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he walks past me and i’m about to relax but then he, stops, backs up and looks me up and down. i’m sweating bullets because we knew nothing about what kind of a cap was he going to be like was my shirt untucked or something oh god what did i do now???

and he just goes “where’s your book?”

and i blink because i am a third class petty officer but a captain is still kind of terrifying and he’s new and I DON’T KNOW WHAT BOOK HE IS TALKING ABOUT is he a stickler do i need to have a copy of the bluejacket’s manual on me at all times or what?

so i screw up my courage and ask him, “my book, sir?”

and he checks my name patch again and says, “you’re petty officer xxxx, you always have a book. where is your book? are you okay?”

like

cap has been onboard for less than 24 hours HOW DOES HE KNOW THIS?

(i mean, he’s not wrong, i got a lot of shit from other senior personnel about the pocket on my uniform being stretched out because it always had a book in it.)

but i have an answer and he’s the new cap, so i give it: “i finished my last one and haven’t had a chance to get to my bunk and grab a new one.”

and his eyes bug out

shit

i broke the new captain goddammit LT is gonna kill me

and he goes “BUT YOU JUST STARTED THAT ONE YESTERDAY!”

and i’m just staring back now like HOW DOES HE KNOW THIS OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK OUR NEW CAP IS PSYCHIC OR SOME SHIT

and because my brain has broken under the stress of this encounter i ask him

and he’s like “i saw you on the mess decks on my tour with [old cap] and you were on like page ten that book is like 400 pages how did you read it in one day?”

and i’m like SHIT he’s gonna be pissed because he thinks i was slacking because i read a bigass book in one day fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK

like this was not the first time i’d gotten in trouble for reading when i was on watch or whatever but i had maintenance watches i’m literally waiting for something to break and my chief didn’t mind

BUT THIS IS THE CAP IF HE MINDS CHIEF’S OPINION ISN’T WORTH A FISH FART IN THE OCEAN

and so i stammer, “i read a lot? so… i… i read fast?”

and he just stares and i don’t know what the expression on his face means

before i can process this though and come up with a new response, he’s grabbing my shoulder and turning me and pushing me ahead of him where little baby petty officers do not walk because CAPTAIN GOES FIRST

and i’m like “welp this is how i end up in the brig i get to be the new cap’s first captain’s mast it was nice knowing everyone”

idk that or he’s gonna throw me over the side honestly who knows my whole world was upside down at this point

and then he starts talking

he’s like “go get a new book what are you reading next did you like your last book tell your chief i sent you if he asks why you were gone what is your favorite genre and author have you ever read” and basically escorts me to my berthing grilling me about books and everywhere we go people are staring and oh god i’m going to die i am just going to die of shame and horror and this is it this is what takes me out does this count as dying for my country i don’t even know

and that’s how we learned that our new cap was married to a librarian and an avid reader and was not going to have an illiterate crew, dammit.

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

"They're not the same at all!"

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—"

MY POINT EXACTLY.

Alla fresca età di [colpo di tosse] anni ho comprato il mio primo paio di anfibi. Neanche dieci giorni dopo mi son messo ad ascoltare i Rancid. La riflessologia plantare punk è una branca che andrebbe approfondita.

In questo periodo storico se il tuo peso forma coincide con le ultime due cifre del tuo anno di nascita o sei di mezza età o vai alle elementari

Ho una pila di libri arretrati che non sfiora il soffitto solo perché metà sono in formato digitale, e ho stimato che circa ogni quindici pagine lette mi viene in mente un altro libro che vorrei leggere. Ormai ho accettato serenamente di vivere annegato nei backlog, che siano di lettura, di lavatrici, di lavoro d'ufficio o di bestemmie arretrate

Arrivo dopo la puzza ma questo sbarbo oltre ad essere particolarmente talentuoso ha dato una rappresentazione di un certo tipo di disagio mentale incredibile: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_nc1IVoMxc

Io e l'attualità non ci parliamo più da un pochino. Nell'ultimo tentativo di accensione di un tg a cinni presenti il piccolo ha visto un paio di palazzi ucraini distrutti e ha avuto paranoie belliche serali per una quindicina di giorni. L'altro giorno ho fatto un tentativo sintonizzandomi alle setteetrenta sul gr di popolare network trasmesso da radio città fujiko. Appena ha iniziato a sfumare Black Market dei Weather Report mi hanno iniziato a parlare in contemporanea in tre. Ho spento.

Negli ultimi due mesi il quantitativo di genitori di amici malati o deceduti è fuori scala, ma pure quello di amici che hanno scoperto sfighe di salute di vario tipo. Non sono pronto a tutto questo.

In una sfilza di attacchi di mal di testa che mi ha fatto inimicare a suon di porconi tutte le Principali Religioni Monoteistiche™, guardando il file dove da un paio d'anni ho iniziato ad appuntarmi questi eventi (i mal di testa, non le bestemmie) ho realizzato che novembre è sempre stato particolarmente infame come mese. Come se non avessi già abbastanza motivi per aborrire i mesi freddi.

