Jacen Syndulla

L O A D I N G : // …  2 YEARS LATER - 7ABY

his brow gives a raise at jacen’s defensive reaction, unexpected –– he doesn’t know him as well as he knows his mother, of course. he knew hera and the rest of the ghost crew mostly through their history rather than the present, even if he had made it a point once or twice to flirt with hera ( and that was infinitely more fun in front of kanan ). “now, now, you know that’s not what i’m getting at. no need to make a big deal out of it,” as he spoke, his hands go up as though to avert anymore of the response from him. lando had assumed that he’d get somewhat more of an accepting response about it, secrets are normal in the rebellion, and even if they’re technically a new republic now, those hadn’t done anywhere. “i was thinking that i’d just wait and explain it to her.”

.

din hasn’t exactly been spending time in an easy to locate location, after all with his trips to find the imps and going back to visit grogu – he’s been spreading himself thin. the lightsaber in his boot carries a weight he has a hard time understanding even now. even after the two years of it being in his possession. “that your way of telling me to come around more??” despite the busy schedule he keeps – the constant interaction with iden and del, has left him more open to speaking with people he likes, to converse a bit easier. he’s joking around with jacen, teasing him, like it is something he’s always done. “you could just say that, instead of pretending like you could forget how i look.” 

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“look who it is.” jacen says with a slight smirk on his face as he leans against the wall, arms loosely crossed over his chest. it’s been a while since their paths last crossed - both of them have taken on some pretty intense roles within the new republic, both working to bring an end to what’s left of the empire. and it’s really not a loss as such, given their relationship ios.. mostly physical. but hey, you get attached to someone as a person after two years. at least, jacen does. “started to forget what your armour looks like.”

his eyes rolled at the other’s arrogance, as though lando himself would not have been guilty of having the same kind of reaction –– always much more confident than perhaps his company would have preferred him to be, but nothing deterred the large, signature smile resting on his face. he was just as stubborn as he was full of himself. “yeah, yeah, whatever you think kid.” it was clear that he was joking, an easy laugh following his words. a brow arched for a brief moment, nodding his head as jacen spoke. “then she’s braver than both of us. you sure about that?” he paused, chip spinning once more before his fist closer around it. “it might be better if i deliver it to herself.”

@spectrcseven​   //   jacen syndulla.

“you’re looking good there, kid,” he remarked with a friendly clap on the man’s shoulder. it doesn’t matter what he’s a full-grown adult, as far as lando was concerned –– he was hera and kanan’s kid, and even if his relationship with kanan wasn’t quite so seamless, he was quite fond of hera. he was only mildly disappointed that no little calrissian of his own had popped up with the emperor’s rift. there was a datachip in his hand, spinning a little carelessly between his fingers. “is your mom around? i’ve got something she might like.”

it might seem strange to work during an event like this, and jacen’s sure his mother would much rather jacen were either at the peace talks or celebrating with everyone else, but jacen doesn’t have time for that. and an event like this is the best time to do what he needs to do. people are either enjoying the celebrations and their guards are down as a result, or they’re paranoid and avoiding the celebration overall which means they’re further away from everyone, and easier to target. either way, it works in his favour. 

what he doesn’t need is company. especially not this company.

between luke and his father he’s managed to get some very basic training with the force. at the very least, he can recognise other force signatures he knows. like both of theirs. and he expected them to be very far away from here. no doubt they should be at the peace talks. so why can he sense his father’s presence?

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kanan paused when his son responded. when he stated how long he had been in pain. it was something he hadn’t wanted, he had hoped wouldn’t be the case. that the war would mean something in the end. would mean his son wouldn’t have to suffer like he had. 

but showing his emotion at that fact, showing pity– he knew that would only make jacen more distant, less willing to let kanan help. he was like ezra in that way. 

so regardless of the sorrow he felt, he nodded slowly, a small smile on his face, “i’m not going to make you talk about it,” he stated plainly, eyes turning up towards his son as best he could. he slowly stood up to jacen’s level, closing the gap, a hand resting on the other’s shoulder, “but, if you ever want to, i’m here– and i won’t tell your mom either,” he said a bit teasingly, hoping to lighten the mood– to make jacen feel better.

