⋆ citta vuota.

alberto  returned  the  hug,  his  entire  frame  engulfing  the  other  man  in  a  tight  embrace. he  needed this,  he  really  did.  and  he  hadn’t  realized  how  badly  he  did  until  luca  was  in  his  arms  and  they  were  sharing  their  familiar  closeness.  things  felt  different  though,   and  alberto  couldn’t  help  but  to  wonder  if  they  would  ever  be  able  to  go  back  to  feeling  how  things  were  prior  to  their  kiss.  and  there  was  also   the  whole  separate  issue  of  if  he  even  wanted  that.

luca’s  praise  brought  a  soft  smile  to  his  lips.  proud  of  him.  it  was  something  that  meant  more  to  him  than  he  could  really  ever  put  into  words.  he  shook  his  head  ever  so  slightly  as  if  to  push  away  luca’s  concerns.  ❝   s’okay  …  really.  it’s  all  good  …  i  just  …  i  don’t  want  to  not  have  you  in  my  life  anymore  …  it’s  not  right.  it  feels  wrong.   ❞  he  murmured  in  reply.  

  it was a cathartic experience, to say the least. one filled with nostalgia, an all time that was their separation reminding him of countless of reunions in their past. hug feeling very much like coming home despite never leaving his physical one. no, this was different. it wasn’t so much that alberto felt different . . just the circumstances. and maybe luca wouldn’t say it aloud just yet but it didn’t feel like a bad change. not as his cheeks heat up softly, hands grabbing a fistful of the other’s shirt on his back. maybe absence really did make the heart grow fonder.

alberto  flinched  at  the  shift  in  luca’s  tone,  at  how  loud  and  rapid  he  was  speaking,  which  was  very  different  from  his  usual  demeanor.  his  mouth  opens  to  say  something,  to  interject  and  try  to  stop  the  spiraling  that  was  happening  in  front  of  him  but  no  words  came  out.  it  wasn’t  until  he  could  catch  the  slightest  glimpse  of  shine  in  luca’s  eyes  paired  with  his  deep  frown  that  alberto  slowly  reached  out  to  take  the  other  man’s  shaking  hand  in  his  own.  ❝  luca  -  ❞  he  answers,  fulfilling  his  request.  ❝  i’m  here.  ❞  he  tries  to  recount  all  of  his  previous  questions  to  answer  just  to  fill  the  silence.  ❝  coffee  is  perfect  …  no  work  today  … pancakes  sound  great,  we  can  order  some. ❞  but  that  wasn’t  enough,  was  it  ?  no.  they  were  best  friends.  this  was  the  longest  that  they  had  gone  without  speaking.  even  when  they  were  apart  they  would  call  each  other,  they  would  write.  this  was  unnaturalfor  them.   alberto  hated  how  impossible  it  felt  to  just  talk  about  things  without  the  weight  of  everything  else  feeling  as  though  it  was  crushing  him.   ❝  i  -  uh  …  it’s  cold.  i  don’t  like  the  cold.  it  makes  me  miss  home.  i  found  a  new  book  i’ve  been  into  reading,  i  thought  you’d  be  proud  of  me.  i  got  a   haircut  …  ❞  his  voice  trailed  off  as  he  peered  up  at  luca,  unsure  if  he  should  keep  going.

   it isn’t enough. the static that he feels from his fingertips as their hands meet, usually a sensation that brings him warmth and peace, isn’t enough to stop his spiel. he takes matters into his own hands. once again acts before thinking of the other’s feelings or possible consequences. luca let’s go of alberto’s touch to quickly envelop him in a hug instead. his face contorts into a wounded expression, eyebrows furrowed and mouth letting out low puffs of air. trying to regulate his breathing. deep breath in, deep breath out. thundering chest pressed against his friend’s. he hugs tightly . . as if that would fix everything. as if that would be enough to make the other forgive him for what happened, make him forget, ease both of their worries. and for a second he believes it will.

   words reach his ears and it only continues to calm him. hazy vision still muddled by unshed tears as he looks to the ground, hand reaching to wipe them clear. words so tender. as if alberto were doing his own pleading for him to hear him out. corner of his lips curls upwards slightly. ‘ you look good, ’ luca starts with. voice shaky and low, almost like a whisper. his hand rubs against alberto’s back understanding by his reaction that maybe he needed the same comfort that he offered luca without a second thought. they both suffered from the silence. he wanted to make sure it never happened again. ‘ così bello, ’ he repeats. ‘ and i . . miss home too. ’ free hand nears the other’s messy curls, fingers running through them. he gulps as he comes to terms with the fact that they’ll have to talk about that night soon enough but for now — he’ll let himself focus on now.

