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Attending the renaissance festival with Mel King would include… ⋆.ೃ࿔･🏰⛫👑
warnings: none!
a/n: This is my first Mel King piece! Please be kind to me, haha. I actually listened to “Holding Out For A Hero” by Frou Frou on repeat while writing this.
Getting to know Melissa King was an absolute delight. It’s rare to encounter someone as loving and considerate as she is. As a third-year resident at PTMC and the sole caregiver for her twin sister Becca, she naturally exudes a nurturing and protective aura. You couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of responsibility to shield her from any potential harm or exploitation.
While getting to know Mel, you discovered that she enjoyed attending the local Renaissance festival. She had been a regular attendee when she was younger and had more free time. Upon learning this, you felt compelled to do something kind for her and surprise her with tickets to their whiskey and mead weekend.
Mel was speechless when you gifted her the tickets. She couldn’t find the right words to express her gratitude for such a thoughtful gesture. Immediately, she began planning her outfit and hairstyle, considering how she could coordinate with you. The joy on her face filled your heart with happiness.
A week before the fair, you and Mel decided to go costume shopping. You wanted Becca to join you so she could give you an unbiased opinion on the outfits you were choosing. You settled on a more casual approach to the medieval aesthetic, while Mel went the historically accurate route.
On the day of the fair, Mel was eagerly anticipating the event. She had prepared herself extra early and, taking advantage of the additional time, you decided to capture her in her meticulously crafted costume. Although she was a bit shy in front of the camera, you assured her that she looked absolutely stunning.
Arriving at the festival, Mel felt a bit overwhelmed. It had been a while since she last visited, and she wasn’t sure what to do first. You suggested that you grab a bite to eat and hydrate before starting any activities. Mel agreed, as long as you bought her a classic turkey leg and a pint of beer.
After a satisfying meal, Mel felt a sense of calm wash over her, and she was eager to explore the surroundings. Her first stop was the jousting tournament, where she and you found a cozy spot on the bleachers, hand in hand, occasionally cheering for your respective teams.
The two of you strolled hand in hand across the fairgrounds. The only time Mel relinquished your hand was to snap a photo of something she found intriguing, such as the fairies dressed in elaborate costumes or the adorable pet dragons available for adoption at a random shop.
Speaking of shopping, you essentially bought everything Mel touched or admired. Mel felt bad that you were spending so much money on small trinkets, but you insisted that you wouldn’t want to spend it on anything else. At a certain booth, you and Mel picked out matching handmade rings. You jokingly said they were your wedding rings, but you couldn’t help but notice how hard Mel blushed at that.
By the end of the day, you and Mel were thoroughly exhausted. Your feet were throbbing, and your arms were aching from carrying all your belongings. Despite your eagerness to leave, you decided to stay a bit longer so that Mel could meet the king and queen. It was all worth it just to see Mel’s joyful smile.
As you reached the car after leaving the fairgrounds, you let out a deep sigh. Mel, still beaming with joy, was practically bouncing up and down when she suddenly pulled you into a deep kiss. You yelped in surprise, but you quickly melted into the kiss. Smiling, you pulled away and asked, “What was that for?”
“For making me the happiest princess,” Mel said, opening the car door and getting into the passenger seat. You raised your eyebrows slightly before chuckling. Now, it was your turn to blush.
you come around, i'm ruined (baran al-hashimi x wife!reader) wc: 4k .ೃ࿔* this is the part of loving a doctor nobody warns you about: the missed dinners, the late nights, the absence. you miss your wife even when she's around you. you miss her more when she's not.
tags: domestic arguing, angst, communication issues, kind of bad!wife baran but also deeply stressed out and overworked baran, established relationship, married, 80% hurt 20% comfort, probably the most out of character i've ever written baran but angry angst isn't my strong suit so bear with me
note: this was in fact based on an ask but i can't find it :(( shout out to whoever requested this!!
It's nearing ten o'clock when you finally hear the tell-tale signs of Baran slotting her key into your apartment door. It opens and Baran comes in bringing the cold with her, the cold air swirling into the semi-heat of your apartment.
The heat’s been weird all week (it’s barely working in your home, in the hallways and in the lobby it isn’t working at all) and it only grates on your already poor mood that Baran keeps the door open as she shrugs off her coat and slides off her shoes when she could have closed the door first. It doesn’t make you any happier that she doesn’t call out your name, or even announce that she’s home. She enters as a mute.
You watch her come around the corner, eyes adjusting to the dimness of the apartment that you keep luminated strictly with candles and warm-toned-lightbulbed lamps. Brown eyes sweep across the table, the food. You, sitting there.
"Hi," she says, a little out of breath, a little surprised. It pisses you off even more. Why should she be surprised that you made dinner? You always make dinner. She’s going to come home two hours late and act like it’s out of the ordinary for you to go out of your way to welcome her home?
"Hello," you reply shortly, stabbing at your room-temperature asparagus forcefully, pushing it into your mouth without even looking at her.
"....It smells great in here,” she tries, setting her bag down on the counter slowly. The hair on the back of her neck sticks up as she senses your terrible mood. “I sent you a message."
You glance at your phone. The screen is still dark, as it has been for the last two hours. "That’s weird, because I didn't get it."
She pulls her own phone out and frowns at it, pressing something. A beat later yours buzzes on the table. You look at the time stamp: nine forty-one. Six minutes ago. Running behind. Don't wait up.
You scoff at it, tossing your phone back down on the table where it clatters noisily. Baran raises an eyebrow at your petulance, already unimpressed.
"What?"
"Well, it’s not really helpful to send a message when you’re six minutes away from home when I’ve already been ‘waiting up,’"
you say. Baran makes a throaty sound, pulling her hair tie loose from her hair, letting her curls, messy from a long shift, tumble down her back.
"I know. I'm sorry. We had a stroke victim and a polytrauma back to back and it just—"
"Compounded?" you supply.
Her hands come behind her back, fingers laced in that formal, slightly braced posture she gets. "Yes."
"Right."
You push back from the table and pick up your plate, crossing to the kitchen. Your food has gone so cold that there’s a chill condensation on all your vegetables, so you won’t even try with the microwave. Plus, the action gives you somewhere to go and something to do while the thing you're not saying works its way up your throat. You scrape the plate into the bin.
Behind you, you hear Baran open the refrigerator. The soft sound of a container being taken out followed by the microwave door. This is the part where you're supposed to ask her how her day was, where you welcome her home with softness and care, where she stands at the counter with leftovers and you sit on the other side and she tells you the anonymized, de-identified version of her day and you tell her about yours.
"You could've called," you say instead, to the sink.
She hums the same pitch as the microwave. "I’m sorry, I know."
"Before nine-forty-one, I mean."
"I know." A tightening in it. "It was a busy shift."
"They're all busy shifts, Baran."
The microwave beeps one high tone, followed by several staccato notes that are piercing and annoying as fuck, but neither of you move to kill it.
"What does that mean?" she asks, tone inviting conversation. She's being careful. You turn around. Baran’s standing at the counter with her arms crossed and her food forgotten in the microwave. Her face is wearing the same careful open invitation but careful blankness she brings to patient rooms and team meetings and it makes your blood boil that she dares to shut down her emotions at you.
"Don’t do that," you huff, "You know what I’m talking about. It’s always a busy shift. I have been eating dinner alone at that table for three weeks and you don't — you didn't even — you didn't call! You didn't text until six minutes ago. I didn't know if you were even okay."
Baran's jaw tightens. "I'm clearly okay."
"No shit, I can see that now." You gesture at her. "Don’t patronize me. I didn't know that at seven o'clock!"
"You know what my job is," she says. "You've always known what my job is."
"I know." And you do and have never once asked her to be anything other than what she is. But it feels like she’s issuing a reminder and it sinks under your skin in a way you can't talk yourself back from tonight. "I'm not asking you to quit your job, Baran. I'm asking you to send your wife a goddamn text when you're going to be two hours late."
"I sent you a text!"
"When you were basically already home!"
"I was in a trauma bay before then, Y/N!"
"You weren't in a trauma bay from five-thirty to nine-forty, when you could've—"
"I was managing a department," she cuts you off and you can hear the cold settling in, the temperature dropping in her affect as she start to feel cornered. "I was covering for a resident who called out, handling a consult that should have taken twenty minutes and took ninety, and then yes, a trauma at seven. So no. I didn't have time to provide a running update on my whereabouts."
"A text. One text. At some point before nine forty-one."
"I'm sorry I didn't send it sooner." Offered the way she'd offer a concession across a conference table.
"Are you?" you ask.
The blankness falters. "What?"
"Are you actually sorry? Because you sound like you think I'm being unreasonable and are just saying that to get me off of your back."
"I think," she says, and you can hear the aggravation rising in her voice, "That you understand the demands of my job, and that we've had this conversation a thousand times!" "
“That's kind of my whole thing, Baran! We keep having it!"
Baran's chin comes up a fraction in indignation. You've learned to read her the way you learn the layout of a house you live in, the places where the floor dips, the light switch that's around the corner instead of beside the door. That small upward tilt of her chin means she's about to defend herself. "I am doing the best I can," she says. "I work twelve, sometimes fifteen hour shifts in a department that is chronically understaffed and I come home to you every night—"
"Oh, right, I’m sorry that that’s such a chore.”
Her eyes swarm with anger and confusion. "That is not at all what I just said."
"Pretty damn close to it though, no? This is a thing you do for me? On my behalf?"
"I was not—" She stops. Presses her lips together. When she speaks again the careful management is fraying at the edges, like she's having to hold the even tone with both hands. "I was making the point that I show up. Every single night I'm here."
"Congratulations that you come back to your home to your wife," you snap. "Oh my god! What the fuck was that even supposed to mean!? You come home to the life you set up and you're pissed about it?"
"Y/N—"
"It doesn’t actually count because you're not even here."
Baran's eyes flash red. "You keep just throwing that type of shit out. What is that supposed mean? Use your actual words!"
"I sit across from you at dinner and ask you how your day was and you give me bullshit," you cry out, hands flying up. "You don’t trust me to help you carry any of it so you dumb it down. And take out names because you don’t trust me to hold them. I ask you about your co-workers and your friends and your highlights only for you to give me shit because you don’t want me to know them! You keep your whole job in a separate room and then wonder why I feel like I'm on the outside of your life."
She stares at you incredulously, eyes darting around your face as if looking for a sign you’re kidding. "Y/N, I am legally and ethically obligated to protect my patients' privacy.”
"I know what HIPAA is, Baran."
"Then you know I cannot come home and narrate my shift to you! I am not ‘keeping my job in a separate room’ from you. I have professional standards to maintain that exist for very good reasons."
You scoff and watch a stronger kind of anger wash over her face. “It does, Y/N!"
"I'm not asking for patient files when I ask you to tell me about your day." The shaking starts somewhere in your hands, but quickly reaches your voice. "I just want to hear about you because I fucking miss my wife. You come to bed after I'm asleep and you're gone before I'm up. I miss you, Baran. When you're right here I miss you."
Baran stays silent and you feel your stomach turn with rage and sickness. "Say something, Baran."
"I don't know what you are looking from me right now,” her voice trembles. "You want me to tell you things I can't tell you, and when I find a way to protect the people in my care while still coming home to you every night, you tell me I'm not present enough? What's the right answer? I've already cut down my hours. What exactly else am I supposed to be doing differently?"
"I know you're trying," you say. "I know you work incredibly hard, Baran, I see it. I have never once asked you not to, but there's a difference between being busy and making me feel like the last thing on your list."
Her face drops from frustration to hurt. You both stand in that narrow kitchen for a few moments, puffing out heated breathes. Baran gets her act back together first.
"Eshgham, you could never be the last thing on my list."
"Baran," you say her name and watch her stop. "When did you last ask me how I was doing? Not how my day was. How I am. When did you last ask me something about my life that wasn't perfunctory just to get through a meal?”
Baran looks at you with something that could be the beginning of understanding, but there’s still something missing from your usually so emotionally intelligent wife. Maybe it’s the late hour or the grueling shift, who’s to say, but you are stunned by what she replies: "I think we need to stop. We’re just exhausted and this is turning into something larger than it is."
You know that she knows that’s a fucked up cop-out. That chin rises again and she squirms (as much as Baran Al-Hashimi ever squirms, anyway) with a little readjustment of her shoulders, a slight turn of her head. You can see her looking at you out of the corner of her eye, watching the first flicker of shock morph onto her face when your eyes start to water.
"Right," you whisper.
"I'm not dismissing you," she adds, eyes going a little softer, a little nervous at your reaction. "I’m just saying we're both tired, and maybe this isn't the right time to talk about this."
"Maybe this isn't the right time to talk about this," you repeat, feeling a humiliating burn rise in your throat. "Uh-huh. You've said that before."
Baran's jaw tightens again, getting defensive. "Because you tend to have these conversations when we're both depleted and nothing productive comes out of it."
"Well you never start them at all! I always have to. And every time you find a reason the timing is wrong, and then the morning comes and you're gone."
Baran scoffs in offense. "That is not what I do."
"You just told me I was making it into something larger than it is," you say, and your voice breaks on it this time, actually breaks, and you hate it, hate that you've gotten here, hate that this is the version of you she gets right now. "You literally just said I’m blowing this out of proportion but you won’t even let me finish."
"I didn't—" she starts.
"Yes you fucking did."
The microwave has been done for ten minutes and the food you made for your wife is getting cold again inside it. You are standing in your kitchen with your wife and you have never felt farther from her than right now.
Baran runs an exhausted hand over her face. "I just came off a twelve-hour shift, I walked in the door ten minutes ago, and—"
"And I've been here all night," you shoot back. "Waiting for you."
"I didn't ask you to do that!"
You gape. You have absolutely no response to that, and she falters at your shock. Those lips part slightly, brown eyes go a bit wider.
You breathe out a laugh. "Wow."
"Hold on. I didn't mean it like that."
"Okay."
"I was just—I'm saying you don't have to wait up—"
"Believe me, I heard you." You reach up and press your fingers against your eyes for a moment, breathe in through your nose, drop your hand and turn away.
"Please, Y/N, just pause for a second," she straightens up to follow you, and it's the most raw she's sounded all night. "I didn't mean that you shouldn't—"
"I know what you meant," you say, picking up your phone and storming out of the kitchen. "I'm going to bed."
"Y/N," she rounds the corner and is immediately on your tail, tone edged with panic. "Wait, please. That was entirely out of line. I cannot believe—I should not have said that. Can we just talk for a few more moments, please?"
"I'm tired." And you are. Past words, past the point of anything useful. "We'll talk in the morning."
You hear the silence behind you. She knows that you've borrowed the line. You go to the hallway and pause at the linen closet, pulling out the extra pillow and the blanket from the top shelf.
"What are you doing?" Baran's voice is upset behind you, thready and raspy.
"Getting some things," you say.
You hear a sniff and see her shadow moving from its reflection on the wall in front of you. She’s either wiping her eyes or anxiously running her fingers through her hair. "Are you not sleeping in our bed?"
You look at her over your shoulder. She's standing closer than you expected with her arms crossed over her chest like she's self-soothing. Her hair is tousled and tangled around her worn face. Her lip is trembling slightly from where she’s moving her mouth around in that familiar fidget you used to soothe with your gentle thumb over her soft lips. The most familiar person in the world to you. But also the most painful right now.
"I think I need some quiet right now," you say.
She opens her mouth and closes it, and it's so unlike her, that small faltering, that your chest aches with it. "Y/N," she whispers, taking a half step toward you. "Please. Don’t— don’t go down the hall.”
“Why not?”
Baran looks crushed that you even have to ask her that. "Because I do not want us to go to bed angry, and I said some very awful things I need to apologize for. That I want to apologize for.”
You purse your lips partially to look tough and partly because if you don’t your bottom lip with quiver again. “So now that I'm threatening to go, you want to be around me?"
Baran’s face crumbles. “I always want to be around you, azizam. That—that was never what this was about. You have to know how much I love you."
It comes out almost like a beg, or maybe bewilderment, like she can't quite fathom that you might have lost the thread of it. "You have to — even tonight, even when I was — you have to know that. Right?"
"I know you love me," you sigh.
She takes another step toward you and then seems to catch herself, she's not sure she's allowed. “I want to be around you. I chose this life with you. I will always choose this life with you,” She swallows her words and it hurts your heart. Baran always knows what she's going to say before she says it. She usually doesn’t hesitate. "I’m sorry. I was just trying to get through the shift and get home and I forgot that getting home isn't the finish line.
Her voice dips into a fragile octave. "You're not just— you're not just the place I land."
You tilt your head, swallowing around the thick, burning clamp in your throat. "But I can be if you’d let me."
Baran shakes her head immediately. “No. I mean you’re so much more than that to me. You're not just some… I don’t know. Soft surface meant to absorb my stress when I need it.”
Her hand comes up and she presses her fingers over her mouth for a second. "That is a horrible thing for me to make you feel," she says softly. "You are the only place I actually want to be. I've done a terrible job of reminding you of that, honey. I am so sorry."
Her eyes hold a wet, heavy brightness. She reaches out, the backs of her fingers dragging high and light against your arm, leaving the exit wide open. She leans in when you don’t pull away, her weight settling against you as she pulls you into her arms, cradling you to her body. The familiar scent of her (hospital sanitizer and the faint, warm amber of her perfume) floats around you. You are exhausted, and you are still so hurt, but Baran exhales—a long, shuddering breath that deflated her entire posture against you:
"I'm so sorry, eshgham. Please, please come to bed with me. At least for a little while. And then after, if you decide you still want to sleep in the guest bedroom, I'll help you set it up."
You pull back just far enough to look her in the eyes, breaking the comfort of the embrace before it could soften you too much. "Okay," you finally say, your voice quiet, flat, and entirely unembellished. "But I need you to know that you’re not just dragging me to bed so we can pretend everything is fine."
Her eyes, dark and pooling with unshed tears, scan your face. The exhaustion was there, but so was the hard line you had just drawn.
"If I come with you, we are dealing with this right now," you insist. "For real."
"Yes," she promises, her voice rough. "I am not looking to dodge this conversation, aziz. All we'll do is talk. I promise."
But promises to talk are cheap, and you know it. She hasn’t promised to actually change her behavior, and the sting of how easily she had brushed your feelings aside for most of the night was still burning. Her fingers slide down your wrist to find your hand, her grip tight and pleading. You don’t squeeze back. You let your hand stay limp in hers.
"I was really lonely tonight, Baran," you say into the dimly lit hallway, "And I feel like I can’t talk to you about that without this happening.”
Baran’s hands come up to cradle your face, tilting it toward what little light there is, like she needs to look directly at the damage she caused. "I am so sorry,” she breathes, eyes full of molten sorrow. “You should never have to navigate my exhaustion just to tell me you miss me.” She’s quiet for a second, biting at her shaking lip. “I don’t think I have said it yet, but I missed you too. I missed you the whole day and the whole drive home and I walked in the door and just—”
“I want to believe you,” you interrupt like a plea, “But, Baran. You couldn’t even send me a check-in message? And now you’re saying you missed me the whole day? I don’t know what to make of that. I don’t know how to believe that.”
Her thumbs are still against your face, so very still that you can see her actually working through it. "I think I compartmentalize in a way that isn't fair to you. I tuck you away somewhere safe in my head while I'm at work so I can get through it."
“But I can’t see that," you defend, "I guess it’s sweet to know you do think about me, but if you just lock it all inside of you, how am I supposed to know about it? You’re asking me to trust something invisible and that just isn’t fair."
Baran closes her eyes for just a second. "I’m sorry," she says. "You’re right. I bring that same containment home to you. That’s—"
"Fucked up?" you suggest.
Baran laughs, watery and lovely and relieved that you're opening up to her once more, even just a little bit. "Yes, very, very fucked up."
Her head tilts down to look at you more directly. You let her do her little analysis. You know that beautiful, brilliant, spinning brain inside that gorgeous head needs a few moments to finish its churning.
You count to ten-mississippi before taping your fingers where they’re still around her neck into the base of her skull. "Talk to me. That’s kinda the whole point here."
She exhales, slow and shaky. "I wasted tonight," she says quietly. "Well. Not just tonight, but I think you know what I mean."
You nod. "I do."
“I am so sorry. You keep making dinner and waiting up and asking me how I am and I just…" her voice goes small, "I took all of it and I gave you nothing back."
Her eyes trial down to your lips and she tilts her head down ever so slightly, telegraphing every micro movement. Her kiss is as soft as rain, meant to reassure and also repent, before she pulls away and continues.
"I have been so careless with you," she whispers into you parted mouth, and her first tears fall. You let fall into your arms. You rub a hand over the bumps of her spine, keep your other hand on the back of her neck.
"Baran," you say, into the side of her head.
"Mm."
You pull back just enough to see her face. Her eyes are wet and raw with an openness she doesn't always let out of its enclosure, and on any other night it would undo you completely. Tonight you hold onto yourself.
"You know I love you more than anything in this entire world, but I'm not doing this again. I can't keep having the same fight and going to bed with the same apology and waking up to nothing having changed. This is — I need you to understand that this is me telling you that I'm running out of road here."
"I understand," she says seriously, squeezing your head.
"Do you?"
Brown eyes meet yours and they do not waver, they do not flinch. They bare themselves completely to you as she replies, firmly: "Yes."
You look at her for a long moment. "Okay," you say finally. "Then come to bed."
Summary: you're cassie mckay's youngest sister and also a resident at ptmc. you get hurt on shift and end up in a coma. you and baran are "friends," but when you drive her home the night before your crappy shift things take a few unexpected turns which include meeting her son.
or: two times you get physically hurt and one time things finally fall into place
Tags/Warnings: hurt/comfort, slight angst, fluff, fem!resident reader, no use of Y/n, BFF Santos, medical inaccuracies, canon divergence, non-graphic physical trauma, mentions of blood
Word Count: 7,587
Ao3: Scarlet_Widow_3000
You were only twenty minutes into your shift when everything went to shit. PTMC was completely unpredictable. There were patients, sure. There was chaos, always.
But, what really got to you was the crying mother sitting by her son’s beside. You’d been their primary doctor for the last two days while they waited for a bed upstairs and each day was less and less promising.
“He’d been fine on the way here. I don’t know what changed. He’d been complaining of a headache, but…” She’d come in mumbling with her son who was now no longer responsive. He was immediately sent into surgery after a stroke, but hadn’t made any movements since the surgery.
The boy, Jonah, appeared to be recovering, but without any physical proof everyone was on edge. He’d been your primary patient for the last three days. You tried to not let the exhaustion consume you, but it didn’t help that you did not sleep at all the previous night.
His hand was cradled to his mother’s face as it had been for the past three days when you walked in to check Jonah’s vitals.
“Good morning Mrs. Mullan. Jonah’s vitals are looking good. And his pupils are equal and reactive which is a good sign. From what I hear from Nurse Jesse, Jonah hasn’t woken up yet, but it can take time. How are you feeling, Mrs. Mullan?”
It was the best you could give her, but you immediately felt the change in the air as the woman dropped her son’s hand to his side.
Her gaze was unfocused as she stood from her chair and her breathing ragged. You’d seen plenty of distraught parents, but none like this.
You’d spent lots of time speaking to the woman and learning about her and her son. It was just the two of them and while she’d always been a sad mother upon her arrival, she had never scared you before. You couldn’t see her pupils anymore as you slowly approached.
“Mrs. Mullan?” You questioned quietly, trying to get to the door, but she was blocking it. She wasn’t a very large woman, but something about her lack of movement intimidated you more than anything else.
You weren’t sure of the best approach as to not startle her, but your flight or fight response was beginning to kick in and you hoped you’d get the chance to fly.
“You keep coming in here and telling me that my son looks good, but you’re lying. Look at him. LOOK AT HIM!” she screamed. Before you could even register what was happening you felt your body crash to the floor.
The pounding in your head was accompanied by a gush of liquid. You tried to push her off, but your vision blurred and you felt your heart rate slow.
You could hear commotion happening around you and the piercing sound of her yelling in the room. It was drowned out for a split second by the sound of a voice you hadn’t heard before.
“Mom?”
You tried to turn your head towards the voice, but could no longer keep your eyes open. It was all too much.
…
Hours bled into days and soon enough three weeks had passed by and you were still unresponsive. Jonah had fully woken up and been making strides in his recovery. He sat at your bedside for as long as the nurses would let him before returning to his own bed.
Your eldest sister, Cassie McKay, came and checked in on you every spare minute she had after spending the first week unable to leave your side.
Trinity had been the one to pull Mrs. Mullan off of your beaten body. She kicked herself every time she entered your room, wishing she had been walking by earlier.
She’d been sulking around PTMC ever since the attack and the staff had decided that the moping was worse than her normal smartass comments.
The craziest part about all of it was that you could actually hear them.
You could hear Perlah, Princess, and Dana whenever they’d walk in to check your vitals. They always came in pairs. They told you it was because they were being strong for you, but you knew that wasn’t the case.
You knew those three were trying to hold it together for each other. Over time you’d become like a daughter to them and seeing you as a patient broke something within them.
Hearing them all walk into your room was something you cherished even if you couldn’t force yourself to open your eyes. You were stuck and there was nothing you could do about it, but you couldn’t help the nagging feeling in the back of your mind.
Someone’s missing, you thought to yourself. It made your throat burn every time you thought about her not being in the room with you or even checking in on you. You’d been working together for months. At the very least you thought it would be the friendly thing to do; come and check in on you.
But then again, she’d make it pretty clear where you stood just the day before your shitty shift.
…
The shift had ended like any other with you lingering in the parking lot. You’d never explicitly told anyone about your feelings for her, but there were whispers.
Especially from Cassie. She loved to tease you about your love life. It had always been her favorite pastime even when you were younger. You were the type of person who had a new crush every five seconds, but this one was different.
It wasn’t just a crush anymore.
You’d been the one to get to work after her that day and tried parking your car close to hers. In reality it wasn’t close at all.
The parking lot was always too full and you could not afford to skip breakfast in the morning to meet her at the door. No matter how many times it crossed your mind. Sometimes it was the only meal you during a long shift in the ED.
“Nice work today.” Your head whipped towards the hospital doors to find the gorgeous brunette looking at you. The two of you followed in step with one another, your shoulders lightly brushing.
“Thank you Dr- Baran.” The blush on your face was thankfully hidden by the night sky, but still her eyes searched your face with a smile of her own as you corrected yourself. Outside of the hospital she had insisted you call her by her first name and you were still getting used to it.
“Good girl,” she whispered just as you reached your car. Your heart stuttered as you locked eyes with her.
You wanted to say something, anything to bring you out of your stupor, but it was no use. Her eyes trailed to your mouth for a moment before she turned away and walked to her own car like nothing happened.
Your heart pounded in your chest as you climbed into your car.
Baran had been doing this to you since the moment you met her. She flirted and stared and brushed herself against you, but just as you built up the courage to do something, she’d walk away.
She made your heart stutter with just a twitch of her eyebrow, but the second you reached for her she was gone. It often left you frustrated and incredibly turned on.
You placed your forehead on your steering wheel and breathed. You tried to calm yourself down before driving home.
Just as you were about to put your seatbelt on a few taps on the passenger window caught your attention. So much for calming down, you thought.
“My car won’t start. Would you mind giving me a ride home?” Her doe eyes bore into yours as your brain short circuited. You unlocked the doors and nodded your head, not trusting yourself to speak.
You carefully took your phone out of your pocket to hand over to Baran. She easily took it, your fingertips brushing against one another.
Your hand twitched in her direction. Be professional, be professional, be professional, you kept saying in your mind. You wanted nothing more than to test the boundaries between you two, but you knew better.
You turned on the music to distract you, but of course you’d been listening to your 2000s nostalgic playlist and Justin Bieber came on through the speakers.
“I didn’t peg you as a Belieber.” Baran chuckled as she handed your phone back to you. She rested her elbow on the center console with her chin in her hand.
“I’m surprised you even know what a Belieber is.” You retorted. You began driving once you hit start on the directions, but she did not move. She raised her eyebrow at you in challenge.
“I wasn’t calling you old. I just, um. I…”
“Don’t hurt yourself there baby.” At that she moved away so you could no longer feel the warmth of her skin. Your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest.
You drummed your fingers on the steering wheel anxiously as you drove before resting your arm on the center console. You were stopped at a red light and heard Baran humming to the music.
“I didn’t peg you as a Belieber either Baran.” You teased back at her as you glanced at her. She was already looking at you. Your breath hitched as you bit your lip and quickly looked away from her just as the light turned green.
“Wait,” Baran’s voice was firm but slightly panicked as she grabbed your hand. Your heart raced as you watched a car fly through the red light.
The brunette squeezed your hand, but didn’t remove her hand from yours. A light tap of the horn from the car behind you kicked you into gear, but you couldn’t stop your ragged breathing.
Neither of you said anything for the rest of the drive. As you pulled into her driveway and parked the car you noticed your hands were still shaking. Baran’s thumb rubbed circles absentmindedly on the back of your hand.
“How did you know?” You questioned softly. Your eyes were scanning her house as a distraction. You weren't focused on one thing specifically, but couldn't seem to relax.
Had you driven forward when you wanted to you definitely would've crashed. It felt like fate that she had stopped you.
“I’m not sure.” Her hand trailed up your arm and brushed your cheek. You slowly turned to look at her. Her brown eyes searched your face before landing on your eyes.
“Would you like to come inside?” Your eyes widened as you tried to swallow. Baran’s features softened and she moved to rest her hand on your bicep. You subconsciously flexed your arm and you tried to wrap your head around what she’d just said.
Sure, you and Baran had been friendly outside of work, but you’d never been in her house. You’d shared a coffee after work or chatted in the parking lot, but it had never gone farther than that.
She’d driven you home once, but that’s it. You were friends. And you also had a very serious crush on your boss.
“Come on,” she squeezed your bicep before getting out of the car. You weren’t sure when your body decided to react, but you were a step behind her as she pulled out her keys.
Before the key even reached the door it was being flung open by a boy who was practically a carbon copy of the attending.
“Maman!” The boy threw his arms around Baran’s middle and she chuckled as she brought him into her arms.
“It’s so good to see you azizam.” She carried him into the house and made space for you as the nanny waved goodbye. You instinctively took your shoes off as you followed them into the kitchen.
She placed the boy softly on the counter as she pulled away and smiled at him. Her eyes easily found yours as she beckoned you over. The boy followed her gaze.
“Kian, this is my friend. She’s going to be staying for dinner. Is that alright?” The boy fixed his gaze on you.
You couldn’t help but notice the similarities of the two, but stood your ground. You could practically hear the gears turning in his head before he spoke.
“Do you like Mario Kart?” Your eyebrows scrunched together as a smile played on your lips.
“Who doesn’t like Mario Kart? I’m a master kart racer. Who’s your favorite character?” Baran bit her lip as she tried to fight back a laugh.
She knew this was a very serious conversation and decided to stay quiet. She was sure this was make or break territory for the friendship between you and her son.
“Tell me yours first.” Kian challenged with a raised eyebrow.
You dramatically tapped on your chin as you pretended to think of an answer. Really you knew exactly what you wanted to say, but hoped it didn’t make an enemy of the boy. This was very serious.
“My favorite is Daisy.” Kian eyed you for a moment before nodding as he jumped down from the counter. He stood in front of you with his arms crossed over his chest then smiled brightly at you.
“That’s a good choice. My favorite is King Boo. He’s a king just like me. Right Maman?” Baran nodded at him as she silently wiped down the counter.
“That’s right Kian.” You were intrigued by all the ingredients she grabbed from the fridge, but were startled when a little hand grabbed yours.
“Can we play Maman?” You looked down at where your hands met before meeting Baran’s eyes.
“Yes azizam, but no pouting when I win after I start the soup,” she waved her spoon at the two of you accusingly.
You feigned innocence as your free hand touched your heart. You smiled at her as you walked off with Kian to the living room.
You stealthily stuck your tongue out at her when he wasn’t looking which pulled out a giggle from her. You blushed as you turned away from her.
Kian was surprisingly good at Mario Kart, but not better than you. There was no way you were letting a nine year old beat you, though he did get close.
You were the video game kid in your house, not Cassie. You were also glad Kian wasn’t a poor sport. He was, however, very loyal to his mother.
You were on your third and final lap of the final race and it was just you and Baran playing. Kian had decided that this was the championship round and whoever won would be the Mario Kart Champion.
