Being Roommates with Overwatch Characters:
Genji: Very quiet and respectful, never eats your food. But he never sleeps, so that can get awkward. Sometimes he does his ninja training in the living room at like 3am. When you go down to yell at him he has mysteriously vanishedâŚ
McCree: Super friendly, super messy. He will always invite you into his room to watch this cool video he found on YouTube that youâve certainly already seen, but he just found it. He thinks the fridge is more of a communal zone. You can take his food, and he can take yourâs. He prefers to cook meals to share though, not that heâs any good at cooking. Is often hungover in the mornings.
Pharah:Â Isnât home a lot. Sheâs very focused on her career. Her interactions with you are very formal at first, kinda stiff and awkward. It will either stay that way forever, or one night of drinking and video games will break the ice and give you a million inside jokes.
Reaper: Just the worst roommate ever. The second heâs done with something, he drops it on the ground. Beer bottles? Check. Towel? Yep. Laundry? You once found a pair of his boxers in the refrigerator for fucks sake Reyes, why is this here? NEXT TO MY MILK! He always claims he was the last one who did dishes. He never does dishes.
Soldier 76:Â The weird roommate you met through Craigslist who seems quiet and reserved at first, but once he gets going on his conspiracy theories and how THE SYSTEM IS BROKEN he will never shut up. Constantly plays CoD on the couch. Never seems to go to work, but always pays rent on time. Does the chores with military precision.
Tracer: Lives outside of time, quite literally. So be prepared to remind her of appointments, when rent is due, that it is not in fact the weekend so could she stop playing Just Dance so loud past eleven? Itâs frustrating, but sheâs so much fun to be around you forgive her. Â She is on first name basis with all the bartenders in the neighborhood, and drinking with her is always an epic adventure.
Bastion:Â You bought this old thing on eBay. They said it was non-functional, but it immediately sprang to life in your apartment. It spends all its time out on the balcony, where a flock of birds have made it their home. Every once in a while you wake up in the middle of the night to find it crouched in the corner of your room in turret mode. Then you realize someone was being loud outside and it got scared.
Hanzo:Â There are two Hanzos. Calm, collected, brooding Hanzo, and IâLL TELL YOU WHEN IâVE HAD ENOUGH SAKEsshdhshjkfk Hanzo. Hanzo is normally very organized, his room his spartan and he made a chore schedule that he treats like it is law. But about two times a week he gets shit faced on expensive sake, cries about his brother, tries to fight a house plant (claiming it knows nothing of honor when he falls on his ass), and ends the evening on the balcony, pegging passersby with perfect precision with YOUR HOTDOGS THAT HE STOLE FROM THE FRIDGE, HANZO COME INSIDE.
Junkrat: Just, an absolute disaster. Your apartment has become a junkyard. Scraps of machines all of the place. And it smells terrible because heâs constantly mixing weird chemicals in the bathtub. Youâve started showering at the gym, and are terrified when you have to pee. Youâve had three minor fires in the place since he moved in, and youâre pretty sure heâs a criminal. Youâd call the cops, but his⌠boyfriend? Youâre not sure. His giant man partner keeps coming around and staring at you silently and youâre just trying to stay alive, okay?
Mei:Â Is terribly sweet and friendly, but messy and forgetful. You canât get mad at her, because she always apologizes profusely when she forgets to do the dishes or take out the trash or that this is her week to buy toilet paper. Sheâs often wrapped up in her work, and loves to go on exuberant explanations of the science involved that you donât even half understand. But you smile and nod along. Sheâs just so excited, you canât interrupt her. Her bedroom is cluttered with items she collected from her travels and adventures, mixed with scientific equipment and climbing gear. She always wants you to come on nature hikes. They are beautiful but exhausting. That girl has boundless energy. The only time she gets mad is if you try to throw away a recyclable.
TorbjĂśrn:Â He is constantly making noise, hammering, laughing like a maniac, riveting??? WTF is he doing in his room???? Heâs very cranky and opinionated (do not bring up Omnics, trust me), but after a few beers he has some of the most amazing stores youâve ever heard. He keeps his mess to his room and only forgets to do his chores every once in a while. But food in the fridge is going to disappear and heâll get very defensive when you ask him about it. Also, long golden beard hairs! EVERYWHERE! in the bathroom! Clean out the drain when youâre done!
