Stacey Joy Andeen // Writing Portfolio

Component Design Northwest

Write targeted website copy for different segments of CDN’s customer base, with different verbiage for each section.

Raise your hand if you've ever gone to a restaurant and lied about it being your birthday so that the staff would come out and sing a horrible song and you'd get a free scoop of ice cream. Or if you've ever lied about it being your birthday in a bar so that you get a free shot. Or if you've ever called a restaurant and lied about a botched delivery order (that you never made in the first place) in hopes of getting free food.

Hopefully that last example never so much as crossed your mind, because you are a good and generally honest person. But you'd be amazed at the number of (often sketchy) ways that people try to get free stuff from restaurants and bars.

When I was in college, I had a seasonal job waiting tables at an enormous chain restaurant in a giant suburban mall that rhymes with "Schmoodfield," and I'm reasonably certain you can all guess how awesome that was.

Shockingly, given that I had to deal with so many wealthy suburban families and their awful children during my summer and winter breaks, it wasn't the worst job I've ever had. But the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year's were completely different—mostly in a fantastic way, and sometimes in an unbelievably crappy way.

Most travel is a pain in the ass, but holiday travel is extra annoying. You have a ton of travelers all trying to get somewhere at the same time while toting a ton of stuff they don't need.

What you end up with is a big pile of awful. Literally, because all that extra luggage is awful. That said, here are my suggestions for how to get home (or wherever) for the holidays without all the extra stuff.

"Some days I feel like I was just a palette cleanser between his last girlfriend and whoever comes next - just a means to exorcise the demons."

—Me, in a blog post a few years ago

Sometimes life sneaks up on you and smacks you upside the head with something like a breakup or a friend being a jerk or someone just not returning your texts.

There are any number of reasons for people to feel sorry for themselves, but having a pity party about it on the Internet is rarely the best solution.

Did you guys see the video that was making the rounds on the internet the other week? No, not the one with the cats or the one with the corgi puppies, but those were great. This one was about beer. Specifically, it was about being a girl, and being intimidated by an extensive beer menu, being confused about what to order. And then it recommended three fairly stereotypical (Read: fruity and sweet and pink) drafts because they're "girl beers." Shoot, the video was actually called "Best Beers for Women to Order," only it wasn't about the best beers. It was about "girl beers."

I hate tipping.

Well, no, that's not true. I love tipping; as a bartender, I depend on it to pay my rent and my bills and so on. But I hate that I have to rely on the kindness of strangers to make a living. I hate that, if the restaurant is slow, my bank account suffers. I hate that taking a vacation means I have to work doubly hard when I get back to make up the cash lost from not working. I hate that if I'm sick or can't work, or—God forbid—have to go to the hospital, I don't make any money while I recover.

It's that time of year again, when we strip down to as little clothing as we can stand, and eat and drink outside as frequently as humanly possible. Patio season is upon us!

It seems like every other restaurant is offering some kind of outdoor seating, and I could not be more OK with this. The only thing better than unlimited mimosas is unlimited mimosasoutsidebecause duh.

We Chicagoans can stumble out of our apartments or offices, throw a rock and hit at least three bars. The likelihood that one of those bars will be our regular bar is pretty good. And since you'll be there all the damn time, here are some tips to ensure that you are your bar of choice's favorite patron.

Hey college grads, are you fed up because you paid all that money for a degree and can't use it because the job market is saturated? Are you thinking about the 20-something Hail Mary pass of grad school because you don't know what else to do? Maybe you don't have to.

Instead of diving deeper into college debt, let me present another option: the restaurant industry. I know, you're all thinking something like, "But I have a degree in business/philosophy/sandwiches! I'm gonna do bigger things than wait tables!" And that's great, but hear me out on this one. Here is why everyone should work a year in the restaurant industry.