â Â i think myself cured of all spite. Â â
â Â i fear i will have to set this work aside entirely. Â â
â Â my life has been a web of secrets, secrets that even now are unsafe to share. Â â
â Â sometimes it seems too complete, & i wonder if it is truly mine. Â â
â Â perhaps i have heard the story so many times, from so many sources, that i now recall it as an actual memory of my own. Â â
â Â i canât recall that i saw anyone. Â â
â Â please, i beg you ! Â â
â Â itâs a thing that will try her ladyâs will to the edge of her very name. Â â
â Â itâs rough quarters for all of us here at this outpost. Â â
â Â for tonight, youâll be warm here, & safe. Â â
â Â well, what to do with him is beyond me. Â â
â Â damn him, he has his fatherâs eyes as well. Â â
â Â have not you the sense of a flea ? Â â
â Â was there nowhere else you could put him ? Â â
â Â if it had to be thought about, i should have done the thinking. Â â
â Â the queen is not at all pleased about any of this. Â â
â Â we scarcely need more confusion in the line of succession. Â â
â Â i am well aware that you precede me; you need not flaunt it at me at every opportunity. Â â
â  why should we tempt trouble ? â
â Â donât do what you canât undo, until youâve considered what you canât do once youâve done it. Â â
â Â i weary so of his humour. Â â
â Â does he care nothing for the disgrace ? Â â
â Â to leave a boy in a place like this is like leaving a weapon hovering over the kingâs throat. Â â
â Â i was his only failure that year, but i was a monumental one. Â â
â Â all recognized me as a catalyst, & a catalyst i became. Â â
â Â if thereâs a fire & a meal there, i shanât be leaving again. Â â
â Â everyoneâs getting ready for the welcome feast tonight. Â â
â Â i lied to my king today for you. Â â
â Â first time ever in my life iâve done that. Â â
â Â he is not pleased he will have to wait to see you. Â â
â Â those as will believe that shouldnât be allowed to walk about on their own. Â â
â Â are you hurt ? did anyone rough you up ? Â â
â Â i should have known there would be those would blame all the stir on you. Â â
â Â heâs looking for you, high & low. Â â
â Â run away, but take my thanks with you. Â â
â Â you wonât talk to me like that, you wild brat ! Â â
â Â dare to run, & youâll have it twice when i catch you. Â â
â Â he was going to kill you. Â â
â Â i should take more care not to anger him. Â â
â Â i donât think i have ever been as brave since as i was then. Â â
â Â whatâs to come of you ? whatâs to come of us both ? Â â
â Â this thing youâre doing, itâs wrong. itâs not worthy of you. Â â
â Â who taught you to do this ? â
â Â no - one could look on you & think you had ever been a man. Â â
â Â is that what you want ? to take the blood of kings thatâs in you, & drown it in the blood of the wild hunt ? Â â
â Â iâll do it if it kills both of us. Â â
â Â never do that to me again. never. Â â
â Â let go of longing after him. it hurts less, that way. Â â
â Â i know he meant well, but i did not feel protected by him, but confined. Â â
â Â is it the nature of the world that all things seek a rhythm, & in that rhythm a sort of peace ? Â â
â Â i have come slowly to have a place in the scheme of things. Â â
â Â i swiftly learned where i was welcome, & where i was not. Â â
â Â he is capable of a pettiness & vindictiveness that i never encountered in others. Â â
â Â royalty has no leisure to ignore such opportunities, or to let them be created for others. Â â
â Â sneaking & thieving as always. â
â Â are your ears stopped with wax ? do you hear nothing i say ? Â â
â Â quiet work, the diplomacy of the knife. Â â
â Â you think he will not remember your words when he is grown ? Â â
â Â iâd be a fool to lie to him. Â â
â Â now you are mine. Â â
â Â i will keep you, & i will keep you well. Â â
â Â they have no reason to rise up against me, save the ones she invents in her head. Â â
â Â her ambitions have always exceeded her abilities. Â â
â Â one neednât love in order to depend. Â â
â Â you had to put yourself before his eyes, did you ? had to call attention to yourself. Â â