Both you and Baran had each been first in a race, then you got second and her third, and now was the time to give it your all.
You were currently in third and she was in first. She had a very smug smile playing her lips, but you tried to ignore her. Your tongue flipped in your mouth in concentration as the final turn of the track approached.
“Go Maman!” Kian squealed as he hid his face behind his hands. His fingers were spread to still see the television. He bounced on the couch excitedly between the pair of you.
You giggled along with him as he tried to knock your controller out of your hand. You were about to elbow him playfully when you watched him slip off the couch.
Your instincts took over as you dropped the controller and covered his face just as he came in contact with the corner of the table. You cringed as you felt a sharpness in your palm.
“Kian, are you okay?” You asked as you pulled him back up to the couch and looked him over. He seemed fine, but slightly startled.
“You caught me.” He stated incredulously. You smiled at him as Baran pulled him aside and looked at you with concern.
“Maman,” Kian said nervously. You followed the boy’s line of sight to the corner of the table. It was red.
“Joonam, it’s okay. Go grab the first aid kit from the bathroom.” Kian quickly scrambled off of the couch as Baran focused her attention on you. You were cradling your hand to your chest subconsciously.
“Hon, look at me.” Baran’s eyes were intensely staring at you.
“Baran,” you whispered.
“It’s okay, let me see.” You slowly reached out your hand. You couldn’t help the shaking. You gagged at the sight of your own blood and immediately looked away.
Kian quickly came into the room carrying a heavy duty backpack. You smiled weakly at him as Baran began patching you up.
“Is she gonna be okay?” Kian asked, but you didn’t want to make eye contact for fear of seeing your hand.
You could not stand the sight of your own blood at all.
“She will. Kian, why don't you tell her how school today?” Kian immediately started talking and made sure you were looking at him while he spoke.
He was just like Baran, you thought. Always looking for eye contact. You nodded along with him and asked questions when appropriate.
Before you knew it Baran smoothed her fingers over the bandage and kissed your hand. Your head snapped towards her at the feeling of the featherlight touch.
“Good job Maman, you kissed it all better.” She was still holding your hand, not that you wanted her to move.
“I did.” You couldn’t take your eyes off of Baran. Sure there had been soft touches in the hallway as she passed you in the hospital. Or she’d playfully bump your shoulder when she’d laugh at something you said, but this was different.
She kissed your hand. There was absolutely no denying it. You couldn’t get your stomach to stop doing flips.
The gurgling of Kian’s stomach broke the pair of you out of your spell.
“Is the food ready Maman?” A goofy smile spread on Kian’s face as he rubbed his belly. Baran scooped him into her arms and tickled him.
The laughter that filled the living room was infectious. You laughed along with the two of them as you followed to the dining table, filling the tenderness of the previous moment away. Warmth spread throughout your body as Baran began plating everything.
It was only then that you realized just how hungry you were. You hadn’t eaten much during shift, but food often took a back seat when it came to the health of your patients.
Whatever Baran had made smelled divine. She gave Kian his bowl first before bringing over two for you and her. She placed yours in front of you before sitting at the head of the table between you and Kian.
“Thank you.” You smiled at her as you waited for her to take her first bite. You followed suit, not able to stifle the sigh that escaped your lips. Baran dropped her spoon into the bowl abruptly.
“Silly Maman.” Kian quickly got up and grabbed her a napkin. He came back with three total and handed you one as well.
“Thank you Kian.” The three of you ate in comfortable silence, enjoying the meal. When Baran offered seconds you didn’t refuse and neither did Kian.
She occasionally smiled at the pair of you as Kian added in a tidbit or two. Once you were all done eating it was time for Kian to go to bed. The boy gave you a tight hug after taking your bowl to the dish washer for you.
“I’m sorry I hurt your hand.”
“It wasn’t your fault Kian. Besides, it will heal. I’m glad it wasn’t your head.” You gave him a tight squeeze as you watched him disappear upstairs.
Baran followed for a moment before turning to look at you at the bottom of the stairs. You raised your eyebrow at her in question, but she shook her head in response as she followed her son.
As you waited for Baran to come back downstairs you cleaned up the living room. You started with your blood still on the table, even though you almost emptied the contents of your stomach.
Then moved on to picking up some of Kian’s toys that were out presumably from earlier in the day with his babysitter. Just as you finished the last of his cars you heard footsteps coming down the stairs.
“You didn’t have to do that.” Baran’s voice floated into the room. Your heart fluttered as you stood up. Baran had taken a seat on the couch, her body angled towards you.
“I wanted to.” You shrugged as you sat next to her. Your knees brushed slightly, but neither of you moved away.
You shyly pushed a strand of hair behind your ear before dropping your hand to the space between you and Baran. You didn’t realize her hand had been there too, but when you moved to pull away she threaded your fingers together.
You sighed into the contact. Baran looked tentatively at your hands before finding your eyes. She always came back to your eyes. She smiled softly at you as she tugged your hand closer to her.
You shifted your body forward as Baran guided you to straddle her legs. Your heart hammered in your chest as your free hand tentatively rested on her shoulder.
She tensed under your touch for a brief second before immediately relaxing. She slowly released your hand to trail featherlight touches from your waist to your lower back just above your butt.
Your eyes fluttered shut as she continued to explore your body over your clothes.
“Is this okay?” She breathed. You could feel her breath on the small patch of exposed skin from where your shirt didn’t cover your chest. You shuddered in response.
“Yes,” you forced out. Your hand cupped the back of her neck as you dug your fingers into her head, slowly massaging. Baran inhaled sharply beneath you.
You opened your heavy eyes to find her already staring. God her eyes were perfect. Baran flicked her eyes between your mouth and your eyes before you hit a tender spot on the back of her neck. She couldn’t help the groan that escaped as your pulse raced.
Before you were aware of your actions you began leaning towards her, glancing between her eyes and mouth asking for permission.
Baran’s thighs tensed under you. You could feel her breath ghost your lips. It was a magical heady feeling. Your hands moved to her jaw, ready to take the next step.
“Wait.” Your throat tightened as you felt Baran’s hand on your chest carefully pushing you away. Baran grimaced at the disappointment on your face.
You respected her decision but it didn’t stop the rejection from seeping in. Baran jerkily removing her hands from your body put everything into perspective.
You were sitting on top of her. She had already pushed you away, but you hadn’t moved to get off of her. You were horrified by what she could be thinking as you scrambled off of her lap.
You stumbled over the leg of the table for a second before finding your balance. Somehow you’d crossed half the distance of the room in your haste to give her some relief.
Baran had not moved from the couch. You’d never seen her look so far away.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered as you turned to leave. You could feel the emotion rising through your body as you pushed the tears down.
You were not going to cry in her house. Just as you rounded the corner to see the door you heard footsteps behind you. You didn’t turn around. You couldn’t face her right now.
“Where are you going?” You huffed out a breath at her question before turning towards her.
You stared at the floor by her feet as words came to mind. It was such an obviously answered question that only seemed to fuel your hurt and anger.
“Home. I’m going home. Thank you for dinner.” Your words were short and to the point. You were too emotionally exhausted to try and act unfazed.
“Don’t be like this.” You sucked your teeth, trying to hold back your tongue. This was absolutely ridiculous.
“Be like what? You initiated the contact, pulled me into your lap, then pushed me away. Do not tell me how to act.” Your voice shook as anger took over your body. You weren’t yelling by any means, but the feeling hung in the air.
“It would’ve been a mistake. I’m your boss. I can’t just act irrational because of something so juvenile as feeling. One of us has to use our brains. This could ruin your career. Besides, you're practically still a kid!” Your heart sank the more Baran’s tone rose.
There was the confession you’d been afraid of. You’d always known Baran was older than you. It was never a secret, but it wasn’t even something on your radar. Maybe it should’ve been.
“Have a good night Dr. Al-Hashimi.”
Your stomach lurched as you climbed into your car and drove away. The conversation played in your mind on loop.
Even after crawling into bed for the night all your mind could think about was the way she looked at you as she called you a kid.
Her eyes were always filled with so much emotion except for this time. She was cold. She’d never been cold before.
You squeezed your eyes shut to avoid the tears, but they fell. They fell for hours. You barely got any sleep.
What a perfect night.
…
Shit night, shit shift, shit coma.
You wished your brain would fire properly so you could wake up. You loved your friends and family for checking in on you, but you wanted nothing more than to actually talk to them and comfort them.
Hearing their voices made you feel less alone, but it wasn’t the same. You’d never felt more alone in your life.
“Just go check on her kid. Do something. We’re all sad, but you cannot let it affect your work Trinity.”
You heard Dana’s voice with the unmistakable huff of your best friend. There was a clatter in the room as she rolled one of the stools around to your bed.
“This is such bullshit. They’re benching me just because I yelled at a patient’s dad.” There was a pause as Trinity looked at your motionless body.
She was waiting for you to speak, but there were no signs of change. Your vitals looked just as they did every time she checked, but you were still unconscious and it infuriated her.
“Oh come on McKay. Just yell at me or something. Tell me I need to cool off. Please just wake up. This is all super dramatic even for you, ya know?”
You wanted to roll your eyes at the comment, but you couldn’t. You’d settle for playfully scolding her when you did wake up.
As Trinity continued to talk and pace around your room you focused all your energy into moving your fingers.
“Huckleberry will not stop looking at me with his sad mouse eyes. Robby keeps trying to have some talk, but that's epically failing. And don’t get me started on the charge trio, they've become even more of a pack. I swear Dana can understand Tagalog now too. The only one who’s sane is your sister and maybe Robo-Doc.”
You hated when Trinity called Dr. Al-Hashimi that. She knew it, but it didn’t stop her from teasing you.
“Sure she’s more on my ass than usual, but it’s not really that odd for her. At least she hasn’t threatened to make me repeat my R2 year this week. Maybe Dana took that roll because her patience is running thin. It’s almost worse than when Langdon first came back. I can’t tolerate him without you anymore.”
“You never tolerated him.” Your voice sounded gravely as you spoke to her. Your eyes were still closed, but a smile played on your lips.
It hurt more than you expected. Your lips were bone dry. As you adjusted to the light of the room you were met with Trinity staring at you. Her mouth hung wide open.
You carefully tried to lick your lips which sent you into a coughing fit. Alarms rang around you and footsteps quickly followed.
“Trinity, what happened?” Your coughing subsided as you focused on the room and awkwardly smiled at everyone.
“What, no welcome back to the land of the living?” You joked as Cassie rushed over to you.
She was the first to be brought out of her stupor. The entire room was practically filled with the dayshift staff. She slowly helped you sit up before crushing you in a hug.
“Cas, I can’t breathe.” You choked out.
“Oh, right. Sorry. I just…” Tears filled your sister’s eyes as she pulled you into her arms again, a little softer this time.
Your arms felt like jell-o, but you were able to wrap them around the middle of her back. As you pulled away you looked around at the room.
Robby stood with a proud smile, Whitaker in front of him with a hand on Trinity’s shoulder, and the charge trio all had their hands clutched to their hearts. You smiled at all of them as best you could but you were starting to feel tired again.
You rubbed your eyes and yawned before looking back at them.
“It’s good to see you awake.” Dana smiled at you as she moved to your bedside.
You tried to track her movements, but got distracted by dark curls walking past your room.
She didn’t even bother to check in on you. Your heart sank, again. Trinity saw the change in your expression immediately.
“Come on guys, let’s give the McKays some time to catch up.” Trinity spoke as she ushered everyone but Cassie out of your room. She nodded knowingly at you as everyone left.
You and Cassie spent the next few minutes catching up before she inevitably got called away for a trauma. She promised to call your family and let them know you were okay.
She also knew Harrison would be so happy you were awake. You were his favorite aunt. It was a title you held proudly.
You closed your eyes for what felt like a few minutes before an odd feeling settled in your chest.
You still felt like you were in a coma. Alone and with no one to talk to, but hearing everything. The only difference now was that you were watching everything from the outside too.
You were a doctor. You were supposed to be out there working with all of them. They seemed short staffed. It felt like your fault.
You pushed your palms into your eye sockets as your breathing picked up. You couldn’t make sense of all the stimulation anymore. It was all too much and yet somehow not enough.
You could not be in this bed anymore.
You weren’t sure when your body started moving before feeling the cold floor beneath your feet. You felt a slight breeze as you steadied yourself and walked forward.
Your vision was slightly blurred and your cheeks wet. You pressed your hands to your ears.
The alarms in your room were blaring, but you hadn’t fully registered the sound. You were just about to reach for the door handle when a figure stood in front of you through the glass.
You took a clumsy step backwards, losing your footing. You closed your eyes in anticipation of the fall, but it never came.
The door swung open as she stepped in and quickly placed her arm around your waist to steady you. Her free hand reached up to wipe the tears from your eyes.
You didn’t say anything as she led you back to your bed and turned off the monitors. You sat on the edge of the bed unable to take your eyes off of her.
She moved in silence as she examined you.
When she was satisfied you were not in any imminent danger she took a step back to look at you. Really look at you.
She noticed the way you kept glancing at the door before back at her. For someone who’d been in a coma for three weeks, you’d surprised her.
Clearly your strength wasn’t perfect, but the fact that you could walk was a good sign even if it was just due to a rush of adrenaline.
Your blood pressure was still a little high, but she had a pretty good guess as to why. Your body was medically responsive, but she could see the glassy look in your eyes.
You were physically there, but she could tell your mind was somewhere else.
Your heart sank when she left the room, but she quickly returned with a wheeled chair. She helped you into the chair, your body more sluggish from the lack of momentum.
Neither of you said anything as she wheeled you out to the trauma bay. The ED seemed to part without protest as you approached the double doors.
The warm air sent goosebumps down your spine as you shivered. It was completely different from the cool, stale air of the hospital.
You wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to adjust to the temperature change. You shivered again as a piece of fabric was placed over your front.
A soft smell of vanilla and something earthy filled your nose that was completely her. It was more subtle from the wear of the day, but with it came a small sense of comfort.
She parked you away from the doors as she took a seat next to you on the ledge, careful not to disturb the vehicles parked there.
You let out a slow breath as the passing sun danced over your face. You closed your eyes and soaked it in before cradling her jacket closer to your body.
You slowly opened your eyes and turned your head to her. She was already looking at you.
“Kian’s been asking about you.” Broke the silence between you two. Your eyebrows scrunched together as the corner of your mouth twitched.
Baran angled her body towards you with a knee propped on the ledge as she rested her head on her fist. Your eyebrows raised slightly as you continued to listen to her speak.
She looked composed, but also unlike you’d ever seen her before in a work setting.
“He’s been drawing pictures for you since finding out what happened. You made a really great impression on him.” You hummed in response.
“He’s a good kid.” Your voice wasn’t nearly as hoarse as before, but it still took considerable effort to speak.
It was more breathy than you were used to, but neither of you seemed to mind. You were just grateful to have some control over your body. You knew it could’ve been a lot worse.
You wanted to say more, but you were disrupted by the double doors opening and Princess poking her head out. Her eyes were wide as she tried to hide the smirk forming on her face.
“Incoming trauma, five minutes out. Biker vs automobile.” Baran nodded at Princess before the nurse promptly returned to the hub. No doubt itching to share the fresh chismis.
There was nothing to tell.
You had mostly just sat outside, but it was nice for what it was. You tried not to let your brain run wild. Deep down you were relieved to be by Baran’s side, but there was a twinge of uncertainty now.
Neither of you spoke as Baran wheeled you back into your room. She made sure the door was closed as she helped you back into bed.
You moved to shrug off her prized jacket, but she shook her head at you.
“Keep it, I don’t want you to get cold.” Your face flushed and you immediately scolded yourself.
Your body may not have been fully following your commands, but your brain was working. Nonetheless she didn’t move until you placed your arms back into the jacket.
There were so many questions you wanted to be answered. You knew you deserved an explanation, but it was hard to stick to a plan when you weren’t even sure you had one at this point.
Everything had gone to shit, but going with the flow wasn’t typically your style either.
“I’m not sure if I’ll get another moment away during shift, but is it okay if I come back later?” You looked up at her completely dumbfounded.
The fresh air, the jacket, the consent it was all hitting you like a truck. You weren’t sure what to trust anymore, but you found yourself nodding your head.
She smiled at you one more time before heading out to the trauma. You could see Princess hot on her heels babbling away. You smiled to yourself and shook your head at the Filipina.
You had no idea what the rest of the day would hold, but your eyes slowly closed. You’d been awake for an hour at most, but you were tired.
Your brain swirled with the image of Baran as you placed your hands into the pockets of her jacket. Your breath evened out as the lights dimmed and the sounds on monitors faded.
…
Hours had passed before you opened your eyes again. Your body felt a little more familiar this time.
Your hand moved around the bed feeling for the button to help you sit up a bit more. You smacked your lips together as you searched for something to drink.
Your eyes rose to the door as the sound of it opening caught your attention.
“Look at me having perfect timing. Welcome back to this crazy hell hole Sleeping Beauty.” You rolled your eyes at your best friend as she strolled in with actual food and something to drink.
Although you knew it was more for her to eat while she sat with you, you were grateful for her company.
Your smile brightened as she plopped down at the foot of your bed and spread everything out. You took note of her hair no longer being tied up, signifying the end of her shift.
“Hi Trin.” The tension in her shoulders released slightly when you spoke. She carefully handed you a cup with a straw as she opened her own meal.
It looked delicious, but knew it would be a few days before you could actually eat solid food again. The warmth of the cup spread in your hand as you looked down at it curiously.
“It’s the broth from wonton noodle soup. I gave the solids to Huckleberry and left you the rest. It's arguably the best part.” You smiled at her gratefully as you took a tentative sip. The liquid was perfectly warm and you felt it travel down your throat.
“Thank you.” The two of you sat in comfortable silence eating, well in your case drinking.
Trinity added a few comments here and there about the last three weeks, but mostly she was just enjoying having you awake. As she finished scarfing down her chinese food her eyes squinted at you, sizing you up.
“Is that Robo-Doc’s jacket?” You threw her a steeled look and pursed your lips at her. She raised her hands in surrender.
“It was just a question. Granted, one with an obvious answer, but I’m just looking out for you. Are you sure you want to go down that rabbit hole? Especially after everything that happened?”
You held your now empty cup with both hands between your lap. You tapped on the cup lightly and sighed.
Trinity had a point.
“I don’t know what the hell is going on with her honestly, but it might be worth a try. At the very least hearing out will put everything into perspective.”
Your shoulders rose with a shrug, suddenly more aware of the jacket you’d been wearing all day. Trinity opened her mouth and closed it.
You’d never known her to hold her tongue. You gestured to her with your hand for her to speak her mind.
“I just. Ugh, we’re doctors. We’re always busy but she didn’t even check on you. She’s been avoiding your room like the plague since you were attacked. Princess and Perlah-” You raised your hand and tilted your chin down at her.
“I know she didn’t come see me. I don’t have all the answers Trin, but I deserve an explanation from her. You know I love the gossip just as much as you and the charge trio, but not this time.”
A knock on the door startled you both.
“Speak of the devil.” Trinity mumbled under her breath. You kicked her with your foot as Baran walked in.
She too had her hair released from her signature updo and had changed out of her scrubs. She hadn’t come barring food, but Trinity noticed the way your face lit up.
“It’s good to see you too Dr. Santos.” Trinity gathered all of her garbage before giving you a small hug.
She released your shoulder with a squeeze and scrunched her nose at you. You scrunched yours in return with a smile as she turned away from you.
There was a moment of hesitation from Trinity as she sized up Baran, but the older woman didn’t let it faze her. Baran understood the worry on Trinity’s face and silently tried to assure her.
“I’ll be okay Trin. Text me when you’re home.” She playfully stuck up her middle finger at you as she left the room.
Your attention shifted back to Baran as she pulled a chair up to your bedside. A few curls had fallen to frame her face. You looked away as your hands twitched in your lap.
“How was the rest of your shift?” Baran’s doe eyes searched your face for a moment before sighing. She sunk into the chair and curled her legs under herself.
“It was alright. The biker lived. But I think everyone had a little more pep in their step today because you woke up. Even Robby seemed to be less angsty than usual. But, that might have something to do with him going on another date.”
Your eyes widened at Baran’s admission. She chuckled quietly as her hand moved to rest on the back of her neck.
“It’s Huckleberry isn’t it?” Baran let out a hearty laugh as her head fell backwards. Your heart soared as the sound filled the room.
You didn’t realize how much you had missed her. As her laugh died down her expression immediately shifted into one of concern.
Her eyes flew to the monitors behind you before settling on your face again.
“What’s wrong aziz?” Farsi fell out of her lips naturally as her hand carefully wiped away the tears you didn’t know you’d been shedding.
Just as she moved to pull away you caught her hand in yours, holding it against your cheek.
“I’ve missed you.” You breathed. Baran’s throat bobbed as she stood from her chair and climbed into the bed next to you.
The rails acted as extra space for her to rest on as she cradled you into her chest. You wanted to fight and yell and scream but the feeling of her body under yours melted all of the emotions out of you.
“Why didn’t you check on me? I kept waiting to hear your voice and I never did.” Baran froze under you for a second before pulling you into her again. Her fingers threaded into your hair and nails scratched at the base of your skull.
“I’m so sorry azizam. I just couldn’t bear to see you that way. And with how we left everything I wasn’t sure you’d even want me in your room.”
You nodded into the crook of her neck as you rested your arm around her waist. She threaded her free hand with yours and rubbed circles into your palm just like she had all those weeks ago.
She seemed to realize the familiarity of the position as she spoke again.
“It was wrong how I behaved. I should’ve gone after you and stopped being so damn stubborn. If I could take back what I said I would. I was scared of the implication of what my feelings meant.”
She slowly leaned you forward so she could look you in the eyes. Your crying had stopped, but you still felt small in her arms. You didn’t know what to say anymore.
“Kolmat az vasf-a esh-a man bah to ajazand azizam.” The language sounded beautiful rolling off her tongue as you scrunched your eyebrows at her. She pushed her thumb in between your eyebrows before trailing her hand down to your cheek. She gazed between your eyes.
“It means words can’t describe my love for you. I am completely and utterly in love with you and I will not deny it anymore.” Your lips parted at her admission, breath mingling with hers.
“I love you Baran.” Her eyes sparkled at hearing you pronounce her name correctly as she brought her face to yours.
She pressed her lips gently into yours for a chaste kiss before pulling away with watery eyes. She placed a meaningful kiss on your forehead before pulling you into her chest.
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“You are so pretty,” you say, singular and simple and full of adoration.
“You’re drunk,” Baran counters, taking you in, the haziness of your eyes, the sheen of sweat on your brow, how deliciously warm and soft you look. But it’s moments like these that Baran feels the weight of the ring box heavy in her work locker — the only place she thinks you won’t find it.
You’re out for drinks with some of the night shift crew, but you can’t stop texting and calling your girlfriend.
Notes: some tooth-rotting fluff to offset the angst that is to come with other fics. alcohol, hurt/comfort, minor anxiety attack, neurodivergent reader, sexting, masturbation
Baran hears the ping of two text messages from the end table, but it isn’t your text tone, so she ignores it. It’s a Thursday night, and she’s curled up on the couch with a blanket and a memoir she’s been meaning to read for a while, a mug of tea close by.
The house is emptier than usual. Baran’s son is with his dad for the weekend, and you’re at a bar with Shen and Ellis. The three of you try to go out semi-regularly. First it was to blow off steam with fellow “night crawlers” — a name Baran found distasteful but liked the way you said it low in her ear. But then Shen and Ellis started dropping by for dinner, and Baran was grabbing lunch with Shen without you, and before any of you realized it you’d all become friends.
Still, going out is more your thing, and Baran rarely drinks, so she gave you a lingering kiss goodbye and told you to be safe and have fun.
Your text tone sounds in the quiet living room, and Baran sets down her book, reaching over to grab her phone. You usually send her a selfie or two when she’s not out with you, something Baran always looks forward to. Reading the texts on her lock screen, however, draws a frown.
9:24 pm
John Shen: I fucked up
9:25 pm
John Shen: It’s probably fine
9:28 pm
Azizam: do you still love me?
Worry and irritation well in Baran in equal measures. She taps the call button, feeling you probably need to hear the answer in your ear and not from a screen.
9:29 pm
Outgoing call: Azizam
Call declined.
Baran’s worry grows, and her fingers fly. As an emergency medicine doctor, she’s adept at remaining measured and logical in almost any situation, but when it comes to you or her son, something much more urgent and primal fights for dominance.
9:29 pm
You: You know I love and adore you very much.
You: Is everything OK?
9:30 pm
Azizam: can’t talk they’re playing party in the usa
9:30 pm
You: And that’s more important than finding out if I still love you?
9:31 pm
Azizam: needed to hype myself up in case
This does not ease Baran’s worry. She knows you know, on some level, this is silly. If Baran were ever going to say something so devastating — and she had no plans to — she wouldn’t do it over text while you’re at a bar. But you are in your head enough to type it out and send it, which twists in Baran’s gut.
9:31 pm
You: Please call me when your song is over, so you can hear me say it.
Azizam reacted with: ❤️
Baran opens her thread with Shen, her irritation now simmering into something resembling a rubber band pulled taut right at his head.
9:31 pm
You: Are you the reason my girlfriend is asking me whether I still love her?
9:33 pm
John Shen: Shit
9:34 pm
Incoming call: Azizam
“Am I being needy?” are your first words to her, nearly shouted over the club music blasting through the earpiece.
Baran takes the phone an inch away from her ear, blinking, a weary hum catching in her throat. She’s not a fan. And neither are you — too chaotic and overstimulating. Probably Shen’s choice in venue tonight.
There have been times that Baran’s had to keep a steady, grounding hand on the nape of your neck and another on your knee to keep it from bouncing. You’re a good sport — always wanting to be supportive of Shen’s favorite spots, a quality she loves about you — but there are nights the two of you just go home. And in the quiet car, you hide your overwhelmed and embarrassed tears in the window as Baran rubs the top of your thigh.
It’s something you perceive as a contradiction to how cool and collected you are as an emergency medicine doctor. Baran recognizes it as rooted in control because she too needs it in certain ways to feel safe. You’re a skilled physician — you expect all possible scenarios, and you’re prepared for each one. You know how to mentor because you know how residents work, what they need, how they learn. It’s all planned and logical and built from years of experience and practice. Outside of work, things are more unpredictable. And loud crowds are one of your more sensitive spots. You’re ashamed of it, but Baran has never once made you feel that way.
You sound anxious and unsure on the phone. Baran takes a breath and settles deeper into the couch. She wishes she were there with you.
“Honey, where is this coming from?” she asks softly, carefully.
“That’s not a no.”
Baran presses her lips together. We’re not doing logic tonight, she sees.
“Asking me one time if I love you does not make you needy. But it does make me worry,” she says with so much love and gentleness. It seems to break through to you.
“I’m just anxiety spiraling,” you groan, the sounds of the club getting a degree quieter. Baran frowns and circles her fingers soothingly around her forearm, imagining it’s yours.
“Walk me through it.”
Talking through your thought process doesn’t always make you see a situation more clearly, but it’s the best Baran can do so far away.
“It’s stupid. This club is too loud. It’s crowded, and I’m hot, and I’m, like, trying not to make the walls close in by taking shots. And I just…is me being on nights hurting us? Are we okay? I feel like you’ve been distant lately, and —”
“Azizam, pause. Take a breath,” Baran cuts you off, firm but tender. It’s exactly what she suspected was happening, minus taking shots to quell a panic attack, which is something she’ll address in more depth with you later. “If I weren’t happy with any aspect of our relationship, I would tell you. You’ve never had to guess how I’m feeling. That’s still true.”
Baran pauses, listening, but you’re quiet, and she thinks there may be something hot clawing up your throat. So she just breathes evenly on the phone with you, and when she thinks you’re okay, she speaks.
“I love you. More than words.”
“I love you,” you sigh, the tension gone from your voice. There’s her girl. A small smile tugs at Baran, and she’s itching to hug you and kiss your skin where your neck meets your shoulder.
“Are you satisfied?” she teases lightly.
“Can you say it again?”
Baran smiles lazily, chewing her lip. She likes when you ask for what you need.
“Kheyli dooset daram. I love you very much. With all my heart.”
“Mmm. Okay, I’m satisfied,” you hum happily, and Baran’s heart swells.
“Enjoy the rest of your night, drink water, call me if you need me, and come home to me soon.”
“I love you so much.”
When you end the call, Baran takes a deep breath and opens her texts with Shen.
9:41 pm
You: What the fuck did you say to her?
9:43 pm
John Shen: She was saying how she wants to feel closer to you since you’re on opposite shifts, and I told her not to stress it. Everyone goes through rough patches
9:44 pm
You: Are you kidding me?
You: What would possess you to say that?
Especially in a place already known to make you anxious, Baran thinks.
9:45 pm
John Shen: Like I said, I fucked up
John Shen: I wanted her off the trail!
John Shen: 💍💍💍
Baran laughs humorlessly, shaking her head as she types, a scoff under her breath.
9:45 pm
You: ???
You: She wasn’t ON the trail.
9:55 pm
John Shen: I thought you were planning something or whatever??
9:56 pm
You: Yes, and I would prefer she not think I’m breaking up with her when it happens.
Baran told Shen she’s planning to propose specifically so that he could tell her if you started to suspect — not for him to actively make you think Baran is harboring ill will toward you. Most of your shifts were together, so he saw you more than most. He would have a fairly accurate read on your mindset.
You and Baran have talked about your future together several times, and you’re both on the same page. A proposal wouldn’t be unexpected, but Baran wanted it to be a surprise. She didn’t want you coming home one day already knowing. None of this, of course, stops Baran from being terrified you’ll say no. She loves you so much it hurts sometimes, and she cannot imagine doing the rest of this life without you. And asking you to marry her puts that all on the line.
Baran takes a breath and tosses her phone to the other side of the couch. She tries to focus back on her book with little success and wonders if she should get Ellis involved to run interference on Shen. No, that would be an even worse idea.
Her phone pings, and she grabs it.
10:02 pm
John Shen: Well, she seems fine now
Baran rolls her eyes and stands up. She needs a long, steamy shower.
10:35 pm
Azizam: parker is being disgusting
Azizam: she knows i’m yearning and she’s being cruel by making out with someone right in front of me
Baran sees the text when she’s doing her skincare routine and chuckles, the mirror still fogged up. She finishes rubbing lotion into her leg before replying.
10:42 pm
You: I highly doubt it’s malicious, my love.
You: You’re yearning?
You get cute when you’re drunk, clingy and sweet. A little too loud, a little chaotic, but you always come back to Baran and give her the softest, most pathetic eyes as your hand slides places it shouldn’t be in public and you kiss her cheek and her ear until Baran shivers and pulls you reluctantly away.
Your next text comes through as Baran settles on top of the covers, resolved to stay up a while longer and wait for you. She doesn’t always, but you’re dipping into a neediness Baran can never resist.
10:47 pm
Azizam: can you send me a pic of your lips?
10:47 pm
You: No?
10:47 pm
Azizam: pretty pretty please, sweetie
10:48 pm
You: You have many, many pictures of me on your phone.
10:49 pm
Azizam: i want your lips
Azizam: i want to kiss you
Baran’s stomach flips, and when it settles, there’s heat swirling low in her core. She licks her lips, sitting up in bed.
10:49 pm
Outgoing Facetime: Azizam
As soon as the call connects, Baran sees your flushed, grinning cheeks as they come closer to the screen. You give it several exaggerated, smacking kisses before pulling your phone back a respectable distance. Baran hums, a lovesick smile on her face, eyes hooded.
“You know, you can come home and kiss me yourself,” she says, lolling her head to the side as she watches you.
“You are so pretty,” you say, singular and simple and full of adoration.
“You’re drunk,” Baran counters, taking you in, the haziness of your eyes, the sheen of sweat on your brow, how deliciously warm and soft you look. But it’s moments like these that Baran feels the weight of the ring box heavy in her work locker — the only place she thinks you won’t find it.
“Am not. Still true, though.” There’s a slight slide to your words that you clearly don’t hear. You frown. “Did you shower without me?”
Baran’s hair is damp, and her skin is glowing with various oils and creams that you always tell her smell wonderful right before you dip your nose into the skin behind her ear, lips skating. And the only thing Baran can think about is how she wants you in her arms.
