A Nonbinary Lolita Speaks on the "Brolita" Label
Or āPlease Stop Forgetting About Lolitas Who Arenāt Cisgenderā
There have been quite a few Tumblr posts lately, Iāve found, arguing on whether or not a term like āBrolitaā is needed in the Lolita community. And Iām going to say yes. Y-E-S. All caps. Bold underline italicize. Yes.
When people use the term āBrolitaā, what often comes to mind, apparently,Ā isĀ a cisgendered male setting himself apart from other Lolitas and trying to āhold onto a shred of masculinityā. Many Lolitas think the term is unnecessary, that itās reinforcing the patriarchy, that it defeats some of what the fashion is trying to accomplish. However, while Iām not sure exactly how or why the term came to be, I cannot emphasize enough that the term at its coreĀ is not anti-feminist, when used correctly, and that it is indeedĀ vital to keeping the fashion inclusive.
Itās a fact often stated that Lolita fashion is for everyone and anyone, no matter your age, size, gender, or otherwise. What is often forgotten, though, is that there are many Lolitas that arenāt cisgender. It is important to remember that just like there are cisĀ female and maleĀ Lolitas, there are also genderfluid, agender, transgender, and all other sorts of Lolitas that do indeed exist and want to beĀ included.
Being misgendered totally sucks, especially when youāre trying so hard to āpassā. No one wants to be misgendered or misidentified, especially in Lolita fashion where the overabundance of frillsĀ can sometimes make using the right pronouns at meetups rather confusing. In a fashion as definitively feminine as Lolita, gendered terms like Brolita tend to be helpful in this regard. If youāre a cis man or a trans man, youāre a Brolita. If youāre a cis woman orĀ trans woman, youāreĀ a Lolita*.Ā UsingĀ such a termĀ helps keep things simple.
(At a meetup and not sure which term or pronouns to use? Just ask! Politely asking someone which pronouns they prefer is a considerate thing to do, and more people should do it! Itās certainly better than misgendering someone on accident!)
Bottom Line: The term Brolita isnāt a stamp of patriarchy-reinforcing masculinity in a community filled to the brim with frills; itās an identifier, used to end confusion between cis men/trans men Lolitas and cis women/trans women Lolitas, and using itā or a term similar to it**āĀ is generally a good idea.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
* - Is there a term for nonbinary Lolitas? Not yet. Should there be? Maybe! Iām a dfab genderfluid Lolita, so I just use the term āLolitaā to identify myself. I may post more on the subject of nonbinary Lolita terminology later, but this post was meant toĀ contain my thoughts on the āBrolitaā term alone.
** - Some Brolitas actually donāt care for the term, instead using āB-Lolitaā or simply āboy Lolitaā. Brolita seems to be the most widely-used term, though, so itās what I used here.
I hope this came out even halfway coherently, and that it helps solve at least some of the confusion surrounding the term.
Lolita fashion really is for everyone! Letās keep it inclusive!
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
turnnoffyourmind
gracieabrams
germansingergirl
theartofmadeline
