion telling Durge they have more in common than he'd realized when he sees how they struggle with the urge taking them over.

We know that lack of sleep can wreck havoc on your physical and mental health. And we also know that Durge's brain is fucked to begin with, both physically and inside their head with the urges.

Even nights where Shadowheart and Lae'zel aren't trying to kill each other, we know that Durge has horrible nightmares and doesn't have restful sleep.

Be Forewarned: Dark Urge Spoilers

This comic was inspired by the excellent idea of using The Last Unicorn dialogue for Astarion’s story from @fangsandfeels and the lovely comic made by @solmesia depicting it. You can see the original post here and the comic here.

When I read the original idea I thought that this also potentially works in reverse for a redemption Dark Urge who is horrified by their monstrousness. I did edit and add to the original dialogue for my own purposes.

“Cazzador used his tortures to strike terror into me, but I’ve rarely been more afraid than on the night when I feared Bhaal had claimed you for good”

“But I trust you won’t kill me. And if you do, then I’ve gotten sloppy, and probably had it coming”

This man is risking his own life so he can be with you and he’s comparing the fear of losing you to the 200yrs of torture by Cazzador..oh my bad, losing you is worse “I’ve rarely been more afraid”