“It’s almost 11 pm, azizam. Yes, I showered without you.”
“Baby, no!” You look urgently devastated, a dramatic groan leaving your lips, petulant in a way you only are when you’re disinhibited. Like when you match her son’s early morning grumbles over a healthy breakfast instead of pancakes, Baran shouldn’t, but she finds it endearing.
You love showering with Baran — for more than just the obvious reasons. There’s something reverent in the way you often insist on taking a soapy washcloth to Baran’s body, trailing over her curves as you pull her close and leave delicate kisses to her shoulder. Or, you just watch her with the most loving, steady eyes. And when she lets you wash her hair, you dig expert fingers into her scalp, and she always leans back into you, humming contentedly. You don’t even have to touch her, and Baran has never felt more worshipped than when she’s naked with you.
Before Baran can tell you she’ll shower again if it’ll wipe away that sad puppy dog look, Ellis is sliding up next to you.
“You are bringing down the energy in this whole fucking club,” she accuses playfully, wrapping an arm around you and squeezing. “B, no offense, but your girlfriend is kind of codependent and sappy when she’s drunk.”
“I am not drunk!” you insist, looking at Ellis, who raises her brow and glances between you and Baran as if looking for backup.
“You are, eshgham,” Baran agrees easily. Ellis grabs the phone from your hand.
“Byeee!” she grins at Baran. The call ends.
Both Ellis and Shen have an ease to them that she doesn’t see in the day shift. They have their flaws — both a little too unsympathetic in the ED for Baran’s taste — but they have firm boundaries and shed their work personas like snakes each morning, something she respects. And around the dinner table, they’re funny and easy to be around, and Baran knows you’re in good hands.
11:02 pm
Azizam: [image attached]
It’s a photo of you, Ellis, and Shen in a new, quieter looking bar. Shen is sipping something fruity looking, waving at the camera. You’re grinning, and Ellis is holding up two stiff-looking drinks. Baran knows without a doubt you’re going to be hungover tomorrow, all grumpy and far away and disheveled. Good thing Baran enjoys taking care of you.
You reacted with: ❤️
11:07 pm
Parker Ellis: [video attached]
Parker Ellis: down bad
It’s a short clip of you talking animatedly with Shen. Ellis zooms in on your face and then pans down to your hand, where your phone is open to a selfie of the two of you curled up on the couch last month.
Baran feels her heart swell and contract in her chest, and she pulls up the same photo on her camera roll. She’s molded into your side under a blanket, her head tucked under your chin, her hand around the back of your neck. And you’re smiling like you just won the lottery.
11:21 pm
Azizam: i need you so bad right now
Baran’s scrolling through instagram, missing you next to her, when the notification appears. She smirks, wondering when you’d finally start getting like this.
11:22 pm
You: Oh?
11:23 pm
Azizam: fuck
Azizam: what are u wearing?
Baran rolls onto her back, sighing, hair splayed out. She can picture you, breathing measured, maybe pressing your thighs together. Feeling hot and desperate thinking about her. And Baran loves making you ache.
But you’re also out with friends, and Ellis has already ragged on you for being clingy twice tonight. Do you really want to do this right now?
11:24 pm
You: Shorts and your t-shirt.
11:24 pm
Azizam: looking at a pic of ur neck rn
11:25 pm
Azizam: fuck you. sext me for real
Baran raises her brow and settles deeper into the bed, one hand skating over her belly absently. She knows what photo you’re probably looking at. It’s innocent enough. Baran wasn’t paying attention, smiling and craning her neck to look behind her at a dinner party. If she let you, she knows you’d leave dark marks up the length of her every chance you get. It does something maddening and insatiable to you. Baran, of course, uses this to her advantage.
11:27 pm
You: You want me to tell you my fingers are on my neck, wishing it was your mouth?
You: Running over my chest.
You: Up my inner thigh.
11:27 pm
Azizam: yes
Azizam: are they?
They are. Dancing and light but enough to start setting Baran’s nerves on fire. She spreads her thighs and slides her fingers down over her underwear.
11:27 pm
You: Maybe.
11:28 pm
Azizam: show me
Azizam: need your mouth on me
Baran hums. One hand slides under her shirt — your shirt — lazily, teasing a nipple that pebbles too easily. Her breath catches, and clarity descends on her. You’re out with friends. You deserve to enjoy it — while staying in the present moment.
11:31 pm
You: You should focus on Parker and John. You’ll have me all to yourself when you get home.
11:32 pm
Azizam: [image attached]
It’s a photo of you in a bathroom stall. Your hand is holding up your shirt and bra against your sternum, chest exposed to the air. Your nipples are hard, and Baran’s lips part, her previous text completely wiped from her memory. On instinct or some base need, her fingers slide under the elastic of her underwear. Of course she’s wet.
11:33 pm
You: Baby…
You: You are so fucking gorgeous.
She stares at the photo, jaw slack. What she wouldn’t give to have her hands on your breasts, your nipple in her mouth right now. Baran’s fingers circle her clit, gathering wetness, working herself up as easily and thoughtlessly as breathing.
11:35 pm
Azizam: thinking about u
Azizam: [image attached]
Baran moans. It’s a photo of your hand in the low bathroom lighting. A stringy slickness connects your middle two fingers. She can practically taste you on her tongue, feel how your hand would grip her hair, feel the way your hips would rock into her mouth. And she can feel that familiar tension coiling in her, her muscles tensing.
11:36 pm
You: Oh, sweetheart.
You: That wet and desperate just from thinking about me?
You: I’d get on my knees for you right there in the stall.
You don’t reply right away, and Baran has a sinking suspicion you got pulled away from your phone. She groans, closing her eyes and feeling unfairly frustrated and horny. She should stop, wait for you like you have to wait for her. But you’ll be too drunk for her to fuck you when you get home, and you’re going to throw yourself at her anyway. And she’ll feel less pent up and guilty about it if she’s not hot and bothered when you walk through the door. So, Baran stares at the photo of your fingers and slides two inside of herself.
Her phone pings again when she’s sweaty and twitching and catching her breath, fingers slick as they rest on her stomach, careful not to touch the sheets.
11:44 pm
Parker Ellis: stop engaging with her!!!! you’re intruding on girls night
Parker Ellis: whore
Baran groans and closes her eyes briefly, embarrassed and just about fed up with Ellis and Shen. She just wants her baby in bed with her.
11:49 pm
You: Inappropriate. I am an attending.
12:03 am
Parker Ellis: rolling my eyes rn
Parker Ellis: not My attending
Parker Ellis: don’t be bitter. bar bathrooms are gross. i’m saving her from a yeast infection
Baran decides to ignore that and pointedly not think about what Ellis interrupted you doing.
12:06 am
You: Isn’t John with you?
12:08 am
Parker Ellis: he’s one of the girls
Baran is drifting between waking and sleep when her phone pings and jolts her out of it, her face smashed into a pillow and her bedside lamp still on. She swallows and drags her phone to her face.
12:39 am
Azizam: Parker found me texting :(
Azizam: we’re at a new bar
Azizam: need you to fuck me slow to this song on repeat btw. it was on the radio
Azizam: [Spotify Link] Southland by Lindsay Lou
This wakes Baran up a little, and she’s selfishly happy to know you didn’t get too far in the bathroom. She opens the link and listens as she replies.
12:44 am
You: Noted, baby.
You: Are you drinking water?
12:45 am
Azizam: i’m not a pussy
12:45 am
You: If you want me to go down on you when you get home, you’d better be drinking water.
It’s a ruse, and Baran thinks you know it, but your response is cute.
12:45 am
Azizam: on it boss
Baran is woken up from a deeper sleep to another ping. The song you sent is still playing softly on repeat, and you stop it. Baran can see why it turns you on and already has plans on how she’s going to fuck you to it.
1:21 am
Azizam: r u sure ur ok that m on nights?
The spelling and insecurity in your text tells Baran you have not, in fact, been drinking water. She exhales slowly, an unfair sort of annoyance twinging in her sleepy mind. Not at you, with whom she’s never truly annoyed. It took a long time — some unlearning and careful assurances — for you to be so raw and honest with Baran about your more prickly anxieties. And she took that vulnerability very seriously. No, Baran’s just tired, impatient you’re not with her, and feeling a little needy herself.
1:24 am
You: Yes. But if you want to talk more about it in the morning we can.
1:25 am
Azizam: what if u stat reesnting me
1:25 am
You: Do you resent me for being on day shift?
1:25 am
Azizam: no
Baran rubs her eye and yawns. You’re drunk, and she’s half asleep, and she doesn’t see the point in either of you pursuing such a delicate subject any further.
1:26 am
You: I love you.
1:26 am
Azizam: I LOV Y
Baran smiles, her eyes dry. You’re easily distracted. Giving up on sleep until you’re home, she goes back to scrolling on social media, too tired to pick her book back up.
1:47 am
Incoming Facetime: Azizam
“Baran!” you smile.
“Hi, honey,” Baran coos, her voice raspy and low, her head resting on her bent arm over the pillow. If you were more clear-headed, you would have started fawning over it. Despite how tired she is, Baran loves that you want to talk to her so much while you’re drunk and away from her. It sparks something fond and possessive in her.
“Would you love me if I were a worm?” You’re definitely slurring now.
“What?” Baran is caught off guard.
“If I turned into a worm, would you still love me? Shen said I should ask you.”
She opens and closes her mouth, unsure what that even means, when a familiar voice drifts to her ears, the equally familiar face following quickly into view.
“Dude, you can’t just leave me at the bar. You’re supposed to be my wingman.”
“Dr. Santos?” Baran asks incredulously, shocked into formality. She’s wearing smoky makeup and a swooping top and talking to you with the ease of good friends — a connection Baran is sure just happened tonight.
“Oh, shit,” Trinity hisses, ducking out of view. You blink at Santos, confused, and she slowly, sheepishly returns to the camera. “Hi Dr. Al-Hashimi.”
More awake now, Baran raises an eyebrow.
“How’s your 102-degree fever?” she asks humorlessly, sitting halfway up to offer herself some semblance of authority as she reprimands her resident while laying in bed at two in the morning.
“Better, yeah,” she winces, and you laugh suddenly.
“You didn’t tell me you called out sick,” you blurt, and Trinity glares at you.
“I didn’t want you telling my boss I’m here,” she accuses, motioning to your phone.
“So, you thought I’d go home to my future wife and not tell Baran I saw you and Whittaker at the gay bar?”
Baran’s ears ring, something sharp and hot shooting through her. She remembers the first time she brought up marriage to you, you were watching Bridesmaids together. You’re a few years younger than Baran, and unlike her, you’d never been married before. You didn’t have a kid to think about. Though, you loved Baran’s son dearly, and she loved that you loved him — and that he loved you back.
Have you ever thought about it? Marriage? She asked carefully as your head lay in her lap, and she played absently with your hair. Your fingers stilled on Baran’s thigh, and in the few seconds of silence, Baran thought she might throw up.
Are you asking? You murmured, turning to look up at Baran with unreadable, sparkling eyes.
Yes, she said easily, and then blinked, understanding too late what you meant. I mean, yes, I’m asking if you’ve —
Yes, you cut her off. With the right person. Yes.
She can’t believe she ever for one second doubted you might say yes if she got down on one knee. Baran shouldn’t have then, and she certainly doesn’t now that you’d called her your future wife. The shock quickly melts to a steady warmth that seems to blossom throughout her entire body, an easy sureness she knows is there for good.
“You’re really fucking irritating,” Trinity says to you emphatically, working her jaw, but she knows this situation is her own fault, so there’s no real bite to it. It brings Baran back to the present.
“Whittaker’s there, too?” she drawls, knowing Dennis is definitely on the schedule tomorrow.
“Ooooo, Dr. Santos, you are in so much fucking trouble. I gotta go, babe,” you say, pressing your fingers to your lips and then the camera before the call ends. Truth be told, Baran isn’t really irritated, but she can’t let Trinity know that.
She looks back down at your contact card, a soft, sweet photo of you greeting her. A wave of affection sweeps over her so intensely it knocks the breath from her. Her future wife. Baran swallows down the lump of emotions building in her and focuses on texting you.
1:52 am
You: Be safe. Make good choices. Come home soon. I love you.
1:52 am
Azizam: 😍❤️👅🐱
Baran lays back down, setting her phone by her head and staring at your contact photo like a lovesick teenage girl. She doesn’t wake up this time when Shen’s text comes through.
2:09 am
John Shen: ETA 20 min
John Shen: BTW, I think she’s onto you
Baran is stirred awake by the bed dipping next to her and quiet curses. A groggy noise rumbles in her chest, her limbs too heavy to move, her eyelids like lead.
“Back to sleep, honey,” you whisper, your words coming out a little slurred still, unsteady as you crawl toward her on the soft mattress.
Baran forces herself to turn over, another incoherent, almost whiny noise rising in her. She licks her lips and swallows, her eyes blinking open to see you settle next to her in a t-shirt and underwear.
“Azizam,” Baran mumbles happily, and you grin, leaning over to kiss her.
Instinctually, Baran fists the front of your shirt and drags you closer, her other arm wrapping around your shoulders. Your lips slide against hers, both of you uncoordinated and sloppy from alcohol and sleep but content in it. The thick, sweet smell of the bar lingers on you, along with the faint familiar tang of your sweat, and your tongue dips between Baran’s lips. She moans faintly, and you scoot closer so you can intertwine your legs, your hips pressing into hers.
“I drank water,” you breathe against her mouth, sliding your kisses to her jaw and her neck, wet and open. Baran sighs, more awake now, her core muscles twitching. One thing that really gets Baran going is sleepy sex, and you are definitely using this to your advantage. She remembers her faux promise to you and smiles, tangling a hand in your hair.
“Sleep, eshgham. We have three days together. Just you and me,” she sighs, tilting her chin to limit your access to her neck. You hum softly, dipping your face to her shoulder.
“Dooset daram,” you mumble into Baran’s skin. You know a few phrases in Farsi now, but according to you, this is the most essential, the one you learned first. And every time you say it, it makes Baran weak in the knees.
Her hand tightens in your hair, and she kisses your head, holding you firmly against her. She can feel you drifting off to sleep already, muscles relaxing, breathing even. And Baran feels that stubborn tightness in her throat again now that she finally has you in her arms.
She hadn’t known exactly when she was going to do it, waiting for the perfect time to present itself. This weekend. She’s going to propose to you this weekend.
Summary : Baran and her wife both get jobs at the PTMC. Keeping their relationship secret to stay professional proves a little harder than they thought it would be when Princess and Perlah see the two of you leaving together.
Warnings / tags : tooth rotting fluff, minor sexual references, pet names (azizam, my love)
Notes : THIS REQUEST WAS SOOOO CUTE i had so much fun writing this after getting back from break lmao
The alarm clock rings beside your bed, immediately causing you to groan and slowly open your eyes. The first thing you see; Baran Al-Hashimi, smiling down at you. Clearly, your wife had already been awake for hours. As per usual.
“Good morning, azizam.” She says softly, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead, gently brushing your hair to the side. “Work in an hour, okay?”
You and Baran have been working at the PTMC for a week and a half now. Neither of you were sure about the job when you were offered the position of interim Chief of Surgery—filling in for a Dr. Allan, who is now out on maternity leave—until Baran was offered her position as the new attending for the hospital’s ED. It was like the stars had aligned. You two started together that same week.
No one at work knew about the two of you. You’d agreed to keep your marriage quiet just to avoid the gossip you two knew would come with a relationship as coworkers. It had been working. Mostly. Well, other than with two of the doctors from the ED. Dr. Mohan and Dr. King. Samira knew the second you came down to The Pitt to help with a case. She recognized you from some photos Baran had shown her when they worked together, of you with her son. Samira, being Samira, was just happy to see you. She pretty much figured your relationship was a given after her work with Baran in the past. You hadn’t been coworkers back then, but, still, Samira was nothing but supportive. Dr. King figured it out… a little differently, having never actually met or seen any photos of Baran’s wife in the time they worked together. When you were leaving the ED after coming to “check on a patient” (Baran’s son was sick and you had to tell her before leaving to go pick him up) Mel spotted the two of you. Mid kiss. Then watched you pull away, staring at Baran with lovesick eyes, hands slid into her hair, holding her close. She actually let out an audible “awww” at the sight. When you both had turned to look at her, she just smiled, gave an awkward thumbs up, mouthed a quiet “sorry” and headed out to go catch her bus. Similarly to Samira, Mel just assumed your relationship was a given. A really cute given.
After the two women were in the loop, work was even easier. Baran had already been close with Samira, but now found herself checking in on both her and Mel more than the other doctors. Almost… maternally. With such trust and care that the two women always thought of Baran first for advice—in and outside of work. And with you? They actually got a little gossip about Baran. Well, not necessarily gossip. More like… stories about dates, about your family trips with your son, all the sickeningly romantic insights into Baran’s personal life that she usually kept far from her work life. Plus, you obviously weren’t too bad at giving medical advice. You and Baran showed up as support like water in a desert for two young doctors who both desperately needed something of a loving mother figure in their lives.
“There you are.”
Baran’s voice comes out softly from behind you in the hospital locker room. The day had gone by fast—only a few major surgeries today along with some smaller cases—and, of course, Baran found you as soon as she could slip away from her shift after night shift handoffs.
“Ready to go, my love?” She asks as she comes up behind you, arm sliding around your waist, lips pressing to the side of your neck.
“Ready.” You nod back, tilting your head to catch her lips in a kiss. Baran responds immediately, smiling against your mouth, curls—messy from her shift—brushing your neck as she leans in.
“Alright.” She mumbles as she pulls away for just a moment. “Kaveh is waiting at home with the babysitter. I told him we’d read him his book tonight for his reading journal for school.” Baran leans back in for another chaste, soft kiss between every word, even when she’s trying to be serious about planning her son’s nightly routine. “And I'm confident most of the ED staff has already left. So I'm sure we’re good to go.”
Baran finally pulls away after one last lingering kiss. She’s got a soft smile on her lips. The kind she always has when she looks at you with those big, loving eyes. Especially when she catches you like this, practically melting into her touches.
“Perfect.” As you sling your bag over your shoulder, you take Baran’s hand, leaning in for one quick kiss as you walk off towards the staff parking lot.
The sun is already almost fully set as you step outside. Baran is telling you about a case as you walk hand in hand towards the car. It’s quiet. Just the two of you, walking together, debriefing the day like usual.
Except it’s not like usual. Not exactly. Because, across the parking lot, leaning against her car is Princess. Sharing a bag of fruit snacks with Perlah, both gossiping in low voices as they watch the city. And then Perlah looks up. The first thing she sees is her attending… hand in hand with the chief of surgery. Her eyes go wide. She nudges Princess immediately, snapping her out of the story she was telling about Dr. Robby and Whitaker. Princess lets out an audible gasp at the sight. No one in the ED knew anything much about Baran’s personal life. And now she’s here, sliding into her car with her coworker in tow. They come to their conclusion in a matter of seconds:
Dr. Baran Al-Hashimi is fucking the chief of surgery.
For the next week, Princess and Perlah really try to keep it quiet. Dana is the first to hear. Just because of a little slip up! And then Trinity. That one… well, that was on purpose. Their gossip circle doesn’t keep any secrets. Especially not ones this juicy. And then, like dominoes falling into line, Dennis figures out. And Javadi.
Yeah, it actually only takes 6 days for half the ED to think that their attending is sleeping with their chief of surgery. Not even an entire week. It’s a shock that by the time two weeks pass of everyone on the staff trying to catch you and Baran together, no one’s let anything slip in front of Baran.
But of course that dam had to break eventually.
When you’re leaving after coming down to help with a case—some idiot teenager having fallen off a skateboard—Trinity finally asks what everyone has been thinking.
“Okay, are you two…” She gives Baran a look, raising her eyebrows. It’s pretty fucking clear what she means. “…or do you just give goo-goo eyes to every new chief of surgery?”
The room goes quiet. Samira, who is just taking off her gloves, looks totally confused. Everyone else is watching Baran.
“We are sleeping together, if that’s what you’re asking, Dr. Santos.” Baran says it so casually. With an almost smug smile on her face. And without any kind of further explanation, she tosses her gloves into the disposal bin and heads for the door. “I’m going to go check in on that asthma case.”
Trinity’s eyes are wide as she watches Baran leave the room. She turns to Samira with her jaw slack. “Dr. Al is fucking the chief of surgery. No fucking way.”
Samira just blinks. “Well, yeah.”
“Yeah?” Trinity scoffs. “Come on, this is big news for Robo-doc.”
“But, I mean… they’ve been married for 16 years. It’s not that surprising that they’re still… active.” Samira looks around the room, brows furrowing when she sees the shock on Trinity, Cassie and Dana’s faces. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“16 years.” Dana’s the one who perks up next. “Dr. Al’s been married for 16 years? And didn’t think to mention that to anyone?” She shakes her head, a real smile on her lips. “I’ll be damned.”
“You mean you guys didn’t know?” Clearly, Samira had been a little out of the loop with the circulating gossip.
In the following weeks, you practically become a member of the ED staff. Every time anyone passes you in the hall, they give a warm smile and a quick hello. Trinity even goes as far as to stop you and ask if Baran’s been keeping any other major secrets she can tell Princess and Perlah. Baran stays professional, as always, at work… but gets a little less careful once her shifts end. She kisses you outside the doors to The Pitt before leaving, long and slow after rough shifts, not caring who sees anymore. Robby even sees Baran playfully slap your ass one time as you’re leaving the department. He chooses to say nothing.
Samira and Mel even end up closer to you. Sometimes, they go as far as to make up excuses just to visit the surgery unit to ask you for advice on… anything, really. Whenever Baran sees you talking to one of the two of them, she softens just a bit. The same way she does when she sees you playing with Kaveh—that maternal, guiding instinct she always loves seeing shining through like warm sunlight through the blinds of your bedroom. It’s those moments when she always falls just a bit more in love with you.
part 1. part 2. dana evans is your neighbour 18+, age gap, dry humping, pussy eating <3
you'd never lived in an apartment that held 'get to know your neighbours' night. strange concept, you were perfectly fine knowing just one other person in the building, not by name but politely smiling whilst you gathered your mail. you had enough friends, not a lot, but enough and work was tiring so if you could avoid small talk in the corridor then you were happy to.
then fliers appeared on the lobby notice board.
people have too much time on their hands, you exhaled as you read, also wondering how much buy in this would actually get. your night would be spent the same as any other single woman in their late 20s, finish work, take-out and real housewives, NOT mingling in the hall with strangers.
unfortunately for you, there was a lot of buy in. crowds of people flooded the communal space, all cradling beer bottles and plastic cups like it was some kind of frat party. you had no intention of staying, of chatting or getting involved in any measure but fighting your way through the stairwell, unnoticed with a bag of ramen, proved quite difficult.
"hey! you're 64b right? i'm 68, just above you" a sweet bubbly girl beamed at you, intercepting your path. she was most likely the organiser of this event, like she'd made it her mission to get to first name basis of every single resident in the building.
"oh, yeah. hi.." you weren't rude, you were tired. and you didn't need this adult-friend-making-speed-dating shit. "nice to meet you, i'm just gonna-" trying to slip past.
"you HAVE to meet your neighbours" she ignored your attempt to politely excuse yourself, ushering you back into the crowd of people so close to your front door.
the introductions were tedious, she pointed out the couple to your left, the old man directly beneath you. you stood half smiling, giving your name out and trying to find any morsel of energy to even give a shit. you just wanted to go inside, eat your ramen and go the fuck to sleep. but the conversation left no gaps for your escape, not that you didn't try. you knew politeness would be your downfall one day.
then—
"think you're all keeping this nice gal from her dinner" a petite blonde in grey-blue scrubs broke up the circle you were standing in, eyeing your ramen as she pulled a key from her bag. "and stacey, keep it down out here yeah? need some shut eye" she walked to the door opposite yours, turning the key and giving you a subtle wink as she let herself in.
"sure dana, don't worry we'll keep it-" the girl, whom you now know as stacey, called out as the door slammed "-down"
you smiled, finally finding your own queue to leave.
she found her way into your mind that night, the blonde in scrubs. you weren't sure how you hadn't noticed her before, being in such close proximity and all. not when collecting mail or leaving for work, maybe your schedules were polar to each other but you knew you'd have remembered her. and that wink, nice lady.
⋆˚࿔
after your brief encounter, you found yourself looking out for your neighbour a little more. she clearly kept to herself which just made you more curious. the scrubs suggested some kind of doctor or nurse, the one bed apartment told you she probably lived alone and you hadn't stopped thinking about her no nonsense approach to stacey. she was quite a bit older than you, you could tell that from her voice - a little deep, accent thick.
the day she walked past you she smelt like cigarette smoke and rich perfume, her ears were double pierced and she chewed gum with an open mouth.
the next time you caught her was brief. early morning, pre-7am, in the same clothes as last time. you were taking advantage of the mild air, heading out for a quick run before work and she was clearly starting her day.
you exchanged 'mornings' and then she was gone.
⋆˚࿔
summer brought a heat wave and unfortunately for your building, a strain on the air con.
it was early evening when you heard raised voices in the hall. you stepped closer to your front door, slick sheen across your chest from the growing heat inside your apartment, listening to the other side.
"no you need to come and fix this fuckin thing now. not tomorrow, now. it's 100° in here for christ sake"
you only heard one voice, like she was on the phone.
"jesus-" then silence.
you opened your door to see her stood in a tank and lounge pants, hair stuck to the back of her neck with the rest pulled into a claw clip.
she turned to face you at the sound of the door click, holding up her phone "building manager, piece of shit"
you laughed under your breath. "your AC out too?"
she nodded, shaking her head down at the phone with a raised brow, then shoving it into her pocket.
"spent my day off sucking on ice and trying not to pass the fuck out" her smile travelled from her eyes to her lips, skin creasing at the edges. she looked at you for a second, titling her head slightly. "we haven't met"
you opened your door more, stepping out into the hall. "we kinda did" you meant that first day she saved you from the crowd.
"mm not properly, doll" she folded her arms, face softening "i'm dana"
you told her your name and she smiled, like it fit you. "you new here? not really seen you around much" you asked her, curious to find any detail, big or small.
"i work a lot and never really been one for stairwell small talk"
"oh yeah, of course- sorry i just-"
"not you kid, the ole neighbourhood watch crew and their building parties" she clearly had the same view of 'meet your neighbour' as you did. your shoulders relaxed. after a second, "you want some ice tea? just made a jug" she gestured her hand towards her apartment.
"won't say no to that" you mumbled, smiling.
her apartment was nice, it mirrored yours just the opposite. you were right to assume she lived alone, there was just one of everything. no manly shoes in the entrance or photos of anyone other than what you assumed were her grown children.
she dabbed her forehead with the back of her hand as you both sipped and made the small talk you claimed to hate.
"so you a doctor or something?" you asked.
"close. nurse. down at pittsburgh general, have been for 32 years"
that confirmed the age gap you already knew was there. it shocked you, how she'd been in a job longer than you were alive and you didn't have to say it for her to know you were thinking it.
"let me guess, you were still in diapers when i was in college?"
"close. i was born about 5 years after you graduated i think" you didn't know why you said it, feeling rude after it came out but she just laughed, shaking her head as she sipped her tea.
"jesus. even my tattoos are older than you"
you weren't sure why you felt that in your stomach. you huffed a laugh to try conceal it, blaming the spreading burn on your neck on the stifling heat.
then her phone rang, you could vaguely hear the building manager say he couldn't come til tomorrow. she was an animated woman, hands flying around, voice raised. you wouldn't want to get on her bad side, you thought. you finished the last sip of your tea, setting the empty glass down and mouthing thank you before excusing yourself while she dealt with the dick on the other end of the line.
⋆˚࿔
you started seeing more of dana. passing in the hall, starting your day, taking out the trash. your conversations became longer and more than just greetings. sometimes you'd forget you were going to work and spend 15 minutes in the hall just chatting.
you got to know her more. she worked day shifts, had 3 daughters, she liked white wine (you saw her bringing a bottle home one night) and she loved her job.
she got to know you more too. where you went to college, how you were allergic to cats and loved to read on the door step when the sun was out.
your grocery hauls were complete opposites. hers were that of an adult with fruit and veg, bottled water, essentials. she made a joke at how your bags clinked like you were hiding the entire liquor store in there and she asked if you knew pop tarts were not a substantial breakfast.
since then, she'd be at your door a couple of times a week with filled tupperware. sometimes it was a full meal, other times fruit salads and home baked biscuits. you returned the favour by bringing a jug of margaritas to her doorstep on a saturday night.
"jesus h christ, did you blend these at all?" dana half laughed, almost choking on your lethal dose of tequila and lime.
you sat on giant cushions in the open window of the fire escape in dana's apartment, the half filled jug between you.
"it's saturday night. we're getting lit"
she rolled her eyes at your lingo.
"it's saturday night and you're getting drunk with your elderly neighbour" she corrected.
"it's my community service, helping out a senior citizen-" she swatted you, spilling some cocktail on your lap as your head fell back in laughter.
"fucker"
"i'm kidding you know" you said after a second. "you're literally like my closest friend right now"
you weren't sure if you were supposed to feel like this about friends. or what it even was you were feeling. you just knew you liked her company, perhaps more than you should. you liked getting to know her, wanting to know everything about her. you knew that you liked women but obviously, you assumed she didn't.
dana sparked up a cigarette, inhaling deeply as the smoke curled above the pair of you. she handed you the tab, exhaling and you took it between two fingers. your gaze didn't break from one another.
"quite fond of you too, doll" that smile again, the one that narrowed her eyes and showed the top of her teeth. fuck.
⋆˚࿔
it'd been a few months since you first met dana and your friendship had grown into something you both treasured dearly.
you'd end up at one another's place at least once a week. the nights when she wasn't too tired from her shift or you hadn't been pulled away by your other friends. you'd much rather spend your time with her, not that you'd admit it.
it was all nice and neighbourly. knocking on each others door with take-out or a bottle of wine. somewhere along the line you'd swapped numbers. that was originally for the purpose of dana taking in your parcels when you weren't home, keeping each other updated for anything in the building but it soon became a text chain between friends.
use the back entrance, stacey's on the rampage
got some of your mail, let me know when you're home and i'll come drop it
hey, is your power out?
don't suppose you fancy a glass of vino 🍷
one evening you'd managed to get yourself roped into going to the bar with some work friends. the cocktails fell down your throat far too easily and by 9pm you were more than tipsy.
you weren't quiet coming home. stumbling up the stairwell, talking to yourself, an oop when you missed the top step, dropping your purse. a door next to you clicked open.
"someone's had a good night" dana picked up your purse and you beamed up at her, pulling yourself up by the hand rail.
"daaaaana, hey"
"you smell like a brewery" she laughed, lightly holding onto your upper arm to guide you to your front door.
"just had a few drinkypoos" you hiccuped. "you wanna come in for one?" your words weren't slurrred but it was no secret you were drunk.
"i think you've had enough" she pulled your key from your hands as you struggled with the lock, turning the key in one smooth movement for you to enter.
you walked through your apartment to the sofa, falling onto it as dana dropped your purse next to you, headed to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water.
she returned and you couldnt help but notice the glow on her face, the softness in her eyes. you took the glass and just held it. "drink" she urged, stern but not unkind.
sipping from the glass, you held her gaze. there was something between you, something that felt different in that moment. her finger came up to tip the glass further, pouring more liquid down your throat, until she was content you'd had enough.
"good girl" she took the glass away from you and despite your thirst being quenched, your mouth suddenly felt dry.
she saw you swallow thickly. her lips parted slightly. the skirt you were wearing had ridden up to your thighs with how you were sat.
"now get some rest"
you were still sat in the same position when you heard your front door click behind her. what you didn't see was dana stood in the hall for a second, breathless like she'd just ran the length of your apartment. you didn't know she thought about turning round, coming back in. not knowing what she'd say but considering it all the same. she pondered for a moment, one hand on her hip, the other tousled in her hair.
