good omens

they should invent a january that doesn’t make you go through every emotion known to mankind every day

me as a 14th century knight: this sucks i'm gonna fms (translator's note: fall on my sword)

Alternatively: fuck my squire

[remembers falling on my sword jokes negatively impact my knight's oath] ...fuck my squire

they should invent a living alone that is affordable

when i was sixteen and insane for my shakespeare class final i had to do the “alas poor yorick” monologue at a competition and while i was doing it i had this insane thought of like. i’ve never been and never will be closer to experiencing hamlet’s mental state than i am right now. like of course all that stuff didn’t happen to me but when you’re 16-19 you kind of feel like all that stuff is happening, all the time, constantly

they should invent an existence where the sweetest, most thoughtful people you've ever met don't suffer an endless series of indignities and injuries at the hands of gormless, self-obsessed monsters

Just imagine that it continuously gets better from here