The Sanctuary

I've been feeling really emotional this week. Which sucks more than usual since I couldn't go to counseling this week. I thought time would help me heal, but I guess the healing only starts after 9 months. It kills me to think that I should be holding Peanut in my arms right now. I should be rocking him/her to sleep while singing lullabies and hoping she/he sleeps through the night. I hope I never have to experience a miscarriage again. I hope I never experience loss like that again. It might actually kill me, push me right over the edge of what my fragile mentality can handle.

Personally I don't think we're compatible as friends anymore. I think we had our time, and we grew into different people. But that doesn't mean I don't want to make sure you're okay. I check on you because I know how much you've been through, and I like to know you're not going through it again.

The stress of everything that's been going on is really getting to me. The pressure of the bills, the lack of finances to pay them. The stress of the new job, knowing that I need to prove myself as best as I can in a completely unfamiliar environment. The strain of not being able to go to counseling in 4 weeks, and having all these thoughts rolling through my brain. And the absolutely crushing knowledge that my should have been due date is coming up faster than I can catch my breath

Showing Canuck pride at my first Canucks game with my love ❤💙 #vancouver #canucksgame #canuckswin #hockeynightincanada

I don't own grey leggings and my umbrella is navy blue. I've felt the same when I thought I saw you though.

Well, I can't really place when it was. It had to of been sometime in the last year. I finally decided that you will have no power over me anymore. No matter what you do, you can't shake me anymore; I've taken away your power. Dad, you can no longer have control over the way I feel. You can no longer bring me crumbling to my knees with tears and disappointment. There are so many things that have happened in my life that I want you to know about. So many things you should know and you should be excited about. But I realize now that I want you to know whats going on for all of the wrong reasons; I only want you to know so that you hurt, so that you feel pained by everything you're missing out on. You don't though, you don't feel anything, you're an empty vessel. I've finally accepted that you are a horrible human being, and I just have to be okay with that. Congratulations, Daddy, I'm officially done with you, for good.

I didn't mean to publish it, and I did delete it as quick as I could. Thank you for listening, and again, take care

This man... He always knows just what to say, and when I need to hear it. Even when I'm bawling my eyes out with doubts and uncertainties, with bloodshot eyes and snot running down my face, he still thinks I'm beautiful, and knows exactly how to make me feel better. I'm a lucky lady to be able to call him mine, and I look forward to having an amazing life with him ❤