❝ oh  !  well  …  thank  you  !  ❞  he  slipped  into  the  chair  opposite  luca  and  takes  his  time  lifting  the  cup  to  his  lips  and  taking  a  long  sip.  he’s  buying  time,  trying  to  think  of  what  to  say  next.  it  was  alberto  !!  he  was  supposed  to  be  the  one  able  to  make  any  situation  light,  the  one  able to  find  a  joke  to  cut  through  any  tension  but  this  time  he  had  nothing.  he  stole  a  quick  glance  up  at  luca  as  the  other’s  eyes  were  fixed  on  his  own  mug.  alberto  couldn’t  help  but  to  frown  seeing  how  tired  he  looked.  it  was  clear  how  much  it  was  weighing  on  each  of  their  minds.  

❝  it’s  perfect. ❞  he  murmured  as  he  placed  his  mug  back  down.  he  bit  down  on  his  lip  for  a  moment,  ultimately  coming  to  the  conclusion  that  he  needed  to  say  something.  he  didn’t  want  to  put  any  more  stress  on  his  friend.   ❝  luca  – listen  …  i’m  sorry…  ❞  he  began.  his  fingers  absently  drummed  on  the  table  as  he  tried  to  expel  some  of  his  nerves.  ❝  i  didn’t  mean  to  make  you  uncomfortable  or  hurt  our  friendship.  you  mean  so  much  to  me.   i  never  wanted  to  do  anything  to  push  you  away  …   ❞

   it’s seems like often luca is caught like a deer in headlights. caught in between his bad habit of acting when cornered, springing to action to do anything to make him look good without any real thought of others around him. evident by the way his back immediately straightens as he hears alberto’s apology. he practically leaps from his seat, body turned to him as he reaches for the sugar to place it on the table between them. plastered smile still on his face. ‘ — mine was missing a bit of sugar actually, ’ luca quickly interrupts the other. voice shaky but loud, as if he were speaking to a large crowd. he continues going. it was his way of pushing the conversation back just a little more. ‘ are you sure yours isn’t ? i could add another spoonful just to make sure ? oh right, you don’t have work today right ? should i see if i could get us some pancakes from somewhere nearby ? ’ 

alberto  hated  all  of  it.  he  was  normally  a  pretty  chill  kind  of  guy  but  the  last  nearly  two  months  he  was  uncharagtieristally  anxious.  he  just  felt  so  unsettled  by  the  way  that  they  had  left  things.  the  fear  of  luca  just  up  and  leaving  was  always  looming  over  him.  he’d  deserve  it  too,  or  at  least  that’s  what  alberto  kept  telling  himself.  because  he  was  dumb.  correction  –  what  he  did  was  dumb.  sure,   he  knew  that  both  of  them  took  part  in  the  kiss  justifying   as  equal  as  the  other  but  he  couldn’t  help  but  to  feel  that  it  was  his  fault.  it  was  just  the  way  his  brain  was  wired.  maybe  he  should  have  stepped  in  and  stopped  it  if  he  knew  what  was  going  to  happen  to  their  friendship,  but  there  was  another  part  of  him  (  a  part  that  he  tried  his  best  to  ignore  and  push  away  without  success )  that  reminded  him  that  he  wanted  to  kiss  luca.   that  he  didn’t  regret  doing  it,  he  just  regretted  the  possible  strain  it  would  have  on  their  friendship.   and  it  only  got  worse  the  longer  they  spent  apart.  it  felt  like  luca  was  away  at  school  all  over  again  except  he  was  only  just  in  the  next  room.  awkward  passes  in  the  hallways  leading  to  no  conversation,  nights  that  alberto  would  just  lay  in  bed  awake  replaying  the  night  over  and  over  despite  feeling  that  he  definitely  shouldn’t,  the  times  where  he  would  stand  outside  luca’s  door  wanting  to  knock  but  leaving  without  the  courage  to  do  so   –  it  was  what  the  last  weeks  looked  like. 

