△FoxCity△

This is like the best admission I've ever heard that prison sentences are about fucked up torture rather than keeping dangerous people out of society.

ughhhhhhhh im trying to take over the world but my incessant need to make anagrams of my top secret plans keeps giving me away

holy shit. this guy on the bus talking to a girl about how he trades stocks. and she goes “have you seen american psycho” and he said no i dont watch movies. im too busy trading

I would let a racoon do surgery on me

Have you seen their little hands? Those motherfuckers would give me a great heart transplant for the low low cost of a cold pizza slice

you do realize where racoons' little hands have been right

is that the...only reason you wouldn’t let a raccoon give you a heart transplant?

Come on! They are so well known for washing their hands that they’s called “washing bears” in German! You don’t have to worry about where their hands have been!

Well! you heard it folks, getting a heart transplant from a raccoon is perfectly safe!

where is the raccoon getting the heart

don't worry about it

i am going to dedicate my life to mastering the art of making the people around me feel seen and loved

nothing but pure king shit in the parton family i see