spherey

Pretty normal rush hour sounds, yeah? But this thing sounded something like this:

But i also don't want to BE the guy in charge, y'know? I want to just be the little rat in the walls that barely anyone sees/talks to, gets their shit done, and leaves. Every job I've ever had stresses and frustrates me so much on a daily basis my mental health starts to dive after a few months.

I LIKE working. It's not a "don't tell me what to do" thing, I don't mind getting a to-do list and being sent on my way. I just hate the bureaucracy that surrounds work. It's something that viscerally does not mesh well with the way my brain functions.

I know there's not really any advice to give on a systemic issue like this but i guess. Does anyone, blogger or follower, have tips & tricks on how to at least *cope* better with it? Or how to advocate for myself better when I can barely speak? It's so difficult and has led to me being taken advantage of and/or bullied at work, again, at basically every job I've ever had. I'm not officially diagnosed bc of discrimination/other issues, so it's not exactly reasonable for me to ask for accomodations for a condition I can't "prove" I have to a potential employer. I just kinda have to deal with being seen as "that guy" everyone thinks is weird and annoying and insists upon certain things for "no reason" (even tho I'm chronically struggling to seem friendly and Never A Problem For Anyone Ever, lmao). Even when I THINK I'm doing a good job at masking, I've spoken to old coworkers after months of getting to know them, and learning it wasn't doing shit to hide this strange obtrusive energy I guess I give off that NT folks seem to have a fucking 6th sense for.

(god sorry im rambling. I think i just want to know if anyone else feels this way??? Like it can't just be me right??)

~ 🐌 anon

Hey Nonny. I can tell you that I 100% understand this feeling. Now, I do work full-time with a boss... and 98% of my stress comes from her. Because it grates on me. I do not like being told what to do outside of a general task. I need time to think, plan and execute the task. Micromanaging me just makes me anxious and angry.

And I've also had people below me and I suck at that, too. I do not like confrontation and I don't delegate tasks very well. Just let me do it!

And yes, I think I'm excellent at masking...until coworkers tell me I'm rude, or saying the wrong things etc.

And I'm very sure lots of followers experience similar things.

And just for funnsies: many (not all) autistics very much struggle with positions of authority.

Welp, you asked for it (and i wanted to make it!) more togore because i actually love him now

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.