Staple

For a moment I fell, it was not in love. For love is far too powerful an emotion to fall into. But something that comes before love. Its the ignition, the spark that makes you want to be brave. Its the catalyst of the heart. I do not like this feeling, but I live for the next opportunity in which I can be brave again. For in that moment I imagined what could have been. In what alternative universe that I had the opportunity to make something beautiful, For it may have just been a moment before I hit the ground. But in that moment I had lived a lifetime of happiness with you, and that was enough.

For who I am now

forever

There once was a wanderer that drifted from place to place to a calling unknown to him but he could smile and warm the hearts of many along the way he would meet a fox this fox was very lonely she would walk the woods alone as rumored, foxes could walk the paths of men and one day she saw him alone set on the horizon she would follow him and as the story goes she was entranced by how such a lonely man could bring such joy from time to time would shift form to help him by always out of sight sometimes causing fields to grow so he could work and eat and buying a room until he arrived in town so he had a room open to purchase often he was graced with great chances many believed him to be blessed and one day the fox decided to live to breathe air as a human for a day and on that day she met him gathering water from a well he saw her and smiled not just any smile but the warm smile she loved he would fall in love with her and how her eyes seemed to shine on that day they walked any where, every where they talked about anything just to hear the other speak for a moment they where no longer lonely they knew that they where at the place they are where destined to be and the day went fast the night coming on swift wings and the fox new her time was limited that even tho she loved him she needed to return to her form she could only stay in that form once a year on that night she told him she loved him that she would always be there for him but she needed to go with great sadness he let her go he knew his love would never lessen but that sometimes love isn’t enough often he would see her in other girls that time doesn’t erase feelings but puts them into a box that he could manage but the fox would fallow him still often times leaving gifts one year later she would show again he would stare at wonder of her for he was looking for her all over the land that his travels unknowingly became about her she with great sadness the fox would depart from him but final words still ringing in his ears that in one year he would find the girl of his future this is where the fox needed to leave him not for the sake that she did not love him but that she would walk the paths that many foxes did not dare for a fox could become human as long as the a contract goes for one year she chased the moon when the moon become dark she walked the path and for her terms she could never tell anyone she was a fox nor return to her original human form that she was to live as long as the man she sought and return to her fox form after she could never tell of her past breaking any of these would return her to a fox that she would stay human as long as the man lived and on that night she came to the man but the man did not recognize her for he only could think of the women he met one year ago forgetting the prophesy he did not see her for what she was she would follow him along his journeys and he would grow to love her company still searching for the girl that he did not know was with him a the whole time they would travel the world becoming very close to each other and in his heart he grew sad for he began to love the girl he traveled with and was forgetting the girl that stole his heart a few years ago and on the anniversary of both meeting the girl and the women that stole his heart he confessed his feeling for her she was over joyed for all along she feared that he would never love her new form as time progressed they would make a life along a grassy hill and have 3 children that would grow to be fine people and 30 years later on there anniversary the man would become deathly ill the women would tend to him but in her heart knowing there time grew short he would tell her the story of how he was searching for this girl and along the way he found her how his life has been so greatly blessed that he never found the women that took his heart that he met her and had a great life as his breathing slowed and there time came to a close she would kiss him his life slipping away she confides in him her great one secret that she had never left him he would die that day in the arms if the women that he crossed the world for falling in love twice for setting down for happy was his passing but saddening all the same for the fox new that her heart would yearn for him she would never love as she had loved and her time on this earth would never be as sweet the village they had settled down on would create stories of her passing saying she left on a long trip or she simply passed away out of sight sometimes that she turned into a fox and as the story goes she would look after her children once a year seeing them in person always in different forms but filling there needs some say she is still out there helping those she sees fit to find someone of there own spreading the love that she had one fine day

Its a fun fact that odd people will find love in odd little ways on odd little days and show there love thusly and I say that I am glad for the odd days that I spent with you and the odd days still left in which to I get to know you and how odd it seems that your eyes beam and the smile rips the seams of my odd little heart I would give all my odd days just to see you and I together one day

I met a ghost today He wasn’t carrying chains or lamenting or moaning rather he was breathing and mostly mundane first, I should go back and explain ghost come in threes about six months ago I saw him someone from my past someone I called friend and later bully working, taking orders and as things happen he remembered me and we talked of life things old and things new he was moving south, marrying a girl my animosity waxing away as I found deep in his eyes early on set apathy as he found what is life was to be dying before his body a walking corpse, a ghost to be forward a little later I found ghost number two she was a relic of my past and benevolent by-standard she was a watcher of children at a school fondly she remembered who I used to be a small boy with big dreams of keeping up with those much smaller then him contentiously trying, everyday to keep up even beyond the onslaught of negativity she always wondered why I kept trying day after day doing something that was not meant for me I smiled and wished her well and wondered if the ghost of my past would one day seize to be and then came ghost number three working my day job came a boy flanked by two a chubby boy, a reflection of me green keen eyes piercing my own a boy who never skipped a beat followed by a slender blonde boy and a rather serious brown haired lad I found myself wanting to talk to ghosts wanting to tell him to never lose hope to fight animosity, stay in school puberty is coming in full back to back with fragility and change that life gets better your body will change odd things like hair in strange places body changing, reshaping to shave that ridiculous beard to smile more, keep healthy that video games are amazing but don’t use them to drown yourself to search for love understand that people can still find you attractive to keep going, to never stop relies that love will find you that the fist girl is going to break your heart but the second will make it better I cant say she will be the one in the end but she will feel like it showing you that love is equal parts loving her and yourself that your smile, no matter how imperfect can light the world she will tare the mask away and love you for you and she is so beautiful life gets better and as the boys visit comes to a close I want to plead to him make him understand but talking to ghosts will never bring them back never change the events that happened and as he walks away I wish him luck and under my breath I say “your going to need it”