"fuck" she thought about how you'd looked at her just moments ago. how you reacted. her chest tightened, unknown feelings creeping their way into her conscience.
she didn't turn round. she fought the urge, heading into her own apartment.
you managed to sober up relatively quickly. downing more water, a couple advil and a luke warm shower to cool the heat between your legs. good girl, it replayed in your mind over and over as the stream poured onto your skin. what the fuck? your neighbour, your friend, a woman almost twice your age, a woman who you had no confirmation had any interest in women whatsoever, a woman you couldn't have.
it was hard to get dana out of your mind as you lay in bed, not that you really tried. the room was dark with the exception of a bedside lamp, quiet. it was then you decided to pick up your phone.
you: you awake?
you didn't expect her to be with the time. but then the bubble appeared.
dana: yeah, everything ok?
you hesitated for a second.
you: just wanted to say thank you for earlier
you: not sure i'd have made into my apartment without you
that's not really what you wanted to say.
dana: just doing my community service, helping out the drunk and disorderly...
you laughed at her using your own words against you.
dana: assume you're feeling better?
you: much
you: followed the nurses orders with water and two advil
it felt a little loaded to send but you did anyway. then the bubble appeared and disappeared enough times to cause you panic. you almost sent another message, something flat and obviously platonic, maybe even just a 'anyway, good night' to kill the conversation.
then—
dana: good girl
you didn't even know you were clenching your thighs til you felt the flutter between them.
in 64a, dana's mouth went dry as she pressed send. it was a lot for her, being bold like this. she didn't know what she was doing or what her intentions were but for once in her life, she ran with it. ran with the knot in her stomach, the throbbing sensation between her legs.
she waited for you. nervous at your reply. hoping she wasn't mistaken by this, whatever the fuck this was.
you: dana
fuck it.
you: can you come back over here
this could go one of two ways, the way you want or the way in which you've read this so incredibly wrong.
it was the longest five minutes of your life, between sending that message and hearing the knock on your door.
when you opened it, she was facing away. turning when she heard you. you could see her breathing heavy, the rise and fall of her chest. you stepped back slightly and she stepped in. then it was just the two of you, stood silent in your hall. your oversized tee had wet patches on the back from your damp hair, you saw dana's eyes glance once over you, suddenly aware you're naked on the bottom half beside underwear.
she was in similar loungewear you saw her in one of the first times. she wore a gold cross on her neck, something you'd noticed before but not really paid attention to.
"i-" you started. she stopped you.
"i don't know what i'm doing" her eyes wide, voice low. "this isn't- i've never-"
you extended your hand to hold hers.
"dana-"
"i don't know why i feel like this" there was an undertone of panic and vulnerability. "about you"
you could feel your heart in your ears, in your chest, in your stomach.
"i'm twice your age, i shouldn't feel like this about you" she spoke quietly, as if being loud would make something real.
"but you do"
a moment. your thumb brushed over her hand.
"i do"
before you could stop yourself, your lips were on hers. she stilled for a second, and then she let herself feel. she kissed you back, hands tentatively finding the base of your neck as yours found her waist.
then it got messy and heated and the two of you were stumbling from the hall to your bedroom one door down.
she was panting into your mouth as you led her backwards, calves hitting the bed.
"fuck dana, wanted this f'so long" you breathed between her lips. "tell me you want this"
dana moaned, it slipped out before she could stop it, pulling back from you. "want this. please"
you were soaked. you had been since you were full of booze and she'd touched your arm in the hall. but now her tongue was in your mouth and your hands were slipping under the hem of her tank, feeling skin you'd never felt.
"can i?" you tugged at the material and she nodded. she was naked under that, her hands came up on instinct to cover her bare tits, you replaced them with your own, pulling away slowly.
"wanna see you" she let you, your mouth watered at the sight. they were incredible, nipples hard from your fingertips ghosting over the skin. she exhaled deeply, breath hitching when your lips skimmed the flesh of her neck.
your fingers trailed from her chest, grazing skin down her sternum to the waistband of her trousers. you felt her move against you the closer you got. you flattened your palm against her stomach, sliding it beneath the elastic and finding her without panties, hot and needy, her bare cunt dripping and begging for you.
dipping your index and middle finger through her wetness, dana whimpered, mouth parting.
"mmm, fuck-"
you swiped your fingers a couple of times, spreading her wetness and then you pulled away. fingers glistening in the dim light. the noise she made when you sucked her off your middle finger made your pussy twitch.
"taste so good dana" you kissed her, light and loving. "so fucking good"
you pushed her softly onto the bed, standing above her as you pulled your t shirt over your head, leaving you almost equal in your clothing. her eyes wandered all over you and you watched her take it in. when you pulled her trousers down her legs, you couldn't believe the sight. her laid back, naked and yours.
when you crawled onto the bed, she moved herself back on her elbows to make space for you. you nudged her legs open by the knees, they fell apart with ease and she shuddered at the cool air against her bare cunt.
she was nervous. not because she was inexperienced - this may be her first time with a woman but she was no stranger to sex. in fact dana would have always considered herself a sexual person, in touch with her own desires however it'd been so long. so long since her divorce, since she'd slept beside someone, felt that kind of intimacy. then seeing your body and youth almost intimidated her. but the way you looked at her soon seemed to negate all of that.
when you were between her legs, lowering yourself to become face to face with the slick mess, she felt sexy. and wanted. you wanted her.
"oh my god- mmph" the first swipe of your tongue had her head thrown back. she lay flat on the bed as you worked her up, holding both thighs steady, licking up to her swollen clit.
you moaned into her, nails digging into skin as she started to roll her hips against your face. god it was hot. she whimpered and moaned and muttered your name over and over. "oh fuck, yes- there, that's-" her own cry cut her off as you curled two fingers deep. they slipped in with ease, her own arousal and your saliva dripping from your fingers as you pumped in and out.
you came up for air, resting your cheek on the inner of her thigh as you started fucking her, hard. the noises were obscene, slick and squelching with every move.
"doing so good baby oh my god i wish you could see what i can" you kissed her thigh, she moaned your name. "so fucking good"
"fuck you're gonna make- make me cum" her accent sounded thicker as she moaned, unbelievably sexy. you could tell she was close the way her cunt started to clench around your fingers. "don't stop"
like hell you would. hands squeezing her thigh, you worked your hand hard inside her and brought your lips to suck softly on her clit. the dual sensation had dana's back arching from the bed, handed fisted in the sheets and her toes curled against your back.
"yes yes yes ye-" with one final fuck of your fingers and pop of your tongue, she fell silent and rigid. then a looooong groan drew from the back of her throat, hoarse and deep. you worked her through it, until she was breathless and shaking, lifting your head up away from her.
"m gonna need a minute, hon"
you smiled. she was glowing, sweaty and messy. hair had fallen into her face, cheeks rosy and chest flushed.
"that was so fucking good dana" you kissed up her body, bringing your leg to straddle one of hers. your mouth landed between her tits, softly sucking the skin there, her hand found your back, stroking lazily across your shoulder blade.
"you're telling me" she laughed under her breath, still trying to regain some composure.
you were so turned on. seeing her cum like that, how bad she wanted you and you her. you hadn't even noticed your hips rolling against her thigh.
she had.
her hands snaked down your back, finding your ass. she squeezed over your panties, smirking at the wetness she could feel against her leg.
"did that turn you on huh?" she tensed her leg a little, giving you more to work against. "seein me cum like that?"
"shit" you moved harder against her, voice all whiny and strained.
"you wanted this for a while didn't you" her hands helped you, digging into your ass, pulling you into her. "wanted me, naked and wet for you"
you'd drenched your panties by now, dripping onto her skin. the wet material slick against your pussy felt so fucking good, your movements became more erratic, chasing your pleasure, needing to cum so bad. and her words only made it worse.
"good girl, just like that, gonna cum for me?"
fuck. there she goes praising you like that, knowing what it does, knowing that's what got you both here in the first place.
"fuck dana 'm gonna- mmm"
you fucked her leg whilst whining her name, brows knit, eyes screwed shut until—
"look at me. look at me when you cum baby"
your mouth fell open and everything building in the pit of your stomach grew hot and tight. you came all over her leg, a flood of wetness drenching you both, a guttural cry unleashed.
it shocked you both. how hard you came undone just from that. when you fell on the bed next to her, you both lay in silence, just the sound of hot breath and quiet traffic outside.
"stay tonight?" you managed, eventually.
when you turned your head, hopeful she'd agree, dana met your gaze with a glint in her eye.
"if you'll have me"
you kissed her. you didn't stop kissing her for a while.
part 1 here. part 2. dana's your neighbour 18+, age gap, strap, strap & strap <3
it’d been a week since dana stayed the night.
you tried not to overthink the reason you’d barely seen her since then, or why your texts were suddenly going unanswered. it wasn’t like you’d been blowing up her phone, but the two of you usually spoke far more than this. enough that the silence felt deliberate.
you tried not to wonder whether you’d pushed things too far, whether she’d gone along with it in the moment only to wake up regretting it later. whether she felt too awkward now to tell you outright.
it didn’t help that you never seemed to run into her anymore. she wasn’t in the hallway when she usually would be, her car was gone more often than not, and there’d been no mention of your weekly wine nights.
dana lived for those.
the tipsy window gossip sessions where you’d work through too much pinot and a packet of winstons while dissecting the lives of strangers across the street.
you tried not to overthink it. but you did.
⋆˚࿔
dana had been working insane shifts in the week after she spent the night.
not through unlucky scheduling or some coworker’s vendetta, but by her own request. anything to keep her mind occupied. anything to stop it wandering back to you.
she’d been waking up earlier than usual and leaving the parking lot before she thought you’d even had your morning coffee. it was ridiculous to be working doubles at her age and robby had said as much, but one thing he’d learned over the years was that arguing with dana evans rarely got anyone anywhere.
she saw your texts.
they’d pop up on her lock screen and she’d wince as though being taunted, swiping the notification away before she could think too hard about it.
she hadn’t meant to ignore you. hadn’t meant to avoid you, either.
then somehow she’d ended up doing both.
you thought she regretted sleeping with you.
the truth was, all of this had happened because she didn’t.
⋆˚࿔
the day you finally caught each other happened well after you’d both stopped trying.
after dana stopped timing her exits around yours and after you’d stopped running to the peephole every time you heard footsteps in the hallway.
she was balancing a paper grocery bag against her hip when you spotted her outside her apartment door. the thing looked moments away from giving up entirely, one corner already beginning to sag under the weight.
“here, let me"
you were on your way out to meet friends when you stepped in to save the day, rescuing the bag before its contents ended up scattered across the floor.
“thanks, hon"
she surrendered it without argument, fishing her keys from her pocket and unlocking the door.
it was what came after that felt awkward.
dana opened the apartment, then turned to take the groceries back from you. for a second she looked like she wanted to say something.
then she didn’t.
a whole week without speaking and suddenly neither of you knew where to start.
“so-"
“you look nice"
the words collided and silence followed.
you blinked at her.
“i look nice?”
it came out sharper than intended.
because really? over a week of what was, let’s face it, essentially being ghosted after the filthiest sex you'd had in a long time and that was what she led with?
“really?”
dana groaned immediately.
“i know. i'm sorry"
she rubbed a hand over her forehead before leaning back against the doorframe.
“i just wasn’t expecting to see you"
you couldn’t help the laugh that escaped.
“you weren’t expecting to see me?”
her eyes closed briefly.
“in the shared hallway" you continued, “of the building we both live in?”
when she finally looked at you again, there was something pleading in her expression. not annoyance. not anger. something closer to desperation.
like she was silently asking you not to make this harder than it already was.
“have i done something wrong?”
"god, no" the answer came so quickly it almost startled you. her brows lifted immediately. "none of this is you"
some of the tension eased from your shoulders. not all of it, but enough to stop your stomach tying itself into knots. you adjusted the strap of your bag.
“then why are you avoiding me?”
for a moment dana didn’t answer. she just looked tired, not physically. something deeper than that.
the uncertainty looked strange on her. this wasn’t the woman who shared cigarettes with you on the fire escape, or brought over leftovers because she’d cooked too much again. it wasn’t the woman who made sure you got home safe after a few drinks.
it definitely wasn’t the woman who sat naked in your bed, telling you to cum and praising you for doing so.
“look, i just-"
your phone rang. loud and insistent.
everyone at the bar had clearly decided you’d taken long enough.
“shit. sorry"
you scrambled to silence it, fumbling with your little black bag until the ringing finally stopped.
the hallway fell quiet again.
dana smiled. it was genuine, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“you should get going" you didn't want to. "we’ll talk soon, 'kay?”
you nodded. a little disappointed, a little relieved but mostly confused.
as she started closing the door, you turned towards the stairs.
cocktails and overpriced bar food suddenly seemed a lot less appealing than they had twenty minutes ago.
“you do look nice, though"
the comment followed you halfway down the stairwell. this time you smiled to yourself. you still didn’t turn around. only exhaled once you heard the door click shut behind her.
dana’s apartment stood quieter than usual.
she unpacked the groceries, half cursing herself as the last five minutes caught up to her.
“fuck, fuck, fuck"
the salad was shoved into the refrigerator drawer with more force than necessary. dana lingered there for a second, letting the coolness wash over her face and muttering a quiet what is wrong with you into the white shelves.
she shook her head and pushed two loose blonde strands behind her ear.
what a mess.
in dana’s defence, this was a fairly unique situation she’d found herself in.
the last three decades had mostly consisted of tv dinners, opposite schedules and far less romance than she’d have liked. motherhood had been wonderful and she wouldn’t have changed a thing about raising her girls, but there was also the reality that somewhere along the way she’d lost a bit of herself.
now her daughters were grown and independent. she was long divorced, settled into herself, finally at a point in life where she could spend her time however the fuck she wanted.
or at least, that had been the plan.
then she ran into you.
somewhere between the wine nights and easy companionship, you’d become exactly what dana didn’t realise she’d been missing. and that would’ve been manageable if it had stayed harmless.
instead she’d given in to the feelings, the need and the dirty thoughts. suddenly the guilt had followed close behind.
the thirty-year age gap loomed over everything, impossible to ignore whenever she let herself think too hard about it. some days she could convince herself it didn’t matter. other days she wondered if she’d been selfish, if she’d crossed some invisible line she should’ve known better than to approach.
you were, after all, younger than her eldest daughter.
⋆˚࿔
pittsburgh summers were full of sun.
you didn’t have a backyard living where you did, but luckily the front steps caught most of the afternoon light. it was your favourite place to spend a saturday, stretched out with a book in one hand and an iced coffee from the cafe across the street in the other.
you were halfway through chapter five and your second cold brew when dana appeared.
she lowered herself onto the step beside you with a quiet sigh, elbows resting on her knees.
“whatcha got there?”
you flashed her the cover.
dana nodded as though she recognised it, eyebrows lifting in approval.
you were almost certain she didn’t.
after the hallway encounter, you’d thought about knocking on her door more than once. she’d promised you’d talk soon.
but in the end, you’d decided against it. whatever was happening, pushing clearly wasn’t helping.
even if every instinct in your body was screaming to grab her by the shoulders and ask what the fuck was going on.
“have fun the other night?”
dana picked nervously at the skin around her thumb. at this point, you were amazed they weren't whittled to the bone.
all you could do was laugh.
“what?" a reluctant smile tugged at her lips. you took a sip through your straw.
“you hate small talk"
that earned a genuine laugh from her and for a moment she looked like herself again. then the smile faded and her gaze drifted back towards the street.
“guess i’m a little nervous"
you lowered your book.
“about what?”
the conversation felt strangely heavy for it's location. dana seemed to think so too, her eyes dropping to her feet before she finally looked up again, something vulnerable in her expression.
something that made your chest tighten.
“will you come in for a drink?”
⋆˚࿔
ten minutes later, it almost felt like nothing had changed.
you were perched on her kitchen counter while she poured two (large) glasses of wine. neither of you made much effort with conversation for a while. some silent agreement had settled between you that it was probably best to get through half a bottle before attempting anything serious.
a wise decision, really.
“come on then" you said eventually. “spill"
another sip.
“why’d you ghost me?”
maybe not that wise.
dana rolled her eyes immediately, the way she always did whenever you used a phrase she considered far too young for her.
leaning against the counter opposite you, she pointed vaguely with her glass.
“i didn’t ghost you"
“you ghosted me"
your legs swung idly against the cabinet doors. there was no point arguing with you. the wine only made you more stubborn.
“fine" one large gulp later and half her glass was gone. “i ghosted you"
“thank you"
“don’t sound so pleased with yourself"
“i’m not pleased. i’m annoyed"
that earned the smallest smile. it disappeared almost immediately.
“i’m sorry" the sincerity in her voice caught you off guard. "i lost my nerve, okay?”
you waited.
dana looked down into her wine as though the answer might be floating somewhere at the bottom.
“i’m nearly sixty" she said finally. “i’m divorced. i’m a grandma"
her gaze flickered towards you.
“and you’re…”
one hand gestured vaguely from your head to your toes.
“…you"
your brows furrowed. "what’s that supposed to mean?”
“it means none of this makes any fucking sense"
“what doesn’t?”
“this" she gestured between the two of you now, hands animated enough that you briefly worried for the safety of the wine glass. “there is no goddamn reason you should like me"
and there it was. not confusion. not regret. insecurity.
“fuck, dana-"
“no" her voice softened immediately. "please let me finish"
you nodded.
she took a breath. then another.
“i really fuckin like you"
the admission came so quietly you almost missed it.
dana laughed once, humourless.
“that’s what’s making this so hard.”
your expression softened. “why?”
she looked away. for a second, she seemed embarrassed by the answer and then it slipped out anyway.
“because you’re younger than my daughter"
finally, everything clicked into place. it wasn’t about the night you’d spent together. it wasn’t even really about the two of you. it was about all the things dana thought she should care about. the things she thought other people would care about.
“does that matter to you?”
you hopped down from the counter, closing the space between you before she could retreat into herself again.
“because i don’t care"
gently, you took the empty wine glass from her hand and placed it on the counter beside you.
dana’s breathing had gone a little uneven.
her eyes searched your face as though she expected to find hesitation there or some sign that this wasn’t real. she found none.
“it doesn’t not matter"
your brows knitted together. "that doesn’t make any sense"
a small smile tugged at her mouth.
“i know"
“do you want it to matter?”
the answer came immediately.
“no"
“then it doesn't"
the flush spreading across her cheeks travelled down her neck, colouring the skin visible above her v-neck.
when your fingers slipped between hers, she held on tightly.
fuck, you’d missed her.
everything had been building for months, finally culminating in one perfect night before collapsing into a week of silence and second-guessing.
neither of you deserved another minute of it. she looked at you, into you, like she was allowing herself to be honest.
“kiss me" the words left dana in a breath, sounding more like a plea than a request.
her gaze dropped briefly to your mouth before finding your eyes again. this time, there was no hesitation. from anyone.
your mouth was on hers, hot and messy. she wasted no time in kissing you back, her tongue slipping past your bottom lip. she moaned into you, hands finding your waist and squeezing when they got there.
trailing wet, opened mouthed kisses down dana's neck, you felt hungry and untamed, like you'd needed this more than the first time.
"turn around" you whispered against the shell of her ear, guiding her hips to spin until she was flush against the counter top, hands flat on the surface.
your hands wandering across every bit of skin you could find, one settling at her stomach, sliding down to the waistband of her jeans. dana couldn't stifle the moan, the noises of what was to come, so needy and desperate.
you took her in, the smell of shampoo, her softness, the glint of her gold earrings catching the light from behind. she was perfect.
your name fell from her lips, one time, then another, three times as you undid the button and slid the zipper far too slowly. finger tips curled against cool marble, fighting for something to cling on to when your warm hands found the elastic of her underwear. pushing her ass into you, you had to bite your tongue, stop yourself from grinding into her there and then. this was to make her feel good, yours would come later.
she was writhing against herself, like you were going too slow but she wouldn't tell you, would put up with it til you gave her what she wanted. it was almost a cry when you did, soft fingers sinking through her folds, lazily spreading the wetness until it felt too good to stay quiet.
"oh my fuck, i need-"
it took you by surprise. how five minutes ago dana was dwelling on her concerns and now she wanted you three fingers deep, making her feel as good as you did the first time.
"yeah? what do you need?" she'd tortured you, time to repay the favour.
"mmm, please"
“come on. use your words" you sank your middle and ring fingers inside her, curling them deep at that perfect angle but holding still.
"fuck me" she gasped. “need you to f-fuck me"
you nipped her earlobe, teeth grazing the soft skin as she hissed in pleasure. you pumped your fingers faster, relishing every slick sound and broken moan.
"yes" her nails scraped down the countertop. "oh fuck" she could hardly feel you peppering her shoulder with kisses, too taken away with the knot building in her stomach.
“can you take more?”
she nodded frantically, head falling back against your shoulder.
then you pulled your fingers out completely.
“wha-" dana panted, eyes wide and glassy. “what are you doing?”
you almost felt bad for the desperate look on her face but it would be worth it.
“come with me" you took her hand. she followed without hesitation.
two minutes later, dana was perched on the edge of your bed, thighs clenched, watching you with confused hunger as you disappeared to the other side.
you dug in a bedside draw, pulling something black and rope like into your hands. when you turned back, her breath caught. you untangled the harness and let the silicon cock sit amongst it.
“you trust me?”
“yeah" barely a whisper.
“i can fuck you so good, dana" you stepped closer. “will you let me?”
her eyes darkened with want. she bit her lip, then gave you that smile, the one you liked. that creased at her eyes and looked a little wicked.
you bent to kiss her deeply while stripping away her top, jeans and panties, then your own. she was left in just a bra as you stepped into the harness, adjusting it at your hips.
dana leant back on her elbows, legs spreading invitingly, her pussy glistening. fuck, she looked ready to be ruined.
“show me what you got then" her tongue lingered at her corner of her mouth, like she was daring you to do your worst.
you knelt between her thighs, hands gripping them for balance. leaning down, you pursed your lips and let a bead of spit fall onto her cunt while holding her gaze. she jolted. your tongue followed, lapping at her slowly, thoroughly, until she was grinding against your face and whining for more.
you weren't going to let her cum like this just yet.
“you're doing so good for me" you murmured against her, kissing her pussy once more before pulling back. “gonna feel even better, i promise"
you lined up the thick head of the cock at her entrance and pushed in slowly, watching every flicker of pleasure across her face. she took you so easily, slick and eager, stretching around the girth with a broken moan.
for a moment you stayed still, letting her adjust, both of you breathing hard. then you started moving, slow, deep rolls of your hips. the wet sounds of her pussy taking every inch filled the room.
“fuck, dana… you look so good like this" you thrust harder, the dark silicone glistening with her juices every time you pulled out to fuck into her again, deeper than before. “taking my cock so well. you like that?"
she wrapped her legs around your waist, nails digging into the flesh of your back. “jesus- fuck- yes" she gasped with every drive, voice wrecked.
the way she let herself go, feel every inch of her own pleasure made your cunt throb. head thrown back into the mattress, hands wandering to free her tit from the tiny black bra. she palmed herself, gasping at the roll of her nipple between two fingers.
you wanted this to last. wanted to fuck her every which way you could. slowing for just a second, you pulled back and she whined at the loss of contact but you reassured her. "s'okay, i just want you this way"
you stepped back from the bed. "get on your knees"
in that moment she looked like she would do anything you told her. seconds later she was on all fours, ass up, breathing heavy. you could tell she was a little insecure like this, exposed and vulnerable.
you leant against her, your body shadowing hers, just enough to whisper against the nape of her neck. "you look so sexy like this" your hand trailed a long stroke from her shoulder blade to the curve of her ass. "i got you" you saw her shoulders drop a little.
you pushed back inside her slow and it felt different this time. she nearly outright screamed at the sensation of your cock pressing against her gummy walls from this angle. then you started to move, dragging her hips back to meet yours, fucking her so deep she felt it in the pit of her stomach.
a desperate uh uh uh left her lips with every thrust, head resting on the bed, no longer able to hold herself up. "so fuckin good" her words shook as your cock filled her, hands fisted in the sheets, curve of her back glistening with sweat.
you moaned as you saw wetness drip from her cunt, coating the back and inner of her thighs.
"jesus dana, that's it baby"
“i'm close, fuck, i'm so close" she looked back at you, pupils wide and dark. “wanna go on top"
you weren't religious but this felt like a gift from god.
dana asking for what she wanted and fuck, you were gonna give it to her.
you pulled out again, taking her spot on the bed as she climbed onto you, straddling your hips. dana took the cock in her hands, pumping it a few times, spreading herself like she knew it turned you on. then she lowered onto you and planted her hands on your chest, fucking herself on your cock as if it were made for her. hips rolled desperately, head thrown back as filthy moans spilled from her throat.
you mirrored her movements from before and palmed her tit, pulling the bra completely down and rolling her nipple between your fingertips. her pace faltered, then sped up, chasing her orgasm.
it was dirty and messy and frantic. like she'd allowed her guard down to feel what she deserved, to trust that you thought she was the hottest thing, riding you, her body like nothing you'd seen before. all those insecurities, worries of your youth versus her experience vanished. now it was just two people relishing each others bodies and pleasure. and it felt so fucking good.
“that's it" you cooed, gripping her hips to help her along. the pressure on your chest felt good, her nails digging into the thin skin against your sternum, you'd let her draw blood if she wanted.
you could tell she was close by the way her eyes squeezed shut, mouth parted and voice became rough. three finger pads snaked from her hip to her clit, rubbing slow but tight circles. you didn't know where to look, her face all wrecked and needy or where your bodies joined. where you watched the pink of her pussy with every ride on your cock, how you disappeared into her with ease, the slick sounds making you whimper and almost come against nothing.
"good girl. cum for me like this" you breathed hard. "cum for me dana"
how the tables have turned.
and she was your good girl, coming with a strangled cry at your demand. her body went rigid as she ground down hard, pulsing around your cock and god you wished it was real, imagining how it would feel for her cunt to milk you for everything you had, clenching hard around you.
you held her through it, stroking her back as she trembled and gasped, finally collapsing on top of you with a breathless "fuck"
her cheeks were flushed and rosy, hair stuck to the nape of her neck, mascara smudged just a little under the water line. so sexy.
when dana looked at you, it was almost in disbelief, in awe. like she'd tell you she couldn't believe how hard she just came, if only she could gather breath for long enough.
you knew. you didn't need her words.
you pulled her in close. arm wrapped around a shoulder, fingers dancing between the freckles on her skin.
"so good" a whisper, pressed against her temple. and you lay there, in silence and disbelief and everything else that came with it. "such a good girl"
; baran al-hashimi x f!reader . w/c 1.9k, fluff, established relationship, smut, mdni, oral fixation, thigh riding (b!receiving), fingering (b!receiving)
summary; your wife is waiting at home after her day off and you want to repay her for all her hard work
an; first time writing smut lmk if this is the vibe
You push the front door open, the smell of something delicious meeting your nose. “I’m home baby” you call out.
“In the kitchen!” Baran calls back.
You drop your bag and kick off your shoes at the door despite knowing how your wife will scold you later. She hates clutter with a passion.
As you enter the kitchen your eyes land on Baran standing at the stove in a pair of your boxers and a sports bra you bought her a month ago.
God bless this summer heat.
“Hey beautiful” you hum, approaching her and resting your hand on her waist. You lean forward and kiss her cheek a few times. “Good day?” she questions. Her hand lands on yours and gives it a quick rub.
“Better now”.
She lets out a breathy laugh. “Sweet talk will only get you so far”. You raise your eyebrows.
“Oh yeah? How far?”
Your fingers dip under the waistband of her shorts and she smacks your hand playfully. You grin against her neck, tongue darting out to lick at her jaw playfully.
“Get much done today?” Your arms secure themselves around her waist. “Finished the washing, cleaned the house top to bottom and managed to sort everything for Kaveh's diagram”. You press another gentle kiss to Baran’s jaw.
“Hm, my wife the over achiever” you hum. “You want something to drink?” Baran nods. “Can you grab me—“
“One of your juices?” you finish, separating from Baran’s warmth. “Yes please”.
You walk over to the fridge to retrieve a bottle of juice for your wife, pouring it into a glass for her.
“I’m going to change” you say while placing the glass on the bench next to her. Your hand grazes her lower back on your way to the bedroom.
There’s a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt lay out on your side of the bed. You smile at the thought of Baran making sure to set them out for you while pulling the items of clothing on.
You chuck your scrubs into the washing basket on the way out of the door, eager to return to your wife's touch.
Baran is serving food up on plates when you walk back into the kitchen. “Let me do that”.
“No go sit down, I’ll bring it over”.
“Baby—“ “Sit”.
You move at the command and take your seat at the table. Baran walks around behind you and places your plate in front of you. “You sure you don’t need my help?” “I’m sure azizam”.
Soft fingers brush the baby hairs at the back of your neck as Baran passes you to grab her own plate.
“This looks amazing sweetheart, thank you” you murmur, taking Baran’s hand as she sits down. You bring it up to your lips and kiss the band sitting comfortably around her ring finger, barely missing the flush that takes over her cheeks.
After dinner you clear the plates away, taking the opportunity to order Baran to sit down and let you do the work. You drop down on the couch next to a smiling Baran who is leaning on her arm watching you intently. You lean over and tap her thigh, guiding her legs over your lap.
You give her ankle a gentle squeeze earning a content sigh from your wife. "I should be doing this for you" she murmurs, settling back into the cushions at the end of the couch. You just shake your head while massaging her legs.
You were always so gentle with her. You knew you didn’t have to be, Baran was anything but fragile. Yet you couldn't help but treat her like she was something precious.
"Want to talk about your day?"
You didn't really feel like divulging the details of your monotonous day at the pitt. Nothing major happened, you clocked in and clocked out after spending the entire day wondering what your wife was doing at home.
"It was long".
Baran chuckles, sitting up and scooting closer to you. She drapes her arm over your shoulder and the other hand settles on your chest. She's practically sitting in your lap now as she brushes your nose with her own. "I love you, you know that?" You nod, hand sliding against her thigh.
"I know" you murmur. Baran's hand slides up from your chest to cup your cheek, thumb running along your cheekbone. She leans forward and presses her lips to yours. You give her thigh a quick squeeze before moving your hand up to hold her hip. Baran opens her mouth a little and sighs when you brush her tongue with your own.
You slowly adjust yourself and Baran, laying her back on the couch and situating a thigh between her legs to hover above her. She gasps at the sudden contact. "Sorry" you mumble against her lips. Baran just shakes her head and grabs your face, lips reattaching to yours immediately.
Baran was usually so in command of everything and you were oh so thankful that you were able to see her so pliant. It was like there was a switch whenever she entered the threshold of your joint home. She was able to let go and trust that you could take care of everything because you wanted to.
Your fingers slip under the bottom of her shorts, bunching them up by her hip as you squeeze warm flesh. She bucks her hips up and you lean back, eyes searching her face.
"You're so beautiful".
Baran blushes. You lift your hand, knuckles brushing her cheek slowly. She nuzzles against your hand, eyes fluttering closed momentarily. You decide to test the waters and graze your thumb over her bottom lip. You apply a bit of pressure before pulling it down and watching it spring back. She watches your hand closely as you lift it back and trace her lip. Her mouth falls open almost immediately.
A grin tugs at your lips. Baran's eyes flash with... something as you bring your hand back to her lips. You push your index finger into her awaiting mouth. She welcomes the digit, tongue immediately swirling around it.
Your stomach coils at the sight below you. Baran's pupils dilated as her eyes meet yours, your finger in her mouth pressing down against her tongue. "Another?" She nods.
Baran opens her mouth and you slide your middle finger in alongside your index. Baran shifts her hips, a muffled whine vibrating against your fingers as she comes in contact with your thigh. You begin to move your fingers slowly in and out of her mouth.
As you do Baran begins moving hesitantly against your thigh. You look away from her face for a moment to watch where her hips are grinding down on your thigh, a wet patch already beginning to appear on your grey sweatpants. A whimper falls from your wife as you suddenly push your thigh up. Her movements become more confident as you bury your fingers in her mouth while your thigh is pressed up against her core.
Your other leg falls to the ground to brace yourself as your other hand pushes under her bra. "Hmgh–".
"I got you, just relax" you murmur. That earns you a nod. Baran's eyes roll to the back of her head before they flutter shut once more. Heat pools low in your stomach as you watch her rhythmic movements against your thigh. The combination of that and her tongue skillfully moving around your fingers has you dumbstruck.
Baran's lifts her hand, fingers curling around the wrist of the hand currently occupied with her mouth. She pulls your hand back excruciatingly slow, fingers glistening, coated in her saliva. You let out a shaky sigh at the sight.