â Â oh, so you can be swift spoken, when youâve a mind ? Â â
â Â some nights, if things are a bit too quiet for you, you can find your way down here. Â â
â Â did you think i was not a man of my word ? Â â
â Â men always see anotherâs good fortune as a slight to themselves. Â â
â Â stop being a nosy little gossip & attend to your chores. Â â
â Â i want a bit of time alone with you, before the others come. Â â
â Â a ruler must be ruler of all his people, for one can only rule what one knows. Â â
â Â as if any servant has any say over what his master does. Â â
â Â well, here is the proof that he hadnât been the man heâd pretended to be. Â â
â Â you get the most peculiar notions. Â â
â Â itâs a common way for common folk, but not for royalty. or for anyone with a bit of pride. Â â
â Â itâs fine to fall in love, & no - one begrudges a young woman or man a kiss or two. Â â
â Â your pedigree is written all over you. Â â
â Â do you know who i am, or why youâre here ? Â â
â Â you speak to no - one of what we do here, nor of anything you learn. understand that ? Â â
â Â youâve learned to guard your thoughts so well, youâre almost afraid to let yourself know what they are. Â â
â Â there you are, you rascal ! what mischief have you been up to now ? Â â
â Â sometimes i get tired of doing the hard things. Â â
â Â i donât ask any more of you than i ask of myself. you know thatâs true. Â â
â Â i learned to lie very well. i do not think it was taught to me accidentally. Â â
â Â canât be too careful. canât put your trust in just anyone. Â â
â Â iâve got no heart for this. Â â
â Â if you wanted to test my temper, youâve done it. Â â
â Â remember who i am to you ! Â â
â Â winterâs soon over, & iâll be on my way again. Â â
â Â itâs a good life, walking free on the roads in summers. Â â
â Â what other prospects do you have ? Â â
â Â youâre a hostage to your own bloodline. Â â
â Â just what do you think youâre up to, sneaking away at this hour ? Â â
â Â he never did anything to make me think he cared about me. Â â
â Â if you ever make it so they donât need you, they will kill you. Â â
â Â how can i protect you when you invite troubles on yourself ? Â â
â Â youâre not helping him by holding him that tight. Â â
â Â i had a dream so clear, like a vision, or a warning. Â â
â Â were you here because you didnât trust me ? Â â
â Â time & tide wait for no man. Â â
â Â we have lived too soft, & the old gods punish us. Â â
â Â i didnât mean to be seen like this. Â â
â  hard times are here, boy, & i wonder if they will ever pass. â
â Â few enough of them can afford any romance in their lives, so they imagine all they can for their king. Â â
â Â these hopes & devotions begin to seem pathetic, rather than noble. Â â
â Â they donât have enough kinship left in them to be a band of anything. Â â
â Â will you think me cold when i say that we were relieved to hear he had been killed ? Â â
â Â will it bother you if i stay ? Â â
â Â i think you have confused me with someone else. Â â
â Â when you cut pieces out of the truth to avoid looking like a fool, you end up sounding like a moron instead. letâs start again. Â â
â Â you have a way of presenting yourself to the very people you should most ardently avoid. Â â
â Â i didnât know it was her. iâm surprised there was no gossip about her arrival. Â â
â Â personally, i think she regrets much, & is trying to make up for lost time, something that never works. Â â
â Â for someone as perceptive as you are, youâve got some very odd blindspots. Â â
â Â what do you know of him by reputation ? what do you suspect ? Â â
â Â he mocks me, but from him, it seems a kindness. Â â
â Â he makes me feel important, that he could choose me to talk to. Â â
â Â keep it private that he comes & speaks to you. some could take it amiss. Â â
â Â no man, not even a prince, merits such blind devotion. Â â
â Â it is a heady thing to be suddenly proclaimed the centre of someoneâs world. Â â
â Â are you going to let her buy you with gifts ? Â â
