I like my spots

Dee’s tears became quieter and quieter as Pongo spoke, her hands falling slightly so she could watch him, seeing his expression grow more pained as he stumbled through his own speech. By the end of his explanation, she wasn’t sure if her heart was breaking anymore because of him, or for him. “I… I d-didn’t realize that it was that - p-painful for you,” she sniffled, wiping away her tears with her sleeve as she attempted to compose herself. “Why… Why didn’t you just t-tell me? I-if - if you’d just explained that… y-you know I would have understood, right?”

Stepping forward slowly, the girl extended her hand to Pongo, already second-guessing herself because if he’d run once, what was to stop him from running again. “M-maybe… Maybe we can start over,” she offered quietly. “No more pretending, no more running. Just… We be honest with each other. E-even if it hurts, even if we don’t want to be because… We’ve clearly both got some issues,” she added with a halfhearted laugh, but at least this time it hurt a little less. “And I th-think it would be good if we have someone to keep us in check.” She decided that for now maybe it was best to leave out the idea of dating - clearly there was something about it that affected Pongo, and if waiting made him feel less anxious… Then she’d wait. Sniffling again, she waited for his response, already fearing that she’d screwed up too greatly for him to accept whatever this plan of hers was. 

 Pongo shook his head. His body still locked in it’s mode of panic, Pongo shot Dee a surprised look. He wasn’t looking for pitty when he began to ramble. And when he watched her he could feel a scared tension in his muscles that began to take hold. “Dee... I am not good at expressing myself. I don’t like to... I hide and push myself from it and that is the only thing that I have ever done. It’s been my only way of ever being the laid back person that people like.” He was certainly tip toeing around a much deeper root but even that was something Pongo was hoping he’d always be able to keep to himself. 

“Well, that is certainly a very nice compliment. I’ll have to get used to those if I become famous!” She giggled. 

“Exactly. Also be ready for paparazzi, people wanting autographs... how badly do you take rumors? Because there will be lots of those.”

She wouldn’t cry, she wouldn’t cry, she would not cry. And then he said those words, and it was like something inside her broke. “You - you think that was friendship?” she asked slowly, the tears already starting to stream down her face. “Pongo - that was forced kindness, and you… God, you know it. And I’m sorry if you think that pretending everything was alright was better, but…” She let out a joyless laugh, staring up at the ceiling, closing her eyes before finally releasing her innermost thoughts: “I don’t want to be your friend. I want to be more than that, but clearly that was silly of me to think that could ever happen because I’m just a pretty girl to have fun with. And really - are you sure you looked at that journal? Because if you’d actually paid attention to that journal, to me, you’d probably have noticed how - how pretending makes me sick to my stomach,” she gasped, her words now mangled by sobs. 

“You’d have realized that I’ve spent all my life thinking my emotions aren’t valid, and that I’m fucking sick and tired of feeling that way - you would have realized that I fall in love for people way too easily, and you wouldn’t have toyed with an emotional puppy - you would have left me alone, you wouldn’t have flirted with me just so you could run off the other way because you’re not in the mood for a relationship, or at the very least you could have made it clear you were just looking for a good fuck instead of making me feel like I was special in some way!” She couldn’t speak anymore, bringing her hands up to her face to hide her tear-stained cheeks and red eyes, shoulders shaking with the force of her crying, part of her knowing this was ridiculous, that it was nothing to get so worked up over… And another part of her knowing that having that knowledge didn’t matter. 

 This was what Pongo was trying to avoid. He hated this feeling that he had inside of just pain. He’d felt his heart dropping and it only felt like he was standing at the very edge of a tall building about to fall off. “Well, whateva’ it was to yah I wanted it to be friendship. I didn’t think it was just yah forcing kindness after everything but I guess I was wrong there now wasn’t I?” Pongo’s whole body was ready to flee but he could only imagine what kind of damage he’d create. As Perdita started to cry and the strain gathered in her voice Pongo only felt worse. But when she said she wanted more then freindship he fell through the cracks. “Dee! Stop. I know how this looks and honestly I have a lot that I can’t even fuckin’ explain... but I do think yah are special alright? I ’ wish that I could find it in myself to express that and be able to show it but my mind physically just locks me down. Okay?” 

Her eyes were already filling with tears as he spoke, trying so hard to quell the anxiety and sadness and disbelief that had been threatening to break ever since Pongo had left her standing there after their kiss. She knew the feeling all too well - she’d done a decent job of managing it since she’d left home, because she no longer had the stress of pretending for her parents. For all the shit she gave Pongo about running, she honestly couldn’t judge him - she was just as bad, just instead she acted and lied where he avoided. But New Disney was supposed to be an escape, and instead, she found herself right back where she started, lying to keep someone else happy - except this time, it was all crashing down around her. 

