dume

Sabé looked up at the man after a moment, hoping enough of her anxiety from moments before could be hidden. Taking a couple breaths, she nodded. “ I’m- I’m fine, thank you. I just had a brief moment, but it’s okay — really. ”  She wasn’t sure whom she was trying to convince of this more, but Sabé hoped it would be enough. Expressing such things to those outside of the inner circle… was still something she wasn’t particularly comfortable with.

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oh. oh. lando blinked in surprise at kanan’s words, pausing to take a deep inhale through his nose and nodding in understanding. okay, maybe he could back off just a bit. “well, i can spare those details, just for an old friend,” he offered. “so you don’t know a thing about the death star, huh? it might be easier to tell me about what you do know, then.”

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while kanan obviously couldn’t see lando’s reaction, the pause alone made it clear enough to kanan that his point had been made. in all honesty, despite their past... kanan was willing to believe lando had turned over a new leaf-- kanan himself had done so, he figured it was best to give others the benefit. 

that being said, all this was a lot-- kriff, the past whatever had been. 

and honestly, even the thought of a run down sounded overwhelming, and hardly beneficial. 

seventh sister was strong, cunning, ambitious. corva varys was anything but. 

the identity she’d chosen for herself in this new time was a beneficial one, but stars if it didn’t get on her nerves. all kindness and simpering, “yes master”s uttered from her lips, relics from a bygone era she’d never wished to speak to a jedi again, much less in a lesson.  it pained her, too, to hide her skill, using only simple blocks with her blue blade, lacking the animalistic grace and energy she was so used to sparring with. she longed for the old times, when she wasn’t just an inquisitor but a predator, violent and unreleased, revered and respected. not presumed dead, along with the rest. soon, though, she wouldn’t have to hide again, her status restored.

first, though … 

“excuse me?” she called, pitching up her voice into a softer, kinder tone, a hint of confusion at the edges. “could you help me with something?” 

the figure that stood down the hallway ahead of her was quite the familiar one, and she suppressed the grin that she so desperately wanted to unleash, at the sweet sight of him again. kanan jarrus, caleb dume. whatever he was calling himself didn’t matter, just that he was here. oh, how tempting it was to just strike out at him, impale him from behind before he could even sense it. but this plan needed restraint, so shove all her impulses down she would, and put on her best jedi face. ugh.

@xspectre-1​

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the night on malachor had certainly struck a chord in kanan’s memory. seared for all time-- honestly, the inquisitors weren’t really much of a highlight-- not that it changed anything. changed the approaching presence. 

even cloaked by a disguise... it was clear enough, her taunting was too fresh. even before being blinded, he’s almost positive he would have known. 

turning, an eyebrow raised at her words, unexpected considering-- what they had known. their past. arms carefully crossed, not being able to help the curiosity boiling at what she was aiming for. 

She breathed deeply into his side, the familiar scent of leather and ash filling her senses. A torrent of emotions fought in their chest. Anger. Grief. Joy. Exhaustion. And something they couldn’t speak into existence, the feeling of finally being home.

“Kanan, I’m so- I’m sorry. I’m–”

Sorry I can’t explain it better–

Sorry I couldn’t stop the fire before it–

Sorry I couldn’t get the ship out of there fast enough–

Sorry I disappointed you.

But he didn’t remember. He didn’t remember because he didn’t live it, and thank the Force for that. Or the Manda. Whatever had brought him back, she would raise a glass to it, now and forever. Their buir was back, and nothing would take him away from her again. Fuck the rules, this was their father.

“I’m glad you’re okay, too.” They could tell Kanan was confused, was lost and trying his best to hold it together for her sake. They sighed, then used the back of her hand to push away the tears falling shamelessly across her cheeks. It was her turn to comfort him, despite the ache in their own chest. (Because that’s what children do for their parents.)

“It’s been about two years since the Empire fell. The New Republic is starting to reinstate some form of government and peace in the galaxy. And–” they hesitated, unsure of the specifics regarding his religion and people. What she did know, though, she would share. “The Jedi aren’t hunted anymore. No more Vader. No more Inquisitors.  As far as the Rebellion is concerned, Kanan… you’re a hero.” You’re my hero. 

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it had taken kanan years to get here. to feel this comfortable with his emotions... with others. having children had never been the plan, even when sabine and ezra had joined. kanan had insisted they wouldn’t matter-- they would be a crew, that was it. 

oh how wrong he had been. 

the family the six had created... it was the reason for their success. for their strength. 

but watching them grow-- seeing them now. he couldn’t have guessed how it would have made him feel. how proud he had become. 

kanan smiled a bit, a small chuckle on the edge of his lips. they had always been okay in the end, hadn’t they? perhaps their collective number of loses keeping them from... much. 

but as sabine continued, the small smile fell, perhaps sad to divert so quickly. to face reality. what he had missed-- what he had caused even. 

not that the words were expected. 

