my truth is in the stars

The Doctor!

First drawing for 2023… aaand it’s Four, I shouldn’t be surprised by this

it’s a long way to tipperary, it’s a long way to go…

❝ Request denied. ❞

   “Nope, dunno the meaning of that phrase. But what if I ask really nicely one more time? With the cherry on top and everything.”

I had one sheet of black paper left, so I drew this today. :)

❛  i think myself cured of all spite.  ❜ ❛  i fear i will have to set this work aside entirely.  ❜ ❛  my life has been a web of secrets, secrets that even now are unsafe to share.  ❜ ❛  sometimes it seems too complete, & i wonder if it is truly mine.  ❜ ❛  perhaps i have heard the story so many times, from so many sources, that i now recall it as an actual memory of my own.  ❜ ❛  i can’t recall that i saw anyone.  ❜ ❛  please, i beg you !  ❜ ❛  it’s a thing that will try her lady’s will to the edge of her very name.  ❜ ❛  it’s rough quarters for all of us here at this outpost.  ❜ ❛  for tonight, you’ll be warm here, & safe.  ❜ ❛  well, what to do with him is beyond me.  ❜ ❛  damn him, he has his father’s eyes as well.  ❜ ❛  have not you the sense of a flea ?  ❜ ❛  was there nowhere else you could put him ?  ❜ ❛  if it had to be thought about, i should have done the thinking.  ❜ ❛  the queen is not at all pleased about any of this.  ❜ ❛  we scarcely need more confusion in the line of succession.  ❜ ❛  i am well aware that you precede me; you need not flaunt it at me at every opportunity.  ❜ ❛  why should we tempt trouble ?  ❜ ❛  don’t do what you can’t undo, until you’ve considered what you can’t do once you’ve done it.  ❜ ❛  i weary so of his humour.  ❜ ❛  does he care nothing for the disgrace ?  ❜ ❛  to leave a boy in a place like this is like leaving a weapon hovering over the king’s throat.  ❜ ❛  i was his only failure that year, but i was a monumental one.  ❜ ❛  all recognized me as a catalyst, & a catalyst i became.  ❜ ❛  if there’s a fire & a meal there, i shan’t be leaving again.  ❜ ❛  everyone’s getting ready for the welcome feast tonight.  ❜ ❛  i lied to my king today for you.  ❜ ❛  first time ever in my life i’ve done that.  ❜ ❛  he is not pleased he will have to wait to see you.  ❜ ❛  those as will believe that shouldn’t be allowed to walk about on their own.  ❜ ❛  are you hurt ? did anyone rough you up ?  ❜ ❛  i should have known there would be those would blame all the stir on you.  ❜ ❛  he’s looking for you, high & low.  ❜ ❛  run away, but take my thanks with you.  ❜ ❛  you won’t talk to me like that, you wild brat !  ❜ ❛  dare to run, & you’ll have it twice when i catch you.  ❜ ❛  he was going to kill you.  ❜ ❛  i should take more care not to anger him.  ❜ ❛  i don’t think i have ever been as brave since as i was then.  ❜ ❛  what’s to come of you ? what’s to come of us both ?  ❜ ❛  this thing you’re doing, it’s wrong. it’s not worthy of you.  ❜ ❛  who taught you to do this ? ❜ ❛  no - one could look on you & think you had ever been a man.  ❜ ❛  is that what you want ? to take the blood of kings that’s in you, & drown it in the blood of the wild hunt ?  ❜ ❛  i’ll do it if it kills both of us.  ❜ ❛  never do that to me again. never.  ❜ ❛  let go of longing after him. it hurts less, that way.  ❜ ❛  i know he meant well, but i did not feel protected by him, but confined.  ❜ ❛  is it the nature of the world that all things seek a rhythm, & in that rhythm a sort of peace ?  ❜ ❛  i have come slowly to have a place in the scheme of things.  ❜ ❛  i swiftly learned where i was welcome, & where i was not.  ❜ ❛  he is capable of a pettiness & vindictiveness that i never encountered in others.  ❜ ❛  royalty has no leisure to ignore such opportunities, or to let them be created for others.  ❜ ❛  sneaking & thieving as always. ❜ ❛  are your ears stopped with wax ? do you hear nothing i say ?  ❜ ❛  quiet work, the diplomacy of the knife.  ❜ ❛  you think he will not remember your words when he is grown ?  ❜ ❛  i’d be a fool to lie to him.  ❜ ❛  now you are mine.  ❜ ❛  i will keep you, & i will keep you well.  ❜ ❛  they have no reason to rise up against me, save the ones she invents in her head.  ❜ ❛  her ambitions have always exceeded her abilities.  ❜ ❛  one needn’t love in order to depend.  ❜ ❛  you had to put yourself before his eyes, did you ? had to call attention to yourself.  ❜ ❛  oh, so you can be swift spoken, when you’ve a mind ?  ❜ ❛  some nights, if things are a bit too quiet for you, you can find your way down here.  ❜ ❛  did you think i was not a man of my word ?  ❜ ❛  men always see another’s good fortune as a slight to themselves.  ❜ ❛  stop being a nosy little gossip & attend to your chores.  ❜ ❛  i want a bit of time alone with you, before the others come.  ❜ ❛  a ruler must be ruler of all his people, for one can only rule what one knows.  ❜ ❛  as if any servant has any say over what his master does.  ❜ ❛  well, here is the proof that he hadn’t been the man he’d pretended to be.  ❜ ❛  you get the most peculiar notions.  ❜ ❛  it’s a common way for common folk, but not for royalty. or for anyone with a bit of pride.  ❜ ❛  it’s fine to fall in love, & no - one begrudges a young woman or man a kiss or two.  ❜ ❛  your pedigree is written all over you.  ❜ ❛  do you know who i am, or why you’re here ?  ❜ ❛  you speak to no - one of what we do here, nor of anything you learn. understand that ?  ❜ ❛  you’ve learned to guard your thoughts so well, you’re almost afraid to let yourself know what they are.  ❜ ❛  there you are, you rascal ! what mischief have you been up to now ?  ❜ ❛  sometimes i get tired of doing the hard things.  ❜ ❛  i don’t ask any more of you than i ask of myself. you know that’s true.  ❜ ❛  i learned to lie very well. i do not think it was taught to me accidentally.  ❜ ❛  can’t be too careful. can’t put your trust in just anyone.  ❜ ❛  i’ve got no heart for this.  ❜ ❛  if you wanted to test my temper, you’ve done it.  ❜ ❛  remember who i am to you !  ❜ ❛  winter’s soon over, & i’ll be on my way again.  ❜ ❛  it’s a good life, walking free on the roads in summers.  ❜ ❛  what other prospects do you have ?  ❜ ❛  you’re a hostage to your own bloodline.  ❜ ❛  just what do you think you’re up to, sneaking away at this hour ?  ❜ ❛  he never did anything to make me think he cared about me.  ❜ ❛  if you ever make it so they don’t need you, they will kill you.  ❜ ❛  how can i protect you when you invite troubles on yourself ?  ❜ ❛  you’re not helping him by holding him that tight.  ❜ ❛  i had a dream so clear, like a vision, or a warning.  ❜ ❛  were you here because you didn’t trust me ?  ❜ ❛  time & tide wait for no man.  ❜ ❛  we have lived too soft, & the old gods punish us.  ❜ ❛  i didn’t mean to be seen like this.  ❜ ❛  hard times are here, boy, & i wonder if they will ever pass.  ❜ ❛  few enough of them can afford any romance in their lives, so they imagine all they can for their king.  ❜ ❛  these hopes & devotions begin to seem pathetic, rather than noble.  ❜ ❛  they don’t have enough kinship left in them to be a band of anything.  ❜ ❛  will you think me cold when i say that we were relieved to hear he had been killed ?  ❜ ❛  will it bother you if i stay ?  ❜ ❛  i think you have confused me with someone else.  ❜ ❛  when you cut pieces out of the truth to avoid looking like a fool, you end up sounding like a moron instead. let’s start again.  ❜ ❛  you have a way of presenting yourself to the very people you should most ardently avoid.  ❜ ❛  i didn’t know it was her. i’m surprised there was no gossip about her arrival.  ❜ ❛  personally, i think she regrets much, & is trying to make up for lost time, something that never works.  ❜ ❛  for someone as perceptive as you are, you’ve got some very odd blindspots.  ❜ ❛  what do you know of him by reputation ? what do you suspect ?  ❜ ❛  he mocks me, but from him, it seems a kindness.  ❜ ❛  he makes me feel important, that he could choose me to talk to.  ❜ ❛  keep it private that he comes & speaks to you. some could take it amiss.  ❜ ❛  no man, not even a prince, merits such blind devotion.  ❜ ❛  it is a heady thing to be suddenly proclaimed the centre of someone’s world.  ❜ ❛  are you going to let her buy you with gifts ?  ❜ ❛  she keeps trying you out, hoping you’ll manifest some sudden talent, so that she can flout you about.  ❜ ❛  you know, [ name ] has become quite fond of you.  ❜ ❛  [ name ] makes it no secret that they have no fondness for you.  ❜ ❛  i’ve tried my best to get to you see it’s shameful & wrong, but i’ve never really felt that you agreed.  ❜ ❛  a few times, i’ve sensed, or suspected, that you were tinkering with things no good man touches.  ❜ ❛  you thought to deceive me.  ❜ ❛  you strove to usurp that which had been given to another.  ❜ ❛  no - one ever gained anything by running away.  ❜ ❛  i have never met anyone as immune to gossip as you seem to be.  ❜ ❛  they wouldn’t have the wit to understand you, or the heart to appreciate you.  ❜ ❛  a prince’s hand cannot be wasted on something as foolish as his own choice.  ❜ ❛  go away & die, boy, or at least go away.  ❜ ❛  a man can’t be expected to succeed at everything he tries.  ❜ ❛  my worry is a burden i cannot put down.  ❜ ❛  when all roads lead to death, there is no point running down any of them.  ❜ ❛  it was said you were dead.  ❜ ❛  i came back for you, thinking you might need me.  ❜ ❛  go your own way, & be whatever you will. i’m done with you.  ❜ ❛  shall we try to put time behind us, & go on ?  ❜ ❛  damnation to you, must you always win ?  ❜ ❛  let us be but promised for a year or so. surely that will be enough for you.  ❜ ❛  the appetite for this is one that devours a man, not one that nourishes him.  ❜ ❛  what does the devouring of one man matter, if it saves a kingdom ?  ❜ ❛  i’d rather unman a man with a blade than turn the hounds of his own mind to nipping at his heels.  ❜ ❛  never pretend we are anything but what we are.  ❜ ❛  i have been waiting for you to come to apologize to me.  ❜ ❛  i’ve always thought that you thought well of me.  ❜ ❛  take this, & you may still live.  ❜ ❛  you & i, we have no time for distrust. there is much we must speak of.  ❜ ❛  too late to apologize. i have already forgiven you.  ❜ ❛  how you must have hated me.  ❜ ❛  all those years ? & you never learned better of me, never thought to yourself that i would not do such a thing ?  ❜ ❛  i have missed you, you know. missed you sorely, despite all our grievances.  ❜ ❛  i can never approve of, or ignore, what you do. never.  ❜ ❛  we are better parted.  ❜ ❛  i see a crossroads through the fog, & who always stands within it ? you.  ❜ ❛  had you some reason for telling me this story ? to impress me with your importance, perhaps ?  ❜ ❛  well. i will do this thing, then, but you must promise to take all the blame.  ❜ ❛  do not take it amiss, but i do not wish to seem to associate with you.  ❜ ❛  i fear you’ve made me a fool before my king.  ❜ ❛  perhaps i should save time, & cut my own throat.  ❜ ❛  it seems we have been here before, have we not ?  ❜ ❛  poor thing, pledged to a man she already hates.  ❜ ❛  shall we lose it all now, for the sake of haste ?  ❜ ❛  well, we shall see what mutual sympathy leads to.  ❜ ❛  [ name ], what are you ? what have you become ?  ❜ ❛  this was done by someone who believes himself very clever, & believes others are very stupid.  ❜ ❛  why must i come back ?  ❜ ❛  if we fail, we fail, but at least we will have tried.  ❜ ❛  it seems as if the closer i walk to death, the funnier everything seems.  ❜ ❛  you speak as if they follow the same rules of common sense as the rest of us.  ❜ ❛  how many bodies do you think you can leave in your wake ?  ❜ ❛  behave as if you cannot be touched, & no - one will dare to touch you.  ❜ ❛  i’d be a fool not to take this opportunity to remove you.  ❜ ❛  i would not want you to come to me, thinking there is blood on my hands.  ❜ ❛  go to sleep, & stop dreaming so loudly.  ❜ ❛  to the end of my days, i will bear the scars he gave me.  ❜ ❛  men cannot grieve as dogs do, but we grieve for many years.  ❜ ❛  the memories come without warning, without mercy.  ❜ ❛  i can no longer recall what it was i set out to do.  ❜