â Â she keeps trying you out, hoping youâll manifest some sudden talent, so that she can flout you about. Â â
â Â you know, [ name ] has become quite fond of you. Â â
â Â [ name ] makes it no secret that they have no fondness for you. Â â
â Â iâve tried my best to get to you see itâs shameful & wrong, but iâve never really felt that you agreed. Â â
â Â a few times, iâve sensed, or suspected, that you were tinkering with things no good man touches. Â â
â Â you thought to deceive me. Â â
â Â you strove to usurp that which had been given to another. Â â
â Â no - one ever gained anything by running away. Â â
â Â i have never met anyone as immune to gossip as you seem to be. Â â
â Â they wouldnât have the wit to understand you, or the heart to appreciate you. Â â
â Â a princeâs hand cannot be wasted on something as foolish as his own choice. Â â
â Â go away & die, boy, or at least go away. Â â
â Â a man canât be expected to succeed at everything he tries. Â â
â Â my worry is a burden i cannot put down. Â â
â Â when all roads lead to death, there is no point running down any of them. Â â
â Â it was said you were dead. Â â
â Â i came back for you, thinking you might need me. Â â
â Â go your own way, & be whatever you will. iâm done with you. Â â
â Â shall we try to put time behind us, & go on ? Â â
â Â damnation to you, must you always win ? Â â
â Â let us be but promised for a year or so. surely that will be enough for you. Â â
â Â the appetite for this is one that devours a man, not one that nourishes him. Â â
â Â what does the devouring of one man matter, if it saves a kingdom ? Â â
â Â iâd rather unman a man with a blade than turn the hounds of his own mind to nipping at his heels. Â â
â Â never pretend we are anything but what we are. Â â
â Â i have been waiting for you to come to apologize to me. Â â
â Â iâve always thought that you thought well of me. Â â
â Â take this, & you may still live. Â â
â Â you & i, we have no time for distrust. there is much we must speak of. Â â
â Â too late to apologize. i have already forgiven you. Â â
â Â how you must have hated me. Â â
â Â all those years ? & you never learned better of me, never thought to yourself that i would not do such a thing ? Â â
â Â i have missed you, you know. missed you sorely, despite all our grievances. Â â
â Â i can never approve of, or ignore, what you do. never. Â â
â Â we are better parted. Â â
â Â i see a crossroads through the fog, & who always stands within it ? you. Â â
â Â had you some reason for telling me this story ? to impress me with your importance, perhaps ? Â â
â Â well. i will do this thing, then, but you must promise to take all the blame. Â â
â Â do not take it amiss, but i do not wish to seem to associate with you. Â â
â Â i fear youâve made me a fool before my king. Â â
â Â perhaps i should save time, & cut my own throat. Â â
â Â it seems we have been here before, have we not ? Â â
â Â poor thing, pledged to a man she already hates. Â â
â Â shall we lose it all now, for the sake of haste ? Â â
â Â well, we shall see what mutual sympathy leads to. Â â
â Â [ name ], what are you ? what have you become ? Â â
â Â this was done by someone who believes himself very clever, & believes others are very stupid. Â â
â Â why must i come back ? Â â
â Â if we fail, we fail, but at least we will have tried. Â â
â Â it seems as if the closer i walk to death, the funnier everything seems. Â â
â Â you speak as if they follow the same rules of common sense as the rest of us. Â â
â Â how many bodies do you think you can leave in your wake ? Â â
â Â behave as if you cannot be touched, & no - one will dare to touch you. Â â
â Â iâd be a fool not to take this opportunity to remove you. Â â
â Â i would not want you to come to me, thinking there is blood on my hands. Â â
â Â go to sleep, & stop dreaming so loudly. Â â
â Â to the end of my days, i will bear the scars he gave me. Â â
â Â men cannot grieve as dogs do, but we grieve for many years. Â â
â Â the memories come without warning, without mercy. Â â
â Â i can no longer recall what it was i set out to do. Â â