She could already feel her breathing starting to rush, and she forced herself to close her eyes, trying to drown out Pongo’s words with a tune in her head, though it did little to stop the words from hitting her. But his last statement made her eyes flash open, desperately hoping that no tears would fall down her face. “No,” she insisted, shaking her head, letting out a shaky sigh. “Pongo, you - you can’t do that. You can’t leave, and act like you don’t care, and then try and pry into my life, my past -” She was rambling now, unaware that he hadn’t caught on to the true meaning of her words - that we didn’t mean them, that we meant her, that she was tired of bundling up her own emotions for the sake of someone else, that she couldn’t turn back into Perdita, that she was so tired of forcing down her feelings and passions just so others could have the image of her that they wanted. 

 As much as Pongo hated to hear and see the girl straining to hold herself together he simply felt that he needed to at least try and hold some for of barricade against what she was saying. So he looked away from her, at least it would be easier if he didn’t see himself hurting her. “And why not? Obviously letting all this shit out only leads to a mess. Look at us, Dee, we are screamin’ bloody murder back and forth instead of just bein’ the friends we were. I can’ say what I do is all that great but it’s better then this!” He gasped for any sort of breath as he felt his past resurface with the mistake of him leaving Perdita when he kissed her. All the things he hid from others was coming up and making his body feel like it was ripping at the seams. 

“The name is Bella. Bella Rinadall. Pleasure to meet you, Pongo.” She said with an excited giggle. “And I have my trust in you, so don’t let me down.” 

“The perfect celebrity name if I do say so myself. People can’t forget a name... or face for that matter like Bella Rinadall’s.” Pongo said with an overenthusiastic tone. 

“Yes,” she answered shortly, though she was surprised when the word escaped. It wasn’t exactly like her to express her displeasure with a situation - she’d learned to disguise her unhappiness long ago. But with his words stinging so sharply, it was hard for her to just let the whole thing go. 

Dee sighed, trying to keep calm. “Firstly, they are not some ‘dumb wings’,” she answered slowly, raising her eyes to finally meet Pongo’s gaze. “Somebody worked very hard on them for me so that I could have a beautiful costume, and I’m extremely appreciative of that. And secondly, no wonder you don’t feel bad about anything, because rather than actually taking responsibility for your actions and facing the consequences, instead you just - walk away as if it never concerned you in the first place!!” Dee wasn’t sure when she’d started screaming, but apparently she couldn’t stop, her hands balled into fists as she stepped closer to the boy. “I’m glad that your method of stepping around your issues works perfectly for you Pongo but - god, some of us actually have some sense of guilt, you know? We don’t just act like the whole thing never happened and that we can just force a smile and pretend nothing’s wrong like we’ve done our whole fucking lives because if we didn’t, we’d be -” She quickly clapped a hand over her mouth, realizing that she’d nearly let more slip than she’d intended, hoping the boy couldn’t see the slight tremble in her fingers.  

 For probably the first time since Pongo met Perdita he wasn’t wearing some sort of smirk on his face to show how easy going he was. That is only because the way she had reacted was a way Pongo never truly expected. He could actually feel full amounts of anger in her voice and not the kind where he could easy it all with a charming smile and some slick joke to get a laugh out of her. 

Dee’s expression tightened when Pongo stepped closer, his words making her heart ache. “Of course - I wouldn’t be able to survive without you,” she answered numbly, crossing her arms over her chest and looking away. It was immature and silly of her to be so hung up over the whole situation, and she knew it - it was just one kiss, it wasn’t as if they’d actually been dating. Not like that would have ever happened, clearly. 

“I know I don’t have to tell her,” Dee sighed, running a hand back through her hair. “But she worked very hard to make this costume for me, and I’d hate to have to tell her that part of that costume is gone, because…” She trailed off, not entirely sure she wanted to finish that sentence - and then Pongo’s hand was on her shoulder. She stiffened slightly, awkwardly looking up to him and smiling weakly. “I suppose you’re right, but - I still feel awful about it.”

 “That’s right. Cause I got yah to like me too much.” He said realizing painfully just after that he probably should have reworded it. Pongo was really bad at avoiding things only because he had become so good at forcing himself to push everything back. He was somene who could joke about his own pain but it was obvious that Perdita hung herself on things and had a hard time making herself push through it.