“ I don’t know if I consider myself a Jedi — but I also know that I still have a lot to learn, ”  Rey confessed, sitting across from Kanan as they turned their lightsaber over in their hands. “ Where I’m from, there’s no one left — not really, but here… I want to learn. I want to understand and master this thing inside of me that I don’t fully understand yet. Can you help me ? ”

@xspectre-1​ / closed starter !

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Hera knew this would be something difficult for Kanan to deal with. Years ago any sign of attachment was enough for him to try and run. It had been different before his death but….. A child was a huge responsibility. Especially one as wild as Jacen often was. They hadn’t been ready for parenthood when it was thrust upon her but she had nine months to get used to the thought of Kanan’s child. He had no time to get used to that idea. Jacen was here and he would not be going anywhere. “ His name is Jacen. After Lothal was liberated, I was sent to medical to get cleared after Pryce’s interrogation. “ their voice took on a mechanical tone, much like when she was explaining a mission or assignment, “ I was a month pregnant. He’s seven years old now. “ They wanted to reach out to him, offer him some kind of sympathy or comfort, but this was their child. Jacen came first now, before all else. 

“ You don’t have to be in his life. But he is yours. “ Every part of Hera had been Kanan’s for as long as they had known him, even if it had been a struggle to tell him their feelings for almost as long. “ He feels The Force like you do. He loves to fly. “ even through her hardened expression there’s a soft smile on her face in those moments, “ I see you in him. “ she admitted. She couldn’t bring to words how much she wanted Kanan to have a relationship with his son but the twi’lek couldn’t force him, as much as they wanted to. Jacen was the greatest joy of her life. He was all of their pride. They couldn’t force Kanan to love him like they did, but it would mean the end for them, before they ever really started. 

.

it wasn’t that kanan didn’t want a son. the thought hadn’t really crossed his mind. an end where he and hera could be together-- he had hardly thought that possible, but now this? a family-- one different than what he had experienced. a biological one-- not something he needed... but something more. a son of his own-- 

but what to say to hera. what to say about jacen-- silence followed. uncertainty. how to handle this--

Oh. Siri bit her lip, trying not to say sorry to Kanan again. She probably shouldn’t have asked. But that word, my master, woke her curiosity up. He was in the old Order, then. “Who was your Master?” she asked after a moment. Siri had to be careful on a topic like that. No matter if he got along with his Master or not, she knew how much it hurt when Force bonds disappeared. “It’s just — everybody tells me he’s dead.” But he wasn’t. Or she was imagining things. “A few days ago, I felt someone new in the Force, and it looked like him.” Hope - grief -  was probably clouding her judgment. “That’s why the whole thing is so… unbelievable, to me. But then again I might be wrong.”

kanan sorced a small smile, “master billaba,” he said gently. there was trauma associated with the thought, sure, but honestly? in growing kanan had been able to see some light, have fond memories of their short time together. 

the only people in the room who seemed to enjoy this type of thing were politicians, and iden had never been a fan of any of them. it didn’t really matter what side of things that they were on, she simply thought most of them were full of bantha fodder.

“well, they’re having a lot more fun than those of us having to deal with them.” it wasn’t as though she hadn’t considered knocking out a line of shots herself to avoid it, even if irresponsibility wasn’t her style, just a faint wish. “i’ve decided to bitterly hope that they all have a terrible hangover.”

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“Seems like you could use to get your mind off all this, is all.” Zeb shrugged, waving a big paw at the well-dressed politicians milling around. “Besides, you know I’ve got no problem keeping you in line when you make a fool of yourself.” Zeb clinked their glass against Kanan’s.

He followed a gulp of garnet-hued liquor with a wide, toothy grimace. “Eh, you know Kallus. He doesn’t talk.” They scritched the back of their neck and avoided Kanan’s eyes, knowing damn well that he wouldn’t buy that it was that simple. Zeb glanced around the temple instead. “So, uh, anything more interesting in here than a bunch of stoned politicians and a silent auction? You should know, right?”

.

kanan chuckled at his comment, “oh it’s certainly been a lot of you keeping me in line,” he retorted back as their glasses clinked together, kanan taking his own, albet smaller chug. it was odd, really. their friendship, how it had changed when sabine came into the picture. 

how it shifted even more with ezra.

a friend had almost been grouped into a role of a child-- likely fairly, due to zebs own antics-- but something like this, he hadn’t quite realized he had missed in the last few years of kanan’s memory. the kids were just now independent for him, maybe if things had been different they would’ve fallen back into this. 

regardless of everything, as zeb continued, kana’s eyebrows simply lifted. it was a lame excuse if anything. he knew, it was one he’d used in the past. “right. that mean you can’t either?” he replied, head directing up towards him, blind eyes practically meeting the lasats. 

“oh i should. weren’t you part of the royal guard, can’t imagine you haven’t dealt with this.

there was always a baseline level of annoyance that iden had at an event like this –– she didn’t like having to dress up even if a suit isn’t much of a difference. but this was something else entirely: she was certain that she was never, ever going to come to something like this again. suspicion is the first thing that she addressed the man with, recognizing him from hera. kanan. hopefully, he wasn’t stupid enough to have fallen for all the shit that some of the others here had.

some weird jedi shit that he knew who she was, though. ugh.

