Jaskier and Geralt do dumb stuff when theyāre drunk
But I think that itās absolutely imperative that we donāt forget the complete idiots they are while sober too
(Stupid boys Geralt and Jaskier: sober edition so they have no excuses)
The Continent has never seen two people so prone to chaos and idiocy than Geralt and Jaskier and not even Destiny herself foresaw them coming together
Some of Geralt and Jaskierās Path Shenanigans include:
The time they were run out of town, not by the townspeople, but by a LITERAL ARMY OF SQUIRRELS (the reason from this mostly stems from geralt possessing an entire pack stuffed with nuts he had found in the woods but āno jaskier Iām not about to give up my food just because some furry hellions want it, if we die iām dying with this full pack of nutsā)
The time jaskier managed to fall into a mud puddle so deep geralt had to reach in and pull him out because the bardās head had gone under the surface
The time GERALT painted a giant dick on the aldermanās house in the dead of night because he had heard him call jaskierās singing āwhinyā
The time a town tried to arrest geralt and jaskierās idea of a daring escape was throwing an entire alligator through the jailhouse window and rushing geralt off during the chaos
Jaskier often forgets that geralt has missed out on a lot of human experiences, and so he is appropriately shocked and hysterical when he does a playful āgot your noseā and geralt demands it back immediately, dead serious (jaskier waits a few hours and itās COMPLETELY worth it)
The time jaskier almost threw down with a barkeep because he had put dirt on their food before geralt took a bite (geralt doesnāt waste food. Geralt is a witcher-raccoon) and discovered the dirt was actually seasoning
The time jaskier got sick and tired of waiting for geralt while he was hemming and hawing over swords in the market and stole roach to ride to the next town
The time geralt jailbreak an entire barn full of cats who he declared were being āheld hostageā by the farmer
The time jaskier was imprisoned after being caught with a lordās wife and geralt broke into his prison cell, not to bust him out but to hang out with jaskier (āprison cells are cheaper than nights at inns jaskier, and they even give you free foodā) the guards didnāt know what the fuck to do- that had never happened before
The time jaskier drank a little too many ales while at court and managed to knick the queenās crown and her best dress
When a mage tried to attack them after two straight days of travel and geralt asked him to āplease wait until after weāve had some fucking sleep or donāt botherā
When the mage came back in the morning, they were back on the path and jaskier stopped him with a simple āno.ā and they kept walking
The time jaskier painted āValdo Marx is a little bitchā on every stone in the Oxenfurt courtyard
The time geralt and jaskier got lost for three days because they realized neither of them could read a map (they also didnāt own a map in the first place but thatās not important)
The time jaskier paused mid chase by town authorities after being caught with the aldermanās wife to down an ale with his attackers because ācuckolding makes a man thirstyā (this one threw even geralt for a loop)
The time geralt was nearly arrested for āpracticing karateā with the townās beloved local swans (he wonāt admit he was just trying to pet one but he was)
On the contrary jaskier was also almost apprehended, but because he was trying to coax one of the swans to drink a pint with him
The time jaskier managed to pass himself off as geralt with a poorly made imitation medallion (the symbol on it was not a wolf, but in fact a penis, but whatās a townsperson to do when a man dressed in witcher gear says heās from the āwitcher school of the dickā with a completely straight face?)
The time geralt stumbled around the campsite nervously looking for his sword for two hours before jaskier took pity on him and told him it was strapped to his back
The time jaskier mixed up a series of potions he found in a mageās lair hoping to make a banger drink, but instead made himself immortal with powers (heās still a little disappointed he didnāt end up drunk but you canāt win them all)
The time geralt called a hit on jaskier because he drank the rest of the wine (he called it off after a few days but it was fun to watch jaskier show his well-hidden spy skills to avoid assassination)
The time geralt and jaskier somehow woke up on a ship in the middle of the ocean and had to call yennefer to portal them out (neither of them knows exactly how they ended up there, but they realize chugging seven bottles of Eist Eist probably wasnāt the best plan)
Some more geralt and jaskier shenanigans! If anyone wants a part 4, let me know!
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