.

it’s more than he ever intended to tell kanan. for him to have some kind of inkling about just what jacen’s been dealing with. he can’t know for sure, of course - jacen’s going to do everything he can to make sure it stays that way. but now he knows things aren’t quite right. aren’t as good as they should’ve been. as they had been, once.

still, he responds... much better than jacen expected him to. truth be told, he expected kanan to get all fatherly on him, try and tell him everything will be fine, and he doesn’t need to suffer alone. but kanan seems to recognise that won’t work, or that jacen’s too old for that, or - whatever it is, jacen’s grateful for it. he doesn’t need it.

he doesn’t think he does, at least.

others had told him that the way seemed like a cult. bo-katan had said it to his face, and though he never thought of it that way he still can’t shake the feeling that others have said about it. but it is all that he has known, and he is unable to turn away from it. he wears his armour with so much pride, he has never thought of taking it off forever. he had only ever thought of taking it off for his son and that is what he would always do. if he could save grogu he would. “it is the only way,” he admits, as if that is the most obvious thing. 

it’s hard to explain that he is in his late thirties and barely takes his helmet off. sometimes he can’t even take it off on the ship, when it is just him and grogu that part of him is ingrained into the way he lives that he doesn’t know if he will ever be able to remove it freely when he adds someone else to his clan. “i think it does. other mandalorians who followed the same way, none of us removed our helmets. you can only do that within your own clan.” he explains, “but when i found him, we became a family. we are a clan of two,” he doesn’t mind telling him this. most are just judgemental, and don’t ask questions about it. 

he had thought that this whole conversation would go so much differently – that it would end in a fight. this had become much more enjoyable, if he was honest. he smiles from under his helmet, “it depends, if you are blindfolded i can remove just about anything. but normally, yes the helmet and most stays on.” he knew this was odd still. but they could not show their faces even then. he did not want to show dume his face. they were just meeting it was very important to him that he could stick to his creed. he can’t help but notice the smirk on dume’s face, clearly he is proud of himself. he still felt awkward with all the flirting, it wasn’t his strongest area – and he suspected it never would be. the comment about the jedi has his head tilting slightly, “thank you.” he will have to check to see if the name is right, but he’s not sure that it is. he doesn’t know who he can and cannot trust in this time. so many of them are new to him, and that makes it hard to know. but he feels that he can trust dume. 

it doesn’t make sense to jacen, but if this is how the guy’s lived his whole life who is he to say otherwise? he’s pretty sure mando’s not the strangest person he’s come across and he’ll probably come across stranger in the future. besides, it’s just - a way of life. one that doesn’t seem to be hurting anyone, even if it’s a little different. so it doesn’t really concern him either way.

still, it’s interesting to hear about. jacen never heard of this particular section of the mandalorians before. there’s endless facts and information to learn about them and he knows he’ll never pick up on it all so it’s no surprise, but he’s still curious about it. especially given this one seems so - strict. “wait - so no one but your kid has seen your face?” he asks, a little surprised. that’s a whole new level of dedication as far as he’s concerned. weird, but... dedicated.

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a small smile turned the corner of her lip upwards at his comment, “i hardly think that’s the weirdest thing to come out of this whole situation,” she retorted. their whole meeting had been odd– speaking of it now almost felt normal. those at his proposal, her eyebrows raised slightly, “i doubt you’d be able to find much more than me or my sister, but i suppose if you’re willing.”

though, the defensive response was a bit surprising, though also showed that the tactic was potentially effective, “i’m only asking you to consider the history of that, how it ties you in,” how bo saw it as an obligation, in a way. 

“i think we’ve been through this enough, besides– i’ve put my trust in worse than a bounty hunter,” she said a rad teasingly, “at least you’re not a sith with a grudge.”