"I need you" Baran breathes out, guiding your hand to her shorts. You nod. Her eyes remain on you as you pull her shorts down and discard them somewhere in the lounge. Baran's fingers dig into the back of your neck and she sighs as you run a finger through her folds. You lean down and capture her lips in a quick and soft kiss. "Can I take this off?" You gesture to her bra and she sits up, tugging it off over her head.
Baran looks heavenly in front of you. Her curly hair frames her face, tan skin dotted with freckles courtesy of the warmer weather. Her cheeks are dusted with a shade of pink as well as her chest which is on display for you to marvel at.
"What?"
"You are so perfect".
You lean forward and kiss her cheek. "So beautiful..." you mutter between planting featherlight kisses over her face. "I love you, so much" you say finally before pushing a finger past her folds. She gasps, gripping your shoulders as you pull her into your lap. Her hips grind down at the new position and you smile up at the woman.
She tilts her head back leaving her neck exposed, a perfect canvas for your lips to latch onto. "No— no marks" she gasps as you slip a second finger alongside your other and begin moving steadily inside her. You lick a stripe up the soft skin before kissing her pulse point, sucking and nipping earning a slew of whines from Baran. Your fingers curl everytime you thrust up and Baran grinds down, the sounds spilling from her mouth bordering on pornographic.
"You're so sexy" you say as your lips travel to her breasts, sucking at the soft flesh. A string of curses in Farsi fall from her lips. "You like that baby? Like when I tell you how sexy you are riding my fingers?"
Baran's words die on her tongue as you suck at her swollen nipple. Her walls spasm around your fingers, wetness dripping down your wrist as the woman groans in response to your words. You take the opportunity to slip a third finger in with the others, pulling a deep moan from Baran. Her fingers grip your hair, giving your head a harsh tug to angle your face up. Your lips fall open and Baran pushes her tongue into your mouth, moaning when your curl your fingers deep inside her.
"Aziz— Fuck, I'm close" she breathes out. You lean back, taking in the sight before you. Baran's fully naked form writhing in your lap.
"C'mon my love" you spur her on. Your fingers push in even deeper and Baran is convinced you’ve brushed her cervix. She goes quiet except for small breaths every time your fingers hit the familiar spongy spot over and over, that's how you know she's close.
“Shit—“.
Baran’s english fades into her mother tongue as her thighs tremble, body spasming against your hand. She drops her head to the crook of your neck, face contorting from pure pleasure. “That’s it beautiful” you breath against her neck before pressing soft kisses over the reddish marks you left earlier.
It takes a moment for Baran’s body to stop trembling and for her chest to stop heaving. She finally registers the soft movement of your fingers up and down her spine, your other hand still encased by her soaked cunt. The woman leans back to meet your eyes. They’re filled with wonder as she looks between them.
“You did so good darling” you say up to her. She shifts, whining at the feeling of your fingers still buried inside her. You pull them out slowly, Baran’s breath coming out shaky as you raise your fingers to your lips. She watches intently as you suck your fingers into your mouth, only releasing them once you've licked them clean.
Her arms hold you close as she leans forward and captures your lips in a relatively sweet kiss, tasting herself on your tongue. “I think— we’re going— to need a new couch” she says in between kisses. You lean back and look down at the wet patch on the cushion beneath you before shrugging.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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F - fluff S - smut A - angst
♡ - series ☆ - one shot ◇ - imagines and drabbles
last updated - 17/05/2026
@alliewrights ——————————
☆ the game | F.
⤷ a pre-shift morning turns into a diagnostic game when mel notices a scar she’s never seen before.
☆ hold on | F. S. A.
⤷ when mel’s friends from college come to visit, there’s only one way to keep them off her back, and it’s your job as her best friend to help her. how hard can pretending to be someone’s girlfriend really be?
@augustvandyne ——————————
☆ overwhelmed | F. S. A.
⤷ after a night together, mel becomes distant the next day at work. you have no clue why, you thought everything went perfect, but mel had other thoughts.
@ff4iryy ——————————
☆ mel king x plus size!reader | S.
⤷ mel's so handsy with her, even when they're not together yet, and she just can't stop thinking about those huge thighs wrapped around her head, drowning out any other sensations
☆ mel king x girlfriend!reader | F.
@mckaymultiverse ——————————
♡ between shifts and bedtime stories | F.
⤷ you didn’t download tinder expecting anything real—especially not as a single mother in your late 40s with three-year-old twins and a life that barely leaves room to breathe. but then you match with melissa king. an er doctor working relentless shifts at PTMC, melissa lives in a world of chaos, adrenaline, and exhaustion—yet somehow still makes space for quiet conversations, late-night messages, and the kind of understanding you didn’t realize you were missing. what starts as a simple “hi” slowly becomes something deeper. between bedtime routines and emergency calls, juice boxes and trauma cases, two very different lives begin to intertwine. but balancing love, motherhood, and a career that never slows down isn’t easy—and both of you will have to decide if something real is worth the risk.
@melkingpilled ——————————
☆ mel king x f!resident psychiatrist!reader | F.
⤷ mel has a crush on the new psych resident.
@melomani3 ——————————
☆ mel king x reader | A.
♡ i only want her if she says it first to me | F. S. A.
⤷ you're convinced mel king is out to get the job you want. that is so, completely, unbelievably wrong.
@mooooonnnzz ——————————
☆ the 5 times everyone thought you and mel were dating; the one time you actually were | F.
⤷ it all starts when santos thinks mel’s best friend (you) is her girlfriend. despite mel telling her we’re just friends, someone overhears the conversation and now everyone thinks mel has a girlfriend. no one believes her when she says you and her are just friends.
@pinkolve ——————————
☆ aphrodite | F. A.
⤷ when mel first met you she never expected things to go so well. she never expected she'd get the chance to be with you...and she definitely didn't expect the call saying you were in a car accident.
@rr-after-dark ——————————
☆ let me look at you | F.
@snoopymelking ——————————
☆ direct signals | A.
@snowseasonss ——————————
☆ heart rate | S. A.
⤷ when she starts diagnosing your racing heart state in between kisses, you’re more than willing to let her “treat” the problem. neither of you expects you’ll end up at her job, at the ER that next day—bleeding, embarrassed.
Pairing: Melissa King × Female Reader (Single Mom of Twin Girls)
Summary: You didn’t download Tinder expecting anything real—especially not as a single mother in your late 40s with three-year-old twins and a life that barely leaves room to breathe.
But then you match with Melissa King.
An ER doctor working relentless shifts at PTMC, Melissa lives in a world of chaos, adrenaline, and exhaustion—yet somehow still makes space for quiet conversations, late-night messages, and the kind of understanding you didn’t realize you were missing.
What starts as a simple “hi” slowly becomes something deeper.
Between bedtime routines and emergency calls, juice boxes and trauma cases, two very different lives begin to intertwine. But balancing love, motherhood, and a career that never slows down isn’t easy—and both of you will have to decide if something real is worth the risk.
synopsis : you and cassie know it’s wrong — not only the twenty year age gap, but the fact you’re both in relationships. what was supposed to be a casual affair, now turns into something with the stakes higher and problems more troubling.
wc : 10.3k | playlist.
tags : adult language. age gap (24 & 43). excessive mentions and acts of infidelity, unhealthy relationships / dynamics, reader has lots of guilt, aubrey and cassie nearly get into it. strong adult content; mat pressing, oral (r! receiving, c! receiving), f!ngering, overstim, it's done in the car lol, 50/50 of praise & degradation, strap usage + cassie thinking her strap is rlly attached to her.
author’s note : hi im sorry this is so late, life was really testing me !! anyways, here’s the final part <3 i also don’t condone cheating whatsoever
“we don’t have to do anything,” cassie breathed out in between kisses, and you pulled back for a moment to look at her. “we don’t, i promise.”
“i want to,” you pleaded. “please, cassie.”
cassie kissed you like she was starved, showing you had long she had been deprived of you, her tongue slipping into your mouth. she brushed off her button up top, leaving her exposed in her lace bra and jeans.
she hitched up the bottom half of your dress up to around your torso, keeping it there to have you exposed before her as she sneakily cupped your cunt, gently teasing it.
“fuck, you’re soaking,” she moaned, and you whined, mumbling an apology. “i love it, sweetheart. it’s okay, it’s all for me.”
"it'll always be for you," you whispered, nodding, and she gave your waist a chaste squeeze.
the risks and consequences played themselves in a sequence in the back of your head, but the pure pleasure and need for cassie kept you focused, kept you grinding on her lap.
"what do you need me to do, baby?" cassie asked, simply curious and worried about your own pleasure than her own, her voice almost edging with a plead. "i'll do anything you want, anything for my girl."
the kiss continued and went on, being sure your lipstick was faintly smeared around her own lips. you inched away only by a few, feeling her warm, panting breath hit against your face as you slightly pouted.
"do what you've been dreaming of," you stated, and there was a shift in cassie's eyes, the beautiful diamond blue of them shadowing into a deep marine blue. it should've scared you, made you want to crawl into your own skin, but instead, it drove you in more.
she was immediate to picking you up, having your legs wrap around her waist as your arms loosely hung around her neck.
the moment you got to her bedroom, she laid you down on her bed, kissing down from your exposed stomach, to your cunt, pressing gentle kisses onto it. you whimpered, pleading for more — for about anything — and she gave in, her mouth latching onto your sweet cunt, devouring you as her hands gripped at your hips, nails clawing into your skin.
you had never felt this ecstasy, this pure euphoric bliss that made your body feel as if it was on fire. you weren't denying how aubrey has made you feel good, but god, it was never like this.
aubrey was soft with you, like if you were easy to break; cassie wanted to break you, for her own satisfaction and to get an endless high out of you.
maybe you were deprived of sex and your libido had been decreased because you were about ready to cum all over cassie’s mouth, yet you decided to hold onto it a little longer.
“you’re doing s’fucking good, cassie,” you moaned, letting words and moans slip out in between each other as your hands found placement on her head, fingers curling into her dark hair.
she only hummed against your cunt, the vibrations rolling around it, and your back arched, eyes rolling back to the point that stars were sparkling in your vision.
she was eating you in pure desire and lust, not wasting a drop of your taste as her nails made an indent into your soft skin.
any ounce of guilt or shame you had felt, simply faded away in this moment; the way cassie physically yearned for you, even as her mouth was glued to your cunt and it seemingly was still not enough for her.
the heat in your abdomen only intensified, threatening to let go of itself entirely before you could even warn cassie.
“i need to— i need to cum, please,” you panted, and cassie hummed in response, giving your plush thighs a chaste squeeze as a signal that you could do so.
you began to ride your cunt against her mouth, practically forcing herself to stay latched to you as your body shivered and began to run out your climax, your back arching.
“fuck, cassie! cass, oh my god!” you cried, the orgasm deepening in your bones as tidal waves of pure bliss electrocuted you.
you hadn’t been pleased in what felt like a decade, and the older woman stayed in between your thighs as she gathered up every last drop and taste of you on her tongue.
she stayed down on you for about a few moments before leaning up, her mouth and chin glistening with your sweet juices.
her pupils were shot and dilated, like she just got a fresh taste of a new addiction. “are you okay, baby?” she breathlessly asked, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, and you nodded, humming.
she pulled herself forward to kiss you as she moaned against your mouth, and was grinding herself against your own crotch, earning a desperate whine out of you.
“not finished just yet, sweetheart,” she stated, kissing your forehead. “i’ll make sure this is all worth it, and i want to prove it to you.”
you wanted to ask what she meant, but the primal need for you was shining in her eyes, and you only nodded.
cassie momentarily got off of you, opening up the drawer to her nightstand as you tried to take a peek at what she was trying to grab, and she got up from off the bed, stripping off her clothes from her bottom half and her top.
you shyly looked away, deciding to sit up to take off your own dress and the second you got the slightest glimpse of a nude cassie, you saw a strap harness being tugged perfectly around her hips.
she turned back around to face you, and your eyes caught the sight of the thick silicone dick before looking back up at you.
“how do you want to do this, baby?” she wondered, squatting down to your level as you mindlessly stared at her, your brain shaking with numerous thoughts.
“i’ve— well, when i’ve had sex with aubrey,” you began, swallowing thickly. “i was never in control, and we never used a strap. i mean i’ve used a dildo before but—”
“but nothing like this?” cassie wondered, and you shook your head. “we don’t have to do this, honey.”
“i want it, i want you,” you rambled, pouting. “i was the one who did most of the giving, and it’s been so long.”
cassie gently grasped your jaw, softly sighing at the mere sight of you — glowing and delicate before her, begging to unravel and entirely claim you.
“i’ll make you feel s’good, sweet girl,” she kissed your lips, smiling against them. “you deserve every inch of me and of pleasure.”
she let go of your face, guiding you to lay back down on the bed, and propped your head up with an extra pillow. her hands grasped onto the back of your knees, hoisting your legs up to dangle over her shoulders as you could feel the thick silicone being brushed up against your cunt.
“are you sure about this, baby?” cassie wondered, a hint of worry and desperation knotted into her tone. “i don’t want you to regret anything.”
“this is the only thing i’ve ever been sure about in my life,” you stated, eyes glued to hers and gave her a reassuring smile. “deprave me, ruin me — i’m yours.”
the moment cassie pushed her cock into your cunt, slowly and carefully, there was a shared moan as her eyes were heavily fixated on the sight of you swallowing her in.
“you’re fucking perfect,” she mumbled under her breath, towering over you before her eyes flickered back in yours, and she gently thrusted. “been dreaming about this for months, baby. you have no idea.”
“i want you to go faster, please,” you begged, eyebrows drawing together in visible need. “i need you to, i can’t wait.”
cassie honored your wishes, groaning to herself as she fastened her pace, her eyes momentarily looking at your cunt coating her cock. “this is all my girl needed, huh?” she breathily asked, her eyes shifting back into yours. “just needed to be fucked nice and good, jesus fuck— i need you to cum on my cock.”
“i will, promise!” you whined, cassie placing a kiss to your leg. “s’fucking good, i can feel you in me.”
“i know, sweetheart, i know. it’s just too good and too much for you, isn’t it?” cassie mockingly cooed, frowning. “but you won’t let me down, you never do.”
there was pure lust that circulated throughout the bedroom, the sound of skin collision bouncing off the walls, and you were you’d woken up her neighbors from how loud you were being.
her hands had grabbed at your waist, the plush of your skin seeping in between her fingers as she lifted you up from your bottom, roughly and mindlessly pounding into your cunt.
you could feel yourself being ripped open around her cock, letting her use and unravel you all before her, and you could see stars playing in your vision. you felt like her personal fuck doll from the way she had you dangling, your lower half continuing to be held up by her as she persisted on eagerly fucking you.
you could cry purely from how good it felt, and how you hadn’t been pleasured this well or perfectly in forever.
“i think ‘m gonna cum,” you mumbled, simply cock drunk and your eyes were droopy yet still remained looking into hers. “please let me cum, please.”
“how much do you need it?” cassie wondered, a grin playing on her lips. “tell me how much you need it, and maybe i will let you cum.”
“please, please,” you cried, the high hitting against your stomach, and pleading to be free. “will let you cum in me, anything you want.”
cassie dropped your legs to the bed, instead bringing your knees up to your chest and forced you to hold them there, groaning and panting while the sounds of your sopping cunt squelched and further coated her strap.
“cum for me, sweetheart, c’mon,” she said, the colliding of her skin against yours being rough enough to leave minor bruises later on. “i’ll cum in your sweet cunt.”
you hummed, your body complying immediately and your high ran up and out of you, squirming around which only led to cassie’s hands holding your body down into the mattress.
“such a good girl — fuck i’m cumming in you — you’re soaking my cock,” cassie groaned, a tremble in the bass of her voice, and you could see stars and the room spinning in your vision. “s’fucking perfect for me, oh my god.”
she thrusted out yours and hers shared climax as your brain clouded with haze and pure euphoria, a dumb smile playing on your face. you were sure you looked like a fucked out idiot, cassie’s eye shimmering with affection for you.
“oh, you’re my girl,” she mumbled as she kissed your neck and collarbones. “are you okay, did i hurt you?”
you shook your head, frowning. “i know you’d never hurt me.”
cassie grinned, trying to control her breathing and carefully let herself out of you before taking off the entire harness. “let’s get you cleaned up,” she said, and you groaned. “you don’t have to walk, i’ll carry you, baby.”
you only hummed, letting your body entirely relax as she easily picked you up and you rested your head on your chest, able to hear her rapid heartbeat.
cassie gently sat you down on top of the toilet cover, hurrying to run a bath for the two of you. you were in constant daze, soreness beginning to ache your lower half, and you hadn't entirely registered what had happened, what you had just signed up for.
you were waiting for pure nauseous and shame to hit you all at once, and you'd start crying. yet, the second cassie turned around and came back up to you, asking you again if you were okay and checking for any signs of hurt, all of that vanished.
she carried you and settled you down into the warm bathtub, herself kneeling at the side of the bath as she got a loofah wet and lathered with a sage-citrus body wash.
"you won't join me?" you frowned, bringing you knees up to your chest.
"don't worry about me, baby. let me keep taking care of you," she said, almost as if she begging to, as if this was her only pure purpose to exist. "i'm just scared i won't be able to do this again."
would there be an again? would this happen one more time, and then that's when the guilt would hit you suddenly?
"i'm a horrible person for this, aren't i?" you asked, the loofah being washed over your back first. "this surely violates some rules at work, too."
cassie chuckled. "you're not horrible. if anything, i am."
you shot her a saddened look, shaking your head. "you could never be horrible, cass," you mumbled, not realizing tears were welling up in your eyes. "you are the only good, beautiful thing in this world."
she only smiled small, continuing to bathe you in silence and closed your eyes as she did so, letting yourself enjoy this one moment of peace and care.
you didn't text or call cassie after that night, not for a few days. you switched your schedule, where you worked on different days then her — whether that was the day or night shift.
anything just to avoid her.
to see her was to remember how you cheated, how you let yourself be vulnerable in front of her, and let her unravel all parts of you that desired her.
in the process of it all, you didn't make conversations with santos — even when she had a punching joke to make — or whitaker, who kept giving you this look of regret.
"what's going on with you?" robby asked the second you walked into the emergency department, not awake enough to even deal with him. "you've been off your game."
"personal stuff," you muttered, walking to the lockers as he trailed behind. "seriously, i'm good."
"well, samira and langdon are out for the day so," he began, exhaling heavily. "i called in mckay to help you out in triage."
you immediately looked at him, knowing he could tell your heart sunk to your stomach. "why her? i can handle triage by myself."
"you can't," he shrugged. "is there something i should know?"
"no, dr. robby," you sighed, shoving your bag into your locker, and slamming it shut.
the second you stepped out of lockers, cassie saw you and dead stopped in her tracks. her under eyes looked darkened and almost swollen, like she had been crying and hadn't been sleeping.
"hurry up, please," is all you managed to saw, going to grab a tablet to start looking at patients. you could feel her eyes on you with each step you made, and could hear a heavy sigh exhale from her as you rummaged with mere regret.
“why are you ignoring me?” cassie asked, forcing the tablet out of your hand, and you looked at her. “i knew not to come by in case of aubrey but, you could learn to send me a message.”
“i’ve been busy,” you mumbled, shrugging. “i wasn’t ignoring you.”
“you forgot how to turn off your read receipts,” she bluntly stated, and you groaned under your breath. “did i do something wrong? do you regret what happened?”
the night came fluttering back to your mind, the memory making a warm feeling bloom in your chest, and you inhaled sharply. you remembered how dilated cassie’s eyes had been from just tasting you, and how she hungered for you, how even a drop from your sweet cunt was addicting enough.
you didn’t regret sleeping with her, you never could. you regret going behind aubrey’s back, and not understanding how it got to this point.
“chairs are filling up more, let’s go,” you said, gesturing to her to follow you to the waiting area. you could hear a exasperated sigh come from cassie as you were only a few feet in front of her, yet followed you anyways.
the first few hours of the shift went by slow, mostly working in triage with cassie the entire time until robby handed it over to victoria and santos to handle the second he overheard at you and her bumping heads with a patient in the room.
“finish your sets of patients from this morning separately,” robby demanded, clearly frustrated and overwhelmed. “the two of you usually work the best together, so please just get it fixed before i make you both a human resources problem.”
you nodded, and he sighed, walking away to go treat an incoming trauma. you were about to do the same until cassie’s hand grasped at your hand, dragging you into the break room.
anyone hardly ever came into it, given the fact that the emergency department was always chaotic, which made it entirely free.
“i can’t keep doing this with you,” cassie said, a tremble at the edge of her voice. “i don’t like getting angry or frustrated with you, it breaks my heart.”
you stood there, fidgeting with your badge and wanting to cry. you didn’t mean to get upset, but being in close proximity to her made you want to melt into a puddle, and forget all of your morals all over again.
“baby, you have to speak to me,” she stated, dropping your wrist and taking an inch closer to you. “whether that means you say you don’t want this or do want it — i just need something to work with.”
“i don’t know, cassie,” you shrugged. “aubrey was waiting up for me the morning i went back home, and it just made me realize i’m a bad person.”
“you’re not a bad person,” cassie assured, shaking her head. “i pursued you — not the other way around.”
“but i still gave into it because when it comes to you, i just,” you trailed off, lowering your head as tears crept to your eyes. “i just bare my whole soul to you, and you somehow find devotion in it.”
“i find devotion in all of you, sweetheart,” cassie said. “you’re worth it all, i promise that. but am i worth it to you?”
the question hung in the air because it was one that you had been conflicted with since the first day, since the time she carried you to her bed and made sure you were comfortable, since the first kiss and touch.
you had mulled over the question the first night you and her had sex, and you were straddled on her lap.
you could hear it in her voice, the plea to assure her that she was worth something to you as you were everything to her.
you could feel cassie’s eyes burning into you, her impatience wrapping up as you took your time to answer the simplest question that she had the answer to if anyone were to ask her the same.
“do you think i’m a horrible person?” she asked, in the same manner and tone as that night.
“you could never be horrible,” you softly told her, finally gathering courage to look at her. you wanted to continue on, say how she was the only good and beautiful thing in this world once more, but instead, you let your words linger around as you walked out of the break room, and back to your set of patients.
by the end of your shift, you stood outside of the hospital, waiting for your lyft driver to pick you up. the weather was beginning to get a bit colder, shivering in your jacket, and you heard footsteps padding behind you, stopping on a few centimeters away with your name being called.
"what are you doing out here?" cassie asked, and you refused to turn around, looking down at your phone. "where's your car?"
"getting fixed up," you responded, seeing how the driver was still about ten minutes away.
"what about aubrey?"
"her car is also in the shop," you said, shrugging to yourself. "it's fine, i can wait and it just needs another day or two."
"let me give you a ride," cassie offered, and that caused to turn around to look at her. "it's really late out here, and it's cold. we don't even need to speak."
you only stared at her, weighing your options and tried to find any reason not to get in her car.
"sweetheart, i know you're freezing and i know you don't want to be in some strangers car," she stated, and you hummed under your breath, before nodding and cancelling the trip. "i won't even speak, not a bit."
you didn't argue with her, only trailing right behind her as you both made your way to her car.
the walk was brief and followed with silence, and you swore your heartbeat picked up each second and step when you were getting closer to her car.
she unlocked the vehicle, both of you getting in at the same time. she started the car, eyeing you for a second to make sure you had your seatbelt on. you kept your eyes forward as she began to drive out of the hospital's parking lot, the music on the road playing at a low volume.
you fidgeted with your fingers, picking at your cuticles and felt like you had to hold your breath the entire time. this was the worse silence between you and cassie, and you know she could pick up on your nerves, how you were trembling due to every exhale you let go of.
you took a slight look at her hands, how they were harshly grasping at the steering wheel and there was a clear white in her knuckles.
thoughts flooded your brain, questions you wanted to ask her, anything to break this silence that she vowed to because you were not used to this — every car ride she had given you before, there was never a moment of quiet.
this was new. everything felt rushed and new to you, and it made you feel like you were on the brink of a panic attack.
"why are you okay with this?" you blurted out, you and cassie both taking a quick look at one another. "you know i'm cheating and... and i don't know if you are still seeing that guy."
"i'm not seeing him anymore. i called it quits when you left that morning," she answered, sighing heavily. "and i didn't really like him that much, he was boring."
"you didn't answer my other question."
"because there's something special about you, always has been," she said, shrugging. "and i don't know, maybe i have this idiotic hope you will choose me eventually."
you were too focused on how she was possessing you, that you hadn't considered all the ways you were ruining her — either in all the ways she wanted, or didn't know was even possible.
the way cassie made you feel — electric and alive — you had never felt an inch of when you met aubrey, when you had kissed her for the first time. you remember being told you will feel love and the wanting for someone so deep in your bones, it basically becomes your only way of living and breathing.
maybe it would have been better to had break up with aubrey the moment you had a faster heartbeat for cassie, and you didn't have to grapple and tackle with your guilt and multitude of questions that made your situation with cassie all more complex.
"cassie," you shuddered, not realizing how your nerves made you tremble. you looked at her, and she took a second to look back at you, your face and the way you nearly moaned her name make it enough to not ask anything else.
her hand started on your thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze and sat there for a minute or two, but her fingers were close to your clothed cunt. you could tell she was taking a longer route to your apartment as she gave a tap to your thigh, a signal to spread your legs slightly wider and you happily obliged.
"you need to ask nicely, baby," cassie stated.
"please touch me, cass," you pleaded, frowning. "touch what you know is yours."
she only hummed, slipping her hands in under your leggings and panties, teasingly running her fingers in between your sopping folds. "my girl just needed me, isn't that right?" she asked, and you whimpered, rutting against her hand. "i'll stop if you're not patient."
"please, cassie."
"maybe i'll deny you like you've been denying me," cassie stated, grinning to herself before she curled two fingers into your cunt. “what a fucking desperate cunt; i wonder how you’d even survive without my touch for months.”
"cassie, just please," you continued to plead, tugging at her wrist. "i need you so much."
"you always need me, baby," she stated, slowly thrusting her fingers. "you'd just die without me, isn't that right?"
you hummed, nodding and stifled whines under your breath. your hand stayed on her wrist, trying to keep your legs apart and eyes fixated on your lap.
"you're fucking dripping," cassie cursed under her breath, knowing her own arousal was growing by the second as she paced her fingers, pumping in three fingers that slowly stretched you out.
your mind was everywhere and you were trying to focus — the music on the radio felt like a sign from god, cassie fucking you open with her fingers alone, and how your heartbeat was thumping against your chest.
your head lulled back, and warmth crept up into your abdomen, your legs pulling together in response to it.
"feel like 'm gonna cum," you whined, your grip around cassie's wrist slightly tightening. "i need to, please please."
"you think you deserve it, sweetheart?," cassie asked, pulling over to a random curbside that was private. "going to cum all over my fingers like a whore, hm?"
"mhm, i'm your whore, i promise i am," you babbled, not giving a second thought to what was eliciting from you, whines and moans sewn between everything you said. "i want to be your whore forever."
"you already are, sweet girl," she stated, so sure and promising of it as she took off her seatbelt and inched closer to you. "look at me — c’mon, you need to or i'll stop."
your eyes flickered open and stared directly into hers, your eyebrows furrowed together as you could feel your high about to entirely tip over.
"give me a kiss, sweetheart, come here," cassie said, bringing you in for a kiss and fastened her fingers once more before you felt as if you were going to burst, your climax being freed. you moaned into her mouth, your arms immediately wrapping around her neck to hold her closer to you while she helped you ride out your high.
she slowly broke apart the kiss, her hand coming out from under your pants and your eyes widened to how you perfectly coated her fingers. she hummed in amusement, looking at you.
"open," is all she quipped, and you obliged, her fingers sliding into your mouth as you gently sucked to clean them. "you're perfect, i can't get enough of you."
cassie's fingers came out of your mouth with a soft pop before grabbing a napkin and wiped them freshly clean. "now let's get you home to that sweet girlfriend of yours, yeah?" she said, almost as if she was taunting you, and giving you a harsh reminder of everything.
you gathered your breathing on the rest of the drive, you and cassie not talking any further, and your stomach turned into knots with every last turn she made heading towards your apartment.
this affair would suffocate you, but it utterly bloomed parts of you that went long suppressed — and you were terrified of what the end results would be to it all.
cassie parked and before you could even get out, she stopped you. she fumbled for something in the pocket of her coat, bringing out a key as she handed it to you.
"what's this?" you wondered, slowly accepting it.
"a spare," cassie responded, shrugging. "in case you ever change your mind."
you nodded and put the key in your purse, getting out of her car. you rushed to your apartment, still able to feel cassie's eyes locked onto you until you entirely disappeared out of her vision.
the second you got to your apartment, you hurriedly unlocked the front door and got inside. you found aubrey sitting at the kitchen island, eating a late dinner as she smiled at the sight of you.
"hey babe," she greeted, and you took off your shoes, dropping your purse on top of them. you noticed a fresh set of flowers on top of the island, which caught you off guard because she rarely bought you flowers unless you reminded her to. "those are for you. i just... i wanted us to talk."
"you did?" you asked, trying not to sound nervous and sat down across from her. a million thoughts came to your head, almost sure that she had found out about the affair and you were about ready to break into tears. "what's going on?"
"i know we've been going through a lot recently," she started, both of you sharing mutual eye contact. "and i haven't been the greatest, letting my insecurities get the best of me when it even came to cassie. i need to learn to trust you more."
you shook your head. "it's honestly okay, honey. don't even worry about it."
"it's not okay. i've shut you out and left you alone," she stated, and you inhaled sharply. "i want us to work, i do. i only see you in my future, and i want to be a better person for you. you make me want to be a better person."
you were about to bend over and throw up on the floor because you were a horrible person, and you went months having feelings for someone else — and here was aubrey, trying to amend things when you had cassie's fingers deep in you not even twenty minutes ago.
"you have supported my career, and i should be equally supporting you, being there for you," she pointed out as you realized she genuinely seemed guilty and upset, making your stomach turn in all weird ways. "i only want you and this — i know we can make it work."
"of course we can," you immediately agreed, nodding — yet, you were trying to convince yourself rather than her, but she didn't seem to notice.
"i'm so sorry i've neglected you. i love you so much," aubrey assured, frowning and came to your side to embrace you into a hug, which you easily reciprocated.
"i love you more. i... i want us to work out too," you said, looking at your purse that had a key to cassie's place. "i hope we can fix everything."
and fixing everything meant cutting off cassie, for good.
only a few hours later, you were staring at the ceiling and aubrey was asleep next to you. there was a heavy weight on your chest, and you needed to end things immediately before waiting until you could see cassie at work.
you gently shook aubrey, sitting up. "babe, they called me in," you whispered, and she groaned. "i guess ellis called out and they're overloaded right now."
"are you serious?" aubrey mumbled, stuffing her face into her pillow.
"it's only for a few hours, and maybe i can get another day off for it," you said, getting out of the bed and stripping off your pajamas. “i think they even called in victoria so i won’t be entirely alone.”
she hummed, nodding. “just come back home as soon as you can,” she muttered, and you changed into a hoodie and sweatpants. “are you okay taking a ride share this late?”
“yeah, i’ll call up the shop later to get the update about our cars,” you said, coming to her side of the bed to give her a kiss on top of her head. “see you later, babe.”
you put on your shoes that were by the front door, grabbing your purse, and rushed out of the apartment. you paid for a lyft the second you stepped outside into the cold pittsburgh weather, knowing the ride would be short due to cassie’s place not being so far.
the second you got into the car, you sat in your thoughts and mulling over how you were going to officially cut things off — you knew you had to do it gently and explain a reasoning, even willing to tell cassie you can try to work at a different hospital.
you didn’t realize the time to be a little after midnight, feeling bad that you’d wake up cassie this late but you need some weight off your mind, and to know this affair would be over.
she surely wouldn’t get mad at you for it, to end it and that you could both try to go back to normal lives that were happening before everything had started.
you were too far into your mind, you didn’t realize how fast time had past as the car came to the halt, and you were right outside cassie’s apartment building. you thanked the driver before getting out, and heading onwards to her apartment, almost hurrying as if it someone would catch you in a second.
you reached her front door, softly knocking on it loud enough to alert her, but not enough to disturb her neighbors.
few seconds had past by, leading you to reach for the spare key she had given you, and before you could put it to the door, it opened widely with a merely exhausted cassie.