Mi sono incammellato a guardare un quantitativo imbarazzante di versioni di White Rabbit. Amanda Palmer ne ha fatta una abbastanza strepitosa ma forse vincono questi tizi (non sai di avere bisogno di bluegrass lisergico finché non ti ci imbatti): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeHlvXvG6vA (sul finale lo stregatto decolla)

I use full fat Greek yoghurt and self-rising flour

Ratio by weight

Add a pinch of salt

Knead until no longer sticky, adding more flour if necessary

Roll them with olive oil instead of flour and fry in an otherwise unoiled, preheated pan (medium heat) (trust in the lord; it will seem like it's going to stick to the pan at first but they'll unstick in about 15 seconds)

Roll them thin but not too thin; mine take about 45 seconds on either side

That's naan?

*runs to Google*

Diverse organizzazioni di lavoratori portuali hanno indetto mobilitazioni e iniziative per protestare contro i bombardamenti della striscia di Gaza. Venerdì prossimo a Genova si svolgerà il presidio indetto dai portuali del capoluogo ligure. La mobilitazione raccoglie l’appello lanciato lo scorso 16 ottobre dai sindacati palestinesi per “smettere di armare Israele”. I lavoratori dello scalo genovese si rifiutano di gestire l’imbarco di carichi di armi diretti in Israele (e non solo). Un’iniziativa simile è in atto nel porto di Sidney, in Australia, dove si protesta contro l’attracco di una nave della compagnia israeliana Zim. All’appello dei colleghi palestinesi hanno aderito ieri anche i lavoratori dello scalo di Barcellona, annunciando che impediranno “le attività delle navi che portano materiale bellico”. Come lavoratori, si legge nel comunicato degli spagnoli, “difendiamo con veemenza la Dichiarazione universale dei diritti dell’uomo“, aggiungendo che “nessuna causa giustifica il sacrificio dei civili”. In Belgio a rifiutarsi di caricare armi sono da alcune settimane gli addetti aeroportuali che nel comunicato spiegano “caricare e scaricare ordigni bellici contribuisce all’uccisione di innocenti“.

Can you hear this exoplanet screaming?

As HD 80606 b approaches its star from an extreme, elliptical orbit, it suffers star-grazing torture that causes howling, supersonic winds and shockwave storms across the planet. Its torturous journey boils its atmosphere to a hellish 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit every 111 days, roasting both its light and dark sides. HD 80606b will never escape this scorching nightmare.

This bone-chilling force will leave you shivering alone in terror!

An unseen power is prowling throughout the cosmos, driving the universe to expand at a quickening rate. This relentless pressure, called dark energy, is nothing like dark matter, that mysterious material only revealed by its gravitational pull. Dark energy offers a bigger fright: pushing galaxies farther apart over trillions of years, leaving the universe to an inescapable, freezing death in the pitch black expanse of outer space.​

Cygnus X-1 Presents:

It’s Dinner Time and You’re The Meal!

Lurking in our galaxy, approximately 6,000 light-years from Earth, is a monster named CygnusX-1. This black hole, which has about 14.8 times the mass of our Sun, will stretch and squeeze anything it captures in its immense gravity. Cygnus X-1 is waiting, snacking on its neighboring star. Don’t get too close, or you’ll become its next meal!

This chillingly haunted galaxy mysteriously stopped making stars only a few billion years after the Big Bang! It became a cosmic cemetery, illuminated by the red glow of decaying stars. Dare to enter, and you might encounter the frightening corpses of exoplanets or the final death throes of once-mighty stars.

Something strange and mysterious creeps throughout the cosmos. Scientists call it dark matter. It is scattered in an intricate web that forms the skeleton of our universe. Dark matter is invisible, only revealing its presence by pushing and pulling on objects we can see. NASA’s Roman Space Telescope will investigate its secrets. What will be revealed?

In the depths of the universe, the cores of two collapsed stars violently merge to release a burst of the deadliest and most powerful form of light, known as gamma rays. These beams of doom are unleashed upon their unfortunate surroundings, shining a million trillion times brighter than the Sun for up to 30 terrifying seconds. No spaceship will shield you from the blinding destruction of the gamma ray ghouls!

These doomed worlds were among the first and creepiest to be discovered as they orbit an undead star known as a pulsar. Pulsar planets like Poltergeist and its neighboring worlds, Phobetor and Draugr, are consumed with constant radiation from the star’s core. Nothing but the undead can subsist in this most inhospitable corner of the galaxy.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

Also heads up a lot of libraries these days in the time of pandemic are offering library cards even to people who don't live in the area.

The Boston Public Library has library cards for all Massachusetts residents.

The Brooklyn Public Library is allowing folks ages 13-21 to get a free library card no matter where they live, or adults can get one for a fee.