sara

The rain started trickling down the windows around 6 am. Slash was sure about that because he had the displeasure of waking up and looking at his alarm clock, the blurry numbers being the only source of light in the dim bedroom. He stared at the droplets on the glass, imagining them to be in a race, like he had been doing since he was little. Usually he would have never been up at that time of the day, but fall always seemed to fuck up his internal clock like it did with changing the color of the leaves. The only good thing was that Axl was still sleeping, his breathing coming out soft and steady. The redhead always had problems sleeping to the point Slash got used to feeling someone tossing and turning near him, but the colder months were even more brutal to Axl' sleep cycle. But as long as there wasn't screaming involved, Slash was more than happy to let him enjoy some rest. There was no point in going back to sleep, at least not in the near future, so he got out of the bed, reached for his cigarettes and headed towards the balcony, making sure to close the door as quietly as possible. 

The crisp morning air hit him in the face, his nose wrinkling at the sudden sensation as his skin slowly got used to the wind. The city seemed to be still asleep and the rain only gave it a sinister look, which was highlighted by the gray sky and dark clouds that Slash hated so much, even if he couldn't exactly pinpoint why or maybe he didn't want to.

Without wasting more time he lit up his cigarette, at least if he had to be miserable he would have satisfied his cravings, and kept looking out. Without the obvious differences, the city reminded him of his childhood spent in London, when his parents were still together even if the weather was shitty, when he had less problems and was carefree, yet LA always warmed his heart with the excessive heat, colorful life and the dream of becoming a rockstar. Maybe he was turning into his beloved snakes that needed constant sun exposure to live.

The noise of the balcony door opening almost blended with the rain's to the point that Slash thought he might have just imagined it, however the two arms who slowly surrounded him, Axl's chin resting on his shoulder. He slowly went to position his hands over his boyfriend's but Axl flinched away.

"It's okay. No touch". Slash stated and Axl seemed content enough with the answer, keeping holding his boyfriend.

Over time the guitarist learned it was easier to treat Axl like a cat: slow movements, letting him get close and allowing him to get away if he wanted to, especially when he was silent and clingy, clear signs of Axl's mind playing tricks on him. Slash took a long drag from his cigarette, focusing his eyes on the landscape, but even if the sun was slowly rising, the sky remained gray.

"This weather fucking sucks." He wasn't surprised by the silence that followed, it would have been stupid to expect Axl to talk, however the words were just pushed out of his mouth.

He was used to being the silent one, while Axl kept talking for days, so whenever these moments happened, he always had a slight embarrassment washing over him. Without even noticing it, Slash moved his hair forward, hiding his face even if nobody could see him.

"Rain is just so fucking melancholic. I hate..." he took a pause, shifting his attention to his cigarette, "I hate this feeling."

Axl's arms seemed to get tighter around him, probably in an attempt to comfort him, then his hands started to go up and down Slash's arm smoothly. A warm, welcoming sensation formed in the guitarist's stomach, so much different from the wind brushing against his skin and it made him think a bit. Usually, whenever he felt like that, the solution was drinking a bottle of Jack or worst case scenario getting high, he never thought a hug could feel like that even after all the time he and Axl had been together.

Slowly he got used to it and he had the feeling Axl was enjoying the distraction as much as him, occasionally resting his head on Slash's shoulder a couple of times. But soon his cigarette was over and reality crushed back in, as the sky got somehow darker.

"We should probably get inside. We can rest some more before I need to get to the studio".

Axl seemed to agree and let the other man go, stepping in front of him. Face to face, Slash felt compelled to observe Axl's face while simultaneously feeling his boyfriend's gaze doing the same: dark circles were sitting under his eyes, his freckles were a faded memory due the lack of sun, yet Slash felt the uncontrollable urge to kiss him, only to refrain himself. He would never overstep the "no touch" rule and neither he wanted to get punched, however Axl seemed to have read his mind, because his lips were soon planted on Slash's.

The shitty rain, the chilly wind, his appointment, all seemed to disappear in the background leaving him to enjoy the moment. If only Axl's kiss also had the power to skip ahead to June and get them on a beautiful beach where they could relax and not freeze their butts off. He moved his hands in his boyfriend's hair, making sure to be as careful as possible but Axl seemed to feel better and he even returned the favor by letting his fingers wander all around Slash's forearm.

