🦋🪐🌌☄️🌠🌻

And abusive shit can be a lot of things. It can be a bigoted boss that resents their very presence at work. It can be a romantic partner that speaks only in violence and control. It can be a family member that refuses to acknowledge boundaries and feels entitled to their everything.

Abuse has a multitude of shapes and it takes a lot of courage for someone who is enduring it, to not only acknowledge it for what it is, but to reach out and TELL someone. They might not even be at the stage where they're asking for help, they just want someone to look at their reality, the true reality of it, and acknowledge that... yeah that's abuse.

And if you, yourself, have never experienced abuse - first of all, I am so glad, genuinely, that you've been blessed with such good luck - you might find the next steps in your friend's process to be deeply upsetting. Annoying, even. Because you say "yes, that's abuse" and they reply "okay" and then immediately go back to it. Even after you helpfully point out that they need to get the fuck out of there.

They keep going back.

And you're going to look at their actions and the conversations you've had and you're going to come to the conclusion that they're enabling the abuse. That they are actively participating in it, by not getting out as soon as they recognized the abuse for what it was.

And you're going to look at your friend and feel the urge to tell them that they need to stop "tolerating" it, because they have agency and they're clearly partaking in the abuse, by consistently coming back. Your friend might have even shared with you that the abusive situation has forced them to act in ways that, to your discerning eye, sound abusive themselves, which combined with their refusal to drop everything and go, means you might end up tempted to label your friend as a toxic person inherently, and decide to end the friendship entirely.

I am here looking at you in the eye to tell you all of that is the devil talking.

All of it.

While I understand the temptation to give "agency back" to survivors of abuse, no victim of abuse is ever complicit/enabling/participant in their abuse. Because they didn't choose to be abused. They didn't sign up for it. They didn't cause it. If you're wondering, we have a name for this urge people keep failing to repress, no matter how unsightly it is whenever they express it: blaming the victim.

So don't do that.

But also don't just tell a victim of abuse that they should leave and then be exasperated when they don't do so immediately. Do you understand what it means to leave? I suspect you don't.

Go check out HealingByTheNumebrs on Youtube, here on a very convenient playlist for you. Dr. Ruth chronicles HER own escape out of a 10 year abusive marriage. She talks about WHY she decides to leave, and then goes day by day on a 7 month journey to put together a reenactment of her escape plan.

It should help you understand why "just leave!" is not helpful. It's not even advice. It's borderline cruel, even. Are YOU offering to help them along with your loud proclamations that they should go? Are you opening your home to them, to have a place to GO? Are you offering to pay for costs?

Telling someone to leave is easy, particularly when you're not offering to help someone figure out how.

So please. PLEASE. If someone confides in you, do not listen to the devil, listen to your friend. Actually listen to them. And the be a fucking friend, and honor the trust placed in you by not being a fucking repugnant shitstain that betrays that trust immediately and starts parroting the devil's bullshit.

There are days when grief comes one wound at a time.For us, it came all at once.My father is critically ill in the hospital.My daughter Farah is still fighting a rare kidney disease.I'm exhausted, terrified, and running out of options.I need someone to help save my family.I'm pleading with anyone who still believes kindness can save lives.I wish I were asking for hope Instead, I am asking for help Please donate or share our appeal Your compassion could be the reason we make it through this nightmare. I urgently need money for the medication prescribed by the doctors when my father is discharged from the hospital so he can continue taking it. It costs us 320 euros 🙏🏻

🙏🏻"I'm terrified that one day I'll have to say goodbye to my father while watching my daughter continue to suffer. No one should have to carry this much pain."Please donate now, I desperately need your help🙏🏻💔

Please reach out your hand and support them by either donating or sharing the fundraiser.

During the stop, Lorenzo had 3 coworkers with him in his truck who have all been taken into ICE custody.

His family described Lorenzo as a hardworking family man who didn’t deserve to be killed. All he wanted was to provide for his wife and see his sons become great people. His eldest son recognized his father by his cries and pleas when trying to identify who the victim was.

The Salgado Araujo family has set up a gofundme to help with funeral and legal costs, and to help keep their family supported since Lorenzo was the sole provider.