Stargazing_dragon

and it's just that sometimes it feels so alien to be aroace. Because online spaces fixate on romance in fandoms, to the point of infighting and angry rants and name calling and theory videos and threats to the creators if Their Favorite Ship isn't canonized. And you just hope the characters stay friends and hug and hold each other, and feel a little alone when the inevitable romance happens and you hope to find yourself in a new form of media. And then you step onto the grass and your friends are dating and your family is asking if they can pay for an online dating app for you and they try not to pretend that they're desperate for you to have a family, because there's only one way a family happens--between two people who kiss and make love and have children and you just can't tell them that you don't want it. That you want a family, not made of lovers but of friends, and you get sympathetic, pitying smiles that say, "You'll get it when you're older" but you're nearing 30 and you Know, you Know, you Yearn for a parter who is a friend and nothing more, even though it is More to you to be a Friend rather than a Lover and you want to cry because they just Don't Get It. You want romance to continue to exist, but away from you, where the pressure and expectation of it is not looming over your head. But there are times where you hope it'll finally come to you, so you can feel normal and date and not feel a numb, churning anxiety as you sit across from them in the restaurant and hope, beg, that they'll never want to kiss but instead talk about plants and maybe watch the stars together and bask in each other's warmth with no further expectation that you love them, pinkie entwined in theirs, and that this is the strongest expression of your love, and that you're not missing something inside of you because you don't want to kiss.