Knocked up my workplace with my 40 hour long week and it gave birth to a beautiful baby paycheck

are you gonna pick those penne noodles out of the boiling water one by one like a man, or are you gonna use a strainer like some kind of democrat?

son, at this point i think it’s time for me to follow in the footsteps of the hundreds of male losers that came before me… and start a podcast

so to answer your question: no, i will not make it to your parent teacher conference

going on a guilt trip do yall want anything

if you really cared about me you wouldn't have to ask

I’m lying face down on the floor. Reblog to join.

when you have a hammer everything looks like a guy you could kill with a hammer