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“maybe, but it’s not all that normal either.” not that jacen can talk, really. he’s from well enough into the future that everything going on now is a whole new level of strange. he laughs and shrugs a shoulder at the reaction - he expected it, but that doesn’t make it any less amusing. “have a little faith, i’m a resourceful guy. if they’re out there, i’ll find them.”

it’s not exactly fun to be called out, especially not for something he’s not actually responsible for. “no you’re not, you’re trying to manipulate me into helping you. which i respect, shows your dedication, but let’s call it what it is.” he responds, though there’s no heat in his words. he would’ve pulled the same kinda play countless times for way less important reasons, after all.

“it’s okay. you might not get it in an afternoon, there’s nothing wrong with that.” he tilts his head slightly, considering how to help him understand. luke had touched the force long before he had known what the force was — instinctively, naturally. it sharpened his reflexes, attuned his senses to his family’s feelings. “alright, have you ever — been in a fight, & known a shot was coming at you instants before it came ? reacted a little too quickly, hit a target other people couldn’t ? felt that gut instinct ? “

it’s been rather heartwrenching, running into untrained force sensitives. of course, there were plenty in her time who had simply chosen not to join the order, but this wasn’t the same — the jedi could have helped these people, but there were no jedi left to even offer. as much as she would like to stop thinking about the fall of the order, the impact of it shows itself constantly. “fair enough. that could be remedied, if you wished. it’s not the hardest of techniques. with solid practice, you wouldn’t need much other training to learn it.”

oh, the rebellion/resistance/new republic. makes him furious. somewhere in his mind, jacen knows his mother’s death was not their fault. they didn’t cause it - but they didn’t stop it, either. they didn’t save one of their most decorated generals, they didn’t send help, they didn’t protect her even after all she’d done for them. they didn’t end the empire for good, and that cost hera her life. so yeah, there’s not much in the galaxy that can make him angrier than their failure.

i wouldn’t call it calming, but a few drinks can usually get him out of the violent stupor those thoughts put him in.

not a lot calms him down from that specifically when he really gets into it, but chopper’s probably closest thing that can do it. the droid was not only his constant companion and guardian while he was growing up, but his only company after he disappeared. not to mention he’s.. a piece of hera, wheeling around beside him. so when jacen would get really bad, really furious and hurt and lost, chopper would be the only real lifeline he had to help him settle down again.

hera was happy to have jacen near, she missed him as a small child always close by. but she guessed that the next best alternative is having him as an adult, at her side. it’s exciting that he can have kanan in his life now too. she wonders what it would’ve been like if he had still be young when this had all happened. if their life would’ve been so different with kanan helping to raise him. she can’t change things now. she can only do what seems the best for all of them, and she thinks that is to try to have them all together as often as she can. she doesn’t want to mess up jacen’s life though, and if he doesn’t want to be on the ghost, or to be on the base constantly she can’t force him. she has to remind herself, often. 

she watches chopper, who had been her best friend – her family – her protector as she had been for him, since she was just a young child. and knows that there is nothing surprising around how much the droid loves her son. she hears him whomp back about how he wouldn’t dare. it’s a moment so normal, and yet tears burn in her eyes. she looks away from both of them quickly. willing them tears to not come out. she doesn’t want jacen to have to deal with her like that. she smiles at him facing him again, and hoping he won’t see the shininess of her eyes. “you must be my son, to lie to me that this food is good enough, simply because i’m trying. no one else in the world would voluntarily suffer through it.”

it’ll never be enough for her, to see him. it’s similar to being around kanan, but still different. she could be with both of them always and never have spent enough time with them. she strokes a thumb on his cheek softly, and she worries she’s overstepping he’s grown up – she hadn’t gotten to this version of jacen in her timeline – she didn’t want to embarrass him with too much affection. yet, he puts his hand over hers and she feels at peace with it. she slowly takes away her hand only to look at the food again, “it’s fine, i don’t blame you for being busy. but – if you want we can redo your room, darling. it’s not a big deal – and i don’t expect you to stay all the time, but if you want to change it, you can. it’s still your room.” she tells him, and not for the first time wonders if it’s her fault they don’t see each other enough. she was so focused on the rebellion, it makes her wonder if she’s following in her fathers footsteps. “i don’t doubt that you’d be able to tell, but i also assume that you would’ve let me get away with it.” she jokes, before shaking her head slightly, “i can’t believe i actually tried that.” she admits but she can, she would’ve wanted him to have the best – and she definitely would’ve thought of it just as she had considered it now. the offer surprises her, eyes widening and the tears she’d been trying to hide come back. she nods immediately, “yes, i would really love that. i can rope your father into it too, and maybe the rest of the family too. but we can keep it just between the two or three of us.” 