christmas  was  different  though.  it  was  bound to  be  the  day  they  resolved  the  issue,  they  had  to.   hearing  luca’s  voice  took  him  by  surprise  for  a  moment.   ❝  luca ..  hi …  ❞  he  replied  softly,  as  if  speaking  too  loud  would  somehow  ruin  things.   he  rubbed  his  eyes  as  he  was  still  just  waking  up.  ❝   merry  christmas …  ❞  he   sat  down  in  the  seat  across  from  luca,  feeling  a  sort  of  familiar  magnetic  pull  towards  his  best  friend  that  he  had  not  been  so  separate  from  in  a  very  long  time.  ❝  is  this  …   for  me  ?  ❞  he  asked,  nodding  his  head  in  the  direction  of  the  coffee. 

   like a child nervously waiting outside the dentist’s office, his feet tapping against the shabby fake wood tiles of their apartment, eyes look up at his friend for the first time a long time. ever so softly gleaming with admiration, as they usually did. but this time he’s quick to tear them away as guilt seeps into his system. he grips tightly at the handle of the mug. so tightly his knuckles turn white. ‘ of course it’s for you, silly, ’ he informs him. as if it were so obvious, as if there wasn’t tension between them that would make alberto second guess. his words come out lightly, airy. tight smile on his face. luca’s eyes flicker to said cup adjacent from him before turning back to his own.  

   things had been . . different. that’s the best word luca could use to describe it without completely breaking down. having gone through various other synonyms ( difficult, suffocating, nerve-racking, lonely, confusing, frustrating ) this was the one that eased his mind if only slightly. the reality was: no one had been aware of what had transpired in the depths of the casino the night of the bash. what two very intoxicated, very flushed faces got themselves into. amongst ambient chatter, swaying bodies just as buzzed as they were, behind the sea of vibrant costumes and uncomfortable props. a chaste kiss deepened in a matter of seconds. a kiss that seemed to last hours. a kiss so vivid, as if he were able to smell colors and see music. 

   now luca wants to say nothing came from it. wants to say he didn’t splutter and shake, almost comically jumping about two steps back away from his friend as soon as he realized what he did. eyes looking like they were about to pop out, mustache that came with his costume skewed and out of place. he doesn’t stop to think about how the other may take his actions, doesn’t even bother to check in, instead he eyes the various bodies around them as if to make sure no one had seen. only after does he decide to make a run for it, leaving his friend stranded and alone. that had been . . close to two months ago now. after various sleepless night spent going over every single action, every single word and finally every single feeling — luca feels like he’s stuck chained up in the dark depths of the ocean. except this time, he put himself there. and this time he actually deserved it.

closed  starter  - @stargzn·  !! 

alberto  peered  over  the  top  of  his  cup  at  luca,  fighting  back  a  hiccup.  his  eyelids  were  heavy  as  he  was  clearly  a  few  drinks  in  at  this  point  but  his  smile  never  dropped.  he  felt  warmsitting  beside  his  friend,  their  knees  practically  touching  as  they  took  a  break  from  the  louder  parts  of  the  party  to  just  chill  out  for  a  bit.  ❝  i  think  we  have  the  best  costumes  by  far  !  ❞  

❝   i’m  always  right,  ❞  alberto  teases,  his  nose  slightly  scrunched  as  he  was  well  aware  that  definitely  wasn’t  the  case.  ❝   well  … at  least  about  things  like  this. ❞  because  when  it  came  down  to  advice  on  ignoring  that  voice  in  your  head  and  just  doing  it,  he  was  your  guy.  other  things … not so much.  his  eyes  remained  focused  ahead  but  he  could  feel  luca’s  gaze  on  him.  it  was  a  comfortable  feeling,  just  like  the  brief  moments  of  silence  that  they  shared.