A familiar warmth started to make its way in his body and he knew that if he didn't stop now, they would end up making out in the rain so he slowly let the redhead go.

"We really need to go or we're gonna get drenched".

Axl seemed to agree, tugging Slash's wrist and leading him towards their bedroom, leaving the sad rainy sky behind. Once they were back in bed, Slash looked at the ceiling waiting for his boyfriend to make his first move, if he wanted, while his own head started to run in circles.

He wasn't the overthinking type or the one to indulge in sadness, the only emotions he liked were the good ones and he hoped anything else could be erased by either alcohol or being busy enough. He didn't even know why he felt so nostalgic, why his brain kept going back to London and his parents and it almost made him scream in frustration.

"Maybe we can shower together. You know, it's almost time for you to get ready". Axl's voice managed to snap him out of his tumultuous thoughts.

"Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah, I can handle that kind of touch". The redhead shrugged his shoulders, however Slash analyzed him for a second. No signs of distress or anger were visible so eventually he agreed.

Following his boyfriend into the bathroom, Slash realized maybe that was the solution: a hot, steamy shower and his gorgeous boyfriend helping him get clean. Yeah, it sounded like something that could make both of them relax and especially a nice distraction before stepping out in the rain.

---

Axl poured a hefty dose of coffee into his mug. Slash left already for the studio, yet he couldn't ease the heaviness that was squishing his heart and every thought seemed to drive back to his boyfriend. The redhead thought that the shower would help him, he even put his still persistent discomfort aside, but Slash's gaze still felt distant even when he was devouring him with lust and his demeanor just lacked his usual chill.

Did something happen? Or is he mad at me?

Rationally Axl knew it wasn't the case, and if it was he shouldn't have cared, but it was so strange to feel Slash's muscles so tensed up, his usual silence being a shade more depressing than it usually would have been. It was Axl's role being the moody one, yet there was something bothering Slash and he needed to do something about it. Screw his brain, screw whatever memory was lingering around his mind, he needed to cheer Slash up.

But how?

Talking always helped Axl out but it wasn't Slash's case, the guitarist was either too chill to care or would just feel awkward talking about it, which was counter-productive. Taking another sip, he scanned the kitchen and took the little notepad stuck on the fridge deciding to brainstorm some ideas.

What made Slash happy?

Snakes. Well, Bonnie and Clyde were currently chilling in their heated cages and fed before their owner left. He had no desire to buy another snake.

A bottle of Jack. A quick and dangerous solution. Something Slash wouldn't object to but also too basic and definitely he didn't need him to drink more than he was already doing.

Sex. Again, something Slash wouldn't say no to but the shower proved that when their minds weren't in the right place, their game sucked. Plus, Axl didn't think he had it in him at that moment, forcing himself would have made things more depressing than they already were.

Horror movies. Now, that was something Axl could work with. They could be rented fairly easily, Slash would have a nice distraction for a couple of hours and he might even join him. Plus, thinking about it, didn't Slash mention a recently released horror movie he wanted to see at the movie theater but never got the chance to? That was the perfect idea! Dumping the mug in the sink, the singer tried his best to get ready as fast as possible, dodging himself into his car and hitting the breaks.

The rain was merciless, making sure to soak as much of Axl's clothes as possible which only made him regret more his decision of getting out of the house. Fidgeting with the bracelets on his wrist, he made sure to scan closely the horror section but he couldn't help but feel invisible eyes all over him, praying and waiting to lure him. Mostly he didn't want to be recognized by any fan at that moment but there was also a more hidden fear.

He couldn't find him, could he?

"Do you need help, sir?" The unknown voice made his heart jump more than Axl would ever admit but soon he realized it was only the cashier. He was glad he decided to wear sunglasses inside, even if that made him look even crazier than he already was.

"No, thanks". He opted to say, almost regretting using his voice and not just shaking his head.

He could still feel the intense beating in his ears while picking a random VHS from the shelf, making sure to focus all his attention on it. The shivers and the pressure on his head signaling a headache didn't matter because he had to find the movie. After seemingly endless time, his eyes took a glimpse of a familiar image. Yes, it was just what he needed.

"Oh, that's a great movie!" The cashier started politely and Axl couldn't do much but to give him a fake smile. He just hoped Slash liked it.

On the way to his car, while the rain seemed to slow down a bit, the singer couldn't help but feel like a piece was missing. Was just a movie okay? Shouldn't he have done something more?