it’s good to have chopper tottering around, whomping and whining as he always does. something jacen takes on with all the endearment in the world, of course. chopper has always been a fixture in his life. as ridiculously protective of him as he always was of hera. wouldn’t even let jacen leave without taking the droid with him, despite having no idea where jacen was going next. it was like having a really protective older sibling who was pretty low maintenance, when it came down to it. so he doesn’t mind so much, having chopper here now - the droid might not remember all they’ve been through together, but he knows enough. and jacen’s grateful for it.

“yeah, well. you taught me a thing or two over the years, you know.” he says with a small laugh, patting chopper gently as the droid insists her cooking has always sucked and he’s being too nice about it. truth be told, jacen would take another less-than-average home cooked meal with his mother any day. it’s one of the things he didn’t think he’d miss as much as he did, but.. oh, he did. more than he could describe now, assuming he even wanted to. which he doesn’t. he’d rather just focus on the time he has with hera, on making the most of it. “it’s really not that bad, trust me. i’ve eaten in some real terrible places over the years, made me crave one of your home cooked meals.” he insists, and it’s not a lie.

ezra isn’t sure how to go about this until he hears from him what he’s doing on the ship. it’s odd that he knows there is something familiar but can’t figure it out – can’t specifically name what it is. he’s mostly just worried that maybe there isn’t a place for him now. it keeps running through his head, it keeps coming up. he wouldn’t have wanted to leave the ghost but he also can’t expect hera to make someone else leave just so he can fit in again. it still doesn’t explain why the man knows his name well enough to pick out that it’s him. he didn’t think they all forgot about him or anything but it seems odd to share with another crew member holos and things. 

he isn’t going to attack again until he knows who he is. he doesn’t really think this is the best meeting for him with anyone but he had to be defensive. it was a way to make sure he was okay. the force was something he leaned on in those moments but it’s not like he hurt him or anything. he waits for the other to speak. but the answer confuses him, the man is – well older. ezra is pretty sure he’s older then him – like would bet his lightsaber, so hearing about him as he was growing up is confusing. he keeps his face blank though, just accepts the knowledge and tries to work his way through it. he had randomly woken up on lothal. kanan had come back. it’s feasible that this man came back or something like that. it still doesn’t explain who he is to everyone on the ghost. had they found some other orphan?? that didn’t make sense for the way he felt familiar though. “oh,” he says, breathes it out in thought still. “well, i did it and expected a different thing to happen.” he’s not going to offer more information then that but he definitely had thought his purrgil plan wouldn’t end with him being stuck with thrawn. 

he keeps the fake smile on his face, it’s not unnatural just – not as legitimate as it might’ve been before. the reaction to the confirmation of his name does have him frowning again, “i mean, yes way. i can’t really tell you how though.” he’s not sure he’s supposed to even answer but he is. the guy seems shaken by his answer though, like even though he had been the one to suggest it he couldn’t believe it. “your parents.” he repeats eyebrows pulled together. and then he sees it – the resemblance as soon as he’s in the light. he doesn’t even have to say it – it’s that obvious. “karabast.” he openly says, jaw dropping. “holy – i –” he can’t think of how to react to that but he does smile then. a real true smile. “i don’t need to ask your parents. you look exactly like them…” he takes a step forward, hand held out. he normally would hug him – honestly but that feels a little weird, so this seems like a better option. “it’s absolutely fantastic to meet you, jacen syndulla.” 

the mood shifts instantly when jacen steps into the light. he doesn’t have to know how to actually use the force to be able to tell that. ezra’s entire energy changes, his mood, the expression on his face, and while jacen’s not entirely sure what to expect here.. at the very least he’s pretty sure ezra’s not going to attack him again. everything he’s been told about them, jacen figures he’s a pretty good guy. brave, selfless, and very much a part of the family - maybe he shouldn’t assume, but he doubts ezra’s going to attack kanan and hera’s son.

he doesn’t want to talk about what ezra had done - while it was an incredibly noble sacrifice, and one that very well might’ve saved both hera’s and his life at the time, he can’t imagine it’s all that fun to talk about. and it’s not exactly what he wants to talk about anyway.