You know when you were growing up you found a place to be well I found that in books and old ladies when you pass elementary things start to change things don’t make sense things seem strange one day your friends with anyone the next you aren’t even someone your a person, consuming air a background to another persons cares and social q's are foreign ideas like you need a PhD just to be approachable so i start hiding in plain sight hoping one day i can do something right fighting to be nothing more then a ship in the night but at the same time hoping to be something more but I found books these little pages held my attention more then people could little hopes and little dreams inside tiny little seems whether it be John Green or Shel Silverstein laugh or cry, dance or mope. It gave me hope much more then people could a book made me happy and little old lady, a librarian was my only friend it was my place a small room that made me whole inside a place that sought only indifference there was place made for me that bridged the distance inside them I found ideas, places, and philosophy whether it be science, history, or theology it never told me what to believe it only gave me what words it held and that little old lady found things for me she taught me to think to dream to believe she gave me the world in tiny black letters in the only language I could understand she gave me everything she let me believe in love, bravery, honesty she made me see the heart in my enemies she gave me understanding she gave me knowledge as I grew up I started seeing through eyes not my own gazing into the unknown I grew up believing the world was harsh but there was beauty in the small things and along the way I found a fraze coined by hamlet created by Shakespeare “To be or not to be” to many they only see a misused quote to be thrown out at tandem ruined in it random use but it gave me answers “to be or not to be” is not three words by three but words to understand why some choose life and some choose death the understanding that life is hard it was never was easy it gave meaning to the human condition not trapped in superstition that we all fear the unknown kids fear the dark and the adults fear darkness in which our answers do not shout and I am shouting until I break until the very edges of my existence quake shouting to the abyss which sees nothing and hears less shouting while there is something of me left shouting, screaming, screeching, scratching squeaking until I am laid to rest shouting why do good people fall to evil and family’s split hearts break dreams crack men succumb to addiction and women held to affliction why do children fallow blindly there family’s past and strong men seek war and weaker men seek violence why is there truth in your mothers eyes and strength in your fathers why is there a part in out hearts that seek love above all else and it grows weary of this world and its flaws and that misfortune of its longevity we run for the hills hoping for beauty against all odds and our will never concurred only tempered in the little places we find something more then the rest something that isn’t a cruel jest I am not sure yet what it is yet but I am willing to read every book beseech every old lady and scour the darkness hold every hand kiss every pain carry all the afflicted and hope in the distance till I find the meaning of my existence

There once where a group of people that lived were the sun meets the heavens and in that land I met the girl of my dreams she lived on the edge the edges of my memory all the winds meet there she rests her feet when the red son flares it because shes scared and when my heart aches she soothes the pain for all the world would change there ways if only they knew there is hope that you could meet her one day for the birds of the earth pause there flight just glimpse upon her hair and the beasts that farm the land guide her, around the world and if you travel to far off land keep you eyes open mistress of dreams because one day as all story begin she will knock and the doors will be open and when this happens do not be afraid just take this chance and seize the day fight for the little moments take chances and make memories and most of all love love unconditionally

So this train keeps arriving and my past keeps denying that it could exist it beckons with a cold stare and bloody memories best left alone it arrives uninvited and unexpected nothing more then a shadow of the anger once accepted now suppressed with it jet black stare kept in check with iron will expressed by the fact we make better strangers and explosive lovers and at best being alone never condemned me but time doesn’t really matter for the train tolls twice more its pull seducing the stronger part of me as I enter its embrace whispering in its ear my lovers name as the train best known as Eros, gains its newest passenger

The night I met the stars I made a promise to the rhythm of the night a hurried signature blur of release and a small step to fix the darkest part of me I choose the beating of my heart the wild heart the wild intangible, uncontrollable miracle that chooses life even against all odds I will find it I will find you happiness

P.S please be gentle for I am more fragile then I seem and shatter twice as far.

I am not the man I once was lost in the fickle tides of change and If you say you have an answer I will call your bluff men are not meant to know what tomorrow brings and I tell you now I am not strong as I thought I once was but I can bring you home don’t make me lead you for I am much too proud to take that crown of thorns but believe in me and I in you and we might just make it after all for we all walk the dark road alone but till then take my hand there is much we can still do and many new chances to fix what was once done second chances may never come again so love today for tomorrow is uncertain and don’t fear the kindness given for the world is much to cruel for it to come again

There is nothing quite like the feeling of driving into a rain storm in a beat up car with nonfunctional wipers the air is a little too sweet and your heart a little too alive and your a smile a little too happy the surprise happens when, you feel yourself accelerating life flying by at 80 your car more swimming then driving your vision minimal and life gets a little better you roar along with the thunder laughter a little unhinged like some deranged demigod and when you punch through and your a bit calmer you find that safety is a luxury and insanity an acquired taste irony lays in the fact that the real danger was when you are on the other side and you swerve away from a rather large traffic sign that happened to meander its way into the road

I live on the idea Of self importance Based on the feel That my exsistance Is directly related To my heart beat Not to the relativity To those around me Punch drunk on Invincibility Denying my vulnerability Until death do me part Crafting this identity Of main protagonist Believing those around me Nothing more then Static Turning men into ideas Coated in flesh Breaking them down Till there is nothing left And wondering why The world doesn't Seem so bright

Life is the gift that you never asked for precious in its existence brief in its distance sometimes a gift horse how the heights look from the bottom when you cant stand the clouds and the ground isn’t so welcoming anymore hills become cliffs and divots are chasms. gravity your chains are comforting but suffocating. why cant air find its way into this box and is it really worth the bow? Well I guess I can accept the premise of my existence. Maybe if only for the moment when you find me again