He almost didn't notice passing a supermarket until his eyes were caught by some flashy Christmas decorations. For fuck's sake, it was November still. However, it wouldn't hurt too much to stop by.

Yeah, maybe he knew what to add to movie night.

–

Slash thought that the temporary distraction from discussing and recording his new guitar parts would have lasted longer, however as soon as he stepped outside and was hit by the rain, his morale dropped back to zero.

He hated feeling this heavy, he hated the invisible grip his mind seemed to hold over his body at that moment, he just wanted to be carefree. Instead he found himself nervously playing with his fingers as he waited to start his car, dreading having to come back home but not because of Axl but the lack of control over himself.

Running a hand through his already frizzy hair, he took a deep breath. He wasn't like him to be this emotional and probably everything would have been over by tomorrow yet he hated being stuck into the present.

"Get it together, Slash. Axl's probably worried".

Axl. Slash didn't stop thinking about him even in the recording booth, hoping that his mood didn't drop down too much or that he didn't have any accidents. He didn't exactly know how to call them, they didn't seem like panic attacks: he just knew Axl wouldn't move and started crying and screaming. This type of weather didn't seem to be forgiving with him either, which made Slash lose his cool even more.

After what had seemed ages, Slash finally entered his house, only to be met with the kitchen door closed. He raised his eyebrow in confusion, usually Axl would jump on him as soon as he heard the front door unlocking but there was no sign of him.

"Ax, where are you?" He asked, with a hint of concern in his voice.

"Kitchen, do not come in". Axl yelled. "Go to the living room, I'll join you soon".

"Okay". Now Slash was freaking out a bit. Did Axl want to talk about something? Or worse, did something happen?

What the hell was happening? He and Axl went through the worst shit and came out still together. Yeah and so did Slash's parents before divorcing. He started to run his bracelets up and down his wrist as the faint sound of rain came back. Maybe the rain was really cursed. He stopped dead in his tracks once he noticed the TV on, more precisely showing a VHS screen movie.

Fidgeting with the remote, he couldn't help but smile once he saw the title popping up on the screen. He had no idea if it was a case or if Axl really picked it up  for him but either way his heart skipped a beat, not out of anxiety this time. Slash sat down and kept playing with the remote, patiently waiting for Axl until muffled steps could be heard.

"Close your eyes". The redhead demanded.

"What?"

"I know it's stupid but it's a surprise, so close your eyes".

Slash gave up, covering his eyes with his hand and waiting for Axl's instructions. Was he about to give him something? Or maybe Axl was about to tease him by wearing Slash's clothes again. Either way, he started to feel a hot rush.

"You can open them".

Certainly what met Slash's eyes was very curious: a big bowl of potato chips, some homemade cupcakes, two sliders and... spiders? Taking a closer look he realized the spiders were just chocolate balls and that the potato chips were bat shaped, meanwhile both the cupcakes and the sliders had received some Halloween decoration.

"Wow".

"I stopped at the supermarket. It's all pre-made shit and Halloween kits for kids, don't flatter yourself by thinking I would cook for you". Axl's harsh tone hid all his insecurities, starting from the way his eyes dropped down and his body language was ready to fight.

One of the hardest things Slash had to come to terms with was to learn Axl's way of interpreting the world: his stepfather and the people around him growing up made sure to install some beliefs that were hard to eradicate, resulting in Axl always being ready to pounce to avoid being disappointed.

"Of course. But still, thank you". He wanted to use more meaningful words but they seemed to die in his throat, overwhelmed by such a nice gesture. Just like that, Axl managed to help him forget the pouring rain outside and instead warm his heart.

Slowly, he pressed the play button while waiting for Axl to sit next to him. Just like earlier, he didn't force or initiate any contact but soon enough his boyfriend was leaning his head on his shoulder and Slash made sure to hold him in his arms. Soon, his hand found his way to Axl's lower back and he started to gently rub it while, on the TV, the main character started to raise their voice, making Axl scooping a bit closer to him.

"Are you sure you are not afraid?" Slash teased him.

"Fuck you". Axl replied.

"At least let's wait until the end of the movie". Slash regretted saying those words as soon as they left his mouth but Axl didn't seem to be offended or scared. Instead, he started to trace Slash's tattoos while the other man resumed his rubbing.