“yeah, it’s iden,” she took the man’s hand for a firm shake before both of hers folded behind her back again. “hera probably didn’t expect it. this isn’t my scene,” she explained. “any chance you’re high right now?”

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an eyebrow raised at the slight apprehension in her voice-- he supposed it was fair enough. the event was hardly his own thing, and she didn’t seem like the type to fit in any better. regardless, he shook back, arms moving to cross over his chest as they continued. 

“If I’m having one. Heh. Well, they gave us these drink tickets, right? Be a shame not to use them.” Zeb flashed his one remaining drink ticket, calling over his shoulder to the bartender, “Get me something that burns real nice on the way down.” Turning back to Kanan, they said, “And that is not an answer. Don’t tell me you came back from the dead just to make me watch you tiptoe around all over again.”

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it hadn’t been easy but ezra had learned to make peace with what kanan had done. to find balance, to take the lesson from it, thanks to ahsoka’s guidance. to.. find a way to take that into himself, to really cement the kind of jedi - the kind of person he wanted to be. and it was all worth it in the end, he knows. but that doesn’t mean it was easy, to lose his master - to lose the man who had become like a father to him.

“you better not. forget about me, i’m pretty sure hera would drag you back just to yell at you for doing that to her again. you -” he pauses and pulls back, eyes widening a little - though he knows kanan can’t see it. “she knows your back, right? like - this isn’t new? how are you even here, anyway? i..” pausing, ezra can’t help the frown that settles on his face, “i knew something weird was going on, i felt it in the force, but.. i couldn’t tell what it was. and it’s not like i had a way to find out.”

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kanan hadn’t wanted to leave ezra. despite knowing their training was coming to a close... he didn’t want to leave ezra like he had been left... how he knows most of their crew had at some point. he knew the pain of the loss. and seeing ezra now? well, it was obvious enough that pain had only passed to him once again. 

the jedi order. after all of this time, it was still painful for them to think about. even when they had left with the revanchists, they had always wanted to go back, had always thought that they would eventually go back, only to be thrown out the front door when they did. their exile had given them time to think about the organization’s flaws — they had come to the conclusion that they were wrong about everything except nonattachment, then had arrived in this time & eventually decided that they were wrong about that, too. the idea of a reformation ? they had missed the community, to be sure. but the council … there was no love left to be lost. “i have,” they said warily, brows furrowing. they were still only half a jedi, still slowly regaining the force, but they had heard. “i agree with you, frankly. i’m not inclined to sign on, but whoever is is going to have to prove that they aren’t going to make the same mistakes as the last one. safeguards of some kind, or a different organization entirely.” the definition of madness was doing the same thing over again & expecting different results.

.

there was some regret kanan felt about bringing up the topic, if he was being completely honest with himself. it seemed, despite years of repression, feelings of guilt and greif only rose to the surface. his fallen master, the loss of his friends-- but, it was different, no? talking to someone that knew that. for even despite his age when the council was formed... it wasn’t something he wanted again, that should be allowed again. 

though their agreement was a tad surprising. it shouldn’t be, but... well. who knew, with how events had unfolded.

“Kanan, I– I’m not sure how to ex-explain. I,” their breath caught in her throat, something in her lungs hitching and spiking. Pressure mounted in their chest and her hands trembled in anxiety. “Okay, uh,” her voice cracked. She didn’t have enough strength to do this…But the warmth of their father’s hand in her own was something to focus on. Something real.

“I-in my time, the Empire fell a few years ago, and…and something happened in the Force. I don’t–I don’t know how, exactly, but time got messed up. Some people were brought f-forward from the past, and some. Some back from the future. Some people that had died–” They shook their head violently, remembering every nightmare and flashback of–no! That wasn’t him! He was here. This wasn’t a dream. “Kanan, I thought you were… Hera, Zeb, Ezra, we…we thought you were gone.”

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“sabine you don’t... have to tell me. i’m not going to make you-- relive anything...”he said, blinking as she continued, keeping his attention focused on her. his grip remained firm until-- people coming back? could the force do that? thoughts briefly strayed-- why he had been brought back but so many hadn’t-- why only some had been chosen. 

“Kallus?” Zeb turned a little too abruptly. He tried to cover with a gruff laugh. “Guess again. Been getting messages from the Captain all night. Or do I finally get to call her your girlfriend now? Surprised they’ve left you without supervision.” They elbowed Kanan’s side gently (for a Lasat). Acting like it was old times was easier with Kanan than most, since he’d skipped time, too. It also made it easier to slacken the commitment he’d made to staying sober in case trouble turned up. “But I’ll take that drink, if you’re offering.” Just a drink. Hells, Zeb could handle themself.

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kanan’s eyebrows shot up at the laugh, “hera did-- that’s a surprise--” though he paused at his further comment, a hesitation and slight laugh coming out, “i... well--” he cleared his throat. sure they were in a relationship put they hadn’t really...thought about that. he continued on, shrugging, “i mean, i guess if you’re having one.”