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“looks like future me made a deal with him he’s willing to hold up,” she said, an eyebrow quirking, “so i suppose so. unfortunately he’s the only mandalorian i’ve managed to form any sort of alliance with, we’re having to rely on rebellion support more than i’d like.” bo wouldn’t normally be open about as much, but she was desperate for help, at this point. 

“it’s not just my home. it’s my people’s home, the home of the one who gifted you that armor,” she added, perhaps low, but hoping she could further convince him easier.

bo furrowed her eyebrows as he reached his hand out, “i don’t need your full commitment. i wouldn’t ask for that,” she shoved his hand back, “you should keep that, regardless. a sign that i trust you with that armor, or if you need a hand, i suppose.”

.

“you know how weird that sounds, right?” as much as jacen gets it, it’s still weird. all of this time travel stuff is weird. jacen knows that first hand, considering what he’s dealing with. “there has to be more mandalorians around somewhere. i - look, maybe i can dig around a little, see if i can find where they could be hiding out. if there’s a push to reclaim the system i’m sure it’ll be enough to get them to come out of hiding.” assuming he can find them. assuming bo even wants him to try and find them.

maybe he should expect the low blow, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t take him by surprise. “you think i don’t know that? i know what it means to them. i’m not saying it doesn’t matter to me.” he responds sharply, not all that pleased she’d trying to guilt him into helping.

“i understand why you wouldn’t. you’re right, it’s a lot to put on her.” he thinks, for a moment, about the things he’s been told about the future, about his future, & can’t hide the way his eyes darken, considering the weight of it. he barely notices, most of the time. luke is used to heavy things, to responsibilities like anvils. to fates, or what people say his is. he wouldn’t wish it on anyone. “but she might have things that she wants to do, or come to terms with, just in case. or she might want to be involved in stopping it, i don’t know. but yes, it would be best if she never has to worry about it.” he wonders what he would do, if he knew he was going to die. tell his family he loves them & hope that he’s done enough good, that his work will pay off, maybe. pray, though the force has never been one to listen.

“yes, but you have an advantage that we don’t. you know what’s coming, how they survive. tactically, it could be useful.” as jacen keeps talking, luke feels a flash of frustration, of annoyance, that he forces himself to push down. it’s as if the man isn’t even processing what luke’s saying, isn’t understanding it at all, & he has to remind himself that jacen’s going through a lot right now, that he’s upset — that luke isn’t really someone he wants to be listening to about this. he bites back his temper, steady calm never appearing to waver, trying to soothe jacen’s rising emotions, bring the conversation back to a slightly more neutral level. “i don’t think that you should do nothing, jacen. she’s your family. i wouldn’t be meditating if i had your opportunity, either.” it’s hard not to say the words through clenched teeth. “i didn’t say that i was planning on getting in your way. i said that understand why you’re approaching this the way that you are.” the idea that jacen could stop him, if luke really wanted to shut him down. he reaches out into the force & steadies himself, ignoring the memory of beru’s burned body.

jacen can’t help the way his expression hardens at luke’s words. while it might be coming from the right place, to give that opportunity to hera, he doesn’t like the implication. “you’re making it sound like you think i’m not gonna be able to find a way to save her.” he responds bluntly, forehead furrowed in a frown. maybe he will. maybe luke’s right and he can’t change this, can’t save her. trying to change the future isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do, he knows that. but jacen comes from a family of people who make impossible things happen. luke’s wrong. he has to be wrong. “she doesn’t need to know. no one does. i shouldn’t have even told you. you better not go and tell her.”