❝   good  idea  !  ❞   alberto  couldn’t  help  the  smile  that  pulled  at  his  lips  upon  seeing  the  slight  flush  wash  over  luca’s  cheeks.  he  was  happy  for him.  he  was.  and  yeah  …  maybe  he  felt  slightly  uneasy  about  the  whole  thing  but  it  was  understandable,  right ?  it had  been  just  them  for  quite  some  time  now.  the  thought  of  someone  else  entering  the  picture  of  course  would  make  alberto  the  slightest  bit  anxious.   but  there  no  use  worrying  about  it  now.  ❝   and  then  if  things  go  somewhere  i  want  to  meet  ‘em.  ❞

he  held  the  door  open  for  his  friend  when  they  arrived  at  the  arcade.  alberto  was  immediately  exhilarated  by  all  of  the  flashing  lights  and  sound  effects  coming  from  the  walls  lined  with  games.  ❝  i  know !  seriously,  luca.  no  need  to  worry  about  me.  let’s  have  fun.  just  forget  about  everything  else  and  have  fun  for a  few  hours  with  me,  ‘kay?  ❞

   he pushes his shoulder against the other playfully, own smile blossoming at the sudden declaration. always right — well, it wasn’t the complete truth but luca would follow him like it was. follow him into the dark with nothing but complete adoration in his eyes, trusting that alberto knew what he was doing. along with a needed backup plan just in case. however, he can’t help but look away from his friend the second he mentioned their potential meetup. if things go well. if he even had the guts to offer such an invitation. bashful smile takes over his expression.

   it wasn’t at all that he was embarrassed of his lifelong friend. in fact, he was more than proud of such a friendship. alberto, who exuded warmth and incomparable social skills. alberto, who could make the gloomiest crowd laugh. alberto, who helped him in so many ways, who he could never rightfully repay. it was just . . weird. to think about him meeting either of the men who seemed to wander in his head day and night. who seemed to take up space that had previously been meant for his friend alone. he can practically see them waving at each other in his mind as they both take another lap across his mind. biting his lip, he nods carelessly before walking through the entrance.

— task 25:

                    sofia paguro-scorfano !

   inspired by : mabel pines ( gravity falls ), greg ( over the garden wall ), knives chau ( scott pilgrim vs the world ), power ( chainsaw man ), yashiro nene ( jibaku shounen hanako kun ), miwako sakurada ( paradise kiss ), more to be added.

alberto  watched  as  luca’s  expression  went  blank  and  he  bit  down  on  his  lip.  it  was  moments  like  this  where  he  wondered  what  was  going  on  inside  of  luca’s  mind,  what  his  friend  was  thinking  but  not  yet  opting  to  say  outloud.  

he  nodded.  ❝  it’s  definitely  not  easy,  ❞  alberto  agreed.  ❝  but  most  things  that  are  worth  it  often  aren’t.  ❞  he  had  heard  that  somewhere,  perhaps  from  massimo,  or  from  some  shitty  rom  com   movie  that  he  played  in  the  background  when  he  tried  to  sleep.  regardless,  the  message  still  stands.  and  he  was  pretty  damn  proud  of  himself  for  having  some  useful  advice.  he  returned  the  small  hand  squeeze,  trying  to  ignore  the  way  his  stomach  had  dropped  with  luca’s  confession.  why ?  

❝ that’s  one  way  to  do  it,  ❞  he  eventually  answered,  his  mind  feeling  as  though  it  was somewhere else  but  not  the  present.   he  pulled  himself  back  to  the  moment,  and  shot  a  toothy  grin  over  at  his  friend.  ❝  anyone  that  doesn’t  like  valentine’s  day  is  a  major  red  flagso  you’ll  get  two  answers  in  one  then.  ❞

   he finds himself turning to him, eyebrow raised ever so slightly. finally a comfortable and genuine grin on his lips. ‘ yeah, ’ luca continues, ‘ i think you’re absolutely right. ’ once again overcome with feelings of utmost adoration for alberto. the only person actually capable of of comforting his high-strung nature without any overbearing antics. one step at a time but he always knew how to get him on track. eyes scan over his friend’s various features. from his eyes, to the various markings across his face, to his lips. luca unconsciously does it, doesn’t even think twice before he turns forward and notices they’re very close to their destination. 

the  return  of  luca’s  smile  earned  the  same  from  alberto,  the  corners  of  his  lips  twisting  up  into  a  grin.  he  knew  it  wasn’t  much,  but  he  was  glad  that  he  could  help  even  just a  little  bit.