Eventually, all the sounds started to blend and it became increasingly harder to focus when he could feel the redhead's breathing on his neck, sending tingly sensation all the way down to his back. Soon, his lips found Axl's cheeks as he planted a kiss. His boyfriend responded by kissing him back on his mouth, the sugary taste of the cupcake still lingering and Slash's hands gripped every inch of Axl's back, soaking in the warmth irradiating from the skin until they parted away.

"God, they are so fucking stupid! Why don't they just hide?" Axl broke the silence.

“They can't hear you”. Slash shot back with a smile.

“I don’t care, they are still idiots!”

The guitarist decided to stay silent, preferring to position his body so that Axl could hold him. The redhead didn’t let the opportunity slide, starting to play with Slash’s hair almost as if he was a cat, earring a happy sigh from the other man. While his mind was still focused on the movie, his brain and thoughts seemed to be shut by Axl’s touch, his heartbeat slowed and the heaviness surrounding it seemed to be lifted at every fingertips on his skin.

Maybe this was the solution for rainy days: stay in each other’s arms forever. Slash liked that idea, anything that could make his brain shut and his heart happy.

–

Hands, all over Axl’s body. Purple bruises started appearing all over his pale skin but it wasn’t the worst sensation at that moment: the little droplets falling from his hair and his clothes bothered him more. He was shivering but he wasn’t allowed to change, he wasn’t punished enough according to his stepfather.

“You dared to say that?! On the Lord’s Day!” Axl’s heart started to beat so fast that he thought he could have died right there.

He kinda wished he did. It would have been better.

He stayed silent while his throat was closing up. How many times did he have to relive that? Wasn’t the torture enough? The water even started to burn, leaving marks alongside his bruises. It wasn’t supposed to happen… why was he burning?

“You’re the devil, William. I know Lucifer is inside you, but I’ll get it out”.

His airways were definitely closed now… he knelt to the floor, gasping for air and only later he realized what was happening: two strong hands were around his throat, choking him out. His eyes started to get heavy, his vision blurry but he waited for the voice, his angel’s voice, the one who seemed to always rescue him whenever he was having a nightmare. But this time the voice didn’t come, instead Axl collapsed on the floor and his stepfather’s grin was the last thing he saw before waking up.

Once his eyes were open, he started to feel the space next to him waiting to meet Slash’s body but instead his finger clashed with the cold sheets. His heart started to beat faster but he opted to focus his ears, hoping to listen to the shower running, but instead it was met with silence.

“He left you”. His brain supplied him.

It couldn’t be, there were no reasons for Slash to leave like that, it had to be something else. The suffocating sensation seemed to come to reality again, forcing Axl to run on low oxygen as he started to walk the bedroom in circles. The windows were tainted with raindrops again, which only increased Axl’s worry: if it was pouring, why did Slash leave?

“Because he is sick of you. You didn’t let him sleep last night”.

“No”. The redhead replied out loud, sitting on his bed.

It couldn’t be, it wasn’t the first time he had nightmares so why leave now? It didn’t make sense. He started to pick the skin around his finger, desperately trying to keep himself lucid and to find a plausible answer to all of this. His throat still felt like he was being strangled and the rain seemed to only get louder each second passed.

“You have fucking done it William. You deserve to be left alone, in your sins”.

Axl immediately covered his ears with his hand as strong as he could, until he could feel his finger digging into his skull. Maybe if he held that position long enough everything would have been okay… maybe he was having a nightmare again and he just needed to wake up. The sound of the rain, the feeling of having cotton into his ears and his stepfather’s voice all melted together, making him unable to move or hear anything. He just wanted Slash back, he needed him so bad.

“Axl?” The voice at the back of his mind seemed to mock him, reminding him of the man he had lost.

“Axl, it’s me. Can you turn around please?” The voice said again, this time not just in his head. 

Collecting all his energies, Axl’s body moved only to be met with Slash’s worried face. He almost wanted to laugh at the sick joke his mind was playing on him, until he felt a cold sensation under his fingertips: Slash’s bracelets were damp and laying under his hand.

“You’re back.” He managed to choke out. His stepfather was wrong and Axl was so relieved. 

“Of course I am.” Slash said, like it was so obvious. Little did he know, Axl's brain was still screaming at him. 