Widowmaker: The most intimidating person youâve ever lived with. Hell, ever met. She will walk around in nothing but a towel, but itâs actually kind of terrifying? Like sheâs daring you to say something to her??? Youâre pretty sure sheâs killed at least two people in the neighborhood. No one can prove it. You feel like sheâs constantly watching you in your room⌠youâve looked for cameras and found nothing. She leaves for days at a time, and then suddenly appears silently in the middle of the apartment. You didnât hear the front door open????? WTF IS HAPPENING???? She leaves all the chores to you, will pretend she only speaks French if sheâs not in the mood to talk to you. Youâre pretty sure youâre going to be found dead in the bathtub and there will be no records of your roommateâŚ
D.Va:Â Almost never does chores, acts like she did you a favor when she finally washes a single dish. Is constantly live streaming from the couch. You havenât been able to watch TV since she moved in. She invites you to play games just to utterly destroy your ass at them. She got sponsored by Doritos and Mountain Dew so now the apartment is full of that crap. She acts like thatâs her contribution to groceries because she saw you eat a chip. You thought she hated you until someone on her stream called you a loser and she tore them a new asshole. Is this what having a sister is like???
Reinhardt:Â Snores like a freight train is rumbling through the apartment. You can hear it through the walls. Through your earplugs. Nothing helps. He is incredibly helpful and friendly though. Always does his chores, does a few of yourâs if you donât stop him. Loves to cook dinner, but will always make the weirdest German fusion food. Any nice thing you do for him gets the most enthusiastic thanks that it makes you want to do nice things for him all the time.
Roadhog: Youâve seen some shit, man. Shit you can never tell anyone. Mostly because it would damage Roadhogâs bad ass reputation, and you will not make him angry. His room is full of plushies. He sleeps on them in a big pile. He spends all day playing Animal Crossing and he helps paint your nails. His weirdo boyfriend? You donât know, small manic man partner comes over sometimes, but you managed to get them to not set off any explosions in the house(by claiming to protect the plushies). When Roadhog first showed up, you were terrified. But heâs turned out to be a really sweet guy. When youâre not on his shit list. You will do anything not to get on the shit list⌠A UPS driver damaged his limited edition Rainbow Sparkle Bear, and you heard the screamsâŚâŚ..
Winston: Spends all his time in his room on his computer. Heâs nice enough when he comes out, but thatâs usually only for more peanut butter. Heâs kind of shy and awkward around you at first, but one day you ask about the glory days of Overwatch, and you get a story hour of epic proportions. After that he is your buddy. Tracer comes by sometimes, always bringing a fresh batch of bananas. Winston tries to act insulted, but you always catch him eating them later. He forgets to do his chores, a lot. He always promises heâll get around to them. After this experiment is finished⌠It never gets done.
Zarya: Your living room is now a gym. She moved in a professional looking weight set and bench. âThis is just for casual,â she tells you. She constantly makes âhelpfulâ remarks about your physique. She thinks if you just did some deadlifts, your legs would be much stronger. Much more solid. You are like noodle. She tries to train you on the weight set in the living room. She proves that she can benchpress you, and then gives you some fifty pound weights âFor a warm upâ. May god have mercy on your soul.
LĂşcio:Â Just the nicest roommate ever. He will sit on the couch with you until 3 am talking through your problems. He baked you a cake on your birthday. Is it your day to do chores? He saw you werenât feeling well, so he just did them this morning. Donât worry about it, fam, I got you. He only asks you for things on behalf of others. Will you help him organize a fundraiser for the local kidâs soccer organization? Come to a protest to improve the working conditions in factories? Could you maybe drop off this extra portion of dinner to the old lady next door on your way out? Say hi to her cats for him. The only thing that can be annoying is he can get lost in his music and forget that itâs super late. But when that wakes you up, you usually just go and sit down in his room and watch him work on his latest tracks.
Mercy:Â You really wonât see her that often. She is an incredibly overworked doctor. She is a very kind and patient person, but you can tell she is constantly bone tired. You donât even ask her to do chores, you just do them all yourself. She barely ever uses dishes or makes a mess anyway. She leaves you little cakes she bought at the bodega as a thank you every now and then. Most of your communication is through post it notes, as you are often on completely different schedules. She seems nice, but you donât really know her.
Symmetra:Â Everything has to be just so. She doesnât even let you do chores, she doesnât trust that you did them right. She will say the bathroom is filthy when it looks sparkling to you. She is constantly creating little robots to do work for her, so you donât feel too bad letting her clean? She is incredibly sheltered, and can get hostile when you challenge her world view. But at the same time, you can tell sheâs lonely and hurting. With small gestures here and there, maybe you can become friends.
Zenyatta:Â Just, the chillest bro you have ever met. He floats around the apartment and doesnât eat anything so he doesnât cause messes. He still helps with the chores, because it is more balanced that way. When you go through a break up he will listen and give you advice that honestly makes you feel better. He invites you to mediate, and makes it sound like a really great activity. His pupil, Genji, is always coming around. Zenyatta is so happy to see him. Neither of them eat, but Genji makes you ramen sometimes and its SO GOOD. They are both cinnamon rolls, and your life is better for knowing them. Occasionally Zenyatta knocks something over as he floats by, but thatâs about the only drawback.
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