❝  yeah ?  ❞  he  answers  upon  hearing  his  name,  glancing  over  at  luca  once  more.  ❝  oh  -  ❞  the  word  slipped  past  his  lips,  his  tone almost  surprised.  he  raised  his  brows,  interested  by  such  a  question.  ❝   well  …  ❞  alberto  reached  to  tuck  a  few  loose  curls  behind  his  ear,  a  habit  when  he  is  lost  in  thought.   ❝  i  don’t  think  there’s  one  single  answer  for  every scenario.  ‘cause  each  is  different,  you  know  ?  there’s  different  things  you  have  to  take  into  account  that  might  make  it  not  worth  the  risk.  but  …   overall  i  always  say  to  make  the  move.  living  with  regret  sucks.  and  at  least  for  me,  i’d  rather  not  wonder  ‘  what  if  ?  ‘  all  the  time.  ❞   he  raised  his  shoulders  in  a  slight  shrug.  ❝  and  the  best  way  to  tell  someone  ?  speak  from  the  heart.  ❞    

   he’s unconvinced. evident by the way he stares at the ground as they continue to walk, walking ever so slower, expression once again turning into a blank one. he wasn’t so much disdained as he was simply thinking. luca understood what alberto was telling him but in a weird way . . it was as if he were expecting something else from him. trying to figure out what exactly that was was, that’s what had him basically shut down. it isn’t until he realizes he hadn’t replied that he shakes himself out of it, quickly stuttering out a response, ‘ r — right ! ’

when  luca  tilted  his  head  towards  him,  alberto  met  his  gaze  with  a  warm  and  encouraging  smile.  he  was  mildly  concerned  that  he  was  upsetting  luca,  that  he  was  bothering  him  by  prying  for  information  like  he  was.  he  didn’t  want  to  upset  him  !   he  just  wanted  to  help !  but  of  course  the  more  insecure  part  of  him  pushed  a  thought  into  the  back  of  his  mind  just  to  nag  at  him  for  the  next  few  hours  -  a  worry  that  this  would  be  the  thing  that  finally  made  luca  annoyed  enough  to  leave  him  behind.   he  did  his  best  to  push those  thoughts  down  though,  knowing  that  they  were  absolutely  not  based  in  reality  but  rather  his  own  fears.  

alberto  pulled  his  brows  together  as  he  tried  to  understand  luca’s  newfound  aversion  to  the  letter  ‘  j  ’.   ❝   o … kay …  ❞  he  said  slowly,  nodding  along  to  show  that  he  was  somewhat  following.  even  if  he  wasn’t  entirely  understanding,  alberto  was  as  supportive  and  enthusiastic  as  ever.  ❝  consider it done  !  fuck  it  !  the  alphabet  now  has  25  letters.  ❞ 

   alberto’s reaction signals the almost immediate return of his smile. interesting how fickle his confidence  can be, how easily his worries can be subdued by the other. not always but definitely most of the time. ‘ exactly ! only 25 letters, i think that definitely sounds right. ’ it calms him for an instant before the tips of his fingers are met with a buzzing sensation, the need to grab and tug at something growing stronger. he stills once more. 

beatrix takes in the absolutely petrified expression on the guy’s face and she slowly starts shaking her head. “ whoa … dude, it’s fine, i’m not gonna arrest you or anything — it’s not like you had anything to do with this, ” she tilts her head as she considers him and his lanky body. then again, lankiness was no real indication of someone’s strength. 

“ if someone was hurt there’d be blood, ” she hums, starting to walk around the area. “ or like … some sign of a fight. or maybe the lamp just fell. do we have to … report it or something ? ” she asks. he had books in his arms. he was probably smart, was her thinking. surely he would know more about the city’s customs.

   ‘ oh yeah, ’ he nods her way. as if her mere statement was enough to officially say he had nothing to do with it. which, of course, he didn’t but was his innocence that easily proven ? did he not look capable of such a thing ? was that a good thing ?

