I'm Stakstik

They stand around me smiling with glee speaking free trying to make me see but they don't know what they are doing to me. The daggers cut deep,The wound grows, but I must smile for they don't know. I let you get hurt. I hid from it. I should have taken it instead. It feels like I've  gone for miles to fix what's in my head, to better myself but I feel like I'm dead.  I hope you don't think I left you behind It's as if I lost a part of me over time so you could be safe from the constant wartime.  

I hold it in and press on but day by day I see you grow on, it's hard to stay strong. Like a ghost, I float on. I still wish I could be there today, I had lost my way, I will not give in this day. Sometimes I wish I was well enough  to be there each day.

Hardest one I've written. Not the difficulty but the feelings behind it. I write to let what i feel out.

I see faces, people each day I see their smiles, tears, and rage. I cry, I smile, I frown like a performing circus clown. I keep them an arms length away telling myself over and over that it's better this way, that I'm what you would say happy this day but I have a heavy pain deep in my chest now and that tells me it's time oh wait please not now. I suppress it more and more each day and surround myself with people every passing day but only again, an arms length away. My friends, siblings, and even my son I grow fear from each day that if I were to release this wall this distance,  she will cause havoc with no resistance.  So I must smile I must act and I must keep away so they will not see her today. For when I can't sleep for days and  I start losing my mind, she takes control and I lose all that was mine. I pick up her pieces each time from the destruction she leaves behind and I must start anew again. To find new friends. A new life. I must keep an arms length away because she will always be this way

Posting all my poems and sketches going with them.

I open my mouth but words will not be heard

As if I've spoken an unknown word

I'm still not able to speak

They see me as weak

" You deserved it"

"He was your boyfriend so it was okay"

"It wasn't his fault since that's how men behave"

Men and women just like me carry them silently day by day the wound swells violently

Unable to speak

To ashamed to

It becomes to much to hold onto

It trickles out slowly bursting out of my chest

What a mess

Silent and unspoken screams covered by those who refuse to see

They can't accept the reality

Where was his morality

Couldn't he have left me be?