Local Bitch

im what the victorians would call a “vile, ill-tempered and thoroughly wretched little creature”

men i would hold by the scruff of the neck & wash with dawn dish soap in the kitchen sink

first thing id do as a skeleton is drink red wine from a goblet and have it spill out everywhere . second thing id do is play my ribs like a xylophone

Oh but if I tried to open a PUSSY’S sporting goods how would that play out? 🤨

ohhhhum i don’t know…. sorry *puts my hands in my pocket* *walks away glumly *walks into a parking lot*seagull attack

not my itsy bitsy ass climbing up the water spout again

Sometimes I wish I had the confidence of an online polyamorous white genxer from the Pacific Northwest who just got a new crystal necklace and is using it as an excuse to post a tit pic to a chorus of praise from excitable bearded pagans & bisexual barnes and noble employees who do burlesque

i literally wasn’t made to work sorry to the freaks who enjoy this grindset shit but you literally have psychological problems. i just want to sit and think and maybe talk and eat and drink

i love you seagulls i love you pigeons i love you magpies i love you little sparrows that carry way too much in their beaks i love you big crows that hop along the floor i love you birds

sorry i was so weird but you invoked a topic i am incapable of being normal about