alberto  frowned.  it  bothered  him  when  luca  was  upset  and  even  more  so  when  he  couldn’t  pinpoint  the  exact  reasoning  behind  it.  he  liked  to  believe  that  after  so  many  years  of  being  best  friends  that  they  were  pretty  in  tune  with  what  upset  the  other  but sometimes  situations  emerged  that  were  new  all  together.  although  alberto  was  pretty  goofy and  lighthearted  most  of  the time,  a  moment  of  seriousness  and  genuine  concern  came  through  when  luca  spoke.  ❝  hey  –  nothing  you  say  is  ever  a  waste  of  my  time.  don’t  be  silly.  ❞  he  would  always  have  time  for  his  friend  no  matter  the  situation.  ❝  you  don’t  have  to  tell  me,  ❞  he  added  with  a  shrug  of  his  shoulders.  ❝  i  just  want  to  help.  if  i  can.  i  don’t  like  seeing  you  with  something  on  your  mind.  but  …  i’ll  drop  it  if  that’s  what  you  want.  ❞  

❝  i  promise  !  ❞  alberto  happily  let  luca  pull  him  out  of  the  room  and  outside  onto  the  pavement  as  they  headed  towards  the  arcade.  it  was  a  beautiful  day  out and  alberto  couldn’t  help  but  to  close  his  eyes  for  a  moment  and  take  in  the  way  the  sun  felt  on  his  face  as  they  walked.  he  eventually  turned  to  his  friend,  absolutely  going  to  take  advantage  of  the  fact  that  luca  didn’t  really  have  any  distractions  or  excuses  at  the  moment  to  keep  him  from  answering  his  questions.  ❝  so  …  ❞  he  began as  he  glanced  over  at  luca.  ❝  are  you  gonna  tell  me  what’s  goin’  on  or  no?  ❞

   —  luca paguro.

                     ‘  the stars and moon remind me of you.  ’

   inspired  by  :  luca paguro from luca.  /  added inspo :  rory gilmore ( gilmore girls ), spencer reid ( criminal minds ), eddie kaspbrak ( it ), will byers ( stranger things ), yuuri katsuki ( yuri !! on ice ), mio chibana ( umibe no etranger ).

sometimes it was endearing watching people realise they couldn’t win against a quick string of words and a well-practised dry voice. after watching a painful scene of forcing self-confidence, nick shoots the weirdo in the bush a handsome smirk. 

“ … wow, that sounded like it took a lot of effort. i can appreciate that. ” he shrugs. “ i still don’t really believe you’re looking for a book but all right then, keep your secrets, ” he said, adding a british affectation to mimic the iconic meme. “ do you need some help ? ” he asks with another self-satisfied smile. “ you help me look for my watch, i help you look for your not-book. or whatever it is you’re really doing in the dark. ”

   so lying wasn’t his forte. did it have to be ?? since when was it a crime to be a bad liar. he wasn’t sure but it sure felt like he was being hounded for being a good boy. a good boy . . that just so happened to hide in the bushes. 

❝ twenty  dollars !  ❞   he  confirmed  with  a  nod,  sending  curls  falling  into  his  face.  he definitely  wasn’t  going  to  argue  there,  especially  as  he  was  still  looking  for  a  job.  sure,  they  were  trying  to  save  up  to  continue  adventuring  but  that  didn’t  mean  they  couldn’t  spend  a  little  here  and  there  to  have  a  good  time.  it  would  be  fine  !   ❝  look –  don’t  worry  about  a  thing,  luca.  we’re  going  to  have  fun!  the  only  thing  you  need  to  worry  about  is  me  kickin’  your  butt  at  air  hockey.   ❞   he  tried  to  muster  up  his  own  stern  voice  accompanied  but  fell  into  a  fit  of  laughter  instead.  alberto  was  already  always  a  pretty  cheerful  guy  but  even  more  so  knowing  that  he  was  successful  in  getting  luca  to  hang  out  with  him  and  take  his  mind  off  whatever  was  going  on. 

he  laughed  once  more  with  the  tug  on  his  hand  and  responded  by  interlocking  their  fingers  together.  ❝  i  feel  like  you’re  usin’  me  for  my  impressive  claw  machine  skills,  ❞  he  noted  with  feigned  offense.  ❝  it’s  fine.  i’ll  allow  it  …  ❞

   don’t worry. words that often caused him to worry even more. he knew his income from his tutoring job would only help so much. he knew soon he’d have to resort to taking more shifts at the pit stop but, as he looked up once more to meet his friend’s eyes, he couldn’t help but dwell in the feeling that everything would be okay. they always found a way. plus occasional splurging never hurt anyone. anyway was it even a splurge ? what if they ended up winning a blender or something they needed in the claw machine ? then it’d be more of a necessity, he supposed.