“sweetheart? what’re you doing here?” she asked, yawning, and you saw how she was wearing a loose tank top and boxers for sleep. her eyes adjusted to how you were shaky and how you seemed easily shameful. “what’s wrong? come inside.”
you walked into her apartment, putting your purse near her coat rack as you awkwardly stood in her living room, watching how she kept her distance. she turned on the lamp to expose enough light for the two of you to see each other, her arms crossed over her chest.
“aubrey wants to fix things with me,” you started off, inhaling sharply. “i’m willing to do it, too. maybe things could change for the better.”
“so what you’re telling me is you want to end this?” cassie wondered, and you nodded. “i mean, is that really what you want?”
“she seemed sincere, cass. she even bought me flowers—”
“you told me she rarely buys you flowers unless you begged for it,” she cut you off, confused and slightly taken aback. “will you tell her about this?”
“are you insane? nobody can ever know,” you scoffed, shaking your head. “if aubrey knew, i’m sure she’d find a way to ruin my life.”
“i doubt that’d happen. besides, you can come right back to me,” cassie assured, and you rolled your eyes. “you know you’ll always come right back to me — you can’t help it.”
“this was meant to be casual, a one time thing,” you said, shrugging in thought. “it was never meant to happen again and again.”
“it’s an affair, sweetheart. it’ll never be casual,” she stated, slowly walking up closer to you. “if you really want this to be done, look me straight in the eye and mean it.”
“i do mean it.”
“no you don’t,” cassie denied, now only a few inches away from you. “you don’t even sound sure about it.”
she purposely came closer, her hand grasping onto your chin to force you to look at her before you dared to try to look in the other direction.
“i doubt she could even make you cum properly, sweetheart,” cassie said, and you could nearly smack yourself from how you felt the need to drop to your knees in front of her. “who else will take care of you? you think you’ll feel good with her?”
you tried to get your face out of her grip, but she wouldn’t budge a bit.
“tell me you don’t want me anymore. tell me you’ll be just fine without me,” she coaxed, bringing her hand down and let it rest on your waist, tucked under your sweater.
“cassie,” you exhaled, as if her name had been strangling inside of your throat and got caught. “i want to be good.”
“you are good,” she reassured, mocking a frown. “you’re such a good, sweet girl — an honest one, at that. so, i’ll ask you again—”
“i have to fix this with aubrey.”
cassie paused, slightly tilting her head in thought as she grinned. “you could’ve texted me all of this — you could’ve even waited until work — but you insisted on coming here instead because you need something.”
“that’s not true,” you protested.
“tell me you’re not wet right now,” she pried, her hand sneaking in lower and barely brushed over your covered cunt. “because i know you are, and i know you don’t want this over.”
you mentally cursed at yourself, not even wanting to push her away because you needed her. it made you nearly sick how easy you were for her, how she had this much control, and she probably knew that too.
"do you want me to stop?" cassie asked if she needed the final confirmation and assurance that you were endlessly hers, and she could do as pleased.
your body easily adjusted to her touch, to how close her face was to yours to the point you could smell fresh spearmint from her, and your lips were in dire need of hers against yours.
you were already too far into this situation with cassie, so why end it now? what's wrong with just one more night, one more moment of cassie fucking you?
"don't stop," you breathed, like your chest had been holding onto your words. "never stop, cassie."
there was a light that flickered behind her eyes as she desperately pulled you into a kiss, the crushing weight of both mouths pressing together surely able to create a bruise in a few hours.
she carefully led you both to her bedroom, one of her hands holding the back of your head to make sure it wouldn't bump into anything, only for her to throw your legs around her waist as her hands gripped to the back of your thighs to hold you up.
you moaned, her lips finding way to the cusp of your neck and a plethora of kisses and gentle bites were marked into it. she laid you down on her bed, not wasting a second of taking off each other's clothes.
you remained bare in her bed, her eyes fixated on how beautiful were, how she thought of all the ways she could break you again. she hovered over, kissing you once more and her hand cupped your cunt, a single finger teasing between your slick folds.
"hear that, baby? your cunt needs me," she muttered in between the kiss, and you nodded, whimpering. "say you're pathetic for me — say it."
"i'm pathetic for only you, cass," you elicited, so sharply clear with each syllable, almost a plea of desperation tied in your tone. "i'll always be pathetic for you."
"oh, i know, sweetheart," cassie smiled, almost pleased with how obedient you were. "get on your knees and maybe then i'll consider fucking you."
you nearly sprang off the bed, coming down to the carpet as you watched her put on her harness in a hasty manner. it only took her barely a minute, turning around while you looked up at her.
"you're a smart girl, you know what to do," she said, and you opened your mouth, her cock perfectly slipping into it. she grabbed the top of your head with both hands, controlling how you paced yourself yet you maintained sharp eye contact with her.
you were glad your gag reflex was minimal and made sure to breathe out of your nose as she didn't wait another minute to start fucking her cock down your throat, tears welling your eyes.
"maybe i should send aubrey a picture of you like this to her," cassie casually threatened, seemingly amused with herself. "let her know that her girlfriend will do anything for me to fuck her. you'd like that, wouldn't you?"
you gurgled a response, one that you knew she chose to ignore, and drool began to form around your mouth, slowly dripping down your chin down to your breasts.
your cheeks were beautifully hallowed in, and cassie could nearly cum from this sight of you — perfectly sucking her dick, letting her use you and get her all wet.
her strength on top of your head had toughened, forcing your head down deeper onto her cock, stiffled coughs eliciting from you, and she pulled back, letting you gather air.
"you think you had enough, honey?" she asked, and you inhaled sharply, your eyes red and glossy. "you gotta speak to me."
"not fucking done," you mumbled, and cassie got soaked, getting your mouth back around her dick, fucking your throat again.
you knew sucking her off got her off, how her face was flustered and her eyes fixated on how you took every inch of her like you were made for it.
cassie gave your head a final push, keeping her in your mouth for a few seconds, holding barely any room for you to properly breathe. your hands sat on her thighs, nails digging into her skin as she slipped her cock out of your mouth, and you coughed.
"you did such a good job, baby," cassie cooed, frowning and came down to your level, wiping your tears. "don't cry, it's okay. do you want to stop?"
you shook your head. "no, please."
"you squeeze my arm two times if you want to stop," she said, and you nodded while she gave your cheek a chaste kiss. she instantly grabbed the back of your neck, forcing you up with her, and put you on the bed, bending you over.
the bed's weight shifted as she knelt behind you, her hand placed on your back. you perfectly arched, your ass faced up and your face into the mattress, feeling the tip of her cock pressing against your swollen hole.
without any warning, cassie slowly pushed herself into your cunt, a stifled whimper eliciting from you, and a hungry groan coming out of her.
she grabbed both your hands, forcing them behind your back and used them as leverage to hold herself as she began to pound into you. the sound of skin colliding against one another prodded off the bedroom walls, your mixture of wanton noises being suppressed into the mattress while cassie's eyes stayed focused on her cock fucking into you.
"you know how fucking easy you are, baby?" cassie breathed, her nails digging into your skin. "coming over here just to get me to fuck you. i was right earlier — you would die without me."
"all for you, cassie," you muttered, your head floating with daze and euphoria, your eyes rolling back as she perfectly hit against your spot. "only you can make me feel this good."
"i know i can, you're fuckin' soaking my cock like a whore," she groaned, cursing something under her breath in the process. "maybe if your girlfriend came over, i could show her how good i make you feel and why she isn't enough."
somehow the idea of that turned you on further, and it was enough to make you reach the peak of an orgasm, the heat rising and spreading throughout your lower half.
"jesus fuck, you liked hearing that," she pointed out, and you mumbled in response, whines and whimpers knitted into your words. "you're about to cum all over me because i know you liked to be fucked; so filthy and perverted."
"i—i need to cum, need to s'much," you prattled, and cassie's hold on your arms got tighter, giving you to the permission to do so.
cassie had made you cum numerous times, being the only person to successfully to do so, but this time, everything rushed over you and entirely claimed you.
you felt a firestorm of lust raise on your skin and burn in the room, your orgasm electrifying your body as you collapsed down onto the bed, only allowing cassie to continue to thrust into you to help you ride out every moment of your high.
she didn't pull out of you, only letting go of your wrists and turning you over onto your back, staying inside of you with every movement. she didn't say anything else, only bringing your knees up to your chest and had you hold them close to you, kissing your forehead.
she worked with the same pace, gently rubbing your bud as it made your flinch from how sensitive you were, only earning an amused, breathy chuckle from her.
her bangs stuck to her forehead, her chain dangling over you with every thrust, and she continued to eye your body, taking in every inch and piece of you.
cassie wanted to bite your delicate skin, leave any mark she could so you could remember her for days. she slightly leaned over, grabbing you by your jaw, and only examined you -- you were free use only to her, willing to let her stretch out your cunt as you were overwhelmed with pleasure and satisfaction, it being visibly clear on your face.
her hand shifted from your face to your stomach, pressing down onto it and further drilled herself into you, becoming perfectly too much for you. you cried out her name in a plead of symphonies, your moans filling up her entire home, and her other hand continued to play with your cunt.
your body squirmed and trembled, ecstasy possessing you with each thrust cassie made, with each harder press she made on your stomach — it was like nothing you had experienced before, and something only she could do to you.
you were at her power, at her captivation, and nothing nor nobody could be good enough as her.
maybe it was cruel to think that way because of aubrey, but her desires came before yours — and cassie made sure yours were taken care of without ever considering herself.
"you gonna cum, baby?" she asked, and you hummed, mindlessly nodding. you were easily cock drunk, getting more wet at how you could feel how she filled you up and you wanted her to keep using you for the rest of the night. "tell me how much you love me, then."
you tried to keep your droopy eyes open, tilting your head in curiosity.
"only get to cum if you tell me you love me, sweet girl," she insisted, and you sat up on your elbows, letting your legs lazily drop. "you love me, don't you?"
you didn't know if you were truly desperate to come, but the words came out like word vomit as you clearly told her, "i love you s'much, cassie. you're the only one i love."
"i love you more, i love you so much, you'll never know," cassie confessed, and you whimpered, her hand coming up to the side of your face, cupping it. "i knew you were my girl since that first day."
"i love you, i love you," you jabbered, brows knitting together as you looked up at you, and your climax washed over you before you could warn her, a choked cry bouncing out from you. "i love you s'fucking much, cass."
cassie held herself up and over you, coming down to press a soft kiss to your lips and the side of your neck. she slowly gathered her breathing, trying to adjust it back into a normal pattern, and you carefully analyzed, making sure she was okay.
she slowly got herself out of you, taking off the harness, and reality rushed back to you, nearly knocking the wind out of you. you sat up, panic slowly starting to settle in, and you locked eyes with cassie.
"i did it again," you muttered, feeling like you were about to hyperventilate. "how long am i going to keep doing this?"
"i'm confused," cassie stood in front of you, hands on her hips. "i thought you wanted to do this."
"i did, i did! but i've said i love you to you!" you panicked, and cassie sat next to you, practically manhandling as she put you down on your lap, making you look at her. "and aubrey wanted to fix everything with me, and she felt bad—"
"baby, breathe," cassie said, softly shushing you. "i love you, and it's okay if you didn't mean it. but i do love you — it fucking aches my soul sometimes."
you swallowed thickly, collapsing against her body as she wrapped her arms around you, holding you. "i did mean it," you muttered, not sure if she heard you. "i'm terrible, i'm awful for cheating."
"you'll never be terrible," cassie said, kissing the side of your head. "i love you, and you're not terrible. i want to show and teach you that you're not."
"i have to go back soon," you said, looking at the small digital clock on her nightstand, reading 3:57AM on it. "i said i got called in."
"just stay with me for an hour," cassie told you, and you nodded, the two of you holding one another. you don't know how long you stayed like that with her, but you didn't mind nor care — she was there, and that's all that mattered.
it was nearly six in the morning when you opened your apartment door, slipping off your shoes and dropping your purse after you had shut it closed.
you needed to sleep entirely, maybe for a whole twelve hours and then maybe you would find all the correct words to tell aubrey that the relationship was at its end.
you dragged yourself over to the bedroom, yawning and your eyes were slowly closing, thinking about just sleeping on the couch since it was the closest.
you rubbed your eyes before you opened the bedroom door, just to find aubrey sleeping next to another figure that was in your spot. you were sure you were hallucinating from how exhausted you had become, and your brain was playing some joke on you so you rubbed your eyes again — but the same person remained next to aubrey.
and they were both nude.
"are you fucking kidding me!" you yelled, jolting them both awake and to sit up. you stood by the door frame, and you knew for a moment you were a bit hypocritical for getting angry — you did just come back from having another night of sex with your coworker. "who is that!"
the random girl looked at aubrey, at you, and then down at her lap while aubrey tried to find what to say to you, to make up any excuse or justification.
"don't bother to lie," you started, holding up a hand. "i just need to know when it started."
aubrey and her refused to answer, and you looked directly at the stranger. silence filled up the room, the outside traffic of pittsburgh being the only distant noise to come creeping in.
"what's your name?" you asked her, causing her to look at you. "first of all, i'm not mad at you."
"my name is lindsay," she answered, and you knew that name sounded familiar.
"is this the lindsay you mentioned when we first moved here, and you started your job?" you directly asked aubrey, and your partner slowly nodded. "so how long has this been going on for?"
"before you even started at the hospital," aubrey confessed, and you inhaled sharply. "lindsay comes when you work night and... and when i go out of town for work."
"so you've been doing her for what? like a year?" you asked, needing clarification and they both nodded. "this is insane. you're fucking insane."
aubrey hurriedly threw on a baggy shirt as she followed you out of the bedroom when you were going right back to putting on your shoes and grabbing your purse, profusely apologizing and asking for forgiveness.
all the guilt and regret you were feeling had gone out the window — you weren't exactly justifying your own doing, but it did seem like an eye for an eye situation.
and she was cheating on you before you had even met cassie.
"get the fuck out of this apartment by tomorrow," you told her, pointing a finger in her face. "i pay majority of the rent, my name is on the lease — so get the fuck out of my place."
you rushed out of the apartment and you entirely blacked out, you honestly did, because you couldn't recall running down multiple blocks to cassie's apartment. you weren't even sure if you had looked both ways when crossing the streets or if you had accidentally bumped into people — all you knew is that you had to get to cassie's or you were going to faint.
you only knew you had been running when you almost ran into cassie's door before heavily knocking on it, and you were trying to catch your breath.
cassie opened it only a few seconds later, and her face softened into worry as you didn't also realize you were sobbing.
she pulled you right inside, slamming the door and brought you over to her couch, sitting you down. "baby, what's wrong?" she asked, squatting down in front of you and held your hands. "did you run all the way here?"
"i... i had to," you cried out, sniffling. "she cheated on me... she did it before i even worked at the pitt."
"wait, what?" cassie confusingly wondered, eyebrows furrowed together. "what do you mean she cheated?"
"i walked into the apartment and," you inhaled sharply, trying to find a way to catch your breath, "there was a girl there next to her. her name is lindsay, and aubrey admitted the affair between them started before i even met you."
"what the fuck," cassie muttered, and you sobbed more, bringing your head into your hands. "oh baby, i'm so, so sorry."
"i mean, i can't be mad," you cried, wiping your tears. "i cheated on her too so maybe i'm being stupid."
"sweetheart," cassie called, bringing your hands down to your lap and held them gently, kissing the back of them before lifting up your head so you could look at her. "she banned you from seeing me — she didn't even want you to babysit harrison. she was merely projecting before you even did anything. she's been in the wrong."
"i forgot she forbad me," you sniffled, chuckling. "can i stay here?"
"you don't ever need to ask," cassie reassured, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "how about you lay down for a bit, okay? i know you've barely slept."
"will you stay with me?" you asked, and she nodded, sitting down on the couch before you could lay down. you put your head down on her lap as she brought a blanket over your body, soothingly rubbing your back with one hand, the other giving your head gentle strokes.
you passed out due to exhaustion and for a moment, you could easily breathe.
you woke up to some arguing, some bickering between two distinct voices as your eyes slowly fluttered open and there was a minor headache pounding at your skull.
you yawned before sitting up, finding a way to adjust to the sunset that cracked through cassie’s living room windows.
you read the clock that was on her wall, realizing you had been asleep for about nearly twelve hours.
“i see her right there!” a voice called, and your head instantly turned around to it, noticing aubrey.
aubrey was at cassie’s door, and cassie was arguing with her to leave and get out while you felt your two worlds clashing together.
you stood up from the couch, remaining near it and not wanting aubrey to come inside at all. “what are you doing here?” you asked, crossing your arms over your chest.
“if cassie would let me in, i want to explain,” she stated, and cassie’s glared at her, having her arm up against the doorframe to make a barricade. “i was going to tell you, i swear i was.”
you scoffed, rolling your eyes.
“you need to get out of here,” cassie said, and aubrey looked annoyed, only angering both parties. “you’re on private property, and i can tell the police you’re threatening us.”
you hastily walked over to them before they could both throw a spew of threats and fighting at one another, swearing you would need a cigarette after everything was over with.
“if i let you come in,” you started, and cassie’s head snapped in your direction, seemingly confused, “you will only be telling me the whole truth.”
“i swear, only the truth,” aubrey promised, and you hummed, nodding for her to follow you. cassie stayed close behind, almost ready to pounce behind aubrey and get into altercation — but she did consider how she wouldn’t get an ankle monitor this time, she’d get jail time instead.
you sat down on the couch, bringing the blanket over your lap and cassie sat on the arm of it, her eyes following aubrey’s every move.
“why did you come here out of all places?” aubrey wondered, and you didn’t respond, only giving a flicker look to cassie.
“how did you know i’d even be here?” you asked, fidgeting with the blanket.
“i went to santos’ apartment and whitaker said you’d be here,” aubrey answered, and you sighed. “are you always here?”
“aren’t you here to explain to me why you’ve been cheating since the day we moved here?” you questioned, and she immediately nodded, just standing awkwardly a few feet away from you.
“i got lonely. you had also been so busy during college, and we grew easily distant,” she began, and cassie scoffed, detecting nonsense. “can she not be here for this?”
“you’re in my fucking house. you can keep talking or get out,” cassie insisted, and aubrey looked agitated, almost as if she wanted to fight her too.
“and every time i wanted to have sex, you were too busy studying or doing labs,” she said, and the headache intensified itself as you wanted to nearly burst into laughter.
what a load of bullshit.
“when we moved here and i got the job, lindsay was the first person to welcome me and,” she trailed off, and you wondered if she thought you were actually buying into what was she saying. “and it just started from there.”
“did you cheat on me during our time in college? when i did school at hopkins?” you asked, and aubrey not answering you — not even with a nod — gave you all the final answers. “i can’t fucking believe you.”
“it just happened,” aubrey said. “but it’s not like you haven’t been cheating either.”
“what?” you and cassie both said in a unison.
“why else would cassie be picking you up or drop you? babysit for her kid?” aubrey questioned, looking at you and cassie back and forth.
“because i’m her friend who likes to help her out,” you told her, which wasn’t a complete lie — aubrey had hers even before you even met cassie or moved to pittsburgh. “don’t try to turn this against me. you started cheating when we barely started dating.”
“i still want to fix this,” aubrey said, and you looked her dead in the eye, wondering if she was being serious. “we can fix this together.”
“get the fuck out,” cassie got up from the couch, prepared to physically escort her out. “you cheated, you lied — you never deserved her.”
“and you do?” aubrey wondered, and you stood up from the couch, having to separate them again.
“you know i do, she does too,” cassie stated, and aubrey shoved her, not aggressively but enough to make her stumble a few steps back.
“okay, you’re both pissing me off,” you said, and sat back down. “aubrey, i expect you out of the apartment by tomorrow.”
“baby, come on,” aubrey pleaded, and you nearly broke into tears all over again. you had spent so much of your time feeling guilty, pushing cassie away and rejecting her because you were filled with this shame that you nearly succumbed.
you were about to leave her behind for good, and try to mend things. maybe it was a twisted sign and luck that you found out, that you stumbled upon aubrey when you did.
“i never want to see you again, i never want to hear from you,” you said, voice cracking, and cassie knelt in front of you, holding your hands.
aubrey looked in awe, her stomach sinking to her stomach. cassie was incredibly gentle with you, speaking to you as if you were the purest thing in the room, and she knew from that alone, she’d never compare and that some of her own intuition had been right.
aubrey had grow envious, how you visibly bared your vulnerability to cassie, and cassie welcomed it, taking it into all her consideration. she hated her — she wished you had loved her in the ways you did for cassie.
“i won’t contact you again,” aubrey began, “but i also knew i wasn’t wrong.”
she walked herself out, and you were left alone with cassie — no shame or guilty settled in you, only a warmth prevailing and blossoming in your soul to cover it all up.
Pairing: Baran Al-Hashimi x fem!reader
Summary: An argument with Dana leads you to second guess your relationship with Baran. When you go home early and things don’t go as planned you believe the relationship is over…
Tags/Warnings: fem!reader, nurse!reader, dana is your aunt, dana is kinda mean, misunderstandings, Baran is lost in her own world, hurt/comfort, ANGST, fluff
Word Count: 4,598
Being a nurse was difficult every day, but of course the one time you needed a break it wasn’t in the cards for you. Not only did you receive a marathon of difficult cases, but you’d argued with your charge nurse and it definitely didn’t help that she was your aunt.
“You need to get your head out of your ass, kid. We’re all having a rough day and you making stupid mistakes is not helping anyone. Jesus Christ I don’t know how she deals with you.”
The end of Dana’s sentence came out as more of a whisper, but you heard it. Your heart raced as the line between family and coworker blurred. Dana had no right to talk about your relationship with Baran.
To say you were protective of the attending was an understatement.
“What the hell does that mean?” You bit back. Your heart was racing and you could feel the twitch in your eye taking over more of your face. Normally, you’d never challenge Dana or speak out of turn to her at work, but you were feeling bold. What was one more mistake?
“Go home kid. There’s only an hour left and you clearly need to rest and reset.” Dana grit her teeth at you as she tried to walk away, but you blocked the path.
She had pulled you into a corner to scold you, but with you standing between her and the hallway her patience waned. As Dana looked at you, acting so similar to her youngest sister, she tried not to let her emotions take over.
“This is our place of work. Don’t think that just because you’re my niece I won’t write you up. Stop acting like a child.” You rolled your eyes, unable to contain your anger. Pulling the niece card was something she did far too often and that was your professional and familial opinion.
“Oh please, let’s not pretend like you care whether we’re family here or not. Everyone treats me differently because you never let them forget I’m your precious little niece.” It was the truth. There hadn’t been a day that went by at PTMC where someone didn’t mention the family tie in one way or another.
“That’s bullshit and you know it.” She was clearly in denial and it only riled you up more.
“Oh come off of it Dana. They’ve all tiptoed around me since you reprimanded Princess for flirting with me.” Dana huffed in aggravation and placed her hands on her hips.
“God forbid I protect one of my nurses when they look uncomfortable.” It was a ridiculous excuse and you knew it. She was arguing just for the sake of arguing at this point.
She had reprimanded Princess like an aunt, not a charge nurse.
“Princess flirts with everyone! It was my first fucking day. You treated me like a little kid and now none of them even look at me if they can help it. It was embarrassing!” You were practically shouting at this point and were sure you’d draw a crowd soon, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.
It wasn’t your intention to cause a scene, but you were done biting your tongue. You’d been working at PTMC for just over a year and it hadn’t gotten any better since Dana put her foot down.
“What’s embarrassing is you parading around the department like you didn’t benefit from being my family and haven’t been practically pissing everywhere, laying your claim since you and Al-Hashimi started dating. I’m not the only one who’s getting tired of you showing off like a child.”
Dana’s voice was dangerously low. That was the second time she’d alluded to your relationship with Baran and it did not settle well.
Dana was being such a hypocrite. All she’d done was lay her claim on you around the ED. She’d acted like your overbeating aunt from the minute you walked in, not like a professional charge nurse.
She was clearly biased and couldn’t see the truth.
“Go home and maybe take a look in the mirror.” You felt like a kicked puppy as you moved away from Dana and left the hospital. There was only so much you could say without ruining your relationship with the woman forever.
You were tired physically and emotionally. You knew if you continued arguing it would only hurt more in the long run. You weren’t sure if you were more worried about hurting Dana or getting hurt yourself.
Whatever the case may be you were sure Dana had succeeded in getting under your skin in the worst way possible. You hadn’t doubted your relationship with Baran before, but hearing it from Dana’s mouth definitely made you second guess yourself.
It was obvious that you were younger than the attending, but it had never even been something you two felt the need to call attention to. It really wasn’t an issue for either of you, but Dana was never wrong.
She was always scarily on the nose with her assumptions and observations. As a kid you’d appreciated that she didn’t dance around the truth, but now it hurt more coming from her.
It was hard to discern the truth from Dana’s thoughts that were worming their way into your brain. You wanted her to be wrong, but it was difficult fighting her words and your own racing mind. You’d always had a wild imagination.
As you drove home your thoughts swirled and you replayed every moment you’d shared with Baran recently. Of course at work she was professional. You were well aware of the standard she held herself to. She’d also been very clear about her expectations for your relationship in the ED.
You’d gone into the relationship knowing it wasn’t going to be easy being constantly around her while maintaining consistent professionalism. But it was something you’d talked about extensively before making everything official.
You followed the rules you set together to a tee until you’d had a terrible day earlier in the week.
It wasn’t easy being an empath in a line of work that toyed with your emotions, but when you lost a kid you couldn’t help the panic that took over your body.
You could feel the bile rising in your throat and as you rushed to the bathroom for the safety of an enclosed space. You wanted to look for Baran, but your body was shaking too much.
You were able to text her, asking for help, but she was stuck in a trauma and couldn’t check her phone. She recognized the vibration of your message immediately, but assumed it was about the date she’d planned for later that night.
You were eventually able to get your bearings and stumbled upon Baran when you left the bathroom. She still hadn’t checked her phone, losing a patient of her own, and she’d reprimanded you when you tried to pull her away from the floor.
You took it in stride, but it still hurt.
When Baran finally had the time to check her phone and realized what had happened she immediately apologized. You understood and accepted her apology. You didn’t have your date night and opted for holding each other instead. It was a cozy night that ended in little sleep.
You’d thought the night went well all things considered, but you couldn’t help trying to think of any mistake you might’ve made since or before then.
Baran’s house was quiet when you entered, but you could smell the stench of cleaning products the second you walked in. You took off your shoes and emptied your pockets in the bowl by the door absentmindedly.
Your stomach lurched as you looked for her. She was stress cleaning. You’d only ever seen her do this once and it was when she had to have a tough conversation with you.
Your throat tightened as you walked through the house and found her in the en suite bathroom to her bedroom. What caught your attention was all of your clothes laid out on the bed. It was various items you’d brought over in the last six months of dating. Some of the items you hadn’t even seen since you brought them.
Besides your clothes everything else was spotless. It was clear she’d been cleaning practically the entire day. She’d had the day off and didn’t have her son. It was probably the perfect day to clean in her mind.
The perfect day for her to clean you out of her life apparently.
You clenched your jaw as you walked into the bathroom and saw her standing on the toilet, cleaning on top of the cabinet. She could barely reach even on her tippy toes.
As you entered you accidentally startled her, causing her to almost fall. You rushed over to her to help steady her.
“What are you doing here?” She huffed, catching her breath. Baran hadn’t meant anything by the question, but it felt like a punch to the gut. Anxiety immediately settled in and you could feel the need to retreat into yourself.
You quickly let go, as though you were burned, and took a step back. Your throat was painfully dry. You wiped your hands on your thighs and clasped your hands in front of your body to stop from twitching.
“Long day, got to leave early.” Baran barely looked at you as she continued to clean. You felt like you were intruding in her space. You bit your lip, unsure of what to do with yourself.
“Do you need help?” You offered. Maybe being useful would help to at least keep you busy. You weren’t necessarily sure it would make you feel better, but you had to try something. You didn’t enjoy cleaning like Baran, but you didn’t want to be rude either.
“Absolutely not.” That stung. You could feel tears prickling behind your eyes as you rocked on the balls of your feet. You puffed your cheeks and tried to think of something to do that would be useful.
“I’ll go start on dinner then.” You turned on your heels as quickly as you could. You didn’t want to cry in front of her. It was clear something was very wrong and you didn’t want a fight to add to whatever was going on.
“Already done, it’s in the oven.” Your breath hitched as you left the bathroom. You could feel the pounding in your chest increase. Seeing your clothes on the bed again sent you into a full tailspin.
Normally when you felt like this you’d run towards Baran, but now it felt like an impossible task. You looked back at the bathroom one more time before leaving the room as quickly as you could.
You wanted nothing more than to hide. If you were being truthful you knew you wanted the pressure of being held, but you couldn’t bring yourself to ask. Everything felt like a series of wrongs.
Before you knew it you were outside.
You wanted to leave her house entirely, but knew you were in no state to drive. You’d barely been able to pull your shoes on before you were stumbling over your own feet down her street. You were sure you looked like a helpless fawn on ice, but it didn’t matter.
You weren’t sure how long you walked before you found yourself at a park. You vaguely recognized it as one you’d taken Baran’s son to before. No one was there which you were grateful for as you sat on one of the swings.
You didn’t pump your legs, but you enjoyed the feeling of being off the ground. You didn’t exactly feel light, but something about being off your feet for the first time all day was a small comfort.
It took a while, but you were able to come back to yourself after some deep breathing and staring into space. It was only then that you noticed you didn’t have your phone and the sun was starting to set. It had been at least an hour since you left the house.
You walked back to Baran’s house, bracing yourself for the inevitable on the way there. It was over. Dana had been right. You’d made too many mistakes and now it was time to pay for it by losing the woman you loved.
The front door was still unlocked when you entered. Baran was nowhere to be seen. The house smelled more like food and less like cleaning products now, but it still felt wrong.
It didn’t feel like you belonged there anymore.
You went to the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge when you heard Baran practically running down the stairs talking to someone on the phone.
“I don’t know. I came downstairs and she was gone. Her car’s here, but her phone was left by the door. I don’t know why she…” Baran stopped talking when she made eye contact with you. She took a deep breath before telling the other person on the line you were back.
Baran rushed over to you and took you in. She turned your face in her hands and checked your body to make sure nothing had happened to you. Oh how wrong she was because everything had happened.
“Where the hell have you been?” Baran was practically shouting in your face, but you barely reacted. You carefully pulled her hands off your face and put some distance between the two of you.
“The park.” Your brain was short circuiting as you tried to protect yourself. You were protecting yourself from the inevitable, not her. Some part of you still knew Baran would never physically hurt you.
You hoped that by answering her question quickly and without any added details she’d stop yelling. You were exhausted and everything felt like an attack.
“What were you thinking?” You were thinking too much. That was the problem. Everything felt wrong. You didn’t even feel like yourself anymore. You weren’t sure if yourself was even good enough. You weren’t sure it had ever been.
Baran took a moment and looked at you for the first time all day. Her eyebrows furrowed. You weren’t looking at her. You were staring over her shoulder, just to the right of her.
What she noticed more than anything was that you looked small. You were practically crushing yourself into the kitchen counter opposite of where you once had been. You looked scared.
Baran took a small step towards you and you flinched. Her heart ached for you. She wasn’t sure what was going on, but she didn’t want to cause you any more harm. You knew she wasn’t actively trying to hurt you, but you felt raw.
“Hey, azizam. Look at me.” The words snaked around your heart and clenched. You looked up to the ceiling to try and stop the tears from falling.
“Please, don’t call me that.” Your voice came out just above a whisper. Baran’s throat constricted as she looked at you. Something was seriously wrong and she was kicking herself for not noticing sooner.
“What’s wrong?” The question felt like a stab in the chest. So many things were wrong, but you didn’t think she cared. You clutched your water bottle to your side and took a deep breath. A few deep breaths actually.
“Baran, it’s okay. I understand. You don’t have to pretend anymore. I know I’ve been clingy and childish and you’ve had enough. I’m sorry I didn’t realize soon enough to fix my behavior. You don’t have to beat around the bush. You’re allowed to change your mind about me.”
It was sad, but it felt like the truth. People were allowed to change their minds. Would it break you having to leave her, yes. Would you need to leave PTMC, yes. Would it feel like the world ended, yes. But you’d do it if it meant she was happy.