“Sounds like a good plan to me! I’m more than willing to start out low budget. And sounds like you know your stuff, we could make a great team!” 

“Oh yeah, Pongo and... er. I don’t even know your name, sweetheart.” He said chuckling. “Either way, I’mma make yah a real movie star.”

“Well, if you can find a way to get me my own movie, I’m ready. Don’t know how well it will sell, but I’ll try out being a movie star.” 

“I’ll see just what I can do for yah, mate. It might be low budget but not all the best actors start out great. I’ll be like your manager.” 

“I didn’t - that’s not what I -” Dee’s expression morphed into one of horror, already afraid she’d offended the boy. “I - I would never do that to - I mean…” She trailed off when she realized he was still joking , deciding it was best if she shut her mouth and dropped the joke. As much as it pained her to admit it, she’d never want Pongo to think that she’d intentionally hurt him. 

Nodding, she watched his expression carefully, already losing hope at his confusion. “Yes… I was wearing them on my shoulders?” she offered, eyes lighting up when he said he remembered - but then slumped instantaneously, realizing he had no more of a clue than she did. “Because Sally made them for me and I’d hate to have to tell her that I lost her beautifully handmade wings, because I… Got really drunk,” she admitted in a small voice, already ashamed by the thought. 

 Pongo gave her a confused look. Great now she was worried that she poisoned him. “Ey... it was only a joke, love.” He said softly. Pongo took a step near her and tilted his head. “I know yah couldn’ go and poison me. You’d miss me too much. An’ don’t deny it either. I already know.” He said this time chuckling a bit to make sure she knew he was only joking. Yep... this whole attempt at not being awkward was not going well... at all. 

“Exactly! I would be kicking ass and taking names. Although, I’m not sure if that’s how you should be doing it, but I would be great.” 

“Maybe not in reality but that would be a pretty bad ass movie. That is the kinda princess that kids need to see.”

Dee rolled her eyes at Pongo’s attempt at a joke, but her smile softened slightly (despite her every effort not to let it do so). “Oh, come on - if I were going to poison you, I’d be much more subtle about it,” she teased lightly, crossing her arms over her chest, trying to enjoy the brief moment of normalcy.

… And then it got awkward again. “It’s - it’s fine,” she answered, brushing off his attempts at reciprocating her gifts, trying not to think too hard about it. Humming for a moment in thought, she finally let out a sigh, dropping her head again. “… You wouldn’t happen to know where my wings went, would you?” she asked quietly, running a hand back through her hair as she looked back up. “The last thing I can properly remember from - well, the party - was talking to you, and when I woke up the next morning… They were gone. So, I figured you may have seen if I did anything with them or let somebody borrow them?” she asked weakly, clearly embarrassed by the fact that she couldn’t remember herself.  

 Pongo’s brows rose and he pointed to the cookies. “Oh so what yah are sayin’ is that yah would poision me if yah could? I don’ knw how much I like hearin’ that, sweetheart.” Pongo shook his head and tried to keep the memory of her smile. He knew that at any point it would fall. “I’m keepin’ my eyes on yah. Just know that, girl.”

Bella laughed a little, shaking her head. “If I were the heir, I would be making the decisions. However, if we are talking real royalty, then yes. I would have to find a prince to marry and he would get all the decisions.” 

“Maybe that is all we’ve really needed. A princess to step up to the plate and just say what goes down. Seems to work for the most part for the girl in Game of Thrones.”

Dee was just about ready to give up and retreat back to the woods, see if maybe she could find those wings on her own while she munched on some pity cookies - until the sound of a deep voice made her stiffen up and freeze. She tried not to flinch when Pongo called her ‘love’, taking a deep breath and counting to three before spinning around slowly, facing the boy with a stiff smile. 

“Hello,” she answered quietly, stepping forward so they didn’t have to talk to each other from across the hall. Pausing, she became aware that she had absolutely no idea how on earth she was supposed to start this conversation, so instead, she awkwardly held out the small bag of cookies she’d prepared. “I - um  - happy Halloween?” she offered quietly, her gaze suddenly on her feet, realizing how utterly stupid she must look in front of the boy. 

Pongo reached out and took the bag from her looking inside to find the cookies. “Yeah Happy Halloween indeed. So are yah tryin’ to give me a treat before I even get the chance to trick yah?” He said. Pongo really was trying to make the conversation as normal as he could. “Or is this the trick? Yah didn’ poison ‘em?”  He finally joked. 

“I guess you have a point, but think about all that responsibility and how easily you can screw things up.” 

“Eh... I guess yah got some point there. But in reality it would mostly be the prince who got the say in most things.”