All terms are made up, but that is beside the point.Â
The terms âplatonicâ and âpolyamorousâ have been used to describe complex relationships between people before any of us were alive. Theyâre not new terms at all. The individual here is simply taking existing concepts to describe their ideal relationship. I donât know why thatâs so disturbing or depressing to you.Â
For many people, friendship is defined as two individuals spending quality time with one another. That could involve going out for drinks on the weekend, but rarely involves a long term commitment as described above. Friendships often become secondary to romantic commitments and/or marriages.Â
The majority of my friends are in committed romantic relationships and/or they are married. They feel obligated to their partners first and foremost, as is their right to be. In addition, our society puts an incredible value on heterosexual partnerships between two individuals above any kind of friendship.Â
The individual above is describing a commitment between multiple individuals to a platonic relationship. By commitment, they are referring to taking on some of the same responsibilities as one would in a marriage or long term partnership. That is not the same thing as being in a âfriend group.â
I continue to have âfriend groupsâ in and outside of work and school. We may be there for each other when we need to be. We may have a lot of fun together. We care about each other. However, we donât live our lives like a marriage. We are not always together, either â and thatâs okay. Â
Thatâs not what the individual above is describing, though. They are using existing terminology which encapsulate very specific experiences in order to express a desire for a specific type of relationship that cannot otherwise be explained using your preferred terminology⌠(i.e. âfriend groupâ)
âŚbecause what you are describing has little to do with their conceptualization of a platonic polyamorous relationship. You are describing expectations you have in a friendship. They are describing a committed relationship wherein resources are shared between multiple individuals.Â
You might own or rent housing with a friend, but you might not be committed to doing so forever. You might make decisions and share resources with a friend. You might be there for a friend in desperate times. That doesnât mean you are committing to them as a partner.Â
âŚand if it comes to a point where you and a friend or friends are involved long term in each otherâs lives to the point where you desire to commit yourselves to one another, then thatâs perfectly fine â you may choose to still call it a friendship, but you may also want to call it something more fitting.Â
Given the societal perception on what a friendship should entail, people might need a term that goes beyond âfriendshipâ to describe their relationship(s) but that does not fall under sexual or romantic labels. Otherwise, âfriendshipâ can be interpreted as âa person I go out and get drinks with on the weekendâ
For those in committed platonic relationships, polyamorous or not, they might not be content with people thinking that about them. They may also want to differentiate between friendships and committed relationships. Itâs their personal business, and itâs not sad that theyâd want to do this.
I care about my friends, but I do not have a platonic polyamorous relationship with any of my friend groups. Thatâs not what we have and itâs not sad that our friendship doesnât look like that, because a platonic polyamorous relationship doesnât hold the same exact meaning as âfriendship.â
Stop freaking out over it and let people live.
tl;dr â words are meaningful; you can cry about it without making judgments about other peopleâs desires and life choicesÂ