Life was full of ups and downs and you guessed it was just your time to go through a rough patch alone. Baran could see the emotions swirling in your eyes even though you were somehow able to keep your voice scarily even.
What got to her the most was the use of her name. You always called her every pet name under the sun, but she hadn’t heard you use her government name outside the hospital since your first date.
She stared at you for a moment and replayed the day in her head since you’d gotten home. She’d been so focused on using cleaning as a distraction that she hadn’t registered how sad you sounded earlier. How broken.
Baran bit her lip as she tried again, but this time it took everything in her not to move her body towards you. She also kept her voice as soft as she could.
“Eshgham, I have not changed my mind about you.” You slowly looked her in the eye, not sure if you believed her. Baran could see the hesitance written on your features as she continued.
“There is nothing about you that needs to be fixed. You drive me absolutely crazy and I love that about you. I fell in love with you the moment you spilled your coffee on me outside the hospital. I will never get tired of having you close to me. I'm not sure what's going on, but I have a feeling I unknowingly added to the stress of your day. Can we please sit down and talk?”
Your throat bobbed as a new wave of tears threatened to fall.
“You don’t want to break up with me?” You squeaked out as you shifted on your feet. It was a nervous habit you’d had since you were a child.
“No, I don’t want that at all. You’re stuck with me unless you tell me otherwise. I’m not going anywhere.” Baran relaxed when she saw you release the breath you’d been unconsciously holding. You were still too scared to move, but she could see your fingers reaching towards her.
“Can I hold you nafasam?” You nodded to her, your fingers still twitching. Baran slowly walked towards you so she wouldn’t spook you before wrapping you in her arms. You immediately melted into her chest and clung to the hem of her shirt.
Baran made sure to keep firm pressure around your torso as she raked her fingers through your hair. You buried your face into her neck and she held you until she felt your breathing even out.
You were the first to pull away, but you didn’t go far. You couldn’t bring yourself to release her shirt either. Baran looked at you with such affection it hurt. She rubbed her palms up and down your arms.
She didn’t say anything as she led you to the couch. She coaxed your hand free from her shirt and replaced it with her own as she sat down before pulling you into her lap. You easily went wherever she moved you, grateful for the closeness.
“Dana and I had a fight. That’s the real reason why I came back early. She said some things that I couldn’t shake and made me doubt myself. I thought maybe I was too much and that you were tired of our relationship, among other things.” Baran rubbed your back and brushed her thumb over the knuckles of the hand she’d been holding.
She kissed your temple, but didn’t stop you from talking. She knew you had to let out all of your thoughts or they’d continue to consume you. She didn’t want that to happen any longer. She also knew you needed reassurance in the form of touch and she was happy to give it.
“When I got here, you were cleaning and all my clothes were out on the bed. I thought… I thought you were cleaning me out of your life. The only other time you cleaned like that was when I crossed a boundary. Then I…” Your heart was racing again and your body was practically vibrating with nerves.
“Then you offered to help me and when I told you no it was just another nail in the coffin.” You nodded as you relaxed into her again. It felt good to let everything out. You hadn’t always been able to talk things through with other people, but Baran always encouraged it.
“I’m sorry I didn’t take the time to see what was going on. I was so wrapped up in my own world I didn’t realize you were struggling. I’m so sorry, azizam. Your clothes were out because I was making room for you to have your own space because I want you here with me permanently.” Your eyes widened. This was a lot for your fuzzy brain to process.
“You mean?” Baran gave you a dopey smile and nodded as she rested her forehead on yours.
“Yes, I want you to move in. I’ve only hinted at it a million times over the last two weeks. And for clarity’s sake, I didn’t take up your offer for cleaning because I know it’s stressful for you which is the complete opposite for me. Besides, you shouldn’t have to come home and clean after a long shift even if it did get cut short.” You wrapped your arms around her neck and nuzzled your nose into her temple.
“I feel so stupid. I should’ve tried to talk to you…” You mumbled. Baran shook her head and held you close. She was not having you blame yourself any longer.
“No, don’t say that. It’s not your fault. I wasn’t very inviting when you came home and didn’t give you a chance to even try.” You hummed and felt Baran shift underneath you. She lightly tapped your back twice, her way of silently asking you to look at her.
“Is there anything else I can do to ease your worries?” You stared at her before looking away nervously. You bit the inside of your cheek as your eyebrows furrowed. Baran lightly pressed her thumb between your eyebrows and kissed your chin.
“Do you think I’m too young or immature for you?” Baran kissed your cheek tenderly before answering honestly.
“No, not at all. I love that there are things that make us different because of our ages. It means I get to see the world from a different perspective. Seeing the world through your eyes is something I will always cherish. Besides, just because you’re younger doesn’t mean I don’t have stamina too.” You giggled as you puffed out a breath of air.
You felt slightly better, but you knew the conversation wasn’t over. There were still some difficult things swirling in your brain. Dana had really gotten under your skin whether she meant to or not.
Baran pursed her lips and nodded at you in silent question. She could practically see the gears still turning in your brain.
“Aunt Dana, she said something that has been bothering me. Honestly she said a lot of frustrating things, but I’m trying to figure out how to articulate them. It’s hard because it still hurts.” Baran nodded as she silently scolded the older woman. The blonde seemed to have a knack for upsetting you and it was really pissing her off.
Intrusive thoughts were natural, Baran had plenty of them herself, but it seemed like Dana being your boss was definitely a conflict of interest. At the very least she thought having a talk with the woman would be beneficial even if the charge nurse was a powerhouse at work.
Baran was a powerhouse too and thought no one should ever make you feel this way. You didn’t deserve it. You were a damn good nurse and she’d make it known until she was blue in the face.
“She kept alluding to the idea that maybe you weren’t happy with me or our relationship. Which, I know, is something that you’d bring up to me if it bothered you, but she kinda made it seem like maybe you two had been gossiping about my behavior or complaining about me showing off.”
Baran grit her teeth. She knew exactly the conversation Dana had been referring to and it was clear that she blew it way out of proportion.
Baran hated that this had been weighing on you, even if it had only been a few hours she knew how hard you were on yourself. Baran clicked her tongue before speaking again.
“Dana and I overheard a conversation you and Trinity were having the other day by central seven about…”
“Our attending girlfriends.” Your eyes widened as you realized where this was going.
“While calling me a milf is quite on the nose it wasn’t appropriate at work. I was embarrassed, yes, but not because of you showing off about me, but rather by the blush that spread on my face when I practically spit my water out onto Dana’s computer.”
Your mouth hung open as a blush spread up your neck and on your cheeks. You’d never expected anyone to hear that conversation let alone the two women who did.
“Oops.”
“Yeah, oops.” Baran joked as she stole a few soft kisses on the corner of your mouth and your nose.
“I promise that if it was something that truly bothered me, I’d bring it up to you. Like I said I wasn’t embarrassed by you. If anything I was embarrassed by how turned on I was at work.” You blushed again, hiding your face in Baran’s neck.
She smoothed out your hair as you melted into her embrace. You felt more like yourself now and less like your aunt’s puppet.
You could feel your heartbeat sync with Baran’s. It was comforting for a few minutes before your brain screamed at you again.
You’d done a lot of talking about your own feelings, but realized Baran said she was wrapped up in her own head when you got home. The only problem was Baran hadn’t talked about it.
You wiggled in her arms and threaded your fingers into her curls. You nipped at her jaw playfully before a serious look spread on your face. Baran raised her eyebrows at you in question.
“Baby, why were you cleaning?” Baran sighed and drummed her fingers on your thigh and knuckles in thought. It kind of tickled, but you tried not to distract her from the moment. A small part of her relaxed at the sound of the pet name leaving your mouth. She took a deep breath as she snaked her arms around your middle.
“My maman is coming to town.” Your eyes widened. You’d never met Baran’s mother, but you knew enough to know she idolized the woman. You found yourself trembling again, but for a completely different reason this time.
Baran giggled from under you as she gave you an affectionate squeeze. It was going to be another long week, but it felt like you were moving in the same direction this time.
“I’m glad we had this talk.” You whispered as your eyes fluttered closed for a minute. The emotions of the day were starting to take its toll. You knew you needed to go to bed soon. It was a comforting thought that Baran would be by your side.
“Me too, we should do it more often. I love listening to your voice and being able to ease some of those scary thoughts. I hope you know you deserve the world zendegim.” You smiled sleepily into her neck and returned the squeeze.
Summary: When Cassie drags you to a Dodgers game with the promise of making it a date, she fucks it up. Now, she has no choice but to make it up to you.
Word Count: 7.3k
Warnings: Mild angst | Cassie being a jerk and then showing how downbad she really is | Smut - Fingering (Reader!Receiving), Oral (Reader!Receiving)
Traffic moved toward the stadium in slow waves, the city highlighted gold by the evening sun. The windows were cracked just enough to let cool air move through the car, carrying distant noise from outside
Cassie looked completely relaxed behind the wheel.
One hand rested at the top of the steering wheel while the other stayed spread across your thigh, fingers warm against your skin. Every so often her thumb moved without her realizing it, small, absentminded strokes while she talked.
“And if they keep playing like they did last week,” she explained, eyes still on the road ahead. “They’ll probably keep this lineup through postseason.”
You looked over at her from where your head rested against the seat. “I know you think I understand what you’re saying.”
She frowned slightly. “But you do understand. I explained this earlier.”
“No,” you said honestly. “I’m just listening because your voice is nice.”
That pulled a soft chuckle out of her. “Well thank you, baby. For putting up with me.”
“Mhm.”
She shook her head in amusement.
The closer you got, the thicker traffic became. Cars packed around you with Dodgers flags hanging from windows, groups of people crossing streets in jerseys and caps.
Cassie kept talking anyway. She just got like this when she was excited about something. She couldn’t exactly help it, but you didn’t mind.
“And Garcia swears they’re gonna fall apart by August, but she says that every season so nobody listens to her anymore.”
You hummed quietly, tracing your fingers along the frays of your shorts. “Who’s the one you said takes baseball weirdly seriously?”
“Langdon.”
“The one with the hair?”
That pulled a snort from her. “Yeah, babe. The one with the hair.”
You nodded like that meant something to you. Truthfully, most of Cassie’s coworkers blurred together after a while. You knew stories more than faces at this point.
“You should’ve heard them arguing,” Cassie said, smiling to herself now. “It went on for like half the shift.”
That argument is precisely how you got here in the first place.
Earlier that week, the emergency department had been unusually calm for once. Someone had the Dodgers game playing near the nurses station while everybody worked, and at some point Garcia made a comment about the team blowing the series.
That should’ve been the end of it.
Instead, Langdon argued back. Then Santos joined in. Then Whitaker started looking up stats on his phone while pretending he didn’t care enough to participate.
Ahmad simply made the entire thing worse—always one to add fuel to the fire.
He’d turned around in his chair and started collecting predictions from everybody like he was hosting some kind of game show instead of working another security guard shift in the Pitt.
Garcia said the Dodgers would lose.
Langdon insisted they’d win in six.
Santos mostly participated to annoy Garcia.
Whitaker claimed everybody was overreacting while continuing to contribute statistics nobody asked for or paid any attention to. And somewhere in the middle of all of it, he mentioned he had two Dodgers tickets he wasn’t going to use because his brother canceled on him at the last minute.
That was when the bet stopped being casual.
Ahmad immediately decided whoever guessed the series outcome closest got the tickets.
Cassie had only joined because everybody else was already involved and in the end, the Dodgers won exactly the way she predicted they would. Which meant she walked out of her shift with two tickets and an ego big enough to be genuinely irritating about it.
You still remembered the way she came through your apartment door that night.
Still in scrubs, bangs messy from a twelve hour shift, exhausted, but smiling so hard the second she saw you that you knew immediately she was about to ask for something.
“What?” you asked from the couch before she could even speak.
Cassie dropped her bag by the door. “I have a surprise.”
“Should I be scared?”
“No, you should be proud of me.”
You laughed skeptically at your girlfriend. “Okay, let me rephrase that. What did you do?”
“I won.”
“You saying that with no context is terrifying.”
Cassie walked over to the couch, already digging into the pocket of her scrub pants before pulling out the tickets.
Your eyebrows lifted immediately. “Those are real?”
“As real as they get.”
You took them from her carefully, looking down at the Dodgers logo printed across the front. “You won baseball tickets?”
“I won the bet.” Cassie explained, sitting down beside you close enough that her knee pressed against yours.
“Cass…”
“I know, I know.” she said quickly, gently pulling the tickets from your hand and setting them down on the coffee table. She took your free hands into hers like she was trying to coax a shy puppy out of its cage.
“I don’t even like baseball.”
“But you like me though, right?”
You looked at her unimpressed.
Cassie was sitting up straight, watching you carefully now. She looked excited, but quieter about it suddenly, like she truly cared what your answer would be.
“We don’t have to stay the whole game,” she assured. “I just thought it’d be nice.”
“You want to spend your Friday night explaining baseball to me?”
“I want to spend my Friday night with you.”
That was the problem with her sometimes. She said things like that so simply that it made it hard to argue back.
“And,” she added after a second. “I’ll make it feel just like a date. Promise.”
You narrowed your eyes at her slightly. “A baseball game.” you said bluntly.
“A date at a baseball game.”
“I bet that sounded different in your head than it did out loud.”
Cassie laughed then, leaning closer until her shoulder bumped yours. “Come on,” she said softly. “Please?”
And honestly, it wasn’t really the tickets that convinced you.
It was her.
The way she looked genuinely excited at the idea of bringing you somewhere she loved. So eventually, after enough convincing, a kiss to your cheek, and Cassie promising multiple times that she wouldn’t spend the whole game neglecting you for baseball—you agreed.
Now, sitting in the passenger seat while stadium lights glowed ahead of you, you were starting to think maybe it had been worth saying yes after all.
Cassie pulled into the parking lot slowly, rows of cars stretching around you. “You look beautiful by the way.” she said suddenly.
Her eyes flicked briefly toward your outfit before she parked expertly between two cars.
You’d spent longer getting ready than you originally planned to. Jean shorts, white top, the oversized Dodgers jersey Cassie insisted you borrow hanging open over it all.
A little more makeup than you usually wore on a daily basis, mostly because she kept calling this a date all week and somewhere along the way, you began treating it like one too.
“You already said that before we left,” you reminded her.
“I know.” Cassie shut the car off, looking over at you fully now. “Just felt like telling you again.”
Warmth crept up your face before you looked away toward the windshield. She reached over, brushing her fingers briefly against your thigh again before opening her door. She fell into step beside you, immediately reaching for your hand as the two of you started toward the entrance.
The stadium felt different once you were actually inside it. The music, the announcers, the buzz of thousands of voices blending together—everything echoed. People moved with trays of food and drinks through the crowded walkways while the smell of popcorn and hot dogs hung in the air.
Cassie walked slightly ahead of you, turning back every few seconds to make sure you were still there despite her firm grip on your hand.
You let her pull you toward concessions first, mostly because she looked so confident weaving through the stadium like she’d done this a hundred times before.
Popcorn. Nachos. Two drinks.
You watched her while she waited for everything, the way she shifted her weight impatiently from foot to foot, already glancing around toward the field every few seconds like she was trying not to miss anything before the game had even officially started.
It was kind of adorable.
She balanced the food carefully while leading you toward your section, occasionally stopping to look at signs overhead before continuing down another set of stairs.
“You really know where you’re going,” you said.
Cassie glanced back over her shoulder. “I studied the map.”
“You studied the map?”
“So I knew where to go. I didn’t want to have you just walking around.”
The way she said it made your heart skip a beat in your chest again—because of how hard she was trying to make this enjoyable for you.
Cassie let you slide into your seat first before sitting beside you, setting the popcorn between your legs and drinks in the cupholders.
You looked around, and it was actually kind of nice. The sky had gone fully dark now, the lights shining against it while people settled into their seats all around you.
Cassie watched your face carefully for a second. “Well?” she asked.
You looked over at her. “Okay. I kind of get why people like this.”
A grin spread across her face immediately. “Yeah?”
“Don’t get too excited.”
“Too late.”
Cassie relaxed back into her seat beside you and when you shifted closer, she adjusted. Her arm stretched around the back of your seat so you could tuck yourself against her side comfortably.
“There you are,” Cassie murmured quietly.
You peered up slightly. “What?”
“You finally stopped acting like I kidnapped you.”
“I’m still deciding, thank you.”
Cassie chuckled, looking down at you for a second before smiling to herself. A few minutes later, she reached into the popcorn bucket and held a piece near your mouth without saying anything.
You stared at her and she just lifted her eyebrows slightly.
You laughed under your breath before leaning forward enough to take it from her fingers.
“See?” she said. “You’re already getting into the baseball experience.”
“It’s just popcorn.”
“It’s stadium popcorn. Different thing entirely.”
You rolled your eyes a little, but you were smiling.
At one point, while you were simply watching the field more than actually paying attention to it, she turned your head slightly and kissed you quick enough that it almost caught you off guard. Just one soft press of her lips against yours before she leaned back again like nothing happened.
You looked at her.
Cassie fought back her grin as if she was trying to seem oblivious, eyes already drifting back toward the field again. “What?”
“Nothing.”
But warmth lingered in your chest afterward anyway—and for a while, you really did think the night was going to be fun.
Then the game started.
The crowd got louder, thousands of people focused in the same direction all at once, and beside you, Cassie changed with it.
The second the players ran onto the field, she was on her feet with everybody else around you, clapping loudly, yelling toward the field with a grin wider than you’d seen all night.
The sudden noise and movement from her startled you enough that you jerked slightly where you sat—previously cuddled up to her side.
At first, you tried following along.
Every few minutes the crowd exploded over something happening on the field you didn’t understand quickly enough to follow. And every time it happened, Cassie got pulled into it instantly.
Even though you didn’t understand most of what was going on, you had to admit the concentrated look on her face was cute. She’d lean closer to you between plays so you could hear, explaining things quickly while still watching the game.
“That guy’s been struggling all season, so if he gets on base right now—”
The entire crowd roared before she could finish explaining and Cassie stood right back up with them, eyes fixed on the field while people around you shouted and clapped.
You looked out at the game, trying to figure out what everyone was reacting to, but by the time you understood where to even look, the moment was already over.
For a while, you didn’t really mind.
You mostly watched her.
The way she hunched forward during close plays. The way she reacted half a second before the crowd sometimes, like she already knew what was about to happen.
She looked happy, and honestly, that was enough.
But eventually, you started feeling the distance between you grow anyway.
“Cass, look at that guy on the screen—”
“Wait, hold on, baby.” Cassie said, her hand falling to our arm briefly as if to stop you while her eyes stayed fixed ahead. “I think they’re reviewing the play.”
You nodded along, but it quickly started happening more. Every time you tried getting her attention, the game interrupted first.
“Cass—”
“Hold on.”
“Wait, look—”
“One second, baby.”
And after a while, you mostly stopped trying.
You just huffed, slouching back into your seat while the game pulled more and more of her attention away from you a little at a time.
It almost seemed like she acknowledged strangers more than she did you, as she talked with the people sitting beside you over bad calls made by the umpires.
The worst part was she didn’t even realize she was doing it.
Then the home run happened.
One second everybody was tense and focused—the next, the entire stadium exploded into screaming.
“Holy shit!”
Cassie sprung up suddenly and her knee slammed into the seat hard enough to jolt the drink from the cupholder. You barely even had time to react before freezing cold soda spilled down the front of your shirt and straight into your lap.
The shock of the icy drink made you suck in a breath immediately, and Cassie froze immediately. Her face fell and her eyes dropped to your soaked clothes before widening.
“Oh shit—baby.” she dropped back into her seat, grabbing the few napkins from beside the popcorn bucket so fast they nearly tore in her hands.
“I’m sorry,” she rambled. “I’m so sorry.”
She started trying to blot the soda from your shirt frantically, despite clearly realizing that there was way too much for a few napkins to fix.
“I didn’t even—fuck.” Cassie looked up at you again, guilt written all over her face.
“It’s okay,” you said, even though your voice came out tighter than you meant it to.
She kept trying anyway, dabbing uselessly at your clothes while apologizing under her breath. You looked down at yourself for a second before exhaling quietly through your nose.
And suddenly the whole night hit you all at once.
The noise.
The crowdedness.
The constant feeling that you’d come here to spend time with Cassie, while she came here to watch baseball.
You caught her wrist gently, stopping her movements. “Cass,” you said, and her eyes found yours immediately. “I’m just gonna go to the bathroom.”
Her expression fell even further, like she knew there wasn’t really anything she could say right now that would help. “Okay,” she said softly.
You nodded once before stepping past her and disappearing up the row of stairs.
— —
By the time you came back, your shirt was still damp. Not soaked anymore, but enough that you could still feel it clinging uncomfortably against your skin underneath the jersey.
You walked back down your row expecting to find Cassie completely focused on the game again. Instead, her head lifted from the field almost instantly the second she saw you.
Relief crossed her face so fast it made your chest ache a little despite yourself.
“There you are,” she stood to let you pass before holding out a folded blue Dodgers hoodie from the merch stand in one hand, your favorite candy awkwardly tucked into it.
You blinked once.
Cassie rubbed the back of her neck lightly and swallowed. “I didn’t know what else to do,” she admitted quietly.
Some of the irritation in your chest loosened at the embarrassment she obviously felt, and you took the hoodie carefully from her hands. “Thank you.”
“Is your shirt stained?”
“A little.”
“Yeah,” Cassie muttered. “I’m really sorry about that.”
Then, before you could answer, the crowd erupted into angered remarks at something happening on the field again.
Cassie’s gaze flicked to the field on instinct. “Oh—wait wait.”
She sat back down quickly, eyes already returning to the game while you pulled the hoodie over your damp shirt.
A second later she leaned toward you again, pointing towards the players. “Okay, this is what I was trying to explain earlier.”
And the rest of the game passed exactly like that. Cassie zeroed in on the game just as she was before, and you now wanting nothing more than to just go home.
— —
When the game finally ended, the entire stadium was on its feet. The Dodgers won, and Cassie looked thrilled. She laughed, already speaking before the two of you had even fully stepped out of your row.
“I told you they’d pull it off,” she said, looking over at you with flushed cheeks and that same bright excitement she’d had all night. “Did you see that last play?”
You smiled faintly. “Mhm.”
Cassie continued on while the two of you slowly moved with the crowd toward the exits, her hand finally finding yours. Most of it faded together after a while—something about pitching, something about defense, players names you still didn’t know.
You just listened quietly beside her.
The parking lot was chaos afterward, headlights stretching endlessly between rows of cars while people yelled across the lot still riding the energy of the game.
Cassie was still riding the high of the win too. She kept talking as she drove, replaying moments from the game out loud, occasionally shaking her head and laughing to herself when she got to a part she still couldn't believe happened.
You listened with your head resting against the window.
Every now and then you'd hum or nod just enough to acknowledge you were listening, but the conversation never really became a conversation.
When the car came to a stop at a red light, Cassie’s hand settled back onto your thigh, warm and familiar just like it had been earlier.
Only this time, you turned slightly toward the window without really thinking about it.
Cassie noticed anyway, her words trailing off for a second before she glanced over at you briefly. “You okay?”
You kept your eyes on the passing lights outside. “Yep.”
Then the light turned green. She looked at you for another second like she was trying to decide whether she believed that, but decided to drop it, her gaze falling back on the road ahead.
By the time Cassie pulled into your apartment complex, you felt drained.
The second the car stopped, you reached for the door, and the sound of it shutting behind you made Cassie pause.
Not just because it was loud— but also because you moved fast too. You were already halfway up the walkway before she'd even grabbed her keys.
And the moment she'd ignored at the red light returned to her mind immediately. When she finally caught up to you, you had gotten the apartment door unlocked.
"Hey,” she said.
You didn't stop.
The door swung open as you stepped over the threshold, and Cassie barely caught it before it closed on her. Inside, the apartment was quiet. After spending three hours in a packed stadium, the silence felt eerily strange.
Just the faint hum of the refrigerator and the soft click of the door shutting completely. Behind you, Cassie dropped her keys onto the counter, the sound echoing through the room.
For a second she just watched you.
You kicked your shoes off by the door and headed toward the living room. The Dodgers hoodie followed next, pulling it over your head and tossing it onto the couch.
The shirt underneath clung to your skin.
Hours later, the soda had mostly dried, but it left behind a tacky material that stretched across your stomach every time the fabric shifted.
God, you wanted a shower.
“Okay,” Cassie finally spoke up, her voice breaking through the quiet. “What’s going on?”
You shrugged off the button up jersey she insisted on you wearing, discarding that onto the back of the couch as well, leaving you in a white tank top. Cool air finally hit your skin, and it felt refreshing after the long game you’d sat through.
"Nothing's going on."
"Come on, I know that’s not true."
“Everything’s fine, Cassie.”
"Baby,”
You rolled your eyes, huffing in annoyance before finally deciding to look at her. She was still standing by the front door, her hands on her hips as she studied you carefully.
You broke eye contact first. "Next time just take Langdon."
The words slipped out before you could stop them, and Cassie's eyebrows shot up. "What?"
You shrugged. "You would've had more fun."
"With Langdon?"
"Or Santos. Or Garcia. Whoever else."
Cassie looked genuinely baffled. "Where is this coming from?"
"You spent the whole night talking baseball with the people around us anyway."
A small crease appeared between her brows—she still wasn't following. "Okay..."
You laughed quietly to yourself, shaking your head, because somehow she still didn't get it. "You know what? Forget it."
You turned toward the hallway that led to the bedroom, however, Cassie caught your wrist before you could get very far. Not roughly, just enough to stop you.
"Hey."
You glanced down at her hand wrapped around your arm, then back up at her. "What?"
"What are you actually upset about?"
The question irritated you immediately and you pulled your wrist free.
"What am I upset about?" you stared at her for a second in disbelief that she even had to ask. "Cassie, I just sat through two and a half hours of baseball."
At that, a smile immediately threatened to appear on her face.
You pointed a finger at her. "Stop it."
Cassie bit the inside of her cheek, trying and failing to hide it. You shook your head and started pacing toward the couch.
"I don't even like baseball. I spent the entire night pretending to understand what was happening."
"I know, baby. And I appreciate you for that."
"Yet somehow you're still looking at me like I’m a joke."
The amusement faded from her face instantly at your words. Maybe she should be taking this more seriously than she was. "Then tell me what I'm missing."
You stopped pacing now to actually look at her. "I went because you wanted me there." your voice came out quieter this time.
Cassie's expression visibly softened from the change. Like the irritation had faded and a tinge of vulnerability began to emerge even if you didn’t mean for it to.
"I thought I was finally gonna spend a night with my girlfriend after a busy couple weeks." you said, continuing before she could respond. "I got ready, I stood in front of my closet for twenty minutes trying to figure out what you wear to a baseball game."
Her eyes moved over your outfit automatically—or what was left of it, but she remembered exactly how you looked before you’d left the house.
A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. Not teasing, but fond. Which somehow made you more annoyed.
"I was trying to look nice."
"You did look nice."
"That's not the point."
"Then what's the point?"
"The point is that I felt like I was sitting next to the commentator instead of my girlfriend the entire time."
Something shifted in Cassie's face, you saw the way it fell immediately. The realization or at least something close to it.
Good, maybe she was finally listening.
"And then you dumped your soda on me."
Cassie groaned, throwing her head back. "Oh my God, that was an accident—"
"I was marinating in Coke for hours. I still am."
“Okay,” despite herself, she let out a short, humorless laugh, rubbing a hand over her face. "Okay, yeah. That was pretty bad. You still looked cute in the hoodie, though."
"Cassie."
"I’m sorry."
You stared at her blankly, like you were trying to confirm if she was actually being serious before sighing and shaking your head.
"I should've just stayed home."
"Baby, no—"
"I would've had a better time if I did."
“Come on, don’t say that.”
She watched as you began collecting your clothes from the cushions, and reached for you. Her arms went to wrap around your waist, but you stepped back before she could fully touch you.
Cassie's hands dropped, and so did her expression.
"I'm gonna go take a shower."
"Baby—"
"Not right now." you inhaled through your nose as you turned and headed down the hallway. "I still feel gross."
This time, she didn’t try to stop you. Her mouth opened only to close when she couldn’t find the right thing to say, if there even was such a thing in that moment.
A few seconds later, she heard the bathroom door shut, the sound ringing through the apartment. Cassie stood in the living room for a second longer before slowly sinking onto the couch.
Her eyes landed in the direction of the bedroom you left.
Then on your abandoned shoes by the door.
And finally on the empty spot beside her.
At first she just stared, then squeezed her eyes shut and leaned back into the cushions, mentally cursing herself for how stupid she’d been. The more she replayed the night, the worse she felt.
Because she recounted the amount of instances you'd tried to spend time with her while her focus was somewhere else.
A knot formed in her stomach.
Then the spilled drink.
At the time she'd been focused on cleaning up the mess and getting you something to cover up with. Now all she could picture was you sitting there uncomfortable for hours while she kept talking about the game.
The realization made heat creep up the back of her neck.
Fuck.
Cassie pressed her lips together. You hadn't been asking for much.
Just her attention. Just a date. Just her.
She thought about the drive home and how quiet you'd been. How she'd filled every silence with baseball again. How she'd only asked if you were okay when you physically pulled away from her.
She let out a heavy sigh, because you were right.
— —
The apartment was still buzzing with silence when you stepped out of the bedroom.
The shower had helped—maybe not with your mood, but at least you no longer felt like dried soda was glued to your skin. You’d changed into an oversized t-shirt and a pair of sleep shorts, the clean set of clothes making you feel refreshed.
Cassie looked up the millisecond she heard you coming down the hallway.
She’d remained in her spot on the couch the whole time you were gone. Not watching television, or scrolling on her phone. Just sitting there. And the second she saw you, she straightened slightly.
She watched as you made your way over to the kitchen, mentally debating if now was the time, before deciding to follow. The couch cushions shifted under her weight as she stood up.
“Hey,” she said quietly, her feet brushing against the floor, slow.
As if she were approaching cautiously because she wasn’t sure how you’d react. Her shoulders dropped a little when you ignored her, only opening a cabinet to grab a glass.
“Baby,”
This time a faint hum left you.
Not exactly an answer, and also not completely disregarding her. You filled the glass from the refrigerator water dispenser, and Cassie appeared behind you a few seconds later. She didn’t touch you, but she was close enough that you could feel her presence.
“I’m sorry.”
You took a sip from your cup. “Hm.”
Cassie sighed, the sound carrying a little frustration with it. Because for someone who spent all day talking baseball, she suddenly couldn’t figure out what to say.
You downed the rest of your drink and set the glass beside the sink, turning to leave again. But before you could get more than a step away, Cassie’s hand closed gently around your wrist.
The movement happened so quickly you barely processed it.
One second you were planning to leave, the next you were being spun back around and your feet had left the floor. She lifted you like you weighed absolutely nothing and set you on the countertop.
Immediately, she stepped between your knees and her hands braced themselves on either side of you, effectively trapping within her arms.
Your eyes widened as you blinked at her. “What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to get you to listen to me.”
“I was listening to you.”
Cassie raised an eyebrow, the action alone telling you she didn’t believe that for a second.
“No,” she denied slowly. “You might’ve been listening to my voice but you weren’t hearing what I was saying.”
You scoffed. “Yeah, doesn’t feel too great does it?”
That response shocked her into silence, and her mouth pressed into a thin line. Your arms folded across your chest as you looked past her shoulder toward the living room, toward anything except her stare.
Clearly you were still very upset.
For a moment neither of you said a word.
Cassie eventually inhaled a deep breath before speaking up. “You were right. About everything.” she started softly.
Your jaw tightened immediately.
You hated hearing that because it made it harder to stay angry.
For the last hour you’d been mentally preparing for this exact conversation. Planning what you were going to say and how you were going to say it. Now, she was agreeing with you.
It was annoying.
“I didn’t realize how dismissive I was being, and I hurt you.”
A quiet sigh escaped through your nose that Cassie noticed instantly.
“You weren’t there because you wanted to watch baseball.” she said. “You were there because I asked you to be.”
Your fingers tightened around your folded arms. The words landed harder than you wanted them to because that was exactly it. You hadn’t gone for the Dodgers, you had gone for her.
“I keep thinking about you trying to talk to me.” Cassie’s voice stayed quiet. “I remember now, and I hate that I brushed you off the way I did.”