The guitarist held his hand, waiting for his boyfriend to either take it or ignore it. Axl’s body felt the urge to squeeze it, to grasp it until he would feel safe again and beg him to never leave him again. He only used a fraction of his strength, he held Slash’s hand feeling the cold rings against his palm, a weirdly calming sensation.

The rings were there. He was there.

“You were gone. I opened my eyes and the bed was empty”. He hated himself so much for saying those words, for using that lost puppy tone as if he wasn’t an adult and him and Slash hadn’t been together for years now.

“Ax, I’m sorry! I thought it would take less time, but this fucking rain slows everything down”. He gently started to rub circles on Axl’s fingers while his free hand went to grab a plastic bag.

The redhead couldn’t help but feel chills all down his arms at the sudden touch. Once again, he was disgusted with himself for being so scared even of the guy that did nothing but support him. How much patience had Slash left? Was the breaking point near and was he pushing him to it?

No wonder nobody loved you, you’re a fucking piece of work.

Shaking his head, he grabbed the bag that soon revealed a small pale yellow box with a writing on it : Macy’s. It was Axl’s favorite bakery, located on the other side of the town. 

“Slash… what the fuck did you do?!” The singer cringed at how bad his tone sounded. God, he was a real asshole, the guy drove through the rain and that was how Axl thanked him. “You’re crazy, it’s pouring out there!” He corrected himself.

His boyfriend shrugged his shoulders and moved some strands of hair out of his face. Axl was glad to see that the dark light that seemed to taint his eyes the previous day was replaced by a usual tiredness, both a blessing and a curse of how well the movie night went but also how little he let Slash rest.

“It wasn’t that bad when I left the house, it got worse on the way there and the fucking traffic… oh man, people seem to forget how to fucking drive in situations like these!” He chuckled, releasing Axl’s hand. “Now open that box, little shit”.

A strong sugary smell invaded his nostrils as he lifted the container to reveal four chocolate cookies, all looking insanely pretty and incredibly delicious. Axl stared at the food then back to Slash, who had a pleased smile pasted on his face, clearly enjoying the good outcome of his mission.

“Thanks”. The redhead’s voice was barely audible, probably he should have spoken louder to not seem ungrateful but the words died in his throat a bit. After an initial hesitation, Axl went to take a bite out of his food, only to be interrupted by Slash’s voice.

“Wait! I forgot to start the coffee machine. Shit, gimme me a minute, okay? I’ll go in the kitchen and I’ll be right back”.

“There’s no need to…” Axl started but his boyfriend was already gone.

Putting his cookie aside, Axl’s heart was still beating faster than normal and he couldn’t figure out why. Slash was just in the kitchen, he wouldn’t leave. He knew it wasn’t what was bothering him anymore, then why his hands were starting to get sweaty? 

You gotta repay him.

The realization hit him like a truck, making his eyes wander all over the room. He didn’t think he had the energy to return the favor back to Slash but what if that disappointed him?

You did the whole movie thing the other day. Slash would never ask anything in return. 

His rational side chimed in, making the redhead exhale loudly only to be crushed with doubt again: would really that be the case? Or the fairytale would end soon? In his confused state, he didn’t even notice his hands starting shaking neither the soothing pressure and the overgrowing heat, only when his hand felt like burning he realized that he was helding a hot mug and that the pressure was from Slash’s hands over his. 

Stuffing down the urge to jump away, he waited a moment while Slash quickly snatched away his hands, looking almost mortified. Axl wanted to punch himself so bad, maybe he should have or maybe break the old lamp in the living room.

“Sorry”. Slash said and then he took a sip out of his coffee.

The redhead shook his head and tried his best to give the other man a convincing smile, opting to focus on drinking his mug. The silence seemed to prolong for hours even if it was five minutes at best, the time to drink their coffees and eat their cookies, while letting occasionally satisfying noises of approval at the decadent dessert.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you what happened at the store! Dude, LA is fucking crazy!” Slash broke the silence and Axl’s heart started to beat normally again.

“Wanna get in the bed and tell me? It’s freezing here”. Axl said, sliding under the sheets.

Slash grinned and happily followed his boyfriend, opening his arms and waiting for Axl to cuddle against him, which didn’t take much time. He made sure to move as slowly as possible and the singer was grateful for that. The calming voice of the guitarist, who progressively got more excited in telling his story, made every voice and thought in Axl’s mind dissapear.