Your eyes dropped briefly to the counter between you at the memory of how upset you gradually became, how embarrassed you were.
“I was so excited about the game, but that’s not an excuse.” she watched your face carefully when you continued avoiding her gaze.
“I meant it when I said I wanted it to be a date.”
Your gaze flicked back to her at that.
For the first time since you’d come out of the shower, and Cassie’s eyes softened immediately when she realized she’d finally gotten your attention.
“I wasn’t lying.”
You looked at her—really looked at her, and the sincerity in her gaze made all of your built up walls nearly crumble on the spot.
“I just got carried away.” a tiny smile pulled at one corner of her mouth. “And apparently I turned into some crazed Dodgers fan.”
Your lips twitched before you could stop them, and immediately your mouth flattened again.
But it was too late.
“There she is.” a faint warmth appeared in her eyes.
You rolled your eyes and looked away again. “Don’t ruin it.”
The smile that spread across Cassie’s face was soft, relieved. Like she’d been waiting all night to see even the slightest crack in your stubbornness.
Cassie slid her hands to your waist, pulling you closer to the edge of the counter and against her front. This time you let her, and a warm kiss landed against your cheek.
Then another.
“Cassie.” you warned.
And another.
“Yes, baby?”
“You think you can fix everything with kisses?”
“I can try.” she pressed another to your jawline. “Is it working?”
Her hands settled on the top of your thighs, and you became suddenly hyperaware of how close she was standing. The argument had distracted you from it before, but now there was nothing else to focus on other than her.
She pulled back to look at you, and your gaze dropped to her hand placement for a second before meeting hers again.
“You know,” she said softly. “You’re really cute when you’re pretending you’re still mad at me.”
You scoffed immediately. “You’re not completely off the hook yet. You’re still in trouble.”
“Yeah?”
“Very serious trouble.”
She breathed out a sigh. “I guess that just means I’m gonna have to make it up to you.” her hands glided higher as her mouth returned to your neck.
You fought to keep your eyes open at the feeling of her soft lips on you. Your head tilted to give her more room against your better judgement. As much as this is how you wanted your night to go—you were still pissed at her.
“Hm?” she murmured, her mouth trailing further down. “Are you gonna let me make it up to you, babygirl?”
A gasp caught in your throat when her teeth grazed your skin. She paused at your pulse point, focusing on that spot for a moment as she nipped gently before soothing the bite with an opened mouthed kiss.
Her lips then captured yours.
The way she kissed you so deeply honestly caught you off guard. It was different from the quick, brief pecks she’d given you earlier before the game. Like she wanted you to feel how sorry she really was instead of just saying it.
You soon pulled back just enough to get some air, your lips barely brushing hers. “Better get on with it before I change my mind.”
Cassie chuckled and she didn’t give you time to respond before she hauled you off the counter. A startled gasp escaped you and you clung to her instinctively, legs tightening around her middle and arms wrapping around her shoulders as she carried you towards the bedroom.
The door clicked shut with a nudge of her foot, and the mattress dipped under your weight as Cassie laid you down, crawling to hover over you. Your hands tugged at her jersey and she instantly pulled it over her head, tossing it somewhere on the floor. You always loved the feeling of her skin on yours.
Her mouth found yours once more. Cassie’s hands wasted no time in gliding up your sides, the usual coldness of her hands a sharp contrast to the warmth of your freshly washed skin. Your shirt was soon bunched up above your chest, and a shiver ran down your spine when her thumb brushed over your sensitive nipple.
You gasped lightly into the kiss, and Cassie smiled victoriously. She parted from your lips, trailing kisses down your throat until she reached your breasts. She focused on the left one first, her mouth closing around the areola as her tongue swirled around your nipple.
Heat shot straight to your core, soft whimpers falling from your lips at the stimulation. Her hand cupped the right one, giving it a firm squeeze before her fingers began toying with the hardened bud.
She pulled, twisted, rubbed—you could feel your panties getting embarrassingly soaked by the second from the way they were sticking to you.
Cassie switched to the other breast, giving it the same attention. Her tongue circled around your nipple before latching back on. Only when your hips began bucking up into her did she chuckle, taking the hint.
Her hand traveled lower until they reached the waistband of your shorts, slipping beneath the fabric. She was instantly met with dampness, your slick generously coating her fingers. Your breath hitched at the feeling of her touch exactly where you needed it.
She pulled off your breast with a grin. “Jesus, baby.” she teased, her fingers sliding under your panties to run along your slit. “This wet for me already?”
You wanted to roll your eyes at the comment, but a moan was forced out of you at the sudden intrusion of her two fingers. She chuckled at the look of pleasure that settled on your face. Your eyes had fallen shut and your head rested back into the pillows.
“Fuck—Cassie,”
“Yeah, baby? That feel good?” she drew back before pushing in again, curling her fingers once she was knuckle deep. “God, you’re so beautiful.”
The spot she was hitting so accurately made your walls clench around her fingers, eager to keep them inside. A soft moan fell from your lips as she fucked you slowly, and you thought she was finally going to give you what you’d been waiting for, but all of a sudden—she pulled out.
Your eyelids flew open. “Cassie,” you groaned, staring at her in annoyance.
She was walking a fine line from earlier and you still weren’t particularly happy with her, so this was in no way helping her case, but she paid no mind to your scolding.
“Relax, baby.” she said, sitting up to pull your underwear and shorts down your legs. “I’ll take care of you, don’t worry.”
Cassie ran her hands soothingly along your calves as she returned to her position between your thighs. She laid flat on her stomach and let your legs drape over her shoulders, now staring directly at your dripping cunt.
You had expected to be met with more teasing—Cassie loved to make you wait and get you all riled up before giving you what you wanted. You’d anticipated maybe another finger that she would refuse to sink in deep enough to satisfy you, or maybe a stroke of her tongue that she wouldn’t let you feel long enough to actually be pleasurable.
That’s why your breath caught so roughly in your throat when she dove in like a woman starved. You weren’t prepared for the way her tongue glided through your folds with a delicious pressure that made your eyes roll back into your head. When she reached your clit she sucked hard, moaning into you at the taste she never got tired of.
The vibrations made you cry out and your legs tried to involuntarily shut around her head, but her hands wrapped around your thighs to keep them open.
“Oh, fuck—Cass—”
Cassie ate you out desperately, her mouth working wonders on your cunt—like all she wanted was to make you feel good after a night of making you feel like shit.
She traced her tongue around the sensitive bud before closing her lips on it and sucking firmly in a way that had you keening and your hips bucked on their own accord.
Her tongue ran along your slit, probing at your aching hole for a moment before pushing all the way in. Your hands grabbed at her, looking for anything to hold as her tongue fucked deep into you.
You made the mistake of looking down at her at that moment, because her gaze was already locked on you.
The sight of your girlfriend—who you were thoroughly pissed off at not even a half hour ago—lying between your legs with your arousal glistening on her face as she fucked you with her tongue could have made you cum on the spot if you weren’t deliberately holding yourself back.
Her eye contact remained unwavering, and the attention would have been overwhelming if it wasn’t exactly what you had been wishing for all night. You were the first to break it, your eyes closing as keeping them open proved to be impossible with the pure ecstasy running through your body from her ministrations.
Your hand tangled in her hair and she groaned when you tugged, but she didn’t stop you. You were getting close, and she knew it from the way your walls were tightening around her tongue. Her thumb began to rub circles into your clit. Your other hand finally released its grip on the sheets to find her.
“Fuck, please—Cass, please—”
It was too much and not enough all at once, you couldn’t decide whenever to push her away or pull her closer. She used her free hand to lace her fingers with yours, offering a grounding touch as she doubled down on her efforts.
Her tongue curled, finding that angle that made you cry out for her. A few more perfectly timed thrusts and a particularly hard rub at your clit, and you were falling over the edge.
Your back arched as you went silent, and Cassie had to pry your clamped thighs open so she could fuck you through it properly. It washed over you in waves, and when you eventually came down you had to push her away to get her to stop.
She gave in to your protests and sat up, gently guiding your legs back down to the bed. Your chest heaved as you tried to regain your air, and the fucked out expression on your face made her smile.
Cassie probably didn’t look any better.
Her hair was disheveled, and she wiped her face that was most definitely covered in your slick with the back of her hand. She moved to hover over you, her forearms resting on either side of your head. She brushed your hair back from your forehead as she peppered kisses across your cheek.
“My sweet girl,” she murmured. “You have no idea what you do to me.”
You hummed lightly, your eyes still shut as you allowed your body to come down from your high. She connected her lips with yours, and you moaned quietly at the taste of yourself still evident in her mouth.
Cassie pulled away, pecking your lips once before sitting up. She unzipped her pants that were somehow still on and kicked them to the floor before sliding back into bed beside you. She tugged the blanket over your naked body and gathered you into her arms.
The apartment had gone quiet again, but this one was comfortable. Not the tense silence that had followed your earlier argument.
“You okay?” she asked gently.
“Mhm,” you responded. “Can we just stay like this for a bit?”
Cassie pressed her lips to your hairline. “Yeah, of course, baby.”
You laid against Cassie for a while, basking in that post-sex bliss. You traced absentminded circles against the back of her hand where she intertwined your fingers, and neither of you seemed particularly ready to move.
Cassie was the first to break the silence.
“I really am sorry.”
You smiled faintly. “I know, Cass. It’s okay.”
“No.” she gave your hand a gentle squeeze. “No it’s not okay.”
That made you turn your head, and she was already looking at you.
“I don’t ever want to be the reason you have a bad day.” she let out a quiet breath. “You’re supposed to enjoy being with me and I just hate knowing I made you feel alone while you were sitting right next to me.”
You watched her for a moment before reaching up to smooth down her bangs on her forehead.
“You did.” you said, and her eyes visibly saddened. “But…” you smiled a little. “You made up for it and I forgive you.”
Cassie chuckled lightly. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
You laughed before focusing in on her hand again. After a moment, you spoke up. “You know…I never told you this.”
“What?”
“I still have no idea what an inning is.”
Cassie stared at you in disbelief for exactly one second before she broke out into a grin. “You sat through that whole game,”
“Mhm.”
“And you still don’t know?”
“Nope.”
She shook her head, laughing. “I must be a pretty shit teacher then.”
You smiled to yourself and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I’d do it again, though.”
Cassie looked up in shock. “You would?”
“Yeah.” you said. “It was nice at first. You know, before the game started.”
Her expression softened as she looked at you, and she leaned in to kiss you softly. “You have no clue how much I love you.” she murmured against your lips. “Next time I’ll make sure it’s actually worth it.”
“I know you will, and I love you too.”
She would definitely be calling out of work next weekend to take you on a proper date.
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Summary: When you applied to be the new attending in Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center, you didn't expect to see an old friend from twenty years ago.
Pairing/s: Cassie Mckay x New Female Attending!Reader
Tags: Possible medical inaccuracies, ex-friends to lovers, pining, yearning, tackles cassie's addiction, mention of robby's implied suicide (sorry)
Word Count: 4.3K
A/N: This one has been sitting on my docs for a long time. Might as well just let it out of the cage that is my mind.
AO3
Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center is different from any hospital that you have worked in. It has everything. From technologically-advanced machines to greatly improved facilities to highly competitive staff. It's overwhelming, to say the least.
You mostly worked in a small coastal town, near the beach but far from everything. You managed to work with what is given by the management which is a lot less with what this hospital has. The primary hospital that you previously worked in only has three beds in the ER and an e-cart that barely has anything, just one or two of each and gets a refill once a week. Twice, if lucky.
It's not as challenging in terms of volume of patients but damn it if your critical thinking skills didn't get trained to the point of frustration. And being the only emergency doctor in a five-mile radius definitely was a pressure you wouldn't put yourself through again.
You're sitting in the nurse's station, looking around the highly chaotic environment around you. You’ve never felt this overstimulated since the last year of your residency in Mount Sinai. It's probably what drove you to take something small and calm when you moved to a coastal town that's basically not in the map unless you zoom in a hundred times.
“You must be the new ED attending,” a brown woman approaches you. She has the posture of someone who seems unforgivably professional. Curly, half up half down hair. Grey Lululemon jacket. “I’m Dr. Baran Al-Hashimi.”
“Oh, hi, Dr. Al-Hashimi.” You quickly stand up and shake her hand. You introduce yourself to your co-attending. “Gloria told me your name. I just didn't know what you look like so I don't know how to find you.”
“It's fine.” She smiles politely, hugging the iPad to her side. “I like to give them surprise drills before the shift starts,” she says when your eyes drift to a room where a group of people is coding a mannequin.
“Makes sense. Good for stimulation and review.”
“Your predecessor, roohesh shād, didn't think so but I like to do things that could improve the system.”
“I admire that.”
She tilts her head just slightly, looking at you. “Well, doctor, I think you and I will get along really well running this ED.”
A smile graces your lips. “Of course, Dr. Al Hashimi.”
“Please call me Baran.”
“Baran,” you correct yourself.
Dr. Al Hashimi - Baran - shows you around the ED. She starts by introducing you to the charge nurse, Dana Evans, and her staff nurses. Then she introduces the residents one by one. Victoria Javadi, R1. Dennis Whitaker, R2. Trinity Santos, R3. Mel King, R4.
“Oh, and Dr. Cassie Mckay, also an R4. Dr. Mckay is a valued doctor here with the highest satisfaction scores from the patients.” Baran says.
You don't hear the rest of what your co-attending says.
Could it really be…?
No. That's got to be a different Cassie Mckay.
Last time you saw your Cassie she had dirty blonde hair. This woman has red hair. And bangs. The Cassie Mckay you knew hated her bangs. She had short, uneven bangs and -
No.
The redhead pauses. Then she glances at you. Just a quick look.
No.
You know those eyes anywhere. Partially because they're the most fascinating grayish blue eyes you’ve ever laid your eyes on. And mostly because… you used to know them very well.
“Something wrong?” Baran asks you.
You blink multiple times. Then, you shake your head. “Yeah, I’m good. Shall we move on?”
Baran nods then guides you to different areas in the emergency department, starting from triage. You're listening, you swear you are. But your mind keeps drifting back to Cassie.
Cassie who you have not seen since college. The last time you spoke to her was over the phone. She was crying and high on drugs and you were too angry and exhausted from pulling her away from people that took advantage of her wild child curiosity and excitement.
Needless to say, you didn't handle it all that well and moved away after graduation. The last thing you heard about Cassie was that she was hanging around with some older guy, a notorious dealer in the university campus that never gets caught because he has some sort of connections everywhere. And that Cassie was supposed to graduate the same time you did but she didn't.
You haven't thought about her in ages. Half of your life was spent trying to forget her and you think you did.
Until now.
“So how do you wanna play this, doc?” Baran asks.
You blink. “Oh, uh, however you want. I don't mind.”
“How about I take this wing,” She gestures at the rooms on the south wing of the ER. “And you take north? Dr. Mckay and Dr. Santos are manning the north wing.”
“That's great. You don't mind if I ask questions if I have them?”
“I’d rather be answering stupid questions than fixing mistakes.”
“Good to know. Thank you, Baran.”
This ED is overwhelming. Pretty much like how the hospitals you had your residency, fellowship, and subspecialties in. You're not used to this, at least not after spending five years in basically nowhere.
You easily spot Dr. Mckay in the nurse station. She is sitting in front of a computer and charting. You wonder if you should go talk to her or wait for her to talk to you. You're not even sure if she remembers you. You changed a lot in the last twenty years and she obviously did too.
“So you're the new attending,” you hear a voice behind you. Dr. Trinity Santos. You introduce yourself and flash a smile. “Nice to meet you. Big shoes to fill.”
“I heard.”
“Yeah. Robby was a great doctor.”
Robby. Dr. Michael Robinavitch. Your predecessor. Right. You heard all about him from Gloria, and a little bit from Baran when she’s showing you around. It's really unfortunate and sad that burnout and his mental health got him the way it did.
“No pressure though. I heard you're quite the lady. Triple board certified in Emergency Medicine, Internal Medicine, and Critical Care.”
“I also subspecialize in Medical Toxicology and Hyperbaric Medicine,” you add as a matter-of-factly.
“Wow.” Santos claps, impressed. “Got the time and the money.”
“I was lucky.” It's true. Generational wealth was something you're always thankful for having. It gave you the privilege and time to do what you wanted and when you wanted it.
“Okay, then, doc, I have a patient for you.” Santos leads you to North 3. She opens her iPad and starts presenting her patient, showing you the labs, xray, ultrasound, and CT-scan.
You can already tell Santos is a great doctor. She's observant and thorough. She is one of those doctors that sees through patient's lies and has remarkable instincts that only experience can teach. She still needs to work on her snark though, especially in front of a patient.
Santos actually reminds you of a young Cassie. One that you lived with in college. She was prickly at first. She had no filter and could totally be misinterpreted all the time because of her tone and dark humor. Cassie may not always be nice but she was always kind.
“Has anyone seen Dr. Al Hashimi?”
Cassie.
You clear your throat. “Hi. Do you need an attending or Dr. Al Hashimi specifically?”
She looks up from her iPad. And from the look on her face, she knows.
She still knows you.
“Y/N?”
“Cassie,” you breathe out. Saying her name out loud feels like taking a breath after diving underwater.
“Oh, wow. Hi.” Cassie puts the iPad down the counter. “You're the new attending?”
“Yes, I am.”
Cassie lets out a whistle. “I’ve heard great things except your name. Wow. It's crazy. You're absolutely insane for being triple board certified.”
“Believe me, I almost was.”
Cassie laughs. Something tightens in your chest. You haven't heard her laugh in ages that you don't even remember anymore. But fuck, something twists in your stomach too.
“It's really good to see you again,” you say before you could stop yourself.
“Yeah. It's been a long time,” Cassie replies, almost sounding nostalgic. “I actually thought I was seeing things earlier when I saw you. How have you been?”
“Busy, mostly. Spent five years off the map until I got bored.”
“You're tanned.”
“I used to live near the beach.”
“Just like you always wanted.”
You nod your head, smiling. She remembered. “I didn't think I would get bored fast.”
“Yeah? Are you sure you don't miss the beach?”
“I do, actually. I also miss the chaos.” You pull on the stethoscope around your neck as if it would keep your balance. “How, uh, how have you been? How's… everything?”
Stupid.
“I’m in my last year of residency and looking for jobs.”
“Oh? You're not planning to apply here and stay?”
“Still thinking about it. I like to keep my options open.”
“I’m sure you’ll do whatever is best for you.”
The corner of Cassie's mouth curves upward. “The last time you saw me I was starting to make bad decisions.”
Oh, don’t you know it. No one could stop her from making those decisions. Not even you. And you tried.
“Fair enough,” you agree. “You seem better now though. I-I mean, are you? I’m sorry. I wasn't trying to make assumptions -”
“Relax, Y/N.” Cassie lets out a small laugh. “I’m twelve years sober now.”
Pride roars in your chest. Happy is an understatement for the way you feel for her.
“Really? That's great. I’m really proud, Cassie.”
“Thank you. My 14-year-old son tried to make a whole cake to celebrate it. You can imagine how it looks and tastes when the baker has no experience in baking at all.” She chuckles.
Son.
She has a son.
She's married?
“That's… that's nice. Really nice. I’m happy for you.” Fuck, why does your throat suddenly feel dry and tight?
“Thanks. How about you? Are you married? Children?”
“No.” You shake your head. “Just cats. Three.”
“My son wanted one but between residency and actually keeping him alive, I just can’t.”
“What's his name? Your son.”
“Harrison.”
“Harrison,” you repeat. “He’s 14, you say?”
“Yes.”
“That's… wow. I can't believe you have a 14-year-old. A teenager.”
“Me neither.”
“Is his father a doctor too?”
Cassie laughs, actually laughs that you think you asked something offensive. “I’m sorry. God, I just had this image of him in my head and he’s a doctor and it’s the funniest thing I thought of in a while.” She wipes the small tear from her eye. “To answer your question, he's not. He’s a douchebag and we’ve been divorced for longer than we were together.”
“Don't tell me he’s named Chad.”
Cassie bursts out laughing that everyone in the ED glances at her. “Am I that predictable?”
“He’s really named Chad?”
“Unfortunately.”
“Oh, god.” It's your turn to laugh. “I hope your son looks like you, at least.”
“Just a little boy version of me.”
“Then he’s a beautiful boy.”
“He is.”
Just like his mother.
Time only made Cassie more beautiful. The wrinkles on her forehead, the bags under her eyes, her laugh lines, and the slightly loose skin of her neck only made Cassie look more alive. She's full of life now unlike the last year you spent together where she would end up on your couch drunk and high as a kite almost every night.
“We should catch up sometime,” Cassie suddenly says. “If you want. I mean, if that's not inappropriate since you're my attending now and all.”
“No, of course not. I would… I would love that, actually.”
“Great.” Cassie smiles widely, her perfect dimples on display. “Anyway, I need you to take a look at this patient. Patient’s name is Herbie Cruz, 55, male. Lives on a farm. Covered himself with pesticides after claiming he felt and saw bugs all over him. He’s now complaining about nausea, difficulty breathing, and feeling bugs crawling under his skin.”
“What has been done so far?”
“Currently at 6 lpm O2 support. Atropine given. Also tried gastric lavage and activated charcoal.”
“Good enough so far. You might wanna refer him to psych. Could be signs of schizophrenia or something if he says he keeps seeing and feeling bugs all over him. Otherwise, it will keep happening.”
Cassie nods in understanding. “On it.”
“Good job, Dr. Mckay.”
“Thanks.”
You watch as Cassie talks to the patient and his treatment plan. You only realize now how much time has passed since the last time you saw her. You never thought Cassie was a hopeless case but she sure is complex and never in your wildest dreams did you think she would end up doing this.
But knowing Cassie, it just fits right.
Cassie, to this day, is still one of the kindest, most empathetic people you know. You remember how she keeps a snack and a small first-aid kit in her tiny sling bag in case she meets someone who might need it. She used a portion of her allowance to feed a homeless kid that she frequently met one term and how she bawled her eyes out for days when she found out that same kid died from hit and run.
Cassie was full of kindness and light before she got involved with the wrong people and made one wrong decision after another. And seeing her again, years later, finding her way back to helping people, you can't help but feel a great pride and joy for her.
You just wish you had seen her growth; seen her struggle; seen it all.
-
“Cassie, where are you going?”
“Just hanging out with Alex and Sam.”
You sighed deeply. “Cass, you know they're -”
“Selling drugs, yeah, yeah.” Cassie chuckled, unbothered. “It's not like I’m buying.”
“Cass -”
“Can you stop worrying?”
“No, actually.”
“I’m just hanging out with them, okay? I’m not doing anything.”
“You could get in trouble just by being associated with them.”
“Then, it’s my name to disgrace.”
You felt a migraine coming just from this conversation alone. “Cassie -”
“Can you stop?!” Her voice echoed in your shared room. “You're not my girlfriend. Stop acting like it.”
Your brows furrowed in hurt and confusion. “I wasn't acting like your girlfriend,” you said softly, hurt laced in your voice. “I’m sorry for caring.”
You didn't give her a chance to say anything else when you slammed the door hard.
That was one of the last times you ever talked face-to-face.
You couldn't see her wasting her life anymore. You stopped entertaining her calls and the knocks on your door. Hoping that maybe - just maybe - you were important enough for her to let go of the bad habits she's starting to get addicted to.
But Cassie only got worse from then on.
You would see her on campus hanging out with different questionable people, kissing boys that were old enough to know better, going to parties, and snorting a line in the bathroom. She barely went home anymore and stayed over at her drug dealer friends’ place.
It actually hurt watching the girl you knew faded into someone you barely recognized. Sneaking in late at night in your dorm, leaving your place a mess, smoking in the room and triggering building alarms, stealing a couple of bucks from your wallet, calling you in the middle of the night to bail her out. You didn’t know how you’d find yourself forgiving her every time.
But the last straw was your graduation night.
Cassie should have been on the stage as well but she got delayed a year for flunking a couple of subjects in her program. But she had promised to come to your graduation party.
It was midnight and people had started to go home one by one, congratulating you on your achievements, giving you gifts and hugs and throwing you good luck on whatever you do next. You remembered every single one. None of them were Cassie.
How stupid of you to believe you would be important for her to remember.
-
She remembered you two days later. She tried to call you multiple times from morning until past midnight. She sent you multiple messages, begging for you to answer her calls. It took everything in you not to.
Until she sent you a photo of her bloodied hand.
Cassie, what the hell?!
Doesn't hurt. Can you patch me up?
Send me the address.
Cassie sent you the address. A back alley of a sketchy bar. You came ten minutes later with a first-aid kit in your bag.
“You came,” Cassie sighed in relief, eyes red and puffy from crying. The dark circles around her eyes had gotten darker the last time you saw her. Even in the dim light, you could see how flushed she was. Probably wasted and most definitely high.
You didn't ask what happened. You didn't want to know anymore. You stopped wanting to. It only hurt to know what she's been doing to herself. Instead, you quietly clean and bandaged her hand.
She looked up at you with bloodshot eyes. “Thank you,” Cassie mumbled.
“You need to get your shit together,” you told her firmly, refusing to meet her eyes by tidying up the kit. Cassie never heard you this cold to her. “I won't be here forever picking you up your ass.”
Panic set in. “What does that mean?”
“I’m moving to California.”
Cassie grew still, suddenly feeling like she was hit by cold water.
“Take care of yourself, Cassie.”
“What - what about me? You can't leave me.”
“What about you?!” You huffed in annoyance, heart beating out of your chest in anger but mostly in disappointment. “You're not my responsibility but I kept picking you up and forgiving you because I thought you would change, that you would be the Cassie I knew again! But you're fucking hopeless and selfish and I’m so, so tired of feeling like a dog begging for scraps, Cassie.”
Tears streamed down your cheeks fast, breaths failing to catch up, and Cassie tried to reach out to wipe your cheek but you flinched. You never flinched when she touched you.
Were you scared of her now? Had she become something you didn't even want to breathe the same air with? Did she become someone you hate?
Cassie felt her own tears wetting down her face, her shirt growing damp. She stood up and tried to wrap her arms around you, beg for your forgiveness, but you stepped back, shaking your head.
There were no words needed. Even when you were still standing in front of her, Cassie knew she already lost you.
-
The Pitt, as Baran indifferently calls it, is a big adjustment from your last job. But you're very adaptable and in the first two weeks of being an attending, you had managed to exceed expectations from everyone.
In a particularly busy shift, the residents have learned to depend on you. Especially Trinity Santos, one of the most curious - nosiest - doctors you’ve ever known.
“Do you and Mckay know each other?” Trinity's voice pops behind you. You're unfazed, typing something on the computer.
“Well, yes, Dr. Santos. I happen to know Dr. Mckay because she's a colleague.”
“Technically she's below you like I am but that's not the point,” Trinity folds her arms and looks at you. “There's a history there.”
“You're a historian now?”
“Oh, come on. I see the looks. Give me something. Mckay won't give Crash anything and I thought she could sweet talk it out of her ‘cause Mckay has a soft spot for her -”
Your head snaps to her. “She does?”
A smug smile appears on the resident's face. “Oh, yeah. Mckay is Crash’s mentor on her first day here. They're very close. Sometimes she babysits Harrison.”
“Isn't he fourteen?”
“Mckay is a boy mom,” Trinity says with a huff. “But the kid’s great.”
“You met him?”
She nods. “I let him beat me in Mario Kart.”
Everyone seems to know Cassie beyond these hospital walls more than you do.
No big deal.
“You two go way back, don't you?” Trinity presses. “College perhaps?” You don't answer. “You know Cassie before her addiction then? Or during?”
That hit a nerve.
“Dr. Santos,” you say sternly. “Whatever my relationship with Dr. Mckay is - or was - is none of your business.”
Trinity puts up her hands and backs up. “Geez. So serious.”
“Get back to work.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
God, you hate Santos sometimes.
You try to focus, you really did, but your eyes keep darting to Cassie and Victoria talking to their patient. They're right in front of the station, you reason. That's all.
But Cassie gives her a ‘good job, Vadi’ and squeezes her arm and the younger woman smiles up at her. She clearly admires Cassie and while you don't know the extent of their mentorship, knowing Cassie, she's always been capable of teaching.
Cassie is her mentor. That's all.
Mentor.
But Victoria is giddy, holding on to the ends of the stethoscope on her neck, and walking back to the station to chart.
You're not concerned. It's none of your business what your residents are up to out of the ER or whatever they are to each other -
“Dr. Javadi?” Fuck. It's your mouth with her own mind again.
The younger doctor turns her head to you.
“How's your patient with Dr. Mckay?”
“She's stable now,” she answers. “We're preparing her for transfer in the ICU.”
“Good.” You nod. “That's… good.”
Victoria doesn't miss the slight hesitance in your voice. “Is there a problem?”
“No,” you shake your head. You pause. “Actually - you know what - it's nothing important.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, yeah. I just need a snack or something. Can you tell Dr. Al-Hashimi I’ll be back in ten minutes?”
Victoria nods. “Sure. Just a heads up, the cafeteria is terrible. But there are vending machines near the main lobby, you can't miss it.”
“Uh, thanks.”
This is all Dr. Santos’ fault.
-
The shift ends earlier than usual. You always make sure to not leave before the entire morning shift does, usually just a few minutes after Baran.
You grab your things from the locker and take one more look before heading out. As you wait in the bus stop, you hear a beep. A red pickup car stops in front of you. The window rolls down.
“Get in,” Cassie offers.
“I’m fine. I’ll wait for the bus -”
“Come on. Get in.” She opens the passenger door for you.
Without another thought, you get in the car. “You can drop me on the nearest -”
“I’ll drive you home.”
“You don't even know where I live.”
“I’ll take you home anyway,” Cassie insists. She starts driving, smooth and easy, eyes focused on the road. “Put in your address.”
You punch in your address on her GPS.
The drive is mostly quiet aside from the soft rock music playing on the radio and the occasional sounds of the car horn.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” Cassie says after a while.
“About what?”
She lets out a shaky breath. “I owe you an apology.”
“Cassie -”
“Just let me say it. Please.”
You glance at her. Her eyes are still on the road, hands gripping the steering wheel harder than she should. She takes your silence as a sign to continue. “It's been years and I… I still think about our last… the last time we saw each other. It's burned in the back of my mind, really.” Cassie takes a deep breath. “I was awful to you. I hurt a lot of people… including you.”
“It's a long time ago, Cassie. I don't…” You swallow thickly, looking at your hands fidgeting on your lap. “I’ve forgiven you long before I received an apology.”
“You were always nice. So caring and understanding and - and I was terrible. I was mostly high on something when I went home and I wasn't - you shouldn't have had to deal with that, with me.”
“You were my friend,” you remind her. “I will always care.”
Cassie slows down and parks on the side of the road. Then, she turns to you. “I was a bad friend.”
“Not all the time. The end wasn’t all that we had.”
“I wasn't the best.”
“You were my best friend.”
Cassie loses a rebuttal. How can you still see the good in her after seeing the worst?
“You're not your mistakes, Cassie,” you add.
Cassie knows that. Years and years of therapy and AA meetings have taught her that. But somehow, she still finds it hard to believe, especially coming from you, someone she hurt deeply, someone she lost once and thought would never see again.
“How can you forgive me so easily?” She asks.
You don't really have an answer other than the obvious truth that you’ve concealed for a long time.
A truth that remains true twenty years later.
“Because I love you,” you say softly, not quite meeting her eyes, afraid of what you’ll find.
Cassie, for her part, feels almost as if she drove into a speeding train and hit with an impact she never felt before. She stares at you for a moment, both in disbelief and hope.
“Everyone knew except you,” you continue, looking out the window. Your eyes drift on nothing but the darkness outside. “Our friends wanted me to tell you but I… I was too much of a coward then. I was afraid to lose you.”
But I still lost you.
Cassie’s heart beats wildly in her chest. Her breathing turns shallow. And before she could overthink it again, she unbuckles her seatbelt and makes a quick work of yours too. You don't have the time to ask questions. Cassie kisses you.
Oh.
Cassie is kissing you.
Cassie pours everything in the kiss. Desperation. Apology. Adoration. Devotion. You feel it all.
I love you too.
You can barely breathe, barely able to respond. Cassie is all over you; you feel her on your skin, in the air you breathe, in the sighs of